Why it's hard for Short Guys to just gain confidence.

[railerswim]

Now here me out on this ladies. I'm not calling you out. Only just reaching out and expressing how dating is when you drew the short straw.

 

I'm blessed with intelligence, perseverance, dedication, commitment, leadership, humor, etc. And I have been in so many clubs/organizations and have been raised a certain way to obtain theses traits.

 

I was also blessed with decent looks, a kind and understanding heart, and the ability to know right from wrong. I was also told to never be cocky, instead I was told to be humble.

 

One thing I didn't luck out on was height. I received more of my Mother's genes than my Father's in that department. My Dad is 5'10" and my Mom is 5'2". On the other hand my Brother (younger) is 6'0" and my Sister (older) is 5'11". One factor that may have help lead me to being short is the fact that I was a twin and my twin sister had a higher white blood count (which led to leukemia RIP Meagan) so maybe that meant she took more nutrition or something, I don't know. Anyway I'm stuck at 5'4", my growth plates are fused and I'm 20 years old.

 

In my high school experience, I was ok because the average height was about 5'2" until my Senior year. Once I hit college it was ok because I dated to girls shorter and one an inch taller my first year of college. Now I'm in my second year of college and have had 0 luck with the ladies (possibly due to change... can't tell... it's confusing) I didn't have a date to the fall formal that I planned for my fraternity (yeah I know sad). It's like girls don't like talking to me for some reason. My voice is a little higher pitched (not too much) but it's stuck that way. I can't change this **** about me and it's like oh his voice... f*** off loser. I can be a somebody to all the guys around, a leader, a friend, yet when it comes to the opposite sex, I'm like a tool. They use me to fix their computer and help them with stupid homework and bam... ok bye I don't want to talk to you anymore.

 

It's ridiculous, I've read up on studies that short guys are really doomed from the time they start dating unless if they shoot up a handful of inches.

 

Look lets be real, here's my experience in dating. Afterwards compare my experience with those of tall guys and other short guys and see if you can find a pattern (remember money is an unfortunate factor as well).

 

(When I say taller or tall guy I mean 5'9" or taller)

(x2) I have been cheated on (taller than me)

(x4) I have been dumped for another guy (taller than me)

(x2) Straight up told me I was too short (I appreciate the honesty though, not a common quality anymore)

(x13) Rejected, 2 weeks later is in relationship (with a tall guy)

 

I could go on and on how I have been lied to, stood up, rejected, treated like crap.

 

NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THIS but you must acknowledge the fact that if a short guy is doomed in the first 30 seconds unless he can really wow or the girl really knows him.

 

*tip for short guys: do try to get to know them first and be friends (+6 months) and it might be easier idk give it a try.

 

MY MAIN POINT IS not that dating isn't fair... it's life, nothing is fair, especially dating for almost anyone with any disadvantage. But the main point is that it's hard for shorter guys to have confidence.

 

Well they should just get confidence you say. I'm sorry it's not that simple. The lack of confidence usually springs from trust issues and incidents that a short guy has experienced. I don't expect everyone to understand. But events in the dating world have a longer lasting effect on short guys, good or bad. So in turn we have to overcome a mountain to get back on the horse. I myself have gotten good at climbing these mountains but lately I feel like I've been climbing up Mount Everest. Hopefully I make it to the top but most don't reach the top... See what I'm getting at here?

 

Here is an even better analogy of my point.

 

I am a competitive swimmer. My last league meet in my High School career I was in the second fastest heat of the 50 yard freestyle. I was also in the fastest lane for that heat. We get the call to go up the starting block... the judge says "On your mark!" and activates the bull horn and strobe. As I leave the starting block I take a deep breath. I am sprinting as fast as I can through the water, not panicking but have a nice smooth and powerful stroke through the water and my legs are kicking as fast as possible. I had a really strong flip turn. The only person I see is the guy in the second fastest lane next to me and I tied with him (based on location of our heads). We both reach the wall. He beat me by half a second because he was taller and had longer reach. My coach said he took a breath every stroke (which is really bad for a swimmer to do) whereas I only took the one breath as I left the diving block. I never panicked nor did I slow down.

 

In life shorter men will always be set aside for someone else (taller) to take their place.

 

You can say what you will about Napoleon complexes if you have to. But I counter with this. Ok lets make you 6'5" if you're female, or 5'4" if you're male. Try as hard as you can to date someone, I dare you. You can do everything an average height person would do and not even get a little bit of interest out of your crush. It's hard being short, you don't have to make it fair, but judge personality first if you can. If you just can't then that short guy deserves better than you.

[Onethirtyeight]

Maybe the problem is the girls you're going for. This is going to sound ****ty but given height is a pretty big thing for women being short is probably analogous to being an overweight woman. Sucks for both, a big woman is going to have a hard time attracting the guys that can afford to be picky, I'd imagine its the same sort of thing for you.

 

Sounds like you're trying to date girls who have other options they're more attracted to. Since it sounds like you've done everything you can on your end maybe you should go for different girls.

[railerswim]

Short, fat, or tall woman. I have had no luck. It's a double standard. I hate it.... forever alone.

[Onethirtyeight]

Short, fat, or tall woman. I have had no luck. It's a double standard. I hate it.... forever alone.

 

Really? I was just assuming it was because you were going for the hot sorority chicks that just date around and keep "trading up" until they're reach the hottest and/or richest guy they can get.

 

Hum, weird that the fat ones would leave because of attraction. I'm not a woman so this might not be entirely correct. I would think that if she's not getting the tall good looking guys she'd at least be happy with a short good looking guy. I'd say if the fat women are consistently leaving its about something more than looks and I'm not sure where confidence comes into play.

[railerswim]

That's just it, it's any girl I try to date doesn't give a crap. I can put in as much effort as possible, I can do anything that a dating expert says is a sure fire way to get a date. But nope I can't even get a chance at dating anymore. I seriously am afraid of dying alone and unloved.

[Onethirtyeight]

That's just it, it's any girl I try to date doesn't give a crap. I can put in as much effort as possible, I can do anything that a dating expert says is a sure fire way to get a date. But nope I can't even get a chance at dating anymore. I seriously am afraid of dying alone and unloved.

 

naw I wouldn't worry about that. You'll find someone at some point, pretty much everyone does.

[railerswim]

I don't mean to be negative but when? When will I find someone for me? You can't promise me that and I appreciate you trying to make me feel better but I have no faith, no hope anymore. I only have dreams of the one thing I want most and then I wake up with the realization that I will never achieve that dream. You could say "Not with that attitude you're not!" It doesn't matter what attitude I have, it's all the same outcome. They say trying the same thing over and over again expecting a different result is insanity. But what is it when you try something over and over again with different incoming factors that should change the outcome? I know what I would call that, a lamb led to slaughter.

[ThaWholigan]

You're 20 dude. Lot of time to go. I know it sucks, but perseverance is your friend believe it or not.

[Arieswoman]

Hi railerswim,

I am 5 feet tall and so just about everyone (unless I go to China) is taller than me. I looooove short guys - I think they're cute !

 

Here are some celebs with height differences.

 

Photos of celebrity couples with a height difference - Celebrity Galleries on Glamour.com (Glamour.com UK)

 

You just haven't found the right girl yet, so don't worry.

 

Good luck.

[railerswim]

Hi railerswim,

I am 5 feet tall and so just about everyone (unless I go to China) is taller than me. I looooove short guys - I think they're cute !

 

Here are some celebs with height differences.

 

Photos of celebrity couples with a height difference - Celebrity Galleries on Glamour.com (Glamour.com UK)

 

You just haven't found the right girl yet, so don't worry.

 

Good luck.

 

Yeah but celebrities... they have lots of money... I'm an average middle class short guy.

[railerswim]

You're 20 dude. Lot of time to go. I know it sucks, but perseverance is your friend believe it or not.

 

Yeah while some people only have to take a walk through the park to finally find someone. I have to walk to hell and back to find someone for me and only God knows if I'll make it through hell.

[odin673]

My condolences. I know girls can be downright cruel. They will complain all day about how guys are shallow and only like slim women with nice boobs/ass but then poke fun of short men when around "the girls".

 

Not all women are like this. Some have very good hearts. Keep your head up. Have you tried doing volunteer work? People you meet there will have good values and the volunteer population is predominantly female.

[datingnoob93]

(When I say taller or tall guy I mean 5'9" or taller)

(x2) I have been cheated on (taller than me)

(x4) I have been dumped for another guy (taller than me)

(x2) Straight up told me I was too short (I appreciate the honesty though, not a common quality anymore)

(x13) Rejected, 2 weeks later is in relationship (with a tall guy)

When I read this I get the feeling that you attribute ALL of your problems to your lack of height. So if girl X cheated on you with taller guy Y, you automatically assume it is purely because he is taller. Maybe its really because of something else. Maybe the other guy has more money, or connects better with girl X. Who knows.

 

Having said that, it is definitely true that height is of critical importance in dating. If you are short enough then even money and personality can't make up for it. See this great video:

 

 

Anyway, what I would do is this:

1- go to the gym and get as big as possible. You'll never be tall but if you are buff you'll definitely have more presence and confidence. And short guys gain muscle much easier than tall guys.

2- focus on your career. Do something like engineering or pre-medicine/dentistry so you can make money.

3- consider Asians since they are shorter in general. If you are white they should be easy to score.

 

Good luck !

[ThaWholigan]

Yeah while some people only have to take a walk through the park to finally find someone. I have to walk to hell and back to find someone for me and only God knows if I'll make it through hell.

 

Yeah, it's easier for some but you can't afford to dwell on it. I spent my life watching every guy I knew get with girls while I remained a virgin until over a year ago. Life is frought with difficulties - in different areas for a lot of us. It's just about trying to work it to our favor. It will happen for you if you keep going.

[railerswim]

When I read this I get the feeling that you attribute ALL of your problems to your lack of height. So if girl X cheated on you with taller guy Y, you automatically assume it is purely because he is taller. Maybe its really because of something else. Maybe the other guy has more money, or connects better with girl X. Who knows.

 

Having said that, it is definitely true that height is of critical importance in dating. If you are short enough then even money and personality can't make up for it. See this great video:

 

 

Anyway, what I would do is this:

1- go to the gym and get as big as possible. You'll never be tall but if you are buff you'll definitely have more presence and confidence. And short guys gain muscle much easier than tall guys.

2- focus on your career. Do something like engineering or pre-medicine/dentistry so you can make money.

3- consider Asians since they are shorter in general. If you are white they should be easy to score.

 

Good luck !

 

I've tried asking out an asian or two, no luck. Lets just face it, there is discrimination on short guys. It's natural selection and people have the chance to give that theory a middle finger and prove it wrong and be happy. But alas I have no hope for the human race. I see couples, I hate them. My best friend, she is in a relationship, I'm happy for her, but it makes me sick. Just like my first ex is engaged, happy for her but I can't help but see me being lonely and having nothing to compare.

[railerswim]

The majority of women are just so freaking shallow. They can't put crap behind them. Even if I forgot that I was short for over 10 years, it wouldn't make a difference. I'm destined to be forever alone. Almost all short guys are and I hate to say it but we should kill our hopes and dreams before we get hurt.

[railerswim]

Whoah dude. If this is your attitude/outlook then it's no wonder you repel women.

 

When I'm trying to get a date with a girl, I will act as I should. This is a closet attitude, I do not display it in public. And I do build up some confidence some times. I do hope when I get halfway into the process. But because I have been so hurt so many times I can't help but feel this way. I can't expect a different outcome. You try being short and see what the hell it does to you. You can try as hard as you can to be confident but in the end it will kick you while you are down.

[datingnoob93]

Yeah you are way too negative. Although to be fair height is one of those things you can't change, short of getting surgery. I'm tall and smart, but my personality is kind of flat. But I work on it by going out and talking to as many people as I can, and finding interesting hobbies. You on the other hand are stuck with the height that you have. That's just the way it is. So rather than dwell on it, you should just ignore it, and compensate elsewhere. No sense in beating yourself to death over something you can't change.

[railerswim]

Yeah you are way too negative. Although to be fair height is one of those things you can't change, short of getting surgery. I'm tall and smart, but my personality is kind of flat. But I work on it by going out and talking to as many people as I can, and finding interesting hobbies. You on the other hand are stuck with the height that you have. That's just the way it is. So rather than dwell on it, you should just ignore it, and compensate elsewhere. No sense in beating yourself to death over something you can't change.

 

Look I have put it behind before, in fact I didn't start acknowledging the issue until a couple months ago. I know being short isn't as desirable but I just shrugged it off and didn't care. But the amount of rejection and mistreatment led to me finally saying I'm f***ing done with this stupid problem. I can't do anything about it, I've been told I have a great personality and that I'm fun but that didn't change the decision for any girl I asked out.

[Onethirtyeight]

I don't mean to be negative but when? When will I find someone for me? You can't promise me that and I appreciate you trying to make me feel better but I have no faith, no hope anymore. I only have dreams of the one thing I want most and then I wake up with the realization that I will never achieve that dream. You could say "Not with that attitude you're not!" It doesn't matter what attitude I have, it's all the same outcome. They say trying the same thing over and over again expecting a different result is insanity. But what is it when you try something over and over again with different incoming factors that should change the outcome? I know what I would call that, a lamb led to slaughter.

 

A few things:

1. If you think you're going to fail you are. This is one of my favorite quotes “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” Henry Ford

 

2. You're a white dude in college, you're probably going to have a decent job out of school. Even if you don't find anyone while you're in school you will when you're in the real world. Don't want to sound like a racist but we're a pretty desirable demographic in the scheme of things.

 

Think about it, there have been women that have liked you in the past right? It stands to reason there will be more in the future.

[railerswim]

Think about it, there have been women that have liked you in the past right? It stands to reason there will be more in the future.

 

I hope there is more, but I can't let my hopes get up otherwise if I keep failing then I won't get hurt as much.

[fabulousgal]

You are being overly negative and associating LIFE with your height. Everyone gets dumped, rejected, potentially cheated on no matter WHAT you look like. I've dated a guy your height, and I am a very good looking girl.

Who by the way has had many of the mistreatments you mention happen to me. All you can do is chalk it up to not meeting the right person yet, and it just being LIFE and learning experiences. You are 20 years old. You have so much time, it's a pity to be this resentful.

[lollipopspot]

I'm a female who is taller than you are (about 5'5.5"), and if I had found a sweet, intelligent guy who shared my vegan values, I wouldn't care if he was 5'4". Values are the most important thing to me, not height. Develop yourself, and maybe volunteer with some cause that is meaningful to you. I know height is an issue for some people, but definitely not everyone. Sure, you're small, but there are worse things.

 

Imagine what it's like for the guys who are para-/quadraplegic (their bodies might be taller but they can't use them fully), or have schizophrenia, or cystic fibrosis or so many other things. You're healthy. That's far more valuable than a few inches. Unless you want limb lengthening surgery, which I would not recommend, but if you get to the point where you focus everything on height, I guess it's an option.

[fortyninethousand322]

As a guy who stands roughly six foot tall, let me tell you: nobody has it easy.

 

I can't tell you how many shorter guys I see in relationships with wonderful, attractive women.

 

Get over it already.

[railerswim]

Ok so I tried the whole write good things about yourself and I got this:

I'm Smart

I'm funny

I can cook

I care

I love helping people

I try to have fun

I'm mature (for the most part, I'm laid back when I can be)

I'm handsome

I'm a leader

I always try to find the common ground

I'm great with kids

I have great hygene

I love movies because they help me escape the world

I'm creative

I'm considerate

I'm tolerant

I'm a gentleman

I'm chilvaress

 

But I still don't have hope because all I get is rejection or heartbreak.