Should I forget him?

[spiderowl]

There's this guy friend who is younger than me. He's quite shy, but in the past, he's hinted on more than a few occasions that he's interested in me, but for a variety of reasons I didn't let it go any further. He was overweight, into drinking, and a bit immature at times. He was always a really sweet guy though, very kind and gentlemanly. I did feel he would be better off meeting a woman who he could have children with, not someone older like me.

 

I got involved in an organisation and our paths didn't cross much, though I've always been pleased to see him. Recently though, he seems to have matured more and now I'm more attracted to him. He must have thought I turned him down before, though there was never a direct yes or no situation, more a friends situation where I didn't encourage more. Now when we meet he comes and spends some time with me, then moves to talk to others. I find myself wishing he'd come back.

 

I still think he'd be better off with someone younger, although he doesn't seem to have met anyone. I don't want to flirt with and encourage the guy if he's lost interest in me long ago. He's not good at communicating by text or phone, rarely picks them up (I'm not the only one who's found this), so any banter that way is out.

 

What do you think? Will he have lost interest altogether now? Would I be stupid for thinking there might have been something there in the past? I didn't see him before Christmas but he sent me a Christmas card. He's shy and I'm shy so it's hard to tell whether he has moved on or is just being wary. I'm finding it hard to forget him and don't feel attracted to other guys. Any thoughts and advice welcome.

[soph12]

I've heard from guys that if they get rejected once, they won't try again. I think you should drop hints about being interested and see where that gets you

[confusedsoul14]

If you are sure that you are really attracted to him, you should definitely tell him before it's too late. This is way better than doing nothing and then regretting later. I think you are already regretting not showing interest in him before. So don't make room for any more regrets. And according to what you said, it was him who showed interest in you before you did. So the age difference doesn't seem to matter to him. If he isn't interested in you anymore, then it's for your benefit to find it out for sure by asking him. It will also help you to make better decisions like moving on, and looking for another guy.

But before making any move, I think it's wise to figure out if he is seeing someone else at the moment, just in case. Then you could save yourself from any sort of rejection or embarassment.

Good Luck

[spiderowl]

Thanks, very good advice. I guess I'm scared of saying anything in case he really has moved on and it was just a phase on his part. I find it hard to believe he was genuinely interested and not just looking for a bit of fun with an older woman. The age difference is 10 years by the way. He has always been sweet and thoughtful and seemed a bit hurt when I ignored his hints. Truth was, I didn't really know what to do as I liked him but he was immature so the time wasn't right.

[spiderowl]

I think I'm going to have to forget about this guy, despite him being a long-term friend who I'm sure does care for me. He's hopeless at communicating by any means other than in person. He doesn't respond to texts, except with brief, curt messages, and never seems to pick up answerphone messages. I have 'reached out' a bit recently, but he remains oblivious.

 

I know I'm not the only one who finds him hard to reach as others have grumbled about it too, but if the only chance to relate to him is in person, that requires me making the effort to go out to places he's likely to be at and often, with little scope to 'build' anything in between.

 

I know it sounds like he's not interested, and ordinarily I would tell another person that was the case, but I do know this guy and he is so sweet to me in person. I'm just disappointed that he also behaves in such a clueless way. I know it's partly my fault as I have rejected him in the past, if only by being evasive rather than blunt.