Preoccupation with diet and exercise made me fat and boring

[youaremysunshine]

So after being 125 at 5'6 since high school I decide that I'm fat and start counting calories with the help a iPod app and join a gym. I eat 1500 calories religiously and do an hour of cardio every night plus some light weights.

 

In a few months I'm down to 115 and my measurements are 33-24-35. I'm pretty busy with work so I stop seeing my friends as much since I have to go to the gym. Also they usually want to get some food or drinks and with only 1500 cals to work with that means I have to eat like a bird all day. I don't eat anything but whole grains, fruit, vegetables and some fish. I take to anxiously checking my calorie counter app rather than reading during my spare time. I find myself devoting lots of thought to planning my meals to create a perfect overall ratio of carbs/fats/protein and I think this is fascinating conversation. I feel righteous as hell about my healthy lifestyle and look down on people that don't eat a 100% clean nutritious deit. I don't get a single date during this time.

 

 

Well the low calorie deit, even though nutritious is still causing my hair to fall out and my skin to look gray. I stop getting my period and when the doctor puts me on high doses of progesterone to make my period come back, all hell breaks loose. Ok, not really but the hormones give me food cravings something fierce and suddenly I'm eating soft serve and Chinese food and BREAD. What am I doing! My meticulous food schedule is all out of wack! The golden number, 1500 is out the window. I feel ashamed of myself and incredibly discouraged and depressed. I graduate college so I can't use the gym facility anymore.

 

In a matter of months I weight 155. I feel horrible about my body and savagely disappointed in myself. But eventually I just accept it. I figure I'm going to stay this way. I stop obsessing about my body and food and just think about other things like literature, politics and you know, my career. I realized how much I missed laughing with my girlfriends over nachos and don't even think about the fact they are bad for me. Surprisingly, i'm getting asked on more than I few dates and enjoying them. When a man buys popcorn at a movie, it's a nice gesture rather than test of will power. I find myself really hitting it off and having interesting conversations over third and fourth bottles of beer instead of trying to figure out how I can get away with only drinking 3/4 a vodka soda over an entire date.

 

Anyway I'm a year out and I now weigh 130 and my measurements are 35-25-37. I didn't deit or go to a gym at all. I was very active this summer though, I worked at a summer camp so I did some swimming and canoeing. I am a bread baker whitch is actually a fairly active job and I live in the city and walk everywhere. I'm considering getting a YMCA membership but just so I can stay strong and healthy during the winter months. I'm going to try to do fun stuff like swiming and dancercise because plodding away on a treadmill is just plain boring.

 

By freeing myself from deit obsession I'm actually eating less most days. I know that whole grains and veggies are good for me so I try to prepare them in ways that I enjoy eating, and just eat till I'm full and don't think about it too much. Going out for a meal or drinks is a fun treat and I think being social is a part of emotional health. I really give zero @$&!s about guys that don't like my body the way it is cause there are plenty that do!

 

Anyway that's my story just thought I'd share.

[youaremysunshine]

Oh and I forgot to mention that at my low weight I still thought I looked fat and my sex drive was non exisitant. Now I am at least accepting of my body and I'm enjoying sex more than ever

[OpheliaSong]

Being moderate and happy is my weight maintenance secret. I am fairly active too. I picked up yoga lately and it makes me feel strong. My friend has dieted and struggles with her weight because she has this unrealistic body type she thinks she has to be. She actually looks pale and sick and weighs about the same as me except I enjoy food and excercise in moderation and she is obsessed with it. She hardly ever eats or drinks when we al go out for girls night and I can't even remember the last time she was asked out. She is just soooo cranky that our guy friends say she acts moody so guys don't want to go out with her.

It is good you got a handle on your body image because women need to learn that media and the fashion industry isn't realistic.

Thanks for posting this. It is something we all have to learn. Be healthy and happy and try not to force restrictions that limit out lives for some unrealistic concept of thin.