Why it's hard for Short Guys to just gain confidence.

[Content]

I have 2 things to say on this.

 

1. Attraction is created by chemistry. There are girls that exist that like guys who are short because of how they act, who they are, and their other physical features. There will also always be guys who like big girls, and girls who like chubby guys compared to a six pack of shaven abs. Basically, your attitude/ability to create attraction through conversation trumps physical appearance. Your options being short will be more limited but I promise they exist. I suspect this has more to do with your approach. I am a tall guy and I spent my first two years of college getting blown out of the water because I was terrible at talking to girls and didn't understand them at all. Take this time now to learn about girls and how to approach. College is also highly competitive and nobody knows what they want. Don't try to look for a perfect relationship, take what you get, and know it will get better later.

 

2. I have heard a lot of "life isn't fair" in this thread. Someone please tell me how that is constructive advice. Yes, life isn't fair but that doesn't mean that we as people support it. Human beings strive for a sense of fairness when dealing with others. Its called empathy. Bottom line is this, hes short and wont get taller and girls don't like that. Try and come up with ways around it instead of accepting that its ok for people to be disgustingly shallow.

 

The poster who said life isnt fair is well known as a unstable person and no short guy should take to heart what she says

[PJKino]

I love when women are faced with their shallowness on height theyll attack men being shallow for not liking fat women as if your average women is extremely attracted to fat men

[fabulous]

I have 2 things to say on this.

 

1. Attraction is created by chemistry. There are girls that exist that like guys who are short because of how they act, who they are, and their other physical features. There will also always be guys who like big girls, and girls who like chubby guys compared to a six pack of shaven abs. Basically, your attitude/ability to create attraction through conversation trumps physical appearance. Your options being short will be more limited but I promise they exist. I suspect this has more to do with your approach. I am a tall guy and I spent my first two years of college getting blown out of the water because I was terrible at talking to girls and didn't understand them at all. Take this time now to learn about girls and how to approach. College is also highly competitive and nobody knows what they want. Don't try to look for a perfect relationship, take what you get, and know it will get better later.

 

2. I have heard a lot of "life isn't fair" in this thread. Someone please tell me how that is constructive advice. Yes, life isn't fair but that doesn't mean that we as people support it. Human beings strive for a sense of fairness when dealing with others. Its called empathy. Bottom line is this, hes short and wont get taller and girls don't like that. Try and come up with ways around it instead of accepting that its ok for people to be disgustingly shallow.

 

 

First of all, there is a big contradiction in your post.

You said "attitude/ability to create attraction through conversation trumps physical appearance." So why would OP's options with women "be more limited", compared to tall(er) men,by a physical quality like height? You do realize what the word "trump" means?

 

Secondly, yes there are "girls who exist who like guys who are short", but how many?

 

If you went to a feminist convention and told the audience "hey don't worry ladies, some women are CEOs just like some men are CEOs too" you'd get scolded for being whimsical and insensitive. Discrimination is measured in trends and percentages . Post some, if you want to be helpful.

 

Also you are tall. There is some relevancy to this, yeah? considering OP is a short man and that is the centerpiece of his grievance here. Insensitivity and brash a bit.

 

As for that token "bald, short, ugly" guy who cleans up in clubs and dates supermodels who everyone seems to know (or some cases here is the ex boyfriend of a self identifying "beautiful woman"),well, personally I have never met such a guy. Only on the internet, right?

 

It's funny how lowly short men are seen, even here, many can't hide their disdain for short men, their condescending and prejudiced sensibilities are easily seen through the carefully chosen -or not - words that are meant to be helpful but are more hurtful if you actually understand the real implications of what is being said.

 

I was watching a YouTube video yesterday on height discrimination. There were two men in it, who were taken down a city street path and rated by members of the public for the perception of success they generated. The tall man was assumed to have a high paying job, a good car, an expensive apartment etc. The short man was ascribed negative traits, a "minimum wage job" etc.

 

Of course, we all grow up under a social conditioning regime that discriminates against short people . so to blame the individual is unfair( i guess biological preferences for "tall" play a role too). But lets all be honest and realistic about it.

Edited January 3, 2014 by fabulous

[PJKino]

First of all, there is a big contradiction in your post.

You said "attitude/ability to create attraction through conversation trumps physical appearance." So why would OP's options with women "be more limited", compared to tall(er) men,by a physical quality like height? You do realize what the word "trump" means?

 

Secondly, yes there are "girls who exist who like guys who are short", but how many?

 

If you went to a feminist convention and told the audience "hey don't worry ladies, some women are CEOs just like some men are CEOs too" you'd get scolded for being whimsical and insensitive. Discrimination is measured in trends and percentages . Post some, if you want to be helpful.

 

Also you are tall. There is some relevancy to this, yeah? considering OP is a short man and that is the centerpiece of his grievance here. Insensitivity and brash a bit.

 

As for that token "bald, short, ugly" guy who cleans up in clubs and dates supermodels who everyone seems to know (or some cases here is the ex boyfriend of a self identifying "beautiful woman"),well, personally I have never met such a guy. Only on the internet, right?

 

It's funny how lowly short men are seen, even here, many can't hide their disdain for short men, their condescending and prejudiced sensibilities are easily seen through the carefully chosen -or not - words that are meant to be helpful but are more hurtful if you actually understand the real implications of what is being said.

 

I was watching a YouTube video yesterday on height discrimination. There were two men in it, who were taken down a city street path and rated by members of the public for the perception of success they generated. The tall man was assumed to have a high paying job, a good car, an expensive apartment etc. The short man was ascribed negative traits, a "minimum wage job" etc.

 

Of course, we all grow up under a social conditioning regime that discriminates against short people . so to blame the individual is unfair( i guess biological preferences for "tall" play a role too). But lets all be honest and realistic about it.

 

Yeah you even hear when a babys born and the fathers short people say "hopefully he grows up tall" i hear anti short guy comments from women in my social circle

 

With short guys it goes beyond no attraction theyres almsot disdain for short men its pretty odd

[Eivuwan]

I haven't read the whole thread, but would it make you feel better to know that my bf is an inch shorter than you and I really like him and am really attracted to him? I'm 5' 2'' if that helps... Girls who reject you just due to height (which is something you can't control) aren't worth it anyway. It speaks more about them more than you.

[Eivuwan]

I wonder what kind of girls you are attracted to. That could explain part of the problem.

 

Edit: typo on the previous response. it should be "it speaks more about them than you"

Edited January 3, 2014 by Eivuwan

[lollipopspot]

I wonder what kind of girls you are attracted to. That could explain part of the problem.

 

I wonder a bit too. I mean, I have been attracted to short guys who weren't interested in or attracted to me. If they had responded to me, I would have dated them.

 

Hey, why are short guys so picky and turn down the women who are interested in them? Maybe they wanted someone prettier than I am.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Yes you are at a disadvantage because of your height but your biggest disadvantage is that you are so frustrated about it. Right now you get rejected because girls feel that you are not searching their company for who they are but because you want them to validate you.

You have to get your self confidence out of yourself, not out of others. That will already greatly improve your chances. Women want to be with a guy who makes them feel good, not with a guy who needs them to make him feel good about himself.

 

I see short men who are married or coupled all the time. With smaller women but also with taller women. Not all women want at all cost a tall man. I think I am 5'5 (169 cm) and I had at least 2 long term boyfriends who were a bit smaller than me. Both had a nice body though, good proportions and rather atletic and one of the two was a fantastic dancer.

As a matter of fact I have noticed that it is often the small women who want at all costs a tall guy (which always seems like a rather unpractical combination to me, for kissing and/or sex).

 

By focusing all the time on what you in your opinion lack, you put yourself automatically in an inferior position. Focus on what you have to offer, on what you can bring to a relationship and also approach girls, not because you think that there is a chance they will settle for a shorter guy but because you are attracted to them, whether they are small or tall. You seem to have things going for you, focus on that.

 

There are few perfect people on the dating market and a lot of us have something which put us at a disadvantage. I am an attractive woman but I am 49 which makes men my age overlook me. Still there is no way I am going to settle for anything less than a guy I am attracted to because I refuse to accept that my age makes me all of a sudden less desirable.

 

It was said before: it only takes one. It can take a lot of time to find that person but at least you have one advantage there: you are in the age bracket where a lot of people are looking to be coupled so there is a lot of movement in that market segment.

[PinkInTheLimo]

BTW, I have started practicing yoga this year and my impression is that this really makes you leaner. I'm pretty sure that doing yoga might make you look a bit taller (and it's full of girls and women as well :-)).

[soccerrprp]

The cruel reality is that height does matter to women to the extent that it becomes a singular preference that determines whether they will date that person or not. Not all, but I have come to the conclusion that MOST women do see themselves with a tall, strapping man by their side and not someone "short." I am a 5'6 guy and have never have any issues dating, but pretty certain I've been overlooked b/c of my height. Don't worry about that as I've had the privilege of dating most of the women that I've gone after.

 

Anyway, don't mean to sound all negative. I also believe that most women are willing to date a guy who is not average height, BUT, you better have that personality or looks that helps many of them overcome the height handicap. For us shorter guys, it takes more effort, but it doesn't have to define us to the point of utter discouragement.

 

My gf recently admitted that she had not envisioned herself dating someone who wasn't tall until she met me. She realized just how much more "physically" complementary we were b/c I wasn't 6+ inches taller than her. In her words, "we FIT into each other" so well.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Anyway, don't mean to sound all negative. I also believe that most women are willing to date a guy who is not average height, BUT, you better have that personality or looks that helps many of them overcome the height handicap. For us shorter guys, it takes more effort, but it doesn't have to define us to the point of utter discouragement.

 

Personality or looks are always important! You have to find your partner physically attractive. I don't think that being tall ever will make up for personality flaws, it would never do for me...

[MrCastle]

The cruel reality is that height does matter to women to the extent that it becomes a singular preference that determines whether they will date that person or not. Not all, but I have come to the conclusion that MOST women do see themselves with a tall, strapping man by their side and not someone "short." I am a 5'6 guy and have never have any issues dating, but pretty certain I've been overlooked b/c of my height. Don't worry about that as I've had the privilege of dating most of the women that I've gone after.

 

Anyway, don't mean to sound all negative. I also believe that most women are willing to date a guy who is not average height, BUT, you better have that personality or looks that helps many of them overcome the height handicap. For us shorter guys, it takes more effort, but it doesn't have to define us to the point of utter discouragement.

 

My gf recently admitted that she had not envisioned herself dating someone who wasn't tall until she met me. She realized just how much more "physically" complementary we were b/c I wasn't 6+ inches taller than her. In her words, "we FIT into each other" so well.

 

I don't see height as a handicap to overcome. The same way I don't see flat women as having to overcome not being curvy. The human race is made up of all different body types. We are who we are. There is very little we can change about ourselves outside of working out. When I see a skinny woman with no boobs or no ass I don't think "man, I hope she's a real slut in bed because she has to make up for her lack of curves," the same way I don't expect women to see a short man and say "boy he better have an awesome personality to make up for his shortness."

 

If there are men and women who say those things, you are better off not being involved with them anyway. No one should feel like they have to do something to "make up" for percieved weaknesses.

 

I don't think I have to express this but I will anyway -- people of all kinds get dates. Ugly people, short people, fat people, dangerously skinny people, bald people, people with bad skin, people with bad teeth, etc. They're all capable of getting dates. I know it because I've seen it as I'm sure we all have. I'm not saying all of them are pussy slayers and cock queens but they get dates and a lot of them end up in happy relationships. Maybe they don't end up with the same number of partners a perfect physical specimen would be able to get, but they end up happy regardless.

 

With this height thing, some people are doing a discredit by making it seem like all women care about is height. That it's the only physical trait they look for. Now I've met some shallow women in my day, and have seen some ugly posts by such women here -- but they do not represent all women. Of course most women envision being with a tall man the same way most men envision being with a girl who has the face of a Victoria's Secret model and the body of a pornstar. The reality is though, people of all body types are out there dating on a daily basis. This site, or this forum in particular is a bad representation of real world dating dynamics. You don't have to look like a Greek god or goddess to land a date. You just have to have a social circle and an understanding of interpersonal relationships.

 

You're also not taking into account that height, while most women would prefer a tall guy -- is not the only thing they look for. Is he facially attractive, is he in good shape, is he a good person, is he funny/charming/smart/confident/interesting/etc -- you are judged by the sum of your parts, not just one part. So some guys out there may be taller than you. So what? Are they as awesome as you personally? The novelty of being tall is going to wear off eventually if that's all the guy is bringing to the table. Be a complete person and you'll never be lonely. No matter how tall or short you are.

[soccerrprp]

I don't see height as a handicap to overcome.

 

How wonderful a world it would be if it were so simple. I don't believe height to be a handicap nor something to overcome, but that is my PERSONAL feeling and based on my PERSONAL experiences. But for many guys, it is perceived or, to be honest, a real handicap. I don't mean overcome in the sense that one will need to change one's actual physical trait, rather having other (accentuating) qualities that will "help" women more inclined to date men who are short.

 

It's perception. Life is about perception and not always the raw reality. Guys who are short and have problems are perceived in unflattering ways far too often. It's about "overcoming" the PERCEPTIONS....

[darkmoon]

developed shoulders and biceps look wonderful, not triceps or legs, too much muscle (meh to overly perfected abs too) it's the sight of strong rounded shoulders, more rounded than square, that are attractive

 

 

not all of us ooh and aah over tall men, you need to hire a trainer to discuss the right angle of the dumb-bells, so that you don't look too square

 

 

I also think your sadness shows in your eyes and voice, your insecurity too, I think you should get to a gym and design yourself, give it three months, then see what gives

[MrCastle]

How wonderful a world it would be if it were so simple. I don't believe height to be a handicap nor something to overcome, but that is my PERSONAL feeling and based on my PERSONAL experiences. But for many guys, it is perceived or, to be honest, a real handicap. I don't mean overcome in the sense that one will need to change one's actual physical trait, rather having other (accentuating) qualities that will "help" women more inclined to date men who are short.

 

It's perception. Life is about perception and not always the raw reality. Guys who are short and have problems are perceived in unflattering ways far too often. It's about "overcoming" the PERCEPTIONS....

 

But that's what I mean. I wouldn't advise short men do anything different from their taller counterparts.

 

Get in shape, dress well, be confident, have a solid personality. I say that to all men whether they are 6'3 or 3'6.

 

You know why? Because most men are not those things. Masculine, confident men who are stylish and have a great personality are rare, no matter what their height is. I succeed because I am those things. As you said, I have gotten most of the women I've gone after. So I never thought of my height as anything significant. But like you said, perception is a person's reality. In my reality, height doesn't matter. And the women I meet happen to live in that same reality.

[darkmoon]

a drama coach can teach you how to talk lower-pitched

[regine_phalange]

I love what Tom Robbins has said;

"Self-esteem is for sissies. Accept that you're a pimple and try to keep a lively sense of humor about it. That way lies grace - and maybe even glory"

 

I love this writer. He is so right.

 

We all have negatives. Even the perfect person will be worried because his index finger is 2 millimeters longer than perfect.

 

Yes, you are on the shorter side, so what?

 

I know someone your height, with one leg, who is getting married to a much taller girl. It's because he keeps making fun of his own height and prosthetic. And his penis size (I'm not sure whether he means it though, it will remain a mystery forever).

[PinkInTheLimo]

I love what Tom Robbins has said;

"Self-esteem is for sissies. Accept that you're a pimple and try to keep a lively sense of humor about it. That way lies grace - and maybe even glory"

 

Nice one. Self-esteem is totally overrated. And imperfection always more attractive than perfection.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Railerswim, if it can be of any consolation to you. I have a male colleague who is about 1,65 m (sorry I am in Europe and leave it up to you to do the conversion) tall. But he is Italian and as handsome as they come, beautiful dark eyes and hair, well-dressed, sporty, etc... I'd pick him in a heartbeat over a tall guy with ugly facial traits was it not that he is already married to a lady who is smaller than him, I think she must be more or less 1,57 m.

 

Now at one point I meet my colleague at an event and he has a friend with him who is really small and light. Really the guy was maybe 1,55 m. I think that even I with my 55 kilos could have lifted up that guy and thrown over my shoulder. On top of it the guy had a very high voice. So you would think that there is no way this guy would ever find a woman. At a certain moment his telephone rings and I see a picture of a pretty girl on it so I ask him who that was. Well guess what, it was his wife. Now I don't know how tall that girl was but she sure had a nice face.

 

In my line of work most guys are smart, have very high education and earn good money. None of them are single except for some totally weird nerdy guys. All the others are taken.

The only single people at my job are the smart often attractive women over 40 who can't find a man because their professional status intimidates men :-). For the record, most of my male colleagues are married to women who also have good education and a good career. Marrying a SAHM is definitely not fashionable anymore.

 

Be the best person you can be and things should work out. Because in my opinion men have it a lot easier, at least the men with a good personality, some education and professionally active. I have never seen a man like that remain single for a long time, if he wants a relationship.

[Lady2163]

So I'm 5'6. I'm happy when I weigh 170 ish, which is still over most men's ideal, but at that weight i am a size 10 or 12...Marilyn Monroe size.

 

Now I'm heavier than that and need to start working on it seriously again. There's no way I'd have the body confidence to date a short man. Currently, my fwb is 30 pounds lighter than me and it can take some cajoling on his part to get me on top. It's his favorite position, but I constantly stress that I'm too heavy.

 

So, right now dating a man shorter would be doomed to failure because of MY insecurities.

 

And I LOVE swimmers bodies. Yummy.

 

But I'm also probably older than the OPs mother..

[MrCastle]

So, right now dating a man shorter would be doomed to failure because of MY insecurities.

 

Great point. Often overlooked. A lot is made about short men being insecure but when it comes to dating, most short men would willingly date a taller/bigger woman, but would the taller/bigger woman be willing? Insecurity is definitely a factor.

[married2school]

But that's what I mean. I wouldn't advise short men do anything different from their taller counterparts.

 

Get in shape, dress well, be confident, have a solid personality. I say that to all men whether they are 6'3 or 3'6.

 

You know why? Because most men are not those things. Masculine, confident men who are stylish and have a great personality are rare, no matter what their height is. I succeed because I am those things. As you said, I have gotten most of the women I've gone after. So I never thought of my height as anything significant. But like you said, perception is a person's reality. In my reality, height doesn't matter. And the women I meet happen to live in that same reality.

 

This. A big part of the initial attraction to my current boyfriend was he literally was the happiest person in our entire 170 person medical school class. He smiles ALL the time and is one of the most positive people I've ever met. It may not be confidence outright, but to some degree I think it portrays a sense of confidence. If you gave me the same guy a foot taller, I honestly don't think I would have been interested. I still might have been facially attracted to him, but one of the number one reasons I asked him out was because of how he carries himself.

[AD1980]

The "you have to work harder" thing is so condescending if a man said that about a overweight women here hed be tarred and feathered.

 

What does that mean anyway? Are some women so attracted to tall men that all they have to do is exist? would you really a date a tall man who doesnt have to try hard and is kind of blah facially and/or personality wise just because hes tall? because thast what it implies when saying short men have to try harder and in essence be better then a tall man to get any female attention.

[AD1980]

Great point. Often overlooked. A lot is made about short men being insecure but when it comes to dating, most short men would willingly date a taller/bigger woman, but would the taller/bigger woman be willing? Insecurity is definitely a factor.

 

It just seems like a convenient excuse for even fat women to dismiss short men.

 

People get on men all the time saying you need to be confident yet women can be insecure as hell and not date a man over a pair of heels making her near his height.

 

Its one thign to do it when youre younger but some of these owmen are in their 30's 40's and 50's when does the vanity end for women?

[AD1980]

I wonder a bit too. I mean, I have been attracted to short guys who weren't interested in or attracted to me. If they had responded to me, I would have dated them.

 

Hey, why are short guys so picky and turn down the women who are interested in them? Maybe they wanted someone prettier than I am.

 

So youre saying short men arent allowed to have any preferences and should be grateful for any female whos attracted to them?