sweet_pea Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 This is not meant to be rude... but do you really think that 12 years of friendship makes you exempt from lies? Especially considering you have crossed the friendship line into affair-dom... You may feel like he has no reason to lie to you, but that does not mean he doesn't feel that way. Anyways, I'd be cautious of what he tells you. Believe what you want, but considering he is lying to his wife, yes, there certainly is a possibility that he is lying to you as well, doesn't matter how long y'all have been friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 LOL that's totally ok! He's incredibly confused! I think he started dating her again and felt all of the feelings he felt when he was younger. They jumped into their marriage rather quickly. He said they had discussed having antoher child in the future, and that he really had no thoughts of leaving until he actually started talking to someone (me) about the problems they had. He never opened up to people about it... Gotcha. You know your situaton better than me, no doubt. The bolded stands out though. I was involved wth someone who talked to others instead of me about our issues and honestly, it hurt - it hurt a lot. I will leave this thread gracefully because I can't offer constructive advice due to my own experience. Good luck to you. Hope it works out well for all involved. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 I suggest no contact, least your ex expose your and MM's behavior to the BW. Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 My ex won't be contacting anyone again, the married man wasn't the only one he called, he called all of my male friends who's numbers showed up on the call log. I understand the MM side of things very much, I just miss my friend and am starting to have alot of guilt about our friendship going in the romantic direction instead of just being a supportive friend. Quite frankly a friend doesn't plan on leaving his pregnant wife (even if after she delivers) for a female friend. And as a mother....why the hell would you want to be a partial reason for a child not having a father living in their house? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
experiencethedevine Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 that's strange (regarding the bolded part). Why would someone agree to a child if they are on the brink of leaving? I'm sorry (again), but that doesn't make any sense either. I think he is one confused individual or he has you so sucked in that you can't see the forest through the trees. Maybe reading here will help you begin to see some common patterns? I don't know, but this isn't adding up. Sorry if that doesn't sound supportive. I also think this odd. Come on, his wife begged him to have another child? Right now, this man is s******g his pants that he is about to be discovered, and has fed you horse manure while he reverts to his own protection. He committed to another child because he wanted to, not just because his wife 'begged' him! For heavensake ask yourself why you get involved with this type of man. You appear to choose men who you believe find you irresistible, but they have an undercurrent behaviour that borders on the obsessive. Why do you find this attractive would be the question I might ask myself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 My advice would be to just give it some time. You've said that he doesn't plan on leaving his wife right now as she is pregnant, and wants to take a break. Let him. Either he'll miss you and contact you, or he won't. I know it's not easy, but really, doing anything else is futile and may push him further away. As for whether or not it's permanent... impossible to say. I don't know if he's blowing smoke or if he's being honest with you, but the fact that he was honest in needing some space is good. It shows he's not afraid to tell you what he needs. I know popular opinion is that 'once a cheater, always a cheater' and 'he lies to his wife, he's lying to you', but that was NOT my experience and it's possible that it isn't yours either. It just all comes down to what you want and need, but also not crossing the boundary of what he's asked of you. What would you like to see happen in your relationship? Maybe take some time to decide what that is, while you take this break and when he contacts you, get clear lines on what's happening with the two of you, what he wants, what you want, and what you can both live with. It's not an easy road. Chin up. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 That's because I do. I have known him for 12 years, and I have NEVER known him to be a liar. He tells me the good with the bad, he never bashes her. We just talk, like friends do. That's all. I never knew mine to be a liar either - I knew him for 15 years before we had an affair and for at least 7 of it really good friends and 2 best friends. I believed everything he said. When the final dday happened, I found out most of what he said was untrue - or at least he would tell me one thing and tell his wife the opposite. In the end, he was a liar. I'm afraid yours is too. Oh, and I am ashamed to say, xmom's bs was pregnant at the time of our affair and after she delivered their second child. I am disgusted with myself that I did that to another woman. He is equally disgusting because he did it to his wife who was carrying his child. And he will forever be the asshat who cheated on his pregnant wife no matter how many years go by and his child, unfortunately, is a reminder of that time. This is your man. This is who he is. I am sorry but it is highly unlikely he is leaving her anytime soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mascara Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 It doesn't matter whether he will cheat on you or not. Well, it does, but lets say he won't. It's more to do with his character. If I was on a first date with a man who revealed that his marriage had ended because he'd had an affair, and that he started that affair when his wife was pregnant with their child..... you wouldn't see me for dust. Even if you end up together, you'll still be with a man of that kind of character. If you're fine with that, knock yourself out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 I don't understand why you believe everything he says at face value. Like about their marriage, her begging for a child, how she treats him, etc. Thats the same stuff all the cheatung MM drop time after time. You state it like you believe it all to be 100% true without question ^THIS!! he is a known liar as he is deceiving his wife every day! I'm sorry but I think you're living in a fantasy world and you're in far deeper than you want to admit 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snipercatt Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Mega, you initially posted that your MM and his wife decided to have a child to fix their M. Then it was that they had talked about more children in the future and now it is that she begged him for a baby. I can see why you would be confused as he told you when you first found each other anew that they didn't have sex and now thdre's a baby, but maybe it is not MM'S . . . Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 I never knew mine to be a liar either - I knew him for 15 years before we had an affair and for at least 7 of it really good friends and 2 best friends. I believed everything he said. When the final dday happened, I found out most of what he said was untrue - or at least he would tell me one thing and tell his wife the opposite. In the end, he was a liar. I'm afraid yours is too. This is an important lesson and one often overlooked (at least on these boards). Unfortunately, time is not a guarantor of truth. I was friends with my xMOM for nearly 10 years before the A started. Furthermore, he also told me he'd never lie to me. So there. I'm a professionally trained moron. Don't try this at home. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 I can see why you would be confused as he told you when you first found each other anew that they didn't have sex and now thdre's a baby, but maybe it is not MM'S . . . oh please I've read it all now chances are they're v happy together and she (his w) has no idea he's been stewing around behind her back it's hard to see when you're in the a fog you want to believe everything he says but seriously, I wouldn't trust anyone who can lie to their pregnant w 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thinkingofhim Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 From a mom to a mom I think you need to get out of this sitch because it's not going to turn out well and there are kids involved on both sides. He's clearly having sex with her, I'm sure he does want the child that he planned on having, and I'm glad she's being fiscally responsible since they are parents and he is distracted running around sleeping with other women. You say you have 3.5 years left to finish your degree so I'm assuming you started working on a degree very recently. I finished a degree after my daughter was born and it was very, very hard. If you actually manage to finish in 3.5 years, it will be a huge accomplishment -- taking full time classes with a child, especially upper level ones, is very hard to sustain long term. You have more than enough distractions with a child and a weird x in the picture. If you want to pile dating onto your plate do it with someone single that won't add unneeded stress and drama to your life. imo, your responsibility to your child and both of your futures means you should concentrate on school and not on men. Sorry if that sounds harsh. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Has he had affairs before? He sounds like the sort who could be a serial cheater and who takes things to the limit in the unconscious hope that his wife finds out and reassures him she wants him. Sorry for the t/j but spiderowl you gave me my own aha moment about my WH! Thank You! And I am very sorry to the OP for getting caught up with a man like this. I feel it would be more beneficial to move on and find someone healthy for you Maybe even get into some therapy to help get through it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 He openly admitted that he has been thinking of leaving his wife, that he loved me and he wants to continue until the baby is born and he will be ready to leave after that. Did you really believe him when he told you he'd leave his wife after their baby is born? He *may* mean that in the heat of the moment, but no way will he follow through on that. If this is their first child, he has no idea what emotions he'll feel towards his baby once it's born. He is future faking and giving you hope. Bottom line is, your ex now is upset and put the kabosh on your affair by calling your MM and your MM has backed off. It's time for you to think this through. Look ahead into the future, not just today and tomorrow. His ex will ALWAYS be in your life because of their baby, and you'd be step mom to their child. And, facing his family and friends once the truth comes out to them won't be easy, will they accept you or feel you helped cause a family unit to break up. So many X's against you both and that baby hasn't even been born yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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