Common interests are a MUST for some, yes?

[irc333]

I have to say, a recent conversation I had with a woman, probably in her mid-50's....she is a very avid Salsa/Merengue dancer, and she said, vehemently, she will NOT date a man that doesn't know how to dance in such a fashion.

 

My recent post: "The more I have in common with women, the less I'm interested" seems to have gotten replies of "Well, just because you share the same hobbies, mean you'll work out as a couple"

 

Of course, I think that was taken out of context, but I think that does help to a certain extent.

 

And now recently, people in the "dance community" tend to favor ONLY mates who dance as well as they do.

 

Why is this? Why is it so important to them?

 

To me, it doesn't matter either way, I mean it would be NICE to find someone with similar interests, but disturbingly, it's a MUST for some.

[John316C]

ppl want similar but not too similar.

 

some people want themselves but dont know it.

[GemmaUK]

I do kinda get it with dancing.

 

If you are off to an event together and there will be music and dancing and that is one of your most loved activities then it'll put a dampener on it if you can't dance with your man.

At that type of event a dancer is going to want to dance so then they'll be looking for someone else to have a dance with.

 

Many men I know just will not dance full stop.

I actually got blamed by a man I dated earlier this year for his drunkeness at a party.

There was a disco and I went and had a few dances with friends while he just propped the bar up.

 

I am quite happy for someone to have different interests to mine and I'll give some of them a try - wouldn't want to live in his pocket and do everything he did though. Likewise I wouldn't expect nor want him to be into all of the same things as me.

 

But dance partners for those who adore it? Yeah, I can't argue with that one really.

[Mrlonelyone]

In my observations.

 

Doctors, nurses, etc marry within medicine.

 

Scientist marry other scientist (or sometimes artist) creative people marry creative people.

 

Musicians marry other musicians (or sometimes artist or scientist) see above.

 

Mary Matalin ® and George Carville (D) political opposites but both political people.

 

Rarely will I see a married couple where one is a nuclear physicist working on fusion power, and the other is a green peace protestor who thinks all nuclear is bad (and who does not know the sun is nuclear powered too.)

 

In dating and short term flings opposites attract. In marriage, like attracts like.

 

Why, as the mother of my ex, "M" put it being into the same things enhances compatibility. Now we didn't work out for other reasons. That said, I think if I marry someone they are going to have much in common with me, a deep interest in science and technology is one of those things.

Edited January 1, 2014 by Mrlonelyone

[Oomlotte]

Common interests are the bond that keeps things going. You can only stare at someone's beauty or be excited that they like you for so long - what really makes you care about someone is getting to know them and relating to who they are - common interests help that process. In regard to dancers it seems seems to be a major part of their life and I imagine it would be hard to have a partner who didn't on some level relate to or understand that.

[CarrieT]

In my observations.

 

Doctors, nurses, etc marry within medicine.

 

Scientist marry other scientist (or sometimes artist) creative people marry creative people.

 

Musicians marry other musicians (or sometimes artist or scientist) see above.

 

Mary Matalin ® and George Carville (D) political opposites but both political people.

 

Rarely will I see a married couple where one is a nuclear physicist working on fusion power, and the other is a green peace protestor who thinks all nuclear is bad (and who does not know the sun is nuclear powered too.)

 

In dating and short term flings opposites attract. In marriage, like attracts like.

 

And in many regards, I have to disagree with you. My brand new husband is a surgeon and his last marriage was to another doctor. He has explained to me that the marriages that don't last are those established in a hospital between doctor and nurse or doctor and doctor.

 

I am a chef/artist/writer and it is my creativity that he is drawn to. I would never want to be involved with another artist and I love his analytical, scientific self. I believe it is our opposite careers but similar interests that attract us. Our hobbies complement each other so in our off time, we can share those interests, but I would never want to share a life with someone with the same type of job.

[regine_phalange]

I don't mind what his hobbies are. Actually I like someone who is a bit different than me!

 

But I want him to have a similar lifestyle/values with me. Very important.

 

* Many couples have the same field of job because one spends a lot of time at work. So it's more likely to meet "the one" there. I think.

[Shepp]

Total must for me!!

 

I want to spend time with my SO doing things I like to do. Not either never seeing each other or compromising all the time.

 

She doesn't have to be exactly the same interests wise but we have to share an a fair amount, particularly in the 'liking to be outdoors/ liking high adrenaline activities' field.

[irc333]

Hm, recently, who said, although I impressed her with my initial email, and actually sounded intelligent compared to the rest of the RIF-RAF on POF, and she was on the site for about 2 years....that I was "off to a good start"

 

However, since she left that open ended, I responded how I thought pretty much what we both looked for in a relationship was pretty much the same. Romance, old-fashioned values, sense of humor, a guy who is not a commitment phobe, etc.

 

ANd she said, "Well, though we may have the same things we are LOOKING for, I still wouldn't be a good a match for her"

 

I was kind of curious about that response.

 

She said one of her deal breakers, is the ability to accept her for her physical appearance.

In her profile she says, "I'm a short and curvy woman, and if you don't like that kind of figure on a woman, don't email me!"

 

I'm banking on the only reason she's not interested in me or "She doesn't think we're a good match", is the fact that she doesn't like MY appearance. Oh the irony! LOL

 

"You must accept my appearance, but I'm not willing to accept yours!"

 

 

I replied back, "Well, the only real way we can tell we're a match is by meeting in person, right?"

 

 

So we'll see what happens.

[Frank2thepoint]

Common interests pave the way for the potential to attract two people together. Having similar interests provides a foundation for understanding the the other person, and a sense of familiarity. Personally, I'd want to be with a woman that has some common interests with me, which would enhance our quality time together.

 

So we'll see what happens.

 

I see what you're doing there. You're trolling on POF for the lulz. Good times.

[MissBee]

I have to say, a recent conversation I had with a woman, probably in her mid-50's....she is a very avid Salsa/Merengue dancer, and she said, vehemently, she will NOT date a man that doesn't know how to dance in such a fashion.

 

My recent post: "The more I have in common with women, the less I'm interested" seems to have gotten replies of "Well, just because you share the same hobbies, mean you'll work out as a couple"

 

Of course, I think that was taken out of context, but I think that does help to a certain extent.

 

And now recently, people in the "dance community" tend to favor ONLY mates who dance as well as they do.

 

Why is this? Why is it so important to them?

 

To me, it doesn't matter either way, I mean it would be NICE to find someone with similar interests, but disturbingly, it's a MUST for some.

 

It depends on what is important to you and how much a part of your life certain things are, that will determine how much you will focus on common interests, and which of your common interests at that, that you'd like a partner to share.

 

I would NEVER be in a relationship with a man who didn't like to travel. It wouldn't work. I enjoy traveling for leisure and it is one of the main things I do for fun as well as I need to for what I do...so being with a man who didn't share my love for it would be extremely weird and would be a strain in our relationship.

 

However, there are other interests I have that I don't really care if a man shares or not.

Edited January 3, 2014 by MissBee

[makeithappen]

I don't mind what his hobbies are. Actually I like someone who is a bit different than me!

 

But I want him to have a similar lifestyle/values with me. Very important.

 

* Many couples have the same field of job because one spends a lot of time at work. So it's more likely to meet "the one" there. I think.

 

I agree with your points, but it would make things so much easier if they shared the same hobbies, especially when these hobbies are best enjoyed with someone else (bachata/charleston and other types of dance).

[ThatMan]

You do not need the same exact hobbies to appreciate each other. It's good to invite new and different experiences into your life. People often have interesting stories to share when they enjoy varied interests. So by all means continue to broaden your horizons. If you find a girlfriend who really cares about you, she'll value the happiness you find in any interest.

 

I think that you've been over-thinking this and I cannot tell you the reasons for her actions. What I do know is that you can do better than her selfish and entitled attitude. You can do better than a women who struggles to offer acceptance but demands it anyways.

[regine_phalange]

I agree with your points, but it would make things so much easier if they shared the same hobbies, especially when these hobbies are best enjoyed with someone else (bachata/charleston and other types of dance).

 

I think this is great, but not so important, because in the end of the day, there are also many activities that are not hobbies.

 

Eg. you can go dancing salsa once in a while a Saturday night, even if your partner has never danced before. He will probably be willing to do that, because his preferences for spending a Saturday night are similar to yours (going out). If one likes to spend every Saturday watching movies at home but the other likes going out after 12 am, there is a big compatibility challenge.

 

I also catch my self being very interested to someone who likes doing very different things. If someone, let's say, likes to build stuff, I will feel like he completes me in a way, because I can't do that. I like some mystery.

 

But that's me of course. Maybe I say that because I like to spend at least some time by myself every day, doing my own stuff.

[irc333]

I actually know a woman, that will NOT date man if he doesn't know how to salsa dance like she can.

 

 

I think this is great, but not so important, because in the end of the day, there are also many activities that are not hobbies.

 

Eg. you can go dancing salsa once in a while a Saturday night, even if your partner has never danced before. He will probably be willing to do that, because his preferences for spending a Saturday night are similar to yours (going out). If one likes to spend every Saturday watching movies at home but the other likes going out after 12 am, there is a big compatibility challenge.

 

I also catch my self being very interested to someone who likes doing very different things. If someone, let's say, likes to build stuff, I will feel like he completes me in a way, because I can't do that. I like some mystery.

 

But that's me of course. Maybe I say that because I like to spend at least some time by myself every day, doing my own stuff.

[Disillusioned]

Some people CAN learn to like others' hobbies.

 

I'm not joking when I say my old man turned my mother on to building model cars, back when model-making was big over 40 years ago.

[trevzilla]

I think shared values are more important. People's interests change. When I met my ex wife we were both into motorcycles. Now that I'm in my 40s and after 7 years of motorcycle couriering I haven't touched a bike in 4 years. After going through the emotional ringer with my cheating ex, I would say that I would have preferred that she shared my emphasis on integrity, honesty and loyalty.

[irc333]

Sometimes, as icebreakers to an intro. email. If a geeky girl or movie geek makes some sort of reference to a sub-pop-culture film, I tend to make an obscure reference to it somewhere in my initial email....figured that would "drum up" a response out of her.....but...NOPE. lol

[irc333]

Yeah , I know...I saw a woman's headline on POF "Must love football!" Funny how what used to be a "male-centric" interest ...women are now getting into.

 

I can't stand sports, I'm a sci-fi geek. lol

 

I had a woman turn me down because I didn't ride horses, apparently she lived in a farm and had 2 horses to take care of. She mentioned her last boyfriend wouldn't really participate in getting up with her to tend to "the flock" at 5 am on a Sat morn., lol. It eventually pushed them apart.

 

Also, riding motorcycles is a pre-requisite to dating a rider, too.

 

People heavy into the dance community require expert dancers.

 

 

I feel like this is how EVERYONE dates these days, especially with regard to online dating, and meetups and clubs and whatnot.

 

I, for one, have very male-centric secondary interests (music, motor racing, technology, standup, etc.) and I've rarely had much in common with women, but we got along and loved each other anyway. The normal stuff: Going out, watching movies/TV, traveling, going to restaurants, bars, etc. is plenty enough if you get along, IMHO. A shared love of needlepoint a good relationship does not make.

 

Nowadays, this is the stuff everyone seems to care about. Forget attraction and general personality compatibility.

[Khyla]

I feel like this is how EVERYONE dates these days, especially with regard to online dating, and meetups and clubs and whatnot.

 

I, for one, have very male-centric secondary interests (music, motor racing, technology, standup, etc.) and I've rarely had much in common with women, but we got along and loved each other anyway. The normal stuff: Going out, watching movies/TV, traveling, going to restaurants, bars, etc. is plenty enough if you get along, IMHO. A shared love of needlepoint a good relationship does not make. [...]

 

LOL. needlepoint. LOL

 

I agree it's great to have varied hobbies. Things can get boring if you have too many things in common. You want to complement each others' distinct skills and interests. But we wouldn't get along on what you call "normal stuff" (except for going out to eat). so there should be some common interests at least when it comes to some stuff.

 

But IMO, the main thing that counts is if the sex is good.

 

PS. How is music "male-centric"?

[Els]

 

To me, it doesn't matter either way, I mean it would be NICE to find someone with similar interests, but disturbingly, it's a MUST for some.

 

 

Why do you find it so disturbing? Just because it excludes you?

 

Everyone prioritizes different aspects of a R differently. As long as it works for them, it isn't really an issue. Personally I'd take mutual interests over appearance, muscle, height, or style any day.

[irc333]

I got a new spin on this topic...I actually knew of a woman that dumped her boyfriend of 3 years because she found a man that was more into the same things she was.

 

Her boyfriend, great guy...was a beer drinker (not an chocoholic), but just preferred beers. She was more into wine, art festivals, museums, etc. A bit more cultured than him. He was into football games, sports, you know, typical guy stuff.

 

Anyhow, she wound up dumping him for a guy more into what she was into.

 

I recall him saying something like all of a sudden, one day, she started getting on his case about ALWAYS choosing a beer at a restaurant and not a wine occasionally to drink. She referred to it as a "little boy beer".

 

Basically, inferring that there's some kind of classless immaturity for those who prefer beer over wine, and those who drink wine are more "sophisticated".

It kind of snowballed from there. Then one day she shows up with her new "wine drinking" boyfriend. Then her "wine drinking" boyfriend saw that I had a beer in MY hand, and suggested that I should attempt wine on occasion as women are attracted to men who drink wine.

 

I was like "Oooookaaay"

[kaylan]

And in many regards, I have to disagree with you. My brand new husband is a surgeon and his last marriage was to another doctor. He has explained to me that the marriages that don't last are those established in a hospital between doctor and nurse or doctor and doctor.

 

I am a chef/artist/writer and it is my creativity that he is drawn to. I would never want to be involved with another artist and I love his analytical, scientific self. I believe it is our opposite careers but similar interests that attract us. Our hobbies complement each other so in our off time, we can share those interests, but I would never want to share a life with someone with the same type of job.

exceptions =/= rules

 

I have to agree with mrlonelyone. Most longer LTRs and marriages I see are between people who share a good bit of similarities. But whatever works, works.

[Els]

exceptions =/= rules

 

I have to agree with mrlonelyone. Most longer LTRs and marriages I see are between people who share a good bit of similarities.

 

Similarities =/= same career

 

I know more LTRs and marriages between people of different careers than between people of the same career - which makes statistical sense, really. Careers are but one of the many faces of mutual interests.

[Shepp]

Then her "wine drinking" boyfriend saw that I had a beer in MY hand, and suggested that I should attempt wine on occasion as women are attracted to men who drink wine.

I was like "Oooookaaay"

But not necessarily the women you want!

 

Her boyfriend, great guy...was a beer drinker (not an chocoholic), but just preferred beers. She was more into wine, art festivals, museums, etc. A bit more cultured than him. He was into football games, sports, you know, typical guy stuff

This is why I wouldn't date a girl who didn't share my interests...what the hell would we do together?

I'd want to go to a football match when she wanted to go somewhere "cultured", She'd want to go to a bar in the city when i'd be happier sipping wiskey round a campfire down by the lake. It just wouldn't work.

 

 

Maybe its selfish in a way, but I don't want to live my life constantly compromising.

There'll always be compromises but the fewer the better!

 

Its like being the captain of our local football team, it takes a lot of time and dedication, and my girlfriend gets that, she comes to watch me play, I get to share something I love with her. If she didn't then that would be a lot of my time being dedicated to something that didn't include my girlfriend at all.

I guess that's why a lot of athletes date other athletes - a mutual understanding of what goes into your sport.