An unfinished life-what to say?

[Grumpybutfun]

I am not real sure where exactly to put this. A dear family friend of my wife and I called tonight from the hospital in another state. We were deeply worried as we hadn't heard from her over the holidays and had tried desperately to get in touch. She said the cancer has spread to her liver, her spine and her brain and they are giving her a few more days to live. She is already partially paralyzed and her stomach so distended that she feels like she is pregnant again. My wife and I are heartbroken as this woman has been the most amazing and optimistic friend we have. She asked me what comes at the end of our lives? What is left and will she feel pain? She is scared because anything that happens in the next few days will define the experiences her live in lover and two adult children will have of her.

It is hard to define to someone who is so vulnerable and exposed theoreticals and beliefs when they are at the cusp of the finality of it all. Not trying to be morbid, but how do the living even begin to describe the spiritual when so much is based on faith and hope?

Nothing in my life has prepared me for the questions she seemed to think I had answers for. She and I have shared a deep regard and passion for spirituality and yet now at the end of it all, it seems almost pretentious to provide hope to someone who is losing her very life, her family and her future.

Does anyone have any insight into ways to speak about the end of life when someone is ill and dying? My wife is heartsick and we are unable to celebrate with our friends and family tonight because we feel so helpless and sad.

Thanks in advance,

Grumps

[Pretty.in.Pink]

Sorry you are going through this.

 

Focus on the positives:

• The positive impact she's had on you and so many others
  
• The love and joy she's created in the world
  
• The circle of family and friends she's built
  
• Was she passionate about a particular cause? A charity? Something she spent considerable time on? Remind her of her contributions on those fronts and any lasting impact they may have.
  

 

We all want reassurance that our lives had some meaning. Help her see that hers most certainly did.

[John316C]

try focusing more on good emotions less logic (but not fantasy), comfort, memories, reassurance for concerns she expresses. try youtubing 'pain management know no pain 2012' its a hypnosis listen to it it might give you ideas

[Grumpybutfun]

Thank you both. My wife is very good at emotional reassurance, so I suppose what she is focusing on with me is the spiritual aspect of it all. We are both non religious but very spiritual in that we believe that everything is interconnected and we are just a part of the vibrancy of life...and now death.

 

We spoke this morning about the decisions she must make on whether to continue with surgeries and radiation/chemo and the excruciating pain and sickness that entails and for the first time ever she sounded resigned that her last few days on earth in pain is unacceptable. Then she confronts the end and when she makes that choice to stop treatments she ultimately makes decision she can't change her mind about later. She is drugged and exhausted and in pain and she is having to make these decisions in this state. It gives me pause and to plan for the end of my life. Yes, I am only early forties, but time isn't guaranteed.

 

Of course these thoughts lead to questions about the journey versus the destination. If the journey is the important part then why are we all terrified at not knowing the destination if we aren't in a religion that assumes a heaven or hell or reincarnation? I have given this some thought...perhaps it is our fascination with Chronos. We are obsessed with the passage of time. We have clocks that regulate it and map it out for us. We have calendars to mark it. We are linear thinkers in that time is always moving forward (except in our minds and regrets, of course).

 

We talked about this and while my wife talked about her accomplishments and the value of a life well spent, she seemed to derive the most comfort from knowing that not knowing the next step, the next moment, the next mystery is a universal fear and that she isn't alone in her fears.

 

I truly admire my wife's ability to speak comfort. I know my logical approach lacks the emotional connection and thankfully she is there to bring soothing to my practicality and musings.

 

We are on our way up to see her. She has asked us to come or otherwise we would have left her to her immediate family and SO. He is gutted and was glad we were coming to help with her daughter and son and their families. These people are our age which also makes us sad that she is passing at an age where she should be getting to enjoy her adult children and grand babies.

 

This has certainly made me reevaluate my time management and to focus on internal spiritual matters that most of us leave until the moments before the end. I worried that my thought process would make me feel morbid and depressed in light of our friend's situation, but it has left me hopeful and resolved that being present for our lives and loving completely the people and the nature around us is a life well spent.

Reflectively,

Grumps

Edited January 1, 2014 by Grumpybutfun

[happydate]

Thank you both. My wife is very good at emotional reassurance, so I suppose what she is focusing on with me is the spiritual aspect of it all. We are both non religious but very spiritual in that we believe that everything is interconnected and we are just a part of the vibrancy of life...and now death.

 

We spoke this morning about the decisions she must make on whether to continue with surgeries and radiation/chemo and the excruciating pain and sickness that entails and for the first time ever she sounded resigned that her last few days on earth in pain is unacceptable. Then she confronts the end and when she makes that choice to stop treatments she ultimately makes decision she can't change her mind about later. She is drugged and exhausted and in pain and she is having to make these decisions in this state. It gives me pause and to plan for the end of my life. Yes, I am only early forties, but time isn't guaranteed.

 

Of course these thoughts lead to questions about the journey versus the destination. If the journey is the important part then why are we all terrified at not knowing the destination if we aren't in a religion that assumes a heaven or hell or reincarnation? I have given this some thought...perhaps it is our fascination with Chronos. We are obsessed with the passage of time. We have clocks that regulate it and map it out for us. We have calendars to mark it. We are linear thinkers in that time is always moving forward (except in our minds and regrets, of course).

 

We talked about this and while my wife talked about her accomplishments and the value of a life well spent, she seemed to derive the most comfort from knowing that not knowing the next step, the next moment, the next mystery is a universal fear and that she isn't alone in her fears.

 

I truly admire my wife's ability to speak comfort. I know my logical approach lacks the emotional connection and thankfully she is there to bring soothing to my practicality and musings.

 

We are on our way up to see her. She has asked us to come or otherwise we would have left her to her immediate family and SO. He is gutted and was glad we were coming to help with her daughter and son and their families. These people are our age which also makes us sad that she is passing at an age where she should be getting to enjoy her adult children and grand babies.

 

This has certainly made me reevaluate my time management and to focus on internal spiritual matters that most of us leave until the moments before the end. I worried that my thought process would make me feel morbid and depressed in light of our friend's situation, but it has left me hopeful and resolved that being present for our lives and loving completely the people and the nature around us is a life well spent.

Reflectively,

Grumps

 

Heh Grumps,

 

For most people they believe death is the end of the road, the last existence. The answer is no. Death is simply the end of existence of this earth and the return to the afterlife. This is not a religion, but a spiritual road back to the heavens. We come from the heavens and we return back to the heavens.

 

We humans are instilled with free will by God, so she has the right to do anything she wants including ending her life. All all of you can do is to comfort her, be with her and give her all of your love and support. This is important in that, when she is loved the process into the afterlife is smoother.

 

There is no hell in the heavens; there is only well heaven. The reason why humans stuck in hell is because of fear, despair, anxiety, depression etc created emotions and when we die, how can we enter heaven full of love, joy and happiness. Like attracts like so it is extremely important to convey all your love and happiness to her so she will feel at peace.

 

Here's what is the story given to me by my Lord and Jesus Christ during my communion with them awhile back.

 

We are put on this earth as students learning the lessons of life. We agreed to these lessons in the heavens. During the process of reincarnation, your soul will meet with the masters and guides in the heavens with Jesus Christ presiding. He's usually there in all of these reincarnation. Your life has a start and end date. Those dates are agreed upon by you (or in this case her) in the heavens before reincarnating to earth. In fact, she chose her husband, ex-boyfriends and her kids in the heavens. There is no such things as a coincidence on earth because everything had already been pre-planned.

Once you are on earth, you forget the divine life plan and then do your lessons living your life.

When the lessons are completed, you are ready to return back into the afterlife for a life review later on.

 

So in a way, she is going back into the heavens. But it must be on her own free will, so the more positive, loving and joy all of you instill on her, the more joy and happier she will be looking towards death. I know this sounds weird, but it has a purpose. The purpose is for her to embrace death because death is just the beginning. Her soul will not die; it is eternal. This is just one of the lives she had lived. Most of us had reincarnated 1000 of times playing various roles. You, I and her are no different.

In order to prevent her being sucked in by Satan and his demonic friends, she must think joy and must embrace the "LIGHT" which is heaven.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Blessings.