(OW) Did the A eventually fade away?

[Back2WhatUKnow]

I just sit and wonder for some time now. I have been watching this site for as long as my A for 5 years and I have made a couple posts but then I hide out for a bit. Sorry if I don't add the acronyms (still learning). To make it short about myself I've been in an A with the MM for the past 5 years. We met at the same workplace and we were instant close friends. Friends that turned to lovers. I was married when I met him but the relationship with MM didn't progress until I was going through my D (it was a abusive M). He is 10 years older than me and has 2 children who are grade school age now. This A has been through some horrible up's and down's. He was at home and his marriage was fizzled out with his W who he's been with for over 10 years.

 

 

Overtime things have changed but not completely. We were head over heels big time puppy love for at least the first 3 years. He wanted to marry me and thought of one child at least because he was so against not having anymore. I don't have children. We texted all the time, called all the time, and tried to spend as much time together. He almost lived with me at one point. Don't get me WRONG! It felt great...not the A of course (I feel terrible) but you know just dysfunctional love.

 

 

The W does know about me but does not push about the actual truth. Well the workplace we were at became very hectic. All the coworker were in our business and home lives it got so bad. I eventually after some thought left for a new career. However, he still supported me. I'm noticing more so now that the past 2 years of this. Him and I are just fading away.

 

 

He seemed so determined to end things with his M. He moved out with another relative so he is rent free. But still pays for their house and for the kids. He has made arrangements with her on days they share their children. For the longest time his excuse was staying for the children. I was never selfish over them and in fact really embraced them if they knew me. I buy them presents and give them to him and they have no idea about me. Which now they shouldn't but it's like I'd like for it be in a better situation. He even went on a trip with them and W this past summer for a week and it has killed me ever since. He made it like if I didn't agree with him going then I would be hurting his kids. So I did agree. We have been through so many FAILED DDAYS it's insane.

 

 

Now this relationship feels so faded. We text only when something wrong is going on like something at work. When we hang out we sit at different ends of the couch and play on our phones. Not really cuddling, a kiss, a hug. Bedroom life is okay as in it's not passionate. It's just cool he's there. He doesn't spend the night with me like he use too. We both work the same shifts so it's not like it's a burden. We fight constantly and the fights have gotten worse. Apart of me is so tired of it and I've became really depressed over it. Now he doesn't talk about a future with me for the past 2 years..(No marriage, No children) with no reasons behind it. The only thing he does for me. He has pulled me out of some holes financially. I have never asked him but he does it without a cause. He also fixes whatever I need. I appreciate it as always but I feel in a fight over our actual feelings of each other. He will throw what he does for me in my face. I feel bad then I shut down and just ignore the problems.

 

 

I know deep down I am still young enough to find a new page. Yet I know every time I break it off it comes right back. Then it's only okay for a few days. I keep walking down this road of I know it needs to be done. I feel so tired of it and so wrong about it. I'm still the secret no matter what. It's just more fading that I wonder if it'll just eventually break. He can't completely move on. I know I am stupid for this whole thing but I had hope. Now I'm just ready to jump the bridge on this road.

 

 

So has this ever happened to any of you guys? What happened?

[thecharade]

Yes, 5 years. I finally got mad, really mad. And I bought into the "heart will follow." And it did.

 

I miss my exMM, but my life is good. Great, actually. I am 85% back to normal. I wish I didn't love him, but I still do. I have, however, grieved it like a death. He is simply gone, like it or not.

 

Just focus on protecting you. Lead with your head and the promise of better days. Cry. Feel sad. And then focus on the beauty and joy in life, and go on.

 

Good luck.

[Back2WhatUKnow]

Yes, 5 years. I finally got mad, really mad. And I bought into the "heart will follow." And it did.

 

I miss my exMM, but my life is good. Great, actually. I am 85% back to normal. I wish I didn't love him, but I still do. I have, however, grieved it like a death. He is simply gone, like it or not.

 

Just focus on protecting you. Lead with your head and the promise of better days. Cry. Feel sad. And then focus on the beauty and joy in life, and go on.

 

Good luck.

 

Thanks for the kind words! Curious How long has it been since you broke away? Has he tried contacting you? The more i just linger on with this. I feel my heart growing cold. I use to do this with past relationships just get so distant that it falls apart. All I can think about each day that I can count 5 years of the mess and nothing got better. I know I am fed up and yet I kind of have some feeling. I know he'll be missed to an extent. I really want to go on in my life and he doesn't see it my way. I even brought up how my feelings are changing over this and he ignores it because he has that security of talking to me some other day. Just one day I'll have the heart to not care.

[Popsicle]

Yes, 5 years. I finally got mad, really mad. And I bought into the "heart will follow." And it did.

 

I miss my exMM, but my life is good. Great, actually. I am 85% back to normal. I wish I didn't love him, but I still do. I have, however, grieved it like a death. He is simply gone, like it or not.

 

Just focus on protecting you. Lead with your head and the promise of better days. Cry. Feel sad. And then focus on the beauty and joy in life, and go on.

 

Good luck.

 

Wonderful advice.