Question to MMs, could you answer. Why any men would do this?

[nicepuzzle]

1. He always called me same day to see me and kept NC in between

2. Never said when he was seeing me next

3. Never took me for dinner date

4. Minimal text. Only reply when I texted or emailed. Never initiated.

5. Never wished Christmas, birthdays or holiday s

6. Distanced himself when I got emotional and asked questions without explaination.

8. Last one to call when I had a death in family. He was the first one I called

9. When I called, kept conversation short and to the point

10. Had rumors with coworkers and secretaries.

11. Made me close to everyone in the family including wife. A family friend

 

However, when came to see me, held me for hours being emotional and teary...and the only person who ever loved me was him.

 

I walked away, moved on with my life on good terms. Did NC success fully for 6 years and he came back.

 

1. See in hotel rooms once in a while.

2. NC in between.

3. Minimal contacts through twxts and email and only when we meet.

4. Cry and emotional and declare love and intensity when we meet and all the rules above.

5. When I questioned his love and other women, no explanation and go NC again...

 

All you MM out there...what do u think he was doing? I havw finished with him for good and taught him a good lesson. But was he a crazy person or way too smart. And yes I fell in love with him since when he was with me, I never experienced such intensity of emotions.

 

I am NC for 9 months and doing very well but sometimes I get mixed emotions and question a lot of things. I never wanted tbe A but when he implied that his wife cheated and bore a child from her lover, my heart went out for him. He said he is there with her for children and was sacrificing and had 2 more kids from him while continuing cheating and saying he feels guilty.

[carhill]

The main 'why', nearly universal between all men, is because it works. Each time he participates in one interaction, he learns from it and improves the process, and also improves his picker. Men who have affairs, successfully, pick carefully, according to the goals they wish to achieve.

 

My take, being a fMM, is that he chose well and is quite good at what he does. It's highly likely that you were part of a 'roster'.

 

Having seen the other side as an fOM, long ago, I ran into some MW's who, like your fMM, were so bold as to 'include' me into their personal family interactions and, shockingly (to me at the time) intermingle me with the other men on their roster, innocently of course. I was ignorant back then but have come to be fascinated by the psychology that these types of affair participants exhibit to say and do such things. Impressive.

 

Part of my closure to this era was to examine those factors in an unemotional way, accept them as the realities of the period, accept my own participation and close it out as part of life's path I chose. Not particularly proud of it but learned a lot. Good luck with NC and your path.

[Lady2163]

Carhill is right, he was learning from each meeting with you and figuring out what your limits were. I call it the how-little-do-I-have-to-do-and-still-get-what-I-want complex.

 

Did you forgive him when he didn't acknowledge Chrismas, birthday, etc? Yes. Therefore he could do it again.

 

I flat out told my MM FWB that no matter what, he HAS to call me the day after we have been intimate. That is one of my limits.

 

Not that I think you will ever be involved with another MM, but whatevr relationship you have next, be true to yourself and know what you expect as basic treatment from the men you are seeing. Find a way to tell them, as specifically as possible. One conversation only.

[nicepuzzle]

Such an ediot I was and a doormat. He was an experienced cheater and affair man. I was too young and naive and scared to take opinion from anyone. I worked for him and he was a senior exec in company. I cried and questioned him a lot of times and he ignored and did what he had to...

 

When he came second time, I said "no" and showed him door and he told me he had true feelings for me.

[carhill]

Unfortunately, that happens. However, I've seen these types beat at their own game by very clever MW's in those same work environments. Strung those execs up by their cajones. Hence, most smart men who pursue affairs of the 'black book' sort, as opposed to parallel, loving relationships, will select young, single (never married) women as marks in that environment and lay out 'the rules'. I knew a few business owners who would turn over (meaning hire and fire) their female staff to 'refresh' the roster of potentials. Yep, happens. Rules, and lawsuits, make that a bit tougher to do today but I trust it still goes on.

 

Great life lesson and tuition at relationship university. Good luck.

[BlueBobby]

He may not have been doing it on purpose at first but that's a long list of faults. Sounds like his issue not yours.

[nicepuzzle]

How can someone be so much in love and can so much follow the rules and adhere to them...? If he loved me as he claimed his feelings as pure feelings and I felt them,why still played with the strict rules?

[Got it]

1. He always called me same day to see me and kept NC in between

2. Never said when he was seeing me next

3. Never took me for dinner date

4. Minimal text. Only reply when I texted or emailed. Never initiated.

5. Never wished Christmas, birthdays or holiday s

6. Distanced himself when I got emotional and asked questions without explaination.

8. Last one to call when I had a death in family. He was the first one I called

9. When I called, kept conversation short and to the point

10. Had rumors with coworkers and secretaries.

11. Made me close to everyone in the family including wife. A family friend

 

However, when came to see me, held me for hours being emotional and teary...and the only person who ever loved me was him.

 

I walked away, moved on with my life on good terms. Did NC success fully for 6 years and he came back.

 

1. See in hotel rooms once in a while.

2. NC in between.

3. Minimal contacts through twxts and email and only when we meet.

4. Cry and emotional and declare love and intensity when we meet and all the rules above.

5. When I questioned his love and other women, no explanation and go NC again...

 

All you MM out there...what do u think he was doing? I havw finished with him for good and taught him a good lesson. But was he a crazy person or way too smart. And yes I fell in love with him since when he was with me, I never experienced such intensity of emotions.

 

I am NC for 9 months and doing very well but sometimes I get mixed emotions and question a lot of things. I never wanted tbe A but when he implied that his wife cheated and bore a child from her lover, my heart went out for him. He said he is there with her for children and was sacrificing and had 2 more kids from him while continuing cheating and saying he feels guilty.

 

My MM/husband's only comment/explanation is CAKE EATER (bolding is his). Or acts of convenience, when he needed you, you became relevant and he knew that. But showing that he disappears when you ask for more.

 

He says he is sorry to be so harsh, it isn't about you but about him.

[SammySammy]

I think there's another explanation. The reason he only contacts you on a certain day, never initiates contact and is terse in his replies is that it minimizes the opportunities for his wife to become suspicious. Frequent texting and phone calls are things that give away wandering spouses. Some people get caught up in their emotions and can't resist the urge to contact each other. A smart man is able to maintain his composure until he has privacy or is with you in person. He's just being discreet. Which is not a bad thing for a person in an A. That is what I think is going on.

[LilGirlandOW]

my take on this is as a fOW turned GF is his feelings for you were real although he also wanted to maintain a cushy and comfortable "family life". My MM was somewhat like that, although we would be in contact everyday and celebrate holidays, all the while he didnt want to be apart from his kids so he was happy with maintaining our R, and co-living with the BS.

 

I'm so happy to hear you are NC and moving forward with your life A's are wasted time and emotional rollercoasters no matter what the outcome is.

 

((Hugs))

[missannoyed]

WOW! just wow.... your story is so similar to mine that it sounds like we were dating the same MM. ha..

 

I recently had a death in the family too and he was the last one to call too. that hurt... then started treating me like a stranger and would play the old push pull game. declare love some days then pull back and go NC other days. was a PA for mine too.. and he always wanted to intro me to his wife and kids for some reason as well!

 

Did yours ever try to purposely make you jealous??

 

I've over analysed it so many times that I've came to the conclusion that, that type of man is only in it for the ego trip... control... and self validation

 

it's all about him mentality...they make you feel so special and that you have a "BOND" but no....... I've realised this now since he's relying on the other office biddies for attention since I've left the company.

 

all about the attention that he apparently lacks at him pffft.

[hurtnomorerika]

I think there's another explanation. The reason he only contacts you on a certain day, never initiates contact and is terse in his replies is that it minimizes the opportunities for his wife to become suspicious. Frequent texting and phone calls are things that give away wandering spouses. Some people get caught up in their emotions and can't resist the urge to contact each other. A smart man is able to maintain his composure until he has privacy or is with you in person. He's just being discreet. Which is not a bad thing for a person in an A. That is what I think is going on.

 

 

Wow. I think you hit it right on the nail. He only contacts when its convenient for him. He may want to contact you more, but fears that if he does he may get reckless and the wife will catch on to what he's doing. Happened to me, didnt realize then, but I do now. He KNOWS exactly what he's doing.

[hurtnomorerika]

WOW! just wow.... your story is so similar to mine that it sounds like we were dating the same MM. ha..

 

I recently had a death in the family too and he was the last one to call too. that hurt... then started treating me like a stranger and would play the old push pull game. declare love some days then pull back and go NC other days. was a PA for mine too.. and he always wanted to intro me to his wife and kids for some reason as well!

 

Did yours ever try to purposely make you jealous??

 

I've over analysed it so many times that I've came to the conclusion that, that type of man is only in it for the ego trip... control... and self validation

 

it's all about him mentality...they make you feel so special and that you have a "BOND" but no....... I've realised this now since he's relying on the other office biddies for attention since I've left the company.

 

all about the attention that he apparently lacks at him pffft.

 

Although, I didnt have a death or anything during the affair he didnt call me during important times like I thought he should have. For instance, I took a trip to vegas with a girlfriend of mine. I told him that I wanted to see him before I left, he said ok. The day before and the day of my trip I didnt hear anything from him. I thought he would atleast see me, call, or text me and tell me to be safe, be careful. He had been to vegas before I hadnt. That was my first time on a airplane. He text me a couple days after I came back and asked how the trip was. I was so pissed. However, I went into the OW mode, I didnt say nothing because I didnt want to upset him. I look back on that and say how silly could I have been. Im so glad thats over.

[nicepuzzle]

WOW! just wow.... your story is so similar to mine that it sounds like we were dating the same MM. ha..

 

I recently had a death in the family too and he was the last one to call too. that hurt... then started treating me like a stranger and would play the old push pull game. declare love some days then pull back and go NC other days. was a PA for mine too.. and he always wanted to intro me to his wife and kids for some reason as well!

 

Did yours ever try to purposely make you jealous??

 

I've over analysed it so many times that I've came to the conclusion that, that type of man is only in it for the ego trip... control... and self validation

 

it's all about him mentality...they make you feel so special and that you have a "BOND" but no....... I've realised this now since he's relying on the other office biddies for attention since I've left the company.

 

all about the attention that he apparently lacks at him pffft.

 

Wow, he does sound like same man. He did flirt in front of me with all other girls and always tried to be the center of the world. He was senior executive so women did give him attention and he loved it. He had stories with half of the company and town and had a second phone before meeting me...I have left the company too and he continues....

[nicepuzzle]

Wow. I think you hit it right on the nail. He only contacts when its convenient for him. He may want to contact you more, but fears that if he does he may get reckless and the wife will catch on to what he's doing. Happened to me, didnt realize then, but I do now. He KNOWS exactly what he's doing.

 

Not true in my case. He travels all the time and habe all the time to contact me. His wife isnt there...but rules are rules and he follows. He is way to experience d and keeping an emotional distance careful not to make it a relationship

[nicepuzzle]

my take on this is as a fOW turned GF is his feelings for you were real although he also wanted to maintain a cushy and comfortable "family life". My MM was somewhat like that, although we would be in contact everyday and celebrate holidays, all the while he didnt want to be apart from his kids so he was happy with maintaining our R, and co-living with the BS.

 

I'm so happy to hear you are NC and moving forward with your life A's are wasted time and emotional rollercoasters no matter what the outcome is.

 

((Hugs))

 

 

What I understand is that he didnt want to make it a relationship and didnt want a relatonship where it interfers his personal life. Regardless, what his wife did he didnt want to break his family but led me on never saying it clearly and left me wondering and waiting...He followed strict rules in his mind while leading me on. I was so scared to call him worried that I would make him angry. he set the rules very clearly while enjoying what he could get out of me

[nicepuzzle]

Wow. I think you hit it right on the nail. He only contacts when its convenient for him. He may want to contact you more, but fears that if he does he may get reckless and the wife will catch on to what he's doing. Happened to me, didnt realize then, but I do now. He KNOWS exactly what he's doing.

 

He travels frequently and had plenty of times to call me or ask me to travel with him. I was jsut a once in a while girl for him.

[wannabdone]

Not true in my case. He travels all the time and habe all the time to contact me. His wife isnt there...but rules are rules and he follows. He is way to experience d and keeping an emotional distance careful not to make it a relationship

 

 

 

I think that's called CYA. He s making sure that just in case the W finds out anything, its all on you girl. You have stalked him, called him, texted him, and he was an innocent caught in the midst of it all.

 

 

Whether he truly loved you or not, only you know that. But either way, my guess is he never wants to leave his W. So he is doing the CYA, so that never has to happen.

[nicepuzzle]

I think that's called CYA. He s making sure that just in case the W finds out anything, its all on you girl. You have stalked him, called him, texted him, and he was an innocent caught in the midst of it all.

 

 

Whether he truly loved you or not, only you know that. But either way, my guess is he never wants to leave his W. So he is doing the CYA, so that never has to happen.

 

wow..I never thought this one. He did contact minimal and to the point and NEVER initiated unless same day with a tagline. I feel great by telling his wife everything with a proof. His tacts didn't work however cautionary he was.

[nicepuzzle]

Also if thats the case wife would be dumb to believe. He has been caught several times and has a womanizer reputation in town.

[nicepuzzle]

I think that's called CYA. He s making sure that just in case the W finds out anything, its all on you girl. You have stalked him, called him, texted him, and he was an innocent caught in the midst of it all.

 

 

Whether he truly loved you or not, only you know that. But either way, my guess is he never wants to leave his W. So he is doing the CYA, so that never has to happen.

 

what is CYA?

[scatterd]

.

I think that's called CYA. He s making sure that just in case the W finds out anything, its all on you girl. You have stalked him, called him, texted him, and he was an innocent caught in the midst of it all.

 

 

Whether he truly loved you or not, only you know that. But either way, my guess is he never wants to leave his W. So he is doing the CYA, so that never has to happen.

The puzzle has been solved, I have to agree with this.

[sunburned]

CYA=Cover Your A**

[nicepuzzle]

Thats pathetic. I am still close to his friends. Do I need to block everyone?

[Aspasia33]

I thought the same thing...but didn't want to say it. I put up with that sort of stuff briefly when I was a teenager...and it was always about the guy wanting sex. Sorry to be harsh here...but this guy is a cake eater in the true sense of the word.

 

My MM/husband's only comment/explanation is CAKE EATER (bolding is his). Or acts of convenience, when he needed you, you became relevant and he knew that. But showing that he disappears when you ask for more.

 

He says he is sorry to be so harsh, it isn't about you but about him.