Having trouble getting over him...

[confused_gf]

Hey guys,

 

I met this guy shortly after I broke up with my boyfriend. I really liked him a lot but I told him I couldn't get involved with anyone. Yet, after one night hanging out with him I became kind of infatuated. Physically, I am extremely attracted to him. He has a handsome face, he is in great shape, grew up playing soccer, does Pilates. He is a musician and I LOVE anything he does musically, I feel he is very talented.

 

The first night we hung out together we went to a party. Sat on the roof and talked about things. I told him I couldn't get too seriously involved with him. But by the end of the night we were holding hands through the streets. One girl even stopped and asked me if he was my boyfriend. We spent the night at his friends beautiful house in the hills and that was that.

 

I never really heard anything from him, but I saw this picture of us two together that night so I decided to send it to him on my phone. We started talking and got together to talk about me potentially helping his band put on concert - get them more publicity (I'm in that line of work). After talking at the cafe and at the bar, he asked me to go back to his place. I don't have too much experience with guys and while I know this often means sex, I didn't know if he meant it that way or not. He seems very innocent.

 

So we went back to his place and went to his room. While I was checking myself in the mirror he snuck up behind me and grabbed me. I was kind of shocked and not sure if I really wanted to sleep with him. I told him I wanted to work with him, not just sleep with him. But long story short, we ended up sleeping together. He was very intense in bed.

 

The next morning he made me pancakes and we hung out for a while before I left. He told me about this concert of this band that I like, so I bought tickets for it and we continued to talk about doing stuff for his band over email.

 

Later that month I met with him at the show. Went to a party after. Then went back to his place. I slept in his bed but didn't give him sex because I was slightly upset when his friend told me he was hitting on another girl at the party. We slept cuddled up together the whole night, it was more romantic.

 

A month after that I didn't hear anything from him really. But I saw him walking down the street with his friend so I decided to stop and say hey. We exchanged a few words and then I told them I should get going. As they walked off, He turned around and said "Let's hang out soon." A month later - nothing from him. What a complicated mess. Sometimes I really think I blew it by sleeping with him. But it kinda seems like maybe he is just a young, dumb, player type of guy. I don't understand how someone could seem so great, but really just be a douche? Or do I suck?

[confusedsoul14]

Hey!

Even I'm having a very hard time getting over this guy that I like, so I completely understand where you are coming from. I think the best solution to this problem would be to talk face to face with him. Ask him if he really wants to have a serious relationship with you or not. Since you guys have already slept with each other, it's not at all weird to ask him that, ya know? Besides, it was him who initiated the whole interaction between the two of you, right?

To help you think, here's why I think he is keeping distance from you: Before sleeping with him, you told him that you don't want to get too involved with him for a while, right? So maybe he thought that you didn't take the sex seriously. Maybe he is trying to give you some space until you completely get over your ex. In the meanwhile, he is trying to keep his own options open by hitting on other girls, just in case you reject him or something. Guys are super scared of rejection i'm telling you! And that's when they start acting stupid.

If what I think is right, then you should clear all his doubts by telling him how you really feel about him now. If not, then I think is a player, who is only physically attracted to you, and you deserve way better.

So, please just talk to him and try to understand what he really wants before you tell him that you like him. I'm telling you, talking is the best solution! At least you still have the chance to talk to him about this. I can't even talk to the guy I like about all this because he already has a gf. But I keep feeling like he really likes me and that he would have approached to me if he met me before his gf.

 

Good luck!

[Frank2thepoint]

confusedsoul14 covered the basic gist of what might be happening.

 

My take on this is after you told him you are not looking to get involved with anyone, then proceeded to hold hands, which sent him mixed signals. You did what a lot of girls do that guys learned to play around with, which is never listen to a girl's words but focus on her actions. He interpreted the whole night as a way to get some fling going and you facilitated that by having sex with him as well. The fact that he isn't contacting you on his own volition means he only sees you as a means of having fun with.

 

Do not judge him as "young, dumb, player type of guy" since you allowed this dalliance to occur in the first place and he just took advantage of an opportunity. If you want more from him, and are ready to move past an infatuation, then talk to him about what you want and what he wants.