Monodare1 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Hi guys Was having a think back to the way I was before I met the stbxw, I used to love karaoke, I used to enjoy night clubbing and was fun and gregarious and flirtatious with women. Since I met her and since everything's that's happened, I feel totally drained of the sense of fun I used to have, like the stbxw is a vampire of the soul. How do u find yourself and how long does it take? It angers me that she has moved on while I feel lost. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 It will take some time. I would say I'm 2 months past the final "we're done" and about 5 months post d-day. I'm better than I have been in years, but still have lots to do. I just pick one thing to work on or pick back up, and focus on that for a while. Then just keep adding to it. It's rough watching your ex already light years ahead on the "moving on" scale, but it's all fake. She's the same messed up person she was before, just with more fog and enablers. You, however, are doing real self reflection and real self improvement. Don't get caught up in what seems to be your ex having a blast. What she's going through is good from far, but far from good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
K Os Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 I'd say you're on the right track thinking back to the time before you ever met her. I found it really helped me to pick up some things again after 16 years. There were things I'd forgotten I enjoyed, and she couldn't touch them in my mind because they belong to a time pre-her. Don't fall into the trap of comparing your progress to hers, as RightThere says it's impossible for you to know the reality of hers and it may well be cr*p. Just focus on your own. There's a saying - "the best revenge is to live well". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monodare1 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Share Posted January 3, 2014 All my mates are saying in not my usual self, before I met her I was full of confidence. My mates tell me to get over her by meeting other women but I'm really struggling to get into that mindset. It's true that now my stbxw has a boyfriend that there is nothing to stop me doing the same, just can't get into that headspace Link to post Share on other sites
K Os Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Yes sure, you're a free agent again in that respect. I'd advise you not to do anything you're not ready for, though. Think of it in reverse, would you want to get involved with a female version of yourself at the moment? Take some time, get some space, date again when you're in calmer waters, that's my advice. No need to take it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monodare1 Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 Trouble is its not stopped the stbxw, despite the fact we've got a little boy who is not quite 3 years old yet. Can't get my head round that. I'm not interested In her, i just love my little boy and I'm frightened of him getting confused and upset at her actions. Link to post Share on other sites
K Os Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Yes, that's hard. You can't stop it, though. You love your boy and all you need to do is love him and be there for him, always be honest with him and be calm and reassuring. He'll have lots of questions for you. You'll always be his dad. No louse can ever take that away from you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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