Alcohol and Me

[reddragon588]

I'm not a daily drinker. In fact, there will be times when I go weeks without drinking, not because I'm "abstaining" but because I just don't feel like drinking... there is so much other stuff to do! But when I do drink, I am a binge drinker. I've had a lot of problems because of this in the past.

 

Last year I got serious about solving this. I became much more serious about drinking in moderation, recognizing that there are certain alcohols my body simply cannot tolerate, and that there are certain situations I can't put myself in.

 

I had some good results. I went about 7 months where my moderate drinking made me a much easier person to be around in social drinking situations. I did not black out during this period.

 

On New Years, I drank far too much, blacked out, and was verbally and physically abusive towards my friends. I have now heard from some of them that they think I should not drink anymore.

 

I'm scared about this... I don't need to drink, and I am not physically dependent on alcohol. But I do enjoy to have a drink every once in a while with friends... but my problem is that sometimes it's just just "a" drink... but at the same time it seems like never drinking at all again is a bit scary... I'm not sure what to do... I have made huge strides in moderating... but still, I made a big mistake on NYE... I don't want to lose my friends.

[sportzhl24]

Dude I've had some of the same problems in the past. I think you need to identify why you have the drive to get blacked out. Because I'm certain there is some kind of reason why you enjoy drinking like that (is it social nervousness, just a love for the feeling of being wasted, etc). In my last relationship, I drank quite a bit around my ex because she made me very nervous/insecure/powerless. And it led to me making a lot of mistakes. So look I would start taking serious steps to cut down on your drinking. Remember: 'normal' drinkers don't have to think about 'taking it easy' and not getting blacked out-they just have some drinks and that's that. So get yourself to that level. And maybe consider seeing a therapist? Might sound kinda lame but I went and it really helped me out. Best of luck to you

[Yamaha]

You may not be an alcoholic yet but you do show signs of it becoming a serious problem. Drinking till you black out is one of these signs.

 

Many alcoholics drink not to get drunk but they drink till they pass out.

They have no control over their drinking. When friends notice your problems with alcohol you need to seriously think about stopping.

 

Why do you drink? Are their situations that cause you to want to get drunk?

When you use alcohol to make you feel better or forget your problems you are heading toward being alcohol dependent.

 

You might need to talk to someone about it, maybe your doctor. They can give you information and help you understand why you drink to excess.

 

Good Luck!

[carhill]

IMO, there might be more traction in examining why you are apparently a 'mean drunk' beyond focusing on the facilitator of alcohol.

 

I mention this because of a 'test' I once passed, both with my current group of male friends whom I've known for many years, as well as my exW's friends/family when we were dating. We got together, got 'plowed' and they observed my behavior. Apparently, they didn't want a 'mean drunk' in the group. I've been around a few such people, though they were alcoholics, and can see why people would be disinclined to have such interactions.

 

IMO, if you see this type of behavior as consistent, along with the propensity to binge-drink, I'd suggest treating alcohol the same as an alcoholic does and 'today I'm not going to drink'. Concurrently, attempt to get at the root of why the alcohol triggers such anti-social behavior as you're reporting.

 

As our psychologist opined, if a behavior inhibits the formation and maintenance of healthy interpersonal relationships, it bears scrutiny. I had my own brand of such behaviors so that's why I (and my exW) engaged a psychologist to work through them. Good luck.

[KatZee]

Many people think that being an alcoholic means you drink every single day. This isn't true. An alcoholic is a person who has a problem with alcohol no matter the frequency. Although you don't drink daily, when you DO drink, you abuse it, and you become an abuser.

 

Alcoholics cannot drink in moderation. They cannot have "just one" and then go on with their night. They will drink until they are completely obliterated. This is why alcoholics can NEVER drink. They can't socially drink, they can't go out and have just one for the evening, because that one drink will spiral the problem completely back out of control.

 

The fear that you feel when you think of never drinking again is another sign of a looming problem. One thing alcoholics learn in AA is that it's never the alcohol that's the problem, the problem is themselves.

 

What is causing you to drink? What compels you to drink until you cannot remember anything?

 

Yes, you enjoy drinking. But you are not in control, and the only way you can be in control is if you don't drink. Period.

 

Perhaps you can scope out a local AA meeting, and see if you relate to any of the people there. Some will be way worse than you, some not as bad, no two alcoholics are completely alike.

[robbysurfs]

I am a alcoholic and I go to aa I will say from experience I had a lot of fun times drinking it wasnt always bad it just got bad. Unfortunately for me I can not have a drink because once I start I can not stop. This is what yrs of drinking has done to me. I was once like you and tried to control my drinking and tried many different things I switched to pot no hard stuff no booze only beer. In the end it progressed to drinking around the clock and got progressively worse and when I wanted to stop it became harder and harder each time I started up again it is just easier way for me to abstain from booze.I had my first drink when I was 12 i got drunk sick and threw up all over the place and woke up in my bedroom. I had my last drink at 35 I got drunk sick and threw up all over the place and woke up on bushwick ave. That is my career of drinking to some it quickly so do yourself a favor if your analyzing your drinking this much you probably have a problem because in my experience normal people never even think about how much there drinking doesnt even a occur to them there whole life.

[EdG]

Hey,

 

I am the same as you. I am not physically dependent on alcohol, but when I drink in social situations 95% of time being I get excessively drunk and have hours of blackout which I can't remember in the morning. I have been also making some terrible choices whilst drunk and like you I am scared about the affect these are having on my relationships and my life. I am having these episodes more frequently now.

 

I too find it scary to think about never drinking again. I wonder if I am overreacting and just need to moderate. I am impressed that you were able to moderate your drinking for a while, well done. You slipped up on NYE, probably caught up in the moment and celebration. My brother used to get aggressive and intense whilst drinking so I know how your friends may have felt. It's not pleasant.

 

You can try moderation again, but the only way to truly avoid these silly episodes is to stop drinking all together...(?). I think that's what i am going to do. I don't want to wake up regretting how I behaved anymore, upsetting people, fighting, cheating and generally being an absolute idiot and losing everything I had worked hard to build up. It's horrible. I messed up again on Friday and I've been unable to do anything all weekend, I've just been in a shell of regret, can't eat, sleeping all day and smoking again which I had knocked on the head.

 

As I say, try to moderate again if you don't want to stop altogether, but I think you know that the only way to avoid these problems in the future is to stop drinking.

 

Good luck, I understand how you're feeling and wish you the best.

[TaraMaiden]

There's an alcohol addict, and there's an alcohol dependent.

A friend of mine, who's a mentor in AA (and obviously, an alcoholic himself) told me the distinction:

 

An alcohol addict will wake up and take a drink; he wears it well, and nobody would know he's drinking, probably small shots, throughout the day. He's never actually really fully sober.

 

An alcohol dependent, can go for days, weeks maybe even a month at a time without a drink; but once he starts, he can't stop. he gets blind drunk, senseless and screws everything up - but when he sobers up, everything can be repaired, and put back to rights, to a certain extent.

 

Note: This is a very black-and-white definition, but there are vast spaces in between filled with different people and slightly different perspectives.

 

Secondly, I use 'he' but please know, it could also just as easily be 'she'.

[robbysurfs]

I wouldnt say different perspectives more like different circumstances related to alcoholism. Drinking booze is but a symptom of being a alcoholic it is much deeper rooted then drinking alcohol. Alcoholism is "SELF" diagnosed and until one feels he/she has a problem or his life becomes unmanageable only he/she will know. That being said it will continue and progress and unfortunately for most alcoholics the disease is fatal. There are people who drink every day that are not alcoholics. So let me say again if you are blacking out drinking in excess and scared to let go of the drink you may very well be a alcoholic but like I said earlier it is self diagnosed. And that fear you speak of is what a lot of us drank for yr and yrs over you are not alone there. Good luck and be good to yourself...

[Haydn]

Hi Red,

 

I agree with the term `mean drunk` as another poster pointed out. I also enjoy a few beers. I tend to find that after 2 or 3 i am fairly happy, more than that and it makes me miserable and reflective and like you prone to a certain level of unpleasentness. I think Tara is right in her post. I dont know how much of a problem binge drinking is in the states but in the uk its a huge problem. I hope you overcome this friend and i am sure you will. Take care.

[MyEvilTwin]

I think it's the party atmosphere. People who drink in social situations and get into trouble are lumped in with people who are physically alcohol dependent and drink everyday and both called alcoholics. I don't believe that.

With me, I've noticed that when I drink excessively, it has always been in a social setting. Alcohol is the lubricant. I'm having fun, the alcohol is helping, so then I think another drink is going to make it even better. Not so.

It's difficult to get the intoxicated brain to abide by the rules, but moderation can be achieved if you are able to watch the clock and tell yourself one drink per hour and a water in between.

Since this problem occurs only in social settings and parties, perhaps next time you party with these friends, you have one drink for the whole night. Can you do that? If you can, good. Show them that you can control yourself, show yourself too. If one drink is going to lead to too many, then it's best you abstain at the next party with this group.

Perhaps some social anxiety is leading you have too many? I mean that alcohol helps take away being self-conscious.

 

 

I would definitely talk to those friends about what happened that night, the gory details, if you don't remember. And I fully agree that you investigate the aggressive mean side that came out with a counselor. Alcohol can bring out the dark negative view of life if you drink enough of it.

Edited February 11, 2014 by MyEvilTwin