looneymalooney Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 (edited) A friend at work jokes with a girl at this party saying he thinks something (sexual) happened between her and some guy (girl and guy were also friends). Girl says nothing. Later that same friend tells the guy he is going to get some... Girl is around and reacts in no way whatsoever. After a while the guy keeps asking the girl to go to the room, over and over again, that it became degrading. she still says nothing. Just stands there. What do you think? Why didn't she play it down or do smth to reject these things in some way, if she didn't fancy the idea of sleeping with him ? Edited January 3, 2014 by looneymalooney Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 A friend at work jokes with a girl at this party saying he thinks something (sexual) happened between her and some guy (girl and guy were also friends). Girl says nothing. Later that same friend tells the guy he is going to get some... Girl is around and reacts in no way whatsoever. After a while the guy keeps asking the girl to go to the room, over and over again, that it became degrading. she still says nothing. Just stands there. What do you think? Why didn't she play it down or do smth to reject these things in some way, if she didn't fancy the idea of sleeping with him ? Then, that guy was a complete asshat if he was degrading the girl and probably humiliating her to the point where all she could do was just stand there. It would have been up to YOU to point out that this guy was being a complete douche rocket and needs to learn how to treat women and told him to knock it off and leave her alone. She may have rewarded her own knight in shining armor! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author looneymalooney Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 How was i supposed to handle the situation ? The way i see it, is: if she didn't want anything of that kind she would have said something (anything), even as a joke, to defuse the situation in some way and let him know she's not interested. But she didn't. Plus if she was in any way disturbed by the incident she would have stopped talking to the guy afterwards, but she didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 Some people have a hard time defending them self. Maybe she isn't the kind of person whose going to reach out and slap the guy. You should have said something to him like telling him to cool it. Good thing he didn't run into some of the women I know. They would have ripped that guy a new one. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 How was i supposed to handle the situation ? The way i see it, is: if she didn't want anything of that kind she would have said something (anything), even as a joke, to defuse the situation in some way and let him know she's not interested. But she didn't. Plus if she was in any way disturbed by the incident she would have stopped talking to the guy afterwards, but she didn't. I don't know. You tell me! You stated that she just stood there and took the abuse. She just stood there and didn't say anything. But, then again...you witnessed the abuse. You came here describing it as degrading and abusive. And you acted just like her. You just stood there...didn't say anything. Why did she continue to hang around and still talk to the guy? Sounds like someone that has low self esteem. Didn't want to be viewed as an outcast. We should treat people the way that they deserve to be treated. Dollars to donuts, if this was your sister or mother, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have just stood there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author looneymalooney Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 Some people have a hard time defending them self. Maybe she isn't the kind of person whose going to reach out and slap the guy. You should have said something to him like telling him to cool it. Good thing he didn't run into some of the women I know. They would have ripped that guy a new one. i would have run him through the walls if she asked him to stop and he didn't. But she's not fragile in any way or not capable to defend herself. That's what amazes me. Her lack of reaction against his requests. Then again why didn't she just freakin' go if she was ok with that guy insisting. I'm just trying to better understand what happened bc i had a thing for that girl at that time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author looneymalooney Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 I don't know. You tell me! You stated that she just stood there and took the abuse. She just stood there and didn't say anything. But, then again...you witnessed the abuse. You came here describing it as degrading and abusive. And you acted just like her. You just stood there...didn't say anything. Why did she continue to hang around and still talk to the guy? Sounds like someone that has low self esteem. Didn't want to be viewed as an outcast. We should treat people the way that they deserve to be treated. Dollars to donuts, if this was your sister or mother, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have just stood there. She's not actually a fragile kind of girl. She can take care of herself. Low self-esteem is out of question and she certainly isn't an outcast. Actually if she wanted to throw the guy out of the group she could have snapped her fingers and he would have become the outcast. But she didn't do that. That's why i didn't do anything, bc i can't tell if she was interested, yet why didn't she go sleep with him if she was ok. As for the "abusive and degrading" part. That's how I see it. Maybe she didn't see it the same way and she was ok with that kind of attention. I don't know but i posted this thinking someone might help me with some opinions. and i was interested in the girl that's why i care to know if she wanted to sleep with the guy or not. Link to post Share on other sites
malloryor Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 She's not actually a fragile kind of girl. She can take care of herself. Low self-esteem is out of question and she certainly isn't an outcast. Actually if she wanted to throw the guy out of the group she could have snapped her fingers and he would have become the outcast. But she didn't do that. That's why i didn't do anything, bc i can't tell if she was interested, yet why didn't she go sleep with him if she was ok. As for the "abusive and degrading" part. That's how I see it. Maybe she didn't see it the same way and she was ok with that kind of attention. I don't know but i posted this thinking someone might help me with some opinions. and i was interested in the girl that's why i care to know if she wanted to sleep with the guy or not. I seriously wonder if you're the guy in question hmmmm... Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 some people were bought up not to be rude in public....and some people dont give a rats ass what they say to make others uncomfortable...as a woman if i witnessed that i would have told the guy to lay off.......even though i normally remain quiet i would have felt her humiliation.....and i hate witnessing public humiliation.......i would try and make her feel ok to stand up for herself........back her up......dont know why you didnt?....maybe you were just as uncomfortable as her and thats the way you handle it too....by saying nothing....silent protest its called..a retreat inside of yourself when life becomes to awkward to handle. sometimes it makes a very pronounced statement to say nothing....stoicism....made you wonder didnt it..now you are writing about it... what should you have done? is the question to ask youself, not what she should have done....you dont have power or knowledge of her reasoning only your own......you do however have the ability to look inside your mind and heart..and next time you see something like that.....will you or would you stand up?...... maybe that is what she was doing when she didtn voice her humilation ....asking for someone to make him stop .....rendered silent except for her inner voice.....we will never know huh....maybe you should ask her...........deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author looneymalooney Posted March 6, 2014 Author Share Posted March 6, 2014 I seriously wonder if you're the guy in question hmmmm... the guy asking her to go to bed ?! NO ! i was some fool that loved her and unfortunately i witnessed this. That was part of why i didn't do anything. Because my brain was in shock trying to figure out if she liked that other guy and i just froze there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author looneymalooney Posted March 6, 2014 Author Share Posted March 6, 2014 some people were bought up not to be rude in public....and some people dont give a rats ass what they say to make others uncomfortable...as a woman if i witnessed that i would have told the guy to lay off.......even though i normally remain quiet i would have felt her humiliation.....and i hate witnessing public humiliation.......i would try and make her feel ok to stand up for herself........back her up......dont know why you didnt?....maybe you were just as uncomfortable as her and thats the way you handle it too....by saying nothing....silent protest its called..a retreat inside of yourself when life becomes to awkward to handle. sometimes it makes a very pronounced statement to say nothing....stoicism....made you wonder didnt it..now you are writing about it... what should you have done? is the question to ask youself, not what she should have done....you dont have power or knowledge of her reasoning only your own......you do however have the ability to look inside your mind and heart..and next time you see something like that.....will you or would you stand up?...... maybe that is what she was doing when she didtn voice her humilation ....asking for someone to make him stop .....rendered silent except for her inner voice.....we will never know huh....maybe you should ask her...........deb Like i said: not a fragile girl at all. They were already good friends. My question isn't "what she should have done" but "what were her intentions with the guy". I loved her and it wasn't comfortable for me to watch that. Plus i got crushed thinking that she might actually be into that guy. If she would have shown the slightest sign of feeling uncomfortable, trust me i know what i would have done to that guy. Not trying to find excuses for my lack of reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 Here's a novel idea- Ask her! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 Like i said: not a fragile girl at all. They were already good friends. My question isn't "what she should have done" but "what were her intentions with the guy". I loved her and it wasn't comfortable for me to watch that. Plus i got crushed thinking that she might actually be into that guy. If she would have shown the slightest sign of feeling uncomfortable, trust me i know what i would have done to that guy. Not trying to find excuses for my lack of reaction. i think you should just ask her,you have written "i loved her" ....did her silence make you change your mind? one thing i know by experience is that when i was getting the crap kicked out of me by a guy and there were people watching and egging him on...i didnt have a voice .....not an outward one..i just prayed..public humiliation can make you silent....doesnt take strangers either to humiliate its often people you know who are able to humiliate you....because you dont expect it or deserve it.....in the case of friends specifically.....you arent on guard..she was caught off guard probably..questioning why.....praying for it to stop......so you dont speak you are trying to decide what to do .....often too late to do anything.....the only one who knows what she felt is her...as for me....i understand silence...even if i dont know the reason why..or it doesnt make sense......i do think you should ask........deb Link to post Share on other sites
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