alexjames Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 My first ex (I'm 21 and she was my first everything) left me back in February after 11 months together. I loved her more than anything, she was ''the one'' in my eyes, we spent everyday and night together. But she ended it as she had personal problems and fell out of love with me. She is now with her ex fiancé (she was engaged and split before meeting me). I then met a girl a few months back. She was beautiful, the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen and I could not believe she'd even look at me! We only lasted 2 months and 4 months back she ended it. She is now with a new guy. I still have such strong feelings (and love for the first) over both of them and it gets me down still everyday and makes me too upset still, which make me feel pathetic quite frankly. I'm out Tonight and I KNOW for a fact I will run into the ''second'' ex in a club in town with her new BF, and it is going to kill me. I think about her every moment of the day and constantly want to cry. We only lasted 2 months, I'm such an idiot for feeling this, but I do. How do I act if/when I see them though? Seeing them kissing and being intimate will kill me :'( I'm dreading it, but it's New years eve and I'm going with a couple of mates, and aren't going to shy away from going out just because I may see them, but I'm still dreading it Link to post Share on other sites
UltraTech Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 My first ex (I'm 21 and she was my first everything) left me back in February after 11 months together. I loved her more than anything, she was ''the one'' in my eyes, we spent everyday and night together. But she ended it as she had personal problems and fell out of love with me. She is now with her ex fiancé (she was engaged and split before meeting me). I then met a girl a few months back. She was beautiful, the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen and I could not believe she'd even look at me! We only lasted 2 months and 4 months back she ended it. She is now with a new guy. I still have such strong feelings (and love for the first) over both of them and it gets me down still everyday and makes me too upset still, which make me feel pathetic quite frankly. I'm out Tonight and I KNOW for a fact I will run into the ''second'' ex in a club in town with her new BF, and it is going to kill me. I think about her every moment of the day and constantly want to cry. We only lasted 2 months, I'm such an idiot for feeling this, but I do. How do I act if/when I see them though? Seeing them kissing and being intimate will kill me :'( I'm dreading it, but it's New years eve and I'm going with a couple of mates, and aren't going to shy away from going out just because I may see them, but I'm still dreading it What are you doing about you? Are you getting fitter? Going for that promotion at work? Finding a new hobby? Do you know what women love? They love a man who does his own thing and doesnt need them, they like men who WANT them, not men who NEED them, this is where the term needy comes from. In my opinion, you need to focus on being constructive and being constructive starts with controlling your emotions when you are out tonight and spending more of your time thinking on how to improve you, than chasing these women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexjames Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 Funny thing is, Between these two girls I did get a promotion at work, but that has made matters worse as I am being ''severely bullied'' (words of my workmates) by my boss, so I always feel stressed haha! I'm definitely not chasing these girls, I wish they would disappear from my thoughts and memory, but no matter what I do I can't let go, I even dream about them at night! I'd love to be able to see her, say hello, and walk off and enjoy the night, but that won't happen. New Year, new me is what I'm trying to tell my self, but that won't last long haha! I know that in the future, to meet a woman I need to be confident (but not over confident/cocky), and let them see that I am mentally strong and can make them happy, rather than being too clingy and needy, so I need to focus on that self confidence. But it's getting over these 2 which is my main problem unfortunately Link to post Share on other sites
UltraTech Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 I think its alot easier than you are making out. You telling me you cant have one NYE drink without making a fool of yourself in front of this woman? Course you can lad, man up a bit, have a few, dont be chasing skirt either, that will NOT make you feel better, just have a drink, put a fake smile on, go home tonight, no dramas, you will feel better in the morning for it. Forget the getting over them bit for second, you need to learn to control yourself no? Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexjames Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 I would never make a scene haha, I'm so shy at times it's unreal! If I saw her/them, I'd just want to walk off and get all p*ssed off, but I'm sure if I focus on having a good night and on ME and my mates, I will be fine, I just can't wait for the day to come when I think about them and think ''we had our good times, but she wasn't quite the one for me and I can and will do better and be the happiest I've ever been and wish them all the best while I'm at it'' but that moment seems a long way away! Link to post Share on other sites
UltraTech Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 but I'm sure if I focus on having a good night and on ME and my mates, I will be fine. There you go, i would concentrate on this and forget the rest for now. Its okay to feel how you feel, your not an idiot, or being silly, but i PERSONALLY think step 1 involves controlling your emotions tonight. Do that, let us know how it went tomorrow, thats step 1. Step two like you said involves being less needy etc, but thats later on. I will let others respond now, let us know how it went. Have a drink, dont go on the pull and just do you, trust me on this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexjames Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 Turned out to be a decent night afterall. I think I saw her in one bar but only the back of her for a few seconds so I just tried to block her out. Had a few drinks, bit of a dance in the clubs (had some girls dancing near me which was quite nice but I never talked to any of them, unfortunately as one of them was a really cute little thing!). Had a good laugh with mates and had to go home early as I had work this morning. (Still didn't get back till 3:30am and was up at 6:45am for work though...!) So a better night than expected. Now for the hard bit of just trying to get over them in the next few months!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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