Sabrina88 Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 My Long distance ex bf cheated on me with my friend (now ex)... and getting married to her It's been 6 months now...but i am still thinking about him...My ex is now with my friend is killing me inside...i am not in touch with both of them since 6 months but still i am not able to get over him.... All the time i am thinking about why he did that to me...why he played with my feelings...why it hurts so much 4 me if he is no longer a part of my life whereas he is living his life happily ever after....even though i didn't did anything wrong to him...Why do cheaters even after cheating someone can lead a guilt free life...whereas the one who were faithful keep running after the reasons n what went wrong .... I am completely heartbroken and don't know when and how i'll be able to get back to my normal self.... Please let me know how can i forget him...and just throw him away from my life like he did Link to post Share on other sites
MrMeh Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 How did you find out they were getting married? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sabrina88 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 How did you find out they were getting married? My friend and me have some common friends who told me about this.. "My friend went to my ex's home with her entire family ...although the dates are not fixed yet..but they are planning it in near future... Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 Why do they move on as if free of guilt? Believe it or not, some people are heartless enough to do these types of things, and not feel a single ounce of grief over it. The ones who usually do not feel guilt, are those with some disorder(I can bet), as they may lack the conscious enough to care. It isn't that they do not know the damage that they cause: They don't care. People do things for their own selfish desires. How this world works. He nor your friend(both are disgusting and both are building a relationship on ruins) do not care. I know plenty of people like those two. I would not worry about their happiness. The chances are, and from what I have read myself, most marriages born from an affair do not work out. She is dumb. So his he. A foundation of lies...won't work. You need to stop all sources of knowledge of those two from coming in. Stop your friends and family or whomever else will tell you info about those two. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sabrina88 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Share Posted January 3, 2014 Why do they move on as if free of guilt? Believe it or not, some people are heartless enough to do these types of things, and not feel a single ounce of grief over it. The ones who usually do not feel guilt, are those with some disorder(I can bet), as they may lack the conscious enough to care. It isn't that they do not know the damage that they cause: They don't care. People do things for their own selfish desires. How this world works. He nor your friend(both are disgusting and both are building a relationship on ruins) do not care. I know plenty of people like those two. I would not worry about their happiness. The chances are, and from what I have read myself, most marriages born from an affair do not work out. She is dumb. So his he. A foundation of lies...won't work. You need to stop all sources of knowledge of those two from coming in. Stop your friends and family or whomever else will tell you info about those two. I don't know why i am unable to make myself face this ugly truth that "He cheated on me"..I am still thinking that he is innocent and it might be something i might have done that would have hurted him so much that he went far from me.... I don't know what made him change so much...when he was with me ..he was so loyal, truthful and i dint ever imagined he will dump me for some girl and that too my friend came as a major shock to me... All the time i am thinking about why would he do that to me...and get no answer back...it's hard for me to imagine my life without him..i loved him so much... Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Truly I am sorry that you are hurting like this. The unfortunate answer is no answer at all. I would not ever expect a cheater to provide me (you) with an answer as to why they did what they did. Lust; moment of weakness. Fun; didn't care eitherway. There are so many reasons, so many answers...not worth digging through. Really, it will cause more pain than any good. He is wrong. You are good; and dontcha think as a good woman, that you do not deserve to rot away thinking of this creep? Whatever answers he will provide(if ever), will be lackluster, and not as filling as you may believe. This is nothing wrong on your end. It is his end. He has character flaws. He may have been a prince charming in disguise; you now can see the real slithering snake that is him. I understand that you simply cannot stop thinking of him...or the reasons as to why he would hurt you so; just let time mend you. But...do not sit back, and let the thoughts overwhelm you into despair. Be a strong woman. A capable woman. I'd start fixing myself. I'd start trying to to better myself, as to be prepared for any future relationships...one that might be just right for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Ultimately this guy did what he did because he was not the right person for you, how could he be? People do not cheat in situations like that. Doesn't matter if there is long distance between them or if they are drunk, etc. it just does not happen. You just need to keep reminding yourself that..for as much as you love this person? They do not feel the same, otherwise you wouldn't be here posting about how he cheated on you. Link to post Share on other sites
TimL Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I can sympathize with the pain, the questions and the length of time it has been. However, I have never questioned 'why' a cheater cheats. Ultimately, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with selfish desire. You are fortunate to have found out that this person was not worth a drop more of your time and you can now spend your life with someone who will appreciate who you are. Your 'friend' can now look forward to emotional, financial and legal commitment to an individual who has already proved to be unworthy of anyones trust. Hang in there. I am in the same boat and it does get better, even if the process is a little slow! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sabrina88 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Share Posted January 6, 2014 I can sympathize with the pain, the questions and the length of time it has been. However, I have never questioned 'why' a cheater cheats. Ultimately, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with selfish desire. You are fortunate to have found out that this person was not worth a drop more of your time and you can now spend your life with someone who will appreciate who you are. Your 'friend' can now look forward to emotional, financial and legal commitment to an individual who has already proved to be unworthy of anyones trust. Hang in there. I am in the same boat and it does get better, even if the process is a little slow! Thank you for your advice...but these days I am struggling with some weird thoughts... Whenever I try to tell myself that he's not worth thinking about all these questions start popping into my head He seem to be loyal so there might be something about me that he dint liked which made him drift apart from me and then what's so special in my friend that he was attracted to her...does that mean he was never into me and never liked the way I looked he was just compromising being with me And how can my friend who knows me more than he did ...can trust him and not me As in the past whenever I tried talking to my friend about whether she is in touch with my ex she will simply deny this and now she called my sister and trying to make her understand to "give her relation with my ex a chance n not to get mad at her" n I don't know what magic that guy did on her that our friendship doesn't mean anything to her ...d only thing she is looking forward is to get married to him ... All these things make me think that "there is something wrong with me" Also my ex has some ex girlfriends before me...whom r still in touch with him as friends ...He gave me that option as well to be friends with him but tht was my choice to not accept it...but all these things r killing me that I m Not worthy of friendship or love that's why I failed in two relationships (love n friendship) Link to post Share on other sites
soulz Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Thank you for your advice...but these days I am struggling with some weird thoughts... Whenever I try to tell myself that he's not worth thinking about all these questions start popping into my head He seem to be loyal so there might be something about me that he dint liked which made him drift apart from me and then what's so special in my friend that he was attracted to her...does that mean he was never into me and never liked the way I looked he was just compromising being with me And how can my friend who knows me more than he did ...can trust him and not me As in the past whenever I tried talking to my friend about whether she is in touch with my ex she will simply deny this and now she called my sister and trying to make her understand to "give her relation with my ex a chance n not to get mad at her" n I don't know what magic that guy did on her that our friendship doesn't mean anything to her ...d only thing she is looking forward is to get married to him ... All these things make me think that "there is something wrong with me" Also my ex has some ex girlfriends before me...whom r still in touch with him as friends ...He gave me that option as well to be friends with him but tht was my choice to not accept it...but all these things r killing me that I m Not worthy of friendship or love that's why I failed in two relationships (love n friendship) Don't beat yourself up so much. U are much better than his cheating. Honestly, Would u ever want to get back with somebody who can so easily drop like u were nothing? That pain and stress would be 10,000 times more than what u are going through now. whats the point of reminiscing over a person like this? Sure there might have been good times. But you need to realise u can still create good times with others. others whom are worthy of your love and loyalty. and others who wont treat u like a prop in their life. What u are doing is great. Just keep doing what u are doing. Remember this way u are keeping your dignity. There is nothing more important than that. walk out with your head held high. Move on and find the man worthy of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 All these things make me think that "there is something wrong with me" It hurts like hell and takes years to get over. You have to try moving on by letting new people in. Believe me that this has little to do with you and much more to do with him. Some people can't do distance... And some are just immature. Best Wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 OP my heart goes out to you. I have been in this exact situation before. My last ex cheated with a mutual friend; we were long-distance at the time and he used that to conceal the affair; within six months of our breaking up, he was engaged to her. They are now married with a kid on the way. It hurts. And it's probably going to hurt for a while. But asking questions like "why?" is a fruitless exercise and a good way to torture youself. Cheaters don't act rationally--- so seeking rational, reasonable explanations just won't work. It will only make you feel crazy. If you haven't already, cut all social media ties, delete him and her from your life. When you feel bad, allow yourself to grieve but also actively remind yourself that his decision to cheat was HIS decision. It had very little (probably nothing) to do with you. Cheaters are selfish and don't think of how they will hurt the people close to them. Be around people who love and support you: friends, family, etc. Treat yourself well... take yourself somewhere new, "date" yourself. Make working on yourself a bigger priority. When time heals this hurt (and it will eventually), you will one day discover that you genuinely believe that this guy's affair was a blessing in disguise. He was not worthy of your time... and he realized it and found his way out of your life. It sucks that he felt the need to be so destructive on the way out, but in the end what matters is that you are now free to open up to something better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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