BrandonsLair Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Hey I think I stuffed up. My best friend, I am male and she is female, told me that she had no-one to kiss NYE and I was going to be the one she kissed. We have known each other since kindergarten and on more than one occasion I have told her I would like us to go out but she had always said I was too good of a friend. To put it bluntly I was friendzoned real bad so when she said she wanted to kiss me I wasn’t going to say no. So we were at a party and she was flirting real bad with me all night and at midnight we did kiss, and again and again and it kept going and it led to a lot more. She was definitely taking the lead and I was very happy to follow. We ended up at home at my place and I thought everything was wonderful. It was truly the best night of my life, I thought my dreams of us being together were coming true. We fell asleep in each others arms. I get woken this morning with a big slap across my face and a verbal tirade that I never thought she was capable of. Apparently I took advantage of her and now I am the worst guy in the world. She stormed out and wont answer her phone and none of her friends have seen her (or at least that is what they are telling me). I know I did nothing wrong (did I?) but right now I don’t really care about that. What is the best way to approach this to keep her as a friend, well hopefully more, but at least as a friend? What can I say or do to make this better? Do I apologize? I don’t think I should because I only followed her lead but if that is what it takes I will do it. Seriously women are so hard to figure out. I would never have pressured her into anything but I wasn’t going to say no when she was offering, how does that make me the evil one? Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 (edited) I look at these accusations ("took advantage" of her) from women, echoes of their mothers' hopes that they sally forth in life, succeeding in all they do, including being lady-like and also never getting anything wrong, imho leave her alone, or apologise profusely, but really she opened her legs willingly, and crucially, deployed a 1950's B-movie slap, making her a drama queen, you can do better than this, it would not be difficult, tbh Edited January 1, 2014 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Sigh, Text her. Tell her that in no way did you think you wree taking any kind of advantage of her that as far as you were concerned she was leading and that you fell asleep in each other's arms. Also mention that if she regretted it in the morning that it doesn't mean you "took advantage of her." And in fact you are pretty upset about being hit and accused of that. You've known her since kindergarten for God's sakes. Then, cut her loose. Permanently. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrandonsLair Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 ,no one sleep with real friend. Unless you want To mess up the freindship. Look we were both drunk when it happened but neither were drunk when earlier in the day she said she wanted us to kiss at midnight. Neither we drunk, maybe a little tipsy, when she was flirting with me all night. This was noticed by others too so it is not me just hoping. She was not too drunk to give the taxi driver directions home to my place. I really hope that she's not claiming that I took advantage of her when she was drunk. She was very much in control of this. If this happened on the spur of the moment while drunk I could understand she might have regrets in the morning. I don't understand how this is possible when this was a clearly organised thing, she didn't flirt with me all night to just kiss at midnight and then go home alone. Or maybe that was her plan and then alcohol changed her mind? I don't know, I just hope we can save the friendship at the very least. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrandonsLair Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 Text her. Tell her that in no way did you think you wree taking any kind of advantage of her that as far as you were concerned she was leading and that you fell asleep in each other's arms. Also mention that if she regretted it in the morning that it doesn't mean you "took advantage of her." And in fact you are pretty upset about being hit and accused of that. You've known her since kindergarten for God's sakes. Thank You. I have done exactly that but as I said I have received nothing back. I have known her forever and this is very out of character for her. She obviously believes I have done something very wrong but I can't see it and if I somehow did it damn sure wasn't intentional. Then, cut her loose. Permanently. If I have any choice that wont be happening. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 If I have any choice that wont be happening. After an accusation like that, I wouldn't look back. Best of luck. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrandonsLair Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 After an accusation like that, I wouldn't look back. Best of luck. Yeah, I do get what you are saying. It all happened so quickly, a spur of the moment thing, no doubt she was hungover as well. I feel I can cut her a little slack. Now if she is still saying this now, some 12 hours later, especially if she is telling our friends I took advantage then it is a whole lot more offensive and your comments really do some in to play. I am just hoping it doesn't come to that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Huni, this isn't about you at all. She is freaking out because she woke up, put pieces together and is embarrassed by her actions. And of course what better way to deflect something she did then to not take responsibility. As long as there was no pressure, no "no" during the night (and it sounds as if everything was mutual), then I would do nothing more than you have. She played with fire....and it has freaked her out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 At some level, she probably did know she was just as much to blame for what happened. She lashed out at you as a defense mechanism because she didn't want to admit that. I'd leave her alone and give her a chance to process through her feelings. Wait until she initiates contact before you try to reach her again. She may come to her senses once she's had a chance to calm herself down. If you don't hear back from her in a few days, then send her another message letting her know you hope you can still be friends. Tell her you'll be willing to forgive her for everything if she's forgiven you. I hope things work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrandonsLair Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 Hey I got a rambling text from her today, this is it "I thought u were my best friend, I cant believe what u did. After so many years of u telling me how much u cared for me u finally convinced me & I thought we could make us work. But u blew it, this is not something u would do to ne1 and u did it to ME, the person u claim to love. We need 2 meet 2 discuss this." Now I have no idea what she is referring to. I was not too drunk to not know what I was doing so it’s not like I did something I can’t remember. We have texted back and forth a few times and she refuses to tell me until we meet in person. We are meeting this afternoon. I am stressing out bad, I have no idea what she is referring to but I have obviously hurt her in some way. I am so sorry that I have but it is killing me that I don't know. I don't know what her game is in not telling me until we meet, I can't see the sense in that. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 Hey I got a rambling text from her today, this is it "I thought u were my best friend, I cant believe what u did. After so many years of u telling me how much u cared for me u finally convinced me & I thought we could make us work. But u blew it, this is not something u would do to ne1 and u did it to ME, the person u claim to love. We need 2 meet 2 discuss this." Now I have no idea what she is referring to. I was not too drunk to not know what I was doing so it’s not like I did something I can’t remember. We have texted back and forth a few times and she refuses to tell me until we meet in person. We are meeting this afternoon. I am stressing out bad, I have no idea what she is referring to but I have obviously hurt her in some way. I am so sorry that I have but it is killing me that I don't know. I don't know what her game is in not telling me until we meet, I can't see the sense in that. Just tell her the truth. That you had no intention of taking advantage of her. That it was the best night of your life and so on. She obviously knows you love her. Also ask her why she is mad at you and how things happened. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrandonsLair Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 So we are now boyfriend/girlfriend. Didn’t see that coming. It’s a little bit of a funny story, very much a misunderstanding. Early in the night on New Years eve she opened her bag to put lipstick on and I noticed she had condoms in there, they were the same ones I use (not the ones she normally carries). I questioned her lightheartedly about it and she said she hoped to get rid of them all that night. Things like that were part of the reason I knew she wanted this too. So skip all the way to the next morning and she has woken and gone to her bag for something and seen that no condoms had been used, she thought we had unprotected sex and went off in a rage. Of course I had used my own which are in my bedside table. She even went to the doctors yesterday to get the morning after pill. It’s funny to look back now but I can see why she was so angry. I guess it’s a good lesson on why good communication is essential, this could have been very easily solved. Thanks for letting me vent, I’m now off to live my dream. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 Good ole' alcohol. Bringing people together and making things happen. Be sure to thank the Beer Gods for this opportunity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrandonsLair Posted January 3, 2014 Author Share Posted January 3, 2014 Good ole' alcohol. Bringing people together and making things happen. Be sure to thank the Beer Gods for this opportunity. To be fair I think us getting together was planned well in advance of alcohol taking over, at least that is what I would like to think, otherwise the whole lead up with all the flirting etc makes no sense. Either way though, I am stoked at the outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Be careful the red flags she presented though. She jumped to conclusions, got violent and really freaked out...... Hopefully a one-off. You've known her since kindergarten so best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Thanks for letting me vent, I’m now off to live my dream. Congratulations. Make sure to kiss her everyday and never let her go. Unless she cheats, then kick her to the curb. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
confusedsoul14 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 So we are now boyfriend/girlfriend. Didn’t see that coming. It’s a little bit of a funny story, very much a misunderstanding. Early in the night on New Years eve she opened her bag to put lipstick on and I noticed she had condoms in there, they were the same ones I use (not the ones she normally carries). I questioned her lightheartedly about it and she said she hoped to get rid of them all that night. Things like that were part of the reason I knew she wanted this too. So skip all the way to the next morning and she has woken and gone to her bag for something and seen that no condoms had been used, she thought we had unprotected sex and went off in a rage. Of course I had used my own which are in my bedside table. She even went to the doctors yesterday to get the morning after pill. It’s funny to look back now but I can see why she was so angry. I guess it’s a good lesson on why good communication is essential, this could have been very easily solved. Thanks for letting me vent, I’m now off to live my dream. Oh my GOD i'm so so so happy for you! Best of luck and make this year a beautiful year of your relationship! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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