All A man needs to do to get a woman to fall for him...

[Oomlotte]

Is tell her he's not looking for anything serious or in some way imply that the pairing will be short lived or managed in a half-assed fashion on his end. The ladies go mad for it - what's with that?? All I see is women posting about unavailable men and how they are falling and have never fallen so fast before and it makes me chuckle because I've done it, too and it's like what is wrong with us? Why don't we just listen to what they're saying!?

 

Anyone else find this trend interesting?

[odin673]

Us guys do it too. The unavailable person becomes the forbidden fruit. I was discussing this with some friends after I came out of a similar situation. They each had crazy women in the past that they fell hard/fast for.

[carhill]

All A man needs to do to get a woman to fall for him...

Is tell her he's not looking for anything serious or in some way imply that the pairing will be short lived or managed in a half-assed fashion on his end. The ladies go mad for it - what's with that??

 

It does work well in my demographic with married ladies, for obvious reasons. IME, a great way to avoid potential affair situations is to show marked interest in long-term and intimate relationships; the married women avoid this like the plague. I experimented with this when tiring of married women approaching me and it worked well. If I would default to 'short-term hookups', that attention would be back, even though I'm not married anymore.

 

So far, no anecdotes of that style working on single women, though I did notice an uptick in both attention and longevity when beginning to 'care less' back in my mid-30's. I think it had more to do with 'caring too much' (about LTRs/M) scaring them away rather than not caring attracting them. Once I found a healthier balance of care, dating improved, as did relationships.

 

One potential variable which does come to mind is attractiveness, in that the more universally attractive one is, as a man, the more various 'styles' will 'work', and with a larger subset of women. When one is more enamored of the messenger, the message is more readily and easily digested. As an average man, that path was not open to me, hence different experiences.

[894hjk]

This is so true! Because, as a woman, we want to think we were the one that tamed him and that he changed for us!

 

Been there done that and now if a man said he didn't want a relationship I would believe him and move on.

[winny]

I have been there myself. When I was younger I fell so badly for a guy who clearly told me he doesn't want a relationship with me.

He was a player.

 

When I look back and think why I liked him so much... even though he was such a jerk, it was more to do with me than him.

I felt he was better than me in every way. He would tell me how his ex-gf was prettier than me. And I kept on trying to show him how great I am as a person.

To me he was a catch... someone who could get any gal he liked. I kept on hoping I will win his love one day. I don't know whether I really even loved him or I just wanted validation that I am good enough to make him fall for me.

 

Later on I realized, he wasn't such a catch after all. He was messed up. I got over him when I did not receive the love I wanted and met someone else.

 

I think everyone falls for such guy/gal at least once... it's all part of the learning process....

 

All of us struggle at times with self confidence, self esteem and self worth issues. The world around us, most of the time tries to show us that we are not good enough, we are not smart enough, pretty enough, not worthy of love etc... and that is when we fall for these kind of people and search for validation that we are good enough.

When we realize that we do not need any such validation and we are awesome the way we are... we realize our own value and love ourself first... that's when we get free of such toxic relationships.

[Philosopher]

Very true. People like what they cannot get. What they can get is not so exciting.

[regine_phalange]

The only time a man said he just wanted to have fun, I whole-heartedly agreed. We ended up in a relationship for 2 years.

[dreamingoftigers]

This is weird.

 

I only dated guys that were "relationship guys."

 

Then after a terrible breakup I swore the whole marriage-family etc. thing. Screw it all I thought.

 

I met a man and he was very kind and nice etc.

I thought he'd be a good-time-guy.

I made it very clear I wasn't into a longterm thing but that I didn't want to screw all the way upfront or even necessarily at all.

 

I guess I presented a challenge to him. He really took an interest.

I thought we were having fun.

Then he got pretty opened up one night and proposed. Saying he thought I'd be the perfect wife for him. (Man I miss "old us.")

Okay. I did like him quite a bit by that point. LMAO.

[spiderowl]

If a guy tells me he is not looking for anything serious, I will take him at his word. No point getting too interested in someone who is already half-hearted.

[spiderowl]

There is another side to this too. If the guy is not interested in anything serious, then it takes the pressure off the woman. She can feel relieved that he is not going to turn into a clingy guy she has to account to all the time. She can enjoy spending time with him and walk away feeling free. However, she does need to be aware that he may well mean what he says so no point getting emotionally involved. Stay free.

[Eau Claire]

Not my experience at all. The men I've been with would drop everything for the woman of their dreams. That woman is very serious about relationships..she 's the classic girl next door found in books and movies. Marion the Livrarian...cute and proper..

 

Women who put down guys as window shoppers, players, etc. are usually jaded and are in some type of defensive mode.

[TheGuard13]

The woman has to be interested in the man in the first place, though.

 

 

This only works if she's already kind of falling for him.

[xRJ85x]

Calling BS on this one. Would a girl turn down a pro athlete or a movie star if he told her he was looking for something long term?

[TB Rhine]

No.

 

It's not so much that not being interested in a relationship makes a man attractive, but that it doesn't make him unattractive, which common sense and enlightened egalitarian ideals seem to suggest it should.

 

In fact, whether a guy is looking for something long-term or not - or whether he seems like a good long-term relationship prospect in general - has little if anything to do with whether a woman will find him attractive, because the cues and traits and whatnot that she's responding to are largely outside her conscious awareness. "Seems ready to settle down" or "wants to keep playing the field" are big, obvious traits that we can all easily point to and say you should or shouldn't be interested in someone like that. The things people actually respond to - positively or negatively - are more subtle, and guided by outmoded evolutionary factors and instinct more than common sense.

[FitChick]

I've met men like that, who came on strong, and when I started to respond said they were not ready to get serious because they were newly divorced. They always seemed taken aback when I sympathized but asked, "Do you have any single friends you could fix me up with?"

[somedude81]

Ha, I should try this.

 

My last ex knew very well that I wanted a relationship with her and she dumped me after 6 months.

 

Maybe I'll tell the next girl that I'm not looking for anything.

[CrystalCastles]

Ha, I should try this.

 

My last ex knew very well that I wanted a relationship with her and she dumped me after 6 months.

 

Maybe I'll tell the next girl that I'm not looking for anything.

 

No you shouldn't.

 

If you pulled that trick with me or any of my friends (all of which are beautiful, quality girls), they'd dump you ASAP.

 

There are many women you'll miss out on by doing that.

 

I get that your ex burned you, but you seem to be carrying around some kind of hate and bitterness because of it. Stop.

[nerdlingZA]

The woman has to be interested in the man in the first place, though.

 

 

This only works if she's already kind of falling for him.

 

Lies , a few women have falling for me , I wouldn't know if they fall hard to the instint from been inlove but they definitely chased me , I was emotionally unavailable until I met my Ex (whom also chased after me) ... I never treated women like crap , but I would ignore at most times , and about compliments << I've never complimented a women I like. It always works

[glimpse]

Is tell her he's not looking for anything serious or in some way imply that the pairing will be short lived or managed in a half-assed fashion on his end. The ladies go mad for it - what's with that?? All I see is women posting about unavailable men and how they are falling and have never fallen so fast before and it makes me chuckle because I've done it, too and it's like what is wrong with us? Why don't we just listen to what they're saying!?

 

Anyone else find this trend interesting?

 

 

because getting a YES after a no proves to yourself you could. It's more of a challenge really, and it's not about the other person, it's more about yourself.

[EmilyJane]

Is tell her he's not looking for anything serious or in some way imply that the pairing will be short lived or managed in a half-assed fashion on his end. The ladies go mad for it - what's with that?? All I see is women posting about unavailable men and how they are falling and have never fallen so fast before and it makes me chuckle because I've done it, too and it's like what is wrong with us? Why don't we just listen to what they're saying!?

 

Anyone else find this trend interesting?

 

Tend to think you attract what you believe you deserve combined with what you yourself are looking for.

 

Attracted repeatedly to unavailable men probably says more about the woman concerned.

[Els]

Would you like to specify what sort of 'ladies' you're talking about, exactly?

[AntiSocal]

Would you like to specify what sort of 'ladies' you're talking about, exactly?

 

He must be speaking of ladies with low self esteem.

 

The only women that like games are the insecure ones. Any girl who is comfortable with herself WILL break up with a guy who is trying to play these types of games.

 

Girls who value themselves don't have time for "fwbs" type situations or to hangout with men that don't want to keep them. Only girls who are trying to prove something to a man will put up with that. I mean, A LOT of girls are insecure, but who wants an insecure girl anyway? They cheat and crave abuse/harsh treatment. I'll take a conceited girl anyday of the week.

[darkmoon]

suppose the two people do it to each other, co-incidentally?

[Iguanna]

My theory about this matter is that women have the maternal instinct inside them that makes them want to "fix" things around them. A bad guy for them is a challenge to be won. They want to make him a good guy, to solve his problems, to save him from the bad road he has taken. Women mostly at their 20s spend hell of a lot time to try and save the bad guys. Some of them believe that they are so superior and the man will change only for their sake, to be with them. But as we all know nobody changes unless they want to change. There are men who have become better for the sake of a woman, but this was because they made this choice. So what I want to say is that women like the role of the savior, that's why they fall for bad guys who just want to have some fun.

 

I know a girl who met a guy some years ago and he was really clear from the start that he would never want a serious relationship. She continued with him nevertheless. He kept his word, never treated her as his girlfriend, while she wanted it so much. After 2-3 years of him not changing I asked her "why don't you leave him and find someone emotionally available?" and she gave me the stunning answer "I'm gonna marry this man, he just doesn't know it yet". Since then another 2 years have passed. She is still in the same position with him. Some women overestimate their abilities.

[Frank2thepoint]

I've met men like that, who came on strong, and when I started to respond said they were not ready to get serious because they were newly divorced. They always seemed taken aback when I sympathized but asked, "Do you have any single friends you could fix me up with?"

 

That's an excellent response. I can't wait to use this on the next girl that gives me the line that she's not looking for anything serious.

 

 

The only women that like games are the insecure ones. Any girl who is comfortable with herself WILL break up with a guy who is trying to play these types of games.

 

Indeed. The last girl I've dated gave me the line that she didn't want anything serious. During that conversation she had revealed that her last relationship was bad and the person wasn't good for her, along with tidbit that she has both mommy and daddy issues. The warning klaxons were blaring.