Angel007 Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 I broke up with her but now i regret it , I am i just being selfish Post: 1 | Quote: I broke up with my girlfriemd of three years on the 20th of december, I love her but I felt like she did not want me anymore because lately she has not been into me at all sexually for months, it would seem she would try to avoid any sittuation that could arise. Background were going out over three years since before my freshman year in college i am now a junior, I go to school about a two hour drive south of chicago. I would drive home at least twice a month since to spend time with her. I felt this was the woman i could marry someday.. Anyways she denied any problemswith our sex life for about the past 4 months, I felt my pride hurt because i felt unwanted as a man, I laso began to resent her for not being in to me sxually even though it wwas torture these past fewmothswhere i have been away at school unsatisfied. I was having an unusally rough time because i had withdrawn my classes this pat semester, one day I just told her I would like a break, I felt it was something I had to do. She reacted coldly as if she didnt care. anyways we still ended up exchanging xmas giftsand we have seen eac other twice since she says she still loves me but would not waqnt to discuss anythigbabout us she told me she just doesnt want to think of it right now, i tol her i had been a fool , that i love her and thencried and asked her if we could ever be ok. She was acting distant friendly she would let me hug her but would seem to ignore me other wise. I have realized how much she meant to me have not been aable to sleep well since, i dont even feel like doing anything as of late, she seems to be distracting erslf when i talked to her that day she said she had to clean and reorganize her room a huge task she hads not done for years. I am about to go to national guard training in the end of january, i feel as if i have made a huge mistake, she told me she did not want to make the decision of wheter we should be together i apooligized ad all. she said she was thinking and then i asked her to decide she said she couldnt so I let, i miss her dearly, what should I do? It has been a few weeks since we broke up we have seen each other maybe 3 times.. She seems so cold and uninterrsted when we have gotten together i asked her About us she said she didnt want to talk about us. I am leaving for bootcamp for 4 months jan 12th. I just want to know how she fels I have swallowed my pride and told her I love her and was going through a rough time. She has been seemingly in denial lately she pretends as if we never broke up, she said she loved me after we broke up but last time i asked she said she didnt know what love was anymore...brrr...ice cold. I hadnt tlake to her in the last 5 days and she called me to ask me if i when we werre going to hang out befor i leave. She keeps on voidinng talking about ius i aked her why does she want to see me and se didnt reply, se also said it didnt matter becuse either wasy she wasnt going to see me for 5 months. She was alsways such asweet woman I dont know why she could be acing thus, what shoud I do I really want to salvage what we had if possible. The problems we were having was we both took ech other for granted and she seemed uninterested in sex, should i just wait till i come ack from training to approach her? she already suggested she would talk to me at training, what should i do is she playing gmaes? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 The best you can do is give it time - and you'll have plenty of that coming up. Wounds don't heal by picking at the scabs, and maybe your absence will give you both time to reflect. It sounds like it could have been a fundamental misunderstanding which leaked its way into all parts of the relationship and eventually ended it. Her lack of sex may not have had anything to do with how she felt about you emotionally, and you breaking up with her because of it may have led her to believe that your primary interest was sex. She may have felt that you were rejecting her as a person, and that her worth to you and the strength of the relationship was conditional on how much sex she was giving you. No woman wants to feel less important that 'just sex'. It probably makes no sense, but I have heard many times "why does he have to have sex with me all the time, can't he just love me?" - see? It makes no sense to a lot of people, but it surely does break up a lot of relationships. It would also go far in explaining her cold behavior, as well. When she says "I don't know what love is, anymore" - she is being fairly accurate with her feelings here. You told her that you loved her, but then broke up with her because she wasn't giving you sex. In her mind, she sees you defining love only in the amount of sex you get - not how much you actually care for her. I know that sounds grossly inaccurate to you, since you do love her - but she may very well see it that way. I strongly believe that men and women view sex and what it represents in a relationship differently. A woman can express herself without the need for sex, while men express themselves through sex. Her rejection of sex seemed like a rejection of you as a person. Your rejection of her because of lack of sex seemed like a rejection of her as a person. Just an idea, anyway. It could be something as simple as her finding someone else behind your back and then cutting you off - but hopefully it is just something like the misunderstanding scenario. Maybe you can write to her about it and ask her how she sees sex in relationships in general and share with her what it means to you, and go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel007 Posted January 7, 2005 Author Share Posted January 7, 2005 Anybody els have any other opinions on what is up Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 well, not fully knowing the details, i'll chip in my 2 cents. did you try to talk talking to her about her lack of interest? was she overworked or fatigued? if so, this is a pretty big hindrance to female sexuality. if not, there are 2 possibilities, neither of which is probably what you want to hear. she may have lost interest in having sex w/ you. before i broke up with an ex i was stressed all right, but he was stressing me out. i physically lost interest in him as he started to gain weight, wasn't particularly a great lover and was making my life miserable with his demands. i felt like i was dating a woman. otherwise, she may not be that into sex. i'm a girl and there's only been that guy i mentioned that i preferred not to have sex w/. i can't imagine going w/o otherwise unless i'm working a lot. i don't know if i've helped or made it worse. but ultimately i don't think it's a good sign if young people stop having sex so early on. if it's not #1, something's not working. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel007 Posted January 8, 2005 Author Share Posted January 8, 2005 thanks for your two cents im just trying to make sense of it all..any other perspectives are welcome thanx people these website is as big as sliced bread for the human heart Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel007 Posted January 9, 2005 Author Share Posted January 9, 2005 Well I invited her over for some dinner last night she said she neds o be alone for a while.. She said she still wanted o talk to me... I told her that it is painful for me....Anyways she wanted to se m a few times before i left, she said that w would have to start over, how can I help to live my life sh left the door open basically, I think she cares about me depply and just wants to know what she wants.... thank for all the help we'll see afte 4 months if I still missher with all my soul.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel007 Posted May 4, 2005 Author Share Posted May 4, 2005 Well It has been four months I am now In the next phase of military training, in thechnical school. During basic my ex wrote some letters where she said she missed me and thought about a me a lot, but after 4 letteras she suddenly stopped writing me, when I called her and asked her why ashe lied to me AND TOLD ME SHE WAS BAD WITH SUCH THINGS when beforeshe wouldwrite me all the time when I would be gone. Anyways now that I can use the phone I feel I want to give another genuine chance, I have talked to her she acts distant doesnt tell me anything going on with herself, she told me she wasnt mad with me. I tell her I miss her everytime I talk to her, I feel like a doormat, she is nonchalant but still polite when we talk. Yesterday I asked her if she missed me she avoided the question and said the past had happened and I needed to let it go, she also told me not to torment myself and she didnt think about me much anymore, she said we could hang out, my friend told me she hasnt gone out at all since I left and that she had her little sis move into her room with her. I asdked her if we could webchat and she said no, I'm thinking she's still hurt but doesnt want to express it, am I just being foolish. LAst time I saw her she said we would have to start over .. could someone please help me. If she does not want anything to do with me why does she still talk to me.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel007 Posted May 4, 2005 Author Share Posted May 4, 2005 Well It has been four months I am now In the next phase of military training, in thechnical school. During basic my ex wrote some letters where she said she missed me and thought about a me a lot, but after 4 letteras she suddenly stopped writing me, when I called her and asked her why ashe lied to me AND TOLD ME SHE WAS BAD WITH SUCH THINGS when beforeshe wouldwrite me all the time when I would be gone. Anyways now that I can use the phone I feel I want to give another genuine chance, I have talked to her she acts distant doesnt tell me anything going on with herself, she told me she wasnt mad with me. I tell her I miss her everytime I talk to her, I feel like a doormat, she is nonchalant but still polite when we talk. Yesterday I asked her if she missed me she avoided the question and said the past had happened and I needed to let it go, she also told me not to torment myself and she didnt think about me much anymore, she said we could hang out, my friend told me she hasnt gone out at all since I left and that she had her little sis move into her room with her. I asdked her if we could webchat and she said no, I'm thinking she's still hurt but doesnt want to express it, am I just being foolish. LAst time I saw her she said we would have to start over .. could someone please help me. If she does not want anything to do with me why does she still talk to me.. someone plkease help me I am going crazy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel007 Posted May 4, 2005 Author Share Posted May 4, 2005 She also told me it was liek when you dont see a family member for a while you stp thinking bout it. What should I ask her to find out how he really feels? Link to post Share on other sites
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