SarahJames Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I've been NC for a few months now, because I decided it was time. However, everyday is really hard. I can't stop thinking about him, what he's doing, whether he misses me, etc. But I also know I can never let myself get to the point of talking to him again. I've seen pictures of his wife before. But, I've never seen any pictures of them together. Until today. I can't even begin to describe how I feel. They look so happy together. She looks so happy. She has no idea. And I'm so jealous. I'm so disgusted with him. I'm so disgusted with myself. My heart just hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Nothisgirl Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I am so so sorry..I'm sending you a huge amount of strength...I know exactly how painful this is...to realize their life at home isn't nearly as bleak as they've described...although I am sure some of his smiles are fake, you're right his wife probably doesn't know and there he is living his life while you're left heartbroken...it's so so unfair....I admire your ability to maintain NC...stay strong in that, I caved and now I'm at the point of having to re initiate it and its a hard spot to be too...we are here for you ((hug)) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Oh dear have you been looking at Fakebook? bad idea, Nobody scowls for a photo do they??? otherwise why would you post it. Exactly! Stop looking at FB... My XMM told me he has to make it look good for his family and friends. People only post happy fun times. Put yourself first and don't look lurk on his social media profiles... It will only set those feelings off again. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Yeah - looking at that stuff only keeps you stuck. I know - it's like a train wreck- hard to stop looking. But honestly it only hurts you. That being said, I do not believe facebook is an accurate representation of what is truly going on in someone's life. It is narcissistic and can be very hurtful. They are photo ops and no matter what, they aren't going to show you photos of them upset and angry and mad - only what they want you to see - it means nothing. And while he stays where he is, it doesn't eve matter. Do yourself a favor and protect yourself - stop looking. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I've been NC for a few months now, because I decided it was time. However, everyday is really hard. I can't stop thinking about him, what he's doing, whether he misses me, etc. But I also know I can never let myself get to the point of talking to him again. I've seen pictures of his wife before. But, I've never seen any pictures of them together. Until today. I can't even begin to describe how I feel. They look so happy together. She looks so happy. She has no idea. And I'm so jealous. I'm so disgusted with him. I'm so disgusted with myself. My heart just hurts. You're having a real tough day and rough time of things. I believe you're a heck of a lot stronger than you realize, fight those thoughts of him. I hope soon you're able to feel less pain and feel good again. If you can't cope on your own and find that you're suffering more than healing, maybe it's time to see a counselor so you can cope better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MorbidFever Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Facestalk is just about image crafting. Was it a selfie of the two of them? Either way, they are still "posing" for the camera. Don't read too much into it. It's a one second glimpse of an entire day, week, month etc. Sending hugs, be strong, it does get better I was there too…<3 Link to post Share on other sites
MorbidFever Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Ok, I know I shouldn't, but sometimes reading here provokes me lol! I went and checked his facespace and in October there is a picture of the two of them all smiles. You can see he is holding the camera phone out in front of him for it, so it's not a candid shot. 20 minutes ago he posted one of our songs. I swear there's always been some weird telepathic thing between us. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I've been NC for a few months now, because I decided it was time. However, everyday is really hard. I can't stop thinking about him, what he's doing, whether he misses me, etc. But I also know I can never let myself get to the point of talking to him again. I've seen pictures of his wife before. But, I've never seen any pictures of them together. Until today. I can't even begin to describe how I feel. They look so happy together. She looks so happy. She has no idea. And I'm so jealous. I'm so disgusted with him. I'm so disgusted with myself. My heart just hurts. You poor thing. I know the feeling so well. It's been 2.5 months of NC for me and I still think about him daily, but I try to be rational about it and that helps. I sympathize with the married OW here because I know some of them feel hopeless. As a single woman, I harbor hope for my future and that gives me something of a relief to look forward to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SarahJames Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 It's practically masochistic at this point. I can't help but look, and all it does is hurt me. I don't even know why it hurts me because I would never want him even if he left her. I would always expect him to cheat on me too. Looking at her in the picture felt like I was completely violating her. I'm looking at this woman who has no idea I exist. She has no idea what she really married. It's all so twisted. I hate it. I hate ever being involved. I hate that "men" like him exist. If you can't be with one woman, don't get married. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for doing what I did to another woman. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 It's practically masochistic at this point. I can't help but look, and all it does is hurt me. I don't even know why it hurts me because I would never want him even if he left her. I would always expect him to cheat on me too. Looking at her in the picture felt like I was completely violating her. I'm looking at this woman who has no idea I exist. She has no idea what she really married. It's all so twisted. I hate it. I hate ever being involved. I hate that "men" like him exist. If you can't be with one woman, don't get married. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for doing what I did to another woman. If it helps you, every time I'd see a picture of his wife or of them together (or their kids!), I felt like my heart was crushed by a boulder, and then a wave of anger would come over me and I'd reel and talk about it for days. Talk about rollercoaster of emotions. Over time (months), I got used to seeing pictures and my emotional reaction became less pronounced each time. I think eventually you become numb. I don't know if this is good or bad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Guardedheart Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 It's practically masochistic at this point. I can't help but look, and all it does is hurt me. I don't even know why it hurts me because I would never want him even if he left her. I would always expect him to cheat on me too. Looking at her in the picture felt like I was completely violating her. I'm looking at this woman who has no idea I exist. She has no idea what she really married. It's all so twisted. I hate it. I hate ever being involved. I hate that "men" like him exist. If you can't be with one woman, don't get married. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for doing what I did to another woman. I am right there with you. I took a vow that I would avoid social media for the month of January to stop the compulsive behaviors I get about wanting to "check in". I know exactly how you feel, it is almost exactly what I have been feeling the past week. I think the holidays have made it worse for me. I made new years resolutions for myself that would keep me busy, and put it up last night just for accountability, since some of them are working out and I want people to work out with me since that is one of my triggers. The funny thing is, that xMM liked the resolutions that I put up for myself, that didn't include him and won't include him. I then took a big step and blocked him from my page. Right now my mind is all over the place wondering if he knows, will he check, etc. But it needed to be done. So in a month, when I go back on social media, or not, I hope that some of my obsessions have gone away. Hang in there. It's hard.... I feel it all day, every day it feels like. I just keep writing and reading here and work on me. It's a new year, make it your year of greatness!!! big hugs!! gh Link to post Share on other sites
ElectricTangerine Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 If it helps you, every time I'd see a picture of his wife or of them together (or their kids!), I felt like my heart was crushed by a boulder, and then a wave of anger would come over me and I'd reel and talk about it for days. Talk about rollercoaster of emotions. Over time (months), I got used to seeing pictures and my emotional reaction became less pronounced each time. I think eventually you become numb. I don't know if this is good or bad. I agree. That's exactly how I felt when I saw pictures of them together or anything strongly associated with his family life. Over time, it got reduced from feeling like my heart was being crushed to just like my heart was strongly pinched. Still uncomfortable, but more tolerable. I guess you just have to desensitize yourself somehow. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
inappfriendly Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 I absolutely have felt (and still feel) your pain. Worse than online photos though. I actually had to see the two of them together REGULARLY at school drop-off and pick-up. Her glaring at me (she knew...we had a dday) and him standing by her side, avoiding me like the plague. One happy united freaking front against me. It wrecked me. Daily. What pissed me off the most was that she knew so little of the truth. The same man who confided in me for months, stole sweet secret moments with me, told me we were made for each other, then promptly threw me under the bus to save his a**. He minimized every detail. Left out major events that would surely have made her leave him. How badly I want to tell her. To destroy him like he destroyed me. But I am not that cruel of a person. I am not him. And he is not the man I thought I loved. Here's to less pain, fewer memories and happier, healthier days in 2014... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 It's practically masochistic at this point. I can't help but look, and all it does is hurt me. I don't even know why it hurts me because I would never want him even if he left her. I would always expect him to cheat on me too. Looking at her in the picture felt like I was completely violating her. I'm looking at this woman who has no idea I exist. She has no idea what she really married. It's all so twisted. I hate it. I hate ever being involved. I hate that "men" like him exist. If you can't be with one woman, don't get married. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for doing what I did to another woman. Sarah, I gently suggest you have a heart-to-heart with her. Link to post Share on other sites
zevahc Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 i can relate. After being NC for awhile, I made the mistake of looking yesterday and saw a pic posted from NYE..brutal. It does hurt. Keep your chin up....it's a bad idea to go looking...i learned my lesson. I re deactivated my FB... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZMM Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 I've been NC for a few months now, because I decided it was time. However, everyday is really hard. I can't stop thinking about him, what he's doing, whether he misses me, etc. But I also know I can never let myself get to the point of talking to him again. I've seen pictures of his wife before. But, I've never seen any pictures of them together. Until today. I can't even begin to describe how I feel. They look so happy together. She looks so happy. She has no idea. And I'm so jealous. I'm so disgusted with him. I'm so disgusted with myself. My heart just hurts. Don't read anything into that photo - I have a friend who is in a very unhappy marriage, and I saw a photo they posted from NYE, where they both looked so happy. I told him, you guys look like the perfect couple. He said - LOL, it was posed. Those happy photos mean absolutely nothing. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 Totally understand what you're feeling...I've had the compulsion to look online and then get "rewarded" with feeling like I got punched in the gut when I see how happy he looks with his W. My xMM uses his fb to look at friends pics but doesn't post anything himself. A few days after his DDay, I was lurking and saw someone had uploaded xMM & Ws wedding day photo, wishing them a "happy 20th anniversary to a wonderful couple!!!" I had no idea and that was supposed to be a rendez-vous for us 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 It's practically masochistic at this point. I can't help but look, and all it does is hurt me. I don't even know why it hurts me because I would never want him even if he left her. I would always expect him to cheat on me too. Looking at her in the picture felt like I was completely violating her. I'm looking at this woman who has no idea I exist. She has no idea what she really married. It's all so twisted. I hate it. I hate ever being involved. I hate that "men" like him exist. If you can't be with one woman, don't get married. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for doing what I did to another woman. (((SarahJames))) I'm sorry you are hurting. It does not help to do these things. Even if it isn't a good pic it's still a reminder. We do it too sometimes as a BS I know I have looked at MOW's FB page and have made myself upset. It's not healthy, try to focus on yourself and your healing! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 (edited) I count myself fortunate that FB was not really around when I was in my affair. I fear I would have used it to torture myself also . You are not alone.... Edited January 2, 2014 by WasOtherWoman edited: missing "not around" Link to post Share on other sites
vanellope Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 maybe we should focus on finding our love and post happy photos on our own facebook. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ElectricTangerine Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 maybe we should focus on finding our love and post happy photos on our own facebook. I say get off the facebook altogether or at least block and unfriend all sources of pics from MM and BS. Don't make it a competition. And definitely don't post anything or enter a relationship just to spite the MM and BS. That's not moving on at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sickoflove11 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Right there with you.. Told myself I wasn't going to search social media and I lasted about 2 days. It hurts and makes me feel so week. It's so not worth the pain and just causes me to think about him more. I was even starting to feel a slight bit better in the last two days not hearing from him anymore.. Maybe that was his New Years resolution.. to not contact me anymore hah oh well back to square one. Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 It's practically masochistic at this point. I can't help but look, and all it does is hurt me. I don't even know why it hurts me because I would never want him even if he left her. I would always expect him to cheat on me too. Looking at her in the picture felt like I was completely violating her. I'm looking at this woman who has no idea I exist. She has no idea what she really married. It's all so twisted. I hate it. I hate ever being involved. I hate that "men" like him exist. If you can't be with one woman, don't get married. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for doing what I did to another woman. Yes, the likelihood that he would cheat on you as well is pretty high because cheating is all about what's wrong with the cheater, not the person he cheated on. Thank you for being sorry - sincerely. He may cheat again with another woman, but don't let yourself continue to be a part of hurting an innocent person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I am really sorry and you must have very mixed feelings at the moment, having just seen the photos. Just wait and let your unconscious mind process all this. You may find your feelings change in a way that is helpful to you. Feelings are signals that sometimes take time to order themselves into a coherent picture. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Baby123 Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Awh fb is so so deceptive. Everytime I post a picture the BS seems to need to do one. Except the ones she posts are ones of her 10 years ago- I don't get it. Seems more like proving a point. Why would you try to 'compete' with a girl half your age on fb- baffles me. I've blocked her- I am not in competition with her. Just accept that people try to do all sorts on fb= fb rarely displays reality and stop looking. Link to post Share on other sites
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