FiguringItOut_111 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 How do you prepare yourself financially for divorce? I am currently separated (not officially) from my husband, we live in the same house, kids don't know about anything yet, etc. I moved into a spare bedroom about six months ago. I know I am done and I stopped working on the marriage. However, I don't see any way to get a divorce right now or even to separate officially and move out or have him move out. We have a lot of debt (student loans, car payments, mortgage) and our house is fixed upper that we are not fixing due to lack of funds. I am planning few years out and trying to think would it be better to pay down on our debt as much as possible in the next few years or to hold on to cash and keep it in savings. Right now our finances are completely combined and will remain so until the day we can officially divorce or separate. I don't trust him near our finances as long as it can legally be attached to me. Those who were the ones asking for divorce, how did you prepare for it financially? My goal is for both of us not end up broke, but I don't know how to do that. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
BikerAccnt Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 A divorce needn't be expensive if it's agreed to by you both, and done amicably. Divorces only get expensive when they are contested. I divorced very amicably. The only costs involved were related to me buying my ex out of the house, the cost of the divorce itself, was minimal. Fee's for filing the paperwork, an attorney only to make sure all the proper forms were filed, etc. You need to decide if the debts are joint, who's going to take on what portion, and who gets what assets. That's where things tend to fall apart. If you can't agree, or you fight over this, things can get expensive fast. You need to decide what's more important, your peace of mind, or "winning" in the divorce proceedings. For me, it was peace of mind. You could always just sell the house, each take your share and leave. That way there's no buying the other person out. Your student loan debts should be yours alone, so not worries there, unless you can't afford to pay it on your own. If you can't afford to move out now that's going to complicate things. Because either of your minds may change as time passes, and what you think you agree to now, you may not later. Especially if one of your financial situation changed. Ie Unemployment or a great big raise. Good luck to you. Even when amicable, divorce just plain out sucks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 A divorce needn't be expensive if it's agreed to by you both, and done amicably. Good luck to you. Even when amicable, divorce just plain out sucks. Sorry BA, I agree but disagree. Agreed it sucks, and agreed it isn't too bad if amicable, but let's face it my friend: Two incomes are better than one. OP, I am with BA, but the whole thing just sucks! I hate money! Link to post Share on other sites
Author FiguringItOut_111 Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 Thank you both for the replies. It's true that two incomes are better then one, especially when his income is significantly higher then mine. I am more concerned now of how to prepare for the divorce which is still few years away, at best. I will looking into this and figure this out one step at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FiguringItOut_111 Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 What usually happens during this first meeting? As I mentioned in another thread, I am the one wanting a divorce. However, I don't plan on officially going for it for few more years. I want to get further ahead and more established in my carrier and increase my income during this time. Is it worth it to go and see an attorney now just to get an idea of what to expect? Who would be the best person to consult regarding financial issues, attorney or a financial adviser? Do either of those have free first consultations, usually? What information do they ask during the first meeting? Do I need to bring any documents with me or is this a general meeting just to talk and discuss possibilities? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 IANAL but I'd advise against 'getting ahead' if contemplating divorce in a community property state, especially if it comes at substantial personal cost. IME, first meeting/consult was an overview and question/answer in relative generalities. In my case I shared some business issues and personal aspects relative to a family trust I was involved in as trustee. IIRC, those were the only documents I brought along. The firm I dealt with had family law, business and estate planning lawyers on staff and each popped in as appropriate for a few minutes, relevant to specific issues. In all, we were in session about 90 minutes, at the end of which the lawyer asked if I wanted to retain him and quoted the firm's retainer. In my case, I was ready to proceed so I retained the firm, which I had been referred to by a business colleague. Dealing with a straight divorce attorney might be different, as I had a number of legal issues going on concurrent with the divorce, so YMMV. Once you get used to the high cost and running efficient so as not to drive up costs, it goes pretty smooth or at least did with the firm I used. IME, court time was the most expensive. Fortunately, my exW and I mediated and were generally amicable so the D didn't cost a lot but did take some time. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I don't understand how you can live with someone for years if you don't like them enough to want to get a divorce. It sounds really selfish. Plus you're living a lie to your children. Just get an attorney and file if that's what you want to do. Some people just talk about things and others act. Which one are you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 OP, relevant to the issue of waiting and finances, in my jurisdiction what filing does is place a point in time from which all finances can be accounted for, relevant to the intent of the parties to divorce. Prior, anything is 'marital' and is fair game. I've seen spouses clean each other out. Actually went to the bank with one. Yikes, but it was 'their' money, so fair game. Anyway, divorce lawsuits only proceed by prosecution; IOW you or your spouse need to move them forward, at all stages. If no action is taken, nothing happens. FWIW, my team had a bankruptcy strategy on the table, particular to my circumstances, along with an impoverishment of assets. Fortunately, as things turned out, I was able to get my exW a fresh start with no personal debt and a nice house and I'm still struggling but it's not too bad, which brings up another issue. I'm older, mid-50's, and the ten years or so it will take me to recover will take its toll on my health and put me into retirement years before completed. A younger person has more time so, IMO, the sooner you get moving the more time you'll have to get through the process and rebuild, respecting your apparent decision that the marriage is over. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 (edited) I don't understand how you can live with someone for years if you don't like them enough to want to get a divorce. Couldn't agree more. I'd rather be broke and happy. When the end is near, few people say "wish I'd made more money" as time is life's most precious commodity. Those years you're hanging out in the guest room, you'll never get them back... Mr. Lucky Edited January 4, 2014 by Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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