In pursuit of happiness

[lonely heart andrew]

In pursuit of happiness!

I am a 41 yr old male who has spent the majority of the time single. my last experience of a relationship was way back in school.

Neither of them lasted long and I was naive.

I have been quite shy when it has come to girls and dating.

previous attempt at asking girls out have been met with rejection and loss of good friendships.

coming from a Christian background, I was bought up on the tradition of 'no sex before marriage' to which I hold on to, to this day. (so I am still a virgin)

as I have grown up opportunities for relationships have passed me by and never materialised. I find myself extremely lonely!

 

until now!

I find myself liking a good friend, who I met through other friends and we get on well.

she is a single mum and about 10+ yrs younger than me.

I now find that I have no experience in dating or relationships.

but I would like to settle down soon with someone who I can love for the rest of my life.

but I am afraid to ask her in fear of losing the friendship and rejection yet again.

I find female friends always see me as just a friend and never anything more. which can hurt sometimes!

 

apart from wading in and saying I want to marry her (that much I know is wrong)

I don't know how to start a relationship.

Any advice or hints would be welcome!

[Frank2thepoint]

From my perspective, the problem seems to lie that you have low confidence. It's understandable because approaching a woman can be a daunting endeavor. Especially if you have feelings for someone that you do not know completely. The first issue is you are afraid of rejection. My only solid advice that I can offer concerning this is to accept the fact that to be a man is to be rejected. It's like accepting that there will always be taxes. After accepting this, you can learn to overcome your fear of rejection by facing it head on each occasion. Do you accept that you have to pay bills each month and pay taxes each year? It may stress you out but you work and pay. Rejection is the same way. But like a tax refund, there will be a reward for your diligence with women.

 

When pursuing a romantic interest approach the woman with a friendly and care-free attitude. If she declines, then you continue being friendly with her. Since you have admitted you have no experience in dating and relationships, then make a change. Expose yourself to more women, chat with them, and just ask them out for dates. Join events that have women such at meetups. The only way you will get over your fear and lack of experience is by exposing yourself to such unknown elements. Think of it as learning a new skill or language. Try incorporating some flirtatious conversation with women at random locations, such as gas stations, book stores, malls, etc. Start off small like a phrase and smile. These help with boosting your confidence and training your mind and body to be at ease around women.

 

Happy hunting.