He's jealous of other guys but doesn't want to be with me???

[Kelly M]

My guy friend Craig is seriously nuts! He always blows me off on plans and he is EXTREMELY possessive and jealous of my guy friends. I'll give you a few stories. One, he got really drunk one night and questioned me the whole night about this other guy Brian. He kept on saying "Did you guys have sex?" and so on, and he was like "I hope not , cause you are my girl!" I said "I am nobodys girl, haaa!" he just was silent. He always says how much he loves me and such, but yet he doesn't make the effort to go out with me or do anything with me. But yet he gets extremely jealous of other guys.

 

 

Another story, where I wasn't even drunk nor was I drinking but my friends were drunk and so I texted Craig for this guy's number to prank call him, whom his name is Chris, but then Craig called me and he was so rude to me! He refused to give me his number, but he had the biggest attitude! He kept saying "Who are you with?" I said "My girls" He kept on asking what I was doing that night and I said "I don't know I might go to a bar" He said "What bar?" I said "I don't know yet, why you want to meet us?" He said "I am just keeping tabs on you" He said it like real angry and weird. I automatically was like WTF??? Keeping tabs on me??? Excuse you!!! So he kept up with this ****ty attitude towards me and even hung up on me.

 

 

Then later on in the night he is all over facebook posting pics with these girls and he was all lovey dovey with them. I am not so mad about that what I am mad about is the fact that he was giving these trashy girls more respect, and I was disrespected for no reason. I had done a lot of things for him, been there for him through thick and thin, but yet it seemed like he was putting these trashy girls up on a pedestal when he never seemed that appreciative of what I have done for him.

 

 

I don't understand him or his behavior? Like he is extremely jealous and possessive of me, but yet he won't contact me a lot and he doesn't make an effort to go out with me, so that confuses me. Also one Saturday night he called me up and said "What are you doing?" I said "I don't know yet, why?" He said "We are gonna get wasted!" I said "Ok, where?" He said "Let me call you back cause my phone is about to die, but you better answer my call or else I will kill you...hahahaha!" I was freaked out by that, but better yet he doesn't call me and blows me off the rest of the night. My friends and I think he was just trying to keep me in for the night so I wouldn't go out and party. When jokes on him, I still went out. I didn't wait around, but it's the point he acted possessive and jealous and controlling and I am not even his girlfriend, nor have I ever had sex with him either! We are just platonic friends, but for some reason his jealousy is extreme with me. Believe me there are other stories, but I am just stressing the point that he is really jealous and I don't understand cause he doesn't make an effort to go out with me? He always said he liked me and loves me and he feels a "soul connection" to me, but yet doesn't ask me out or call or text me that often. So my question is what would make one become this way? Like I don't understand this behavior what so ever, can someone explain to me why he is doing this. He almost has a "Do as I say not as I do" type of attitude. Opinions please! Need your input!

Edited January 1, 2014 by Kelly M

[ExpatInItaly]

My opinion? This guy is emotionally abusive and a jerk. He is not your friend. Men (and women) like this are toxic and should have no place in your life. You're right - he doesn't want you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you. Life doesn't work that way. He has zero right to interrogate you about your sexual partners or where you're going and what you're doing. That is a major red flag; I hope you recognize that. Why is he doing it? Because he loves the power trip and you have enabled it so far. This isn't about a hidden crush whatsoever.

 

My advice is to severely limit or cut contact with him. Quit doing things for him. Don't even question his "confusing" behaviour. Don't ask yourself if he likes you. Stay away from this guy and do not answer any further questions. He's a creep and people like him have the potential to be physically abusive also. I am speaking from experience. It isn't pretty.

[Keke1]

Sounds like you are getting a small kick out of this behavior. Why don't you just ask him out? Or to start a relationship?

[nescafe1982]

He sounds like a controlling guy with boundary issues. I'd avoid him. It's clear he doesn't "want" you... which is a blessing, frankly... because his behavior is really inappropriate. I'd scale back how much you interact with him... set boundaries and make it clear he's to conform with them if he wants to be in your life.

[Kelly M]

I am 21 and he is 27. I don't get a kick out of his behavior. I am CONFUSED about his behavior, I know I am not going to get a concrete answer, just merely want opinions on this matter. Since I am young, and kinda inexperienced with life, I want people who are more experienced and older and wiser to give me opinions on this. Thanks.

[Kelly M]

Sounds like you are getting a small kick out of this behavior. Why don't you just ask him out? Or to start a relationship?

 

 

 

I don't get a kick out of his behavior, if anything it makes me angry and sad. I know it's no good, but I just want opinions on this matter, like why would one act possessive and jealous but yet not go out with the person? It confuses me, it's not admirable or amusing of any sort. I am hurt, sad and angry. I don't understand why he does this, so I am just looking for opinions with people that are much wiser, older, and smarter then me. I am 21 and he is 27, just to let you know. Also I could ask him out, but I feel like I shouldn't be the one to ask him out, cause everytime he asks me out he backs out of plans, and I feel like he should repay me and ask me out. If it was a mutual thing where he asked me out and we actually did go out, then I wouldn't mind asking him out, but I feel like he needs to redeem himself for blowing me off all the time. So I keep him at arm's length, but it's hard to let go. I am just confused. Thanks!

[Keke1]

I don't get a kick out of his behavior, if anything it makes me angry and sad. I know it's no good, but I just want opinions on this matter, like why would one act possessive and jealous but yet not go out with the person? It confuses me, it's not admirable or amusing of any sort. I am hurt, sad and angry. I don't understand why he does this, so I am just looking for opinions with people that are much wiser, older, and smarter then me. I am 21 and he is 27, just to let you know. Also I could ask him out, but I feel like I shouldn't be the one to ask him out, cause everytime he asks me out he backs out of plans, and I feel like he should repay me and ask me out. If it was a mutual thing where he asked me out and we actually did go out, then I wouldn't mind asking him out, but I feel like he needs to redeem himself for blowing me off all the time. So I keep him at arm's length, but it's hard to let go. I am just confused. Thanks!

 

Im just trying to figure out why you'd even call and tell him you're at a bar? Is it to make him jealous? Why does he have to know these things?

Look just make this simpler Tell him you two are going out at a specific time and place. Tell him dnt ask. You have to drop your Pride/Stance on payback though.

[Kelly M]

Im just trying to figure out why you'd even call and tell him you're at a bar? Is it to make him jealous? Why does he have to know these things?

Look just make this simpler Tell him you two are going out at a specific time and place. Tell him dnt ask. You have to drop your Pride/Stance on payback though.

 

 

 

I called him to get a guy's number (that we both know) but I got a new phone and lost this guy's number whom is named Chris. Me and my friends wanted to call Chris, but I knew Craig had his number, so I called Craig. If you would re-read my post he was the one questioning me where I was going and I said that I might be going to a bar, and if he wanted to meet us. He responded with "I'm just keeping tabs on you" So he rejected my offer on that, and I didn't say it to make him jealous or anything. I was gonna go to a bar and I invited him, but he ended up going to some party later on in the night and was all over these girls, and seemed to appreciate them more or something. Cause like I said he was really rude to me on the phone and kept on asking "Who's with you?" and I said "My girls" He just had a major attitude, and disrespected me, but yet he treats these trashy girls like they were gold, and that upset me. Thanks for your input, but I don't think I will ask him out, just because I do have pride over that, but yet i'm torn. Ugh...i'm confused, sorry I keep on saying that, it's just I don't what to do. But thanks.

[MrMeh]

It honestly seems he is keeping you on the side as an emotional trophy, knowing that you will be there despite his own emotional instability.

[JessieJ08]

I can tell you right now what everyone saying is right I was friends with a guy and he was that same way and for whatever reason I just never minded it because I liked him more then a friend.

 

We then started dating and lets just say he took controlling to a whole different level we were out in the mall this guy honestly started yelling at me about the clothes I was wearing it seemed no matter what I did he was always telling me I shouldnt be doing things that made me who I was. the clothes to the girlfriends I hung out with to me going to certain places I finally got out of lust and left his crazyiness today Im so happy I left that situation but I can honestly say wish I would have never got into it. Not the best relationship for any human

[Kelly M]

I can tell you right now what everyone saying is right I was friends with a guy and he was that same way and for whatever reason I just never minded it because I liked him more then a friend.

 

We then started dating and lets just say he took controlling to a whole different level we were out in the mall this guy honestly started yelling at me about the clothes I was wearing it seemed no matter what I did he was always telling me I shouldnt be doing things that made me who I was. the clothes to the girlfriends I hung out with to me going to certain places I finally got out of lust and left his crazyiness today Im so happy I left that situation but I can honestly say wish I would have never got into it. Not the best relationship for any human

 

 

 

I am so so sorry JessieJ08! My heart goes out to you! That must've been hard to deal with, i'm sorry you went through that. Love and Hugs, and thank you for the advice!

[Kelly M]

I appreciate everyones advice, thank you so much! But I am still confused, cause even though he has alarming behavior, he doesn't act like a typical dangerous guy. Like when I imagine someone dangerous I imagine them to stalk, call, text, and see you incessantly. He does call me and text me a lot, but then he'll back off, weirdly. He'll go through periods where he doesn't speak to me at all for like weeks to months. Like I said he'll ask me out but then he'll back out, and blow me off, but then he'll question me about the guys I date and get all mad about it. Like there was a time where he didn't speak to me for 3 months, and I was wondering why, but I went over to my friend's house and he was there.

 

 

 

 

He acted all lovey dovey with me and was deeply staring at me and even walked by weirdly, and said "I love you" when he had a girlfriend at the time. But he denied it to me and me only. He openly admitted he had a girlfriend, to our friends and other people. He also questioned me about this guyI went out with he was being passive aggressive about it, but he wasn't over doing it, but he questioned a great deal. Then I didn't see him for another month and I went to a Thanksgiving party and he was there and he was super drunk. He was all over me. He was going on and on and on about the guy I went out with, which at that time was a month ago. He kept on Mentioning Kyle. It was nonstop and he even said "I was thinking Kyle back off, that's my girl" I said "Haaa I am nobodys girl" He just got quiet. But he kept on Mentioning Kyle's name the whole night to the point I said "Stop it Craig you're out of line!"

 

 

Like he does these things, but like I said it seems like he doesn't want to date me, so that is why I am confused. I don't understand... if you don't want to date me then why do you care who I go out with? Like I don't understand if he likes me or not? Or what the deal is? I did reject him a lot so I don't know if that has anything to do with it. But like I said he'll distance himself from me and not talk to me for periods of time. So I don't know if he is exactly dangerous, or what???

[Keke1]

You're in a haze right now. I can guarantee you this clown isn't worth it. You have on beer goggles whenever he's around. Please take them off and see this guy for real.

 

Slightly Off topic but one of the worst thing about humans and emotions is their ability to not drop their pride. People would be better as a whole if everyone did.

[ExpatInItaly]

I appreciate everyones advice, thank you so much! But I am still confused, cause even though he has alarming behavior, he doesn't act like a typical dangerous guy. Like when I imagine someone dangerous I imagine them to stalk, call, text, and see you incessantly. He does call me and text me a lot, but then he'll back off, weirdly. He'll go through periods where he doesn't speak to me at all for like weeks to months. Like I said he'll ask me out but then he'll back out, and blow me off, but then he'll question me about the guys I date and get all mad about it. Like there was a time where he didn't speak to me for 3 months, and I was wondering why, but I went over to my friend's house and he was there.

 

 

 

 

He acted all lovey dovey with me and was deeply staring at me and even walked by weirdly, and said "I love you" when he had a girlfriend at the time. But he denied it to me and me only. He openly admitted he had a girlfriend, to our friends and other people. He also questioned me about this guyI went out with he was being passive aggressive about it, but he wasn't over doing it, but he questioned a great deal. Then I didn't see him for another month and I went to a Thanksgiving party and he was there and he was super drunk. He was all over me. He was going on and on and on about the guy I went out with, which at that time was a month ago. He kept on Mentioning Kyle. It was nonstop and he even said "I was thinking Kyle back off, that's my girl" I said "Haaa I am nobodys girl" He just got quiet. But he kept on Mentioning Kyle's name the whole night to the point I said "Stop it Craig you're out of line!"

 

 

Like he does these things, but like I said it seems like he doesn't want to date me, so that is why I am confused. I don't understand... if you don't want to date me then why do you care who I go out with? Like I don't understand if he likes me or not? Or what the deal is? I did reject him a lot so I don't know if that has anything to do with it. But like I said he'll distance himself from me and not talk to me for periods of time. So I don't know if he is exactly dangerous, or what???

 

Yes, OP, he does. And yes, he is.

 

This guy is a very loose canon. You want someone older to tell you he's no good? Well, I've got more than a decade on you so I'll tell you: he's no good! He IS displaying all the typical warning signs of an abusive person. You are young - and not to be too condescending - quite naive. At least when it comes to this guy. Take off the blinders. He already is dangerous to your emotional well-being. Don't let it progress to the point that he is also dangerous to your physical well-being.

 

He does this because he loves the power and being able to control you; he can smell your vulnerability a mile away. If it comes through so clearly to strangers on the internet, how obvious do you think it is to him? Emotional vampires thrive on that. Don't kid yourself into thinking he likes you. He likes the attention and dominance - NOT YOU. I know that hurts your pride, but you need to stop playing the "I'm-so-confused!" card and see the situation for what it is: you want him to like you, but he wants to control you. Why on earth you would even care if he likes you, or consider asking him out, is beyond me.

 

I apologize if that all sounds harsh. But I've had a similar experience with a similar man - if I can prevent another young girl from going through what I went though, I will. It didn't end well for me.

[Kelly M]

Yes, OP, he does. And yes, he is.

 

This guy is a very loose canon. You want someone older to tell you he's no good? Well, I've got more than a decade on you so I'll tell you: he's no good! He IS displaying all the typical warning signs of an abusive person. You are young - and not to be too condescending - quite naive. At least when it comes to this guy. Take off the blinders. He already is dangerous to your emotional well-being. Don't let it progress to the point that he is also dangerous to your physical well-being.

 

He does this because he loves the power and being able to control you; he can smell your vulnerability a mile away. If it comes through so clearly to strangers on the internet, how obvious do you think it is to him? Emotional vampires thrive on that. Don't kid yourself into thinking he likes you. He likes the attention and dominance - NOT YOU. I know that hurts your pride, but you need to stop playing the "I'm-so-confused!" card and see the situation for what it is: you want him to like you, but he wants to control you. Why on earth you would even care if he likes you, or consider asking him out, is beyond me.

 

I apologize if that all sounds harsh. But I've had a similar experience with a similar man - if I can prevent another young girl from going through what I went though, I will. It didn't end well for me.

 

 

Thank you so much, and I am so sorry you went through that! I appreciate your advice a lot, thank you, and again I am so sorry you went through that, you seem like a very smart woman and i'm glad you are out of that situation. But really I am confused, but now that I have you and other people explaining the situation, I do realize that I am nothing to him, and that he just likes the control and attention. I am naïve and try to find the good in everyone and I thought everyone misjudged him cause he has a tough exterior. I was always on the fence about him, thus why I never went any further with him, cause he always confused me with his behavior. He would call me up crying and tell his deepest problems. He told me his insecurities and everything, and I thought "Well he seems like he has a soul and people don't give him the chance" stupid me thought that at first cause I am inexperienced with life and guys, so I took it literally, but now I am thinking it was just a manipulative ploy or something.

 

 

He treated me differently from girls in a good way! He would talk **** on girls saying they are whores and such and when I met his friends his friends said to me "Oh you're the girl he talks about in a good way all the time, we never hear anything bad about you from him!" But just recently like I said he was real rude with me and had a attitude for no reason. But see that is why I was confused. He was jealous of other guys, but yet would back out of plans with me. He never talked bad about me to his friends. Everytime I got mad at him he would make the effort to apologize and he made sure everything was cool between us. So in my stupid head I thought he really liked me, but was being shy about it. But I guess it's all because he just likes control. Thanks again for answering! I am just upset that I was blinded this whole time. It really hurts cause of all I have done for him too!!! I have helped him out soooo many times.

[CrystalCastles]

He would talk **** on girls saying they are whores

 

Well that's nice of him.

 

He sounds like a total psycho.

[BeholdtheMan]

Stop being friends with Craig...problem solved

[ExpatInItaly]

Thank you so much, and I am so sorry you went through that! I appreciate your advice a lot, thank you, and again I am so sorry you went through that, you seem like a very smart woman and i'm glad you are out of that situation. But really I am confused, but now that I have you and other people explaining the situation, I do realize that I am nothing to him, and that he just likes the control and attention. I am naïve and try to find the good in everyone and I thought everyone misjudged him cause he has a tough exterior. I was always on the fence about him, thus why I never went any further with him, cause he always confused me with his behavior. He would call me up crying and tell his deepest problems. He told me his insecurities and everything, and I thought "Well he seems like he has a soul and people don't give him the chance" stupid me thought that at first cause I am inexperienced with life and guys, so I took it literally, but now I am thinking it was just a manipulative ploy or something.

 

 

He treated me differently from girls in a good way! He would talk **** on girls saying they are whores and such and when I met his friends his friends said to me "Oh you're the girl he talks about in a good way all the time, we never hear anything bad about you from him!" But just recently like I said he was real rude with me and had a attitude for no reason. But see that is why I was confused. He was jealous of other guys, but yet would back out of plans with me. He never talked bad about me to his friends. Everytime I got mad at him he would make the effort to apologize and he made sure everything was cool between us. So in my stupid head I thought he really liked me, but was being shy about it. But I guess it's all because he just likes control. Thanks again for answering! I am just upset that I was blinded this whole time. It really hurts cause of all I have done for him too!!! I have helped him out soooo many times.

 

That's not a good thing, OP. Not at all - it indicates an extremely negative attitude toward women. How do you think he is going to talk about you when you do something to really anger him? I can promise you he will eventually speak the same way about you,

 

And yes, you nailed it when you said him calling up and sobbing to you is a manipulative ploy. That is precisely what it is. People like him know exactly how to play the sympathy card and they'll do it when they see fit. For example, if you upset with him, he'll have some huge sob story to get you back in his corner and get you do to do things for him. It isn't sincere.

 

Please, for your own sanity, stay far away from him. He isn't good for you and you will wind up in a world of pain if you let this continue.

[Kelly M]

Well that's nice of him.

 

He sounds like a total psycho.

 

 

Haha! Sorry, I know it's not funny, but how the way you wrote it was kinda funny. I know it's not right that he talks **** on other women, I was just making the point that his friends said to me that he never talks **** on me.

[Kelly M]

That's not a good thing, OP. Not at all - it indicates an extremely negative attitude toward women. How do you think he is going to talk about you when you do something to really anger him? I can promise you he will eventually speak the same way about you,

 

And yes, you nailed it when you said him calling up and sobbing to you is a manipulative ploy. That is precisely what it is. People like him know exactly how to play the sympathy card and they'll do it when they see fit. For example, if you upset with him, he'll have some huge sob story to get you back in his corner and get you do to do things for him. It isn't sincere.

 

Please, for your own sanity, stay far away from him. He isn't good for you and you will wind up in a world of pain if you let this continue.

 

 

I totally agree! I know for a fact if I pissed him off in some way I would be talked about. I was just making the point that he doesn't talk bad about me (so his friends say)But it isn't right that he talks about other women badly. I even told him about that, that he shouldn't talk about other women like that. But thank you, and I understand the issue. I am glad I went on this forum and got advice cause like I said I am a naïve and gullible, and I was in confusion about this. But since I got wiser people with more life experience on here telling me their opinions, I am taking it all in. Thank you, and you should be a therapist, cause you are so helpful and you have so much knowledge. I am appreciative of your advice and your wisdom!

[Kelly M]

Thank you to everyone else who have answered as well! I appreciate everyone and their advice and wisdom on this matter!