RedHawk08 Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 What's the opinion on confronting the person who has played a large part in wrecking your life? So far, I've left him alone. Maybe because it's New Year's Day and being reasonable has done me no favours, but I'm feeling the need to pur the fear of christ into this rat faced prick. Now as much as I fantasise about me and a few fellas dragging him into a van for a brutal beating, I'm wise enough to know that will only bring trouble. I prefer fear anyway. It lasts longer. Either of a beating, exposing him, or getting him fired. Any confrontation stories? Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Friend, this can only end badly, specially if your ultimate goal is to reconcile. Your best bet is to expose the affair, tell anyone with influence over her. The O/M is a POS for interfering with your marriage but the reality is your wife allowed it, she brought the predator into you relationship. Your beef is with her, she's the one that committed to you. If they work together, expose them to her employer, tell the people she works with. If she won't stop her affair, lawyer up and give her what she wants, a divorce. You can't reconcile with someone that has left the marriage, you both have to be equally committed to the marriage or your wasting your time. Read up on the 180 and make that your new way of life, sometimes you just have to leave them behind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedHawk08 Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 I must admit, that is a reactionary thing to do, and being that way has not helped so far. I've taken the attitude that moving on is the only thing that will have a chance of changing things. I have noticed her asking who certain female friends are the last few months. I would never use anyone like that, but if she really is putting the divorce wheels in motion, I might as well start moving on myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Aliveagain is totally right. You are in anger stage right now. You don't wanna do anything that could put you behind bars. Be the person with class, follow your vows, and cease with the name-calling. That just brings you down to their level. I recommend you review Marriage Builders website - especially Plan A and Plan B. Dr. Harley, the major author of the site has written a number of articles on his position regarding infidelity that are very interesting. Dr. Harley recommends exposure, in your case, I think it might be a good idea for a couple of reasons. Before I list these reasons, I want to state firmly, that your wife is in the wrong, and has broken her vows, and been caught in lies and deceit. She is solely responsible for her conduct. Some of the reasons I will list below, suggest some other arguments for exposing an affair, other than your wife's misdeed. Firstly, (as I recall), since this is her boss, or an employee above her - there is an abuse of power situation at play in the work environment that should be brought to the attention of HR - in this respect, I find her boss to be wrong. He needs to be exposed so he cannot take advantage of other vulnerable employees. Secondly, when the affair ends, this situation could have a direct effect on your wife's livelihood - her income is a resource she will need if she has to become self-sufficient and leave the home via separation, or through a divorce. Bring this issue to a crisis point now, will force her to face these facts and consider the financial consequences of her affiar on the job, and perhaps get her out of the fog and see that seeking alternative employment is her only choice now. Thirdly, exposure of the affair removes the clandenscence of the relationship, and the thrill of the intimate encounters (fog) will disappear immediately, like POOF. Forth, publicly, it will be quite humiliating to continue this conduct - and it will come to an end toot sweet. Fifth, your wife will instantly face the consequences of her actions, as there is a very slim chance her lover will stand by her once the affair is exposed. Finally, if the affair partner has a spouse or SO, they deserve to know the truth. The most imortant reason to know a spouse is having sex outside the marriage bed that I can think of is STD's. Of course, the obvious conclusion is the list of reasons for a spouse to be informed that their parner is cheating could be very long. I could go on, but why not look at what Dr. Harley has to say. I hope these thoughts are helpful. The link below my signTure line has Plan A + B, and will get you over to Dr. Harley's site. Yas 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedHawk08 Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 (edited) You are very right! I have spent a lot of time on that site and have contemplated exposure a lot. I believe at this point there is nothing to suggest they are together officially. They are also no longer working together. My wife had a transfer around the time she moved out. According to Facebook investigation by a friend, the OM is no longer with his girlfriend. The OM is not on ANY of my wife's family or friends list. The only person he is on the friend list of is my wife's jealous friend that helped split us up. There has been no interaction between either of them with the OM since March publicly. I don't intend to expose as such now, I will just refuse to cover up her crappy treatment of me. If people ask, I will tell the truth... "All I'm saying is that she split suddenly, after spending every night on the computer talking to her boss for a few weeks. Took out a bank loan to get a place of her own, wouldn't tell me where. Make of that what you like". Edited January 1, 2014 by RedHawk08 Link to post Share on other sites
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