awholenewworld Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I'm at a stage in this divorce where I am getting confused. I kind of expected as much as I'm only human. We've been through a rough few years. He's been really emotionally abusive and it's been pretty bad and unrelenting. But now that he realizes that this divorce is most likely happening, (papers signed, just need filed with the clerk) he's been trying to act like he use to, before he became a controlling nasty freek. It's making me very confused. I'm pretty certain that this is only coming as his last ditch effort to avoid a divorce, loss of his house, child support, etc. But my thinking is, "why, after all these years, are you finally behaving in a way that I can live with?" I almost certainly know that if I fall for this act I will regret it terribly. I have come so far in getting my head right and putting my foot down as to how I will and will NOT be treated and talked to. His behavior over the past few years has even totally destroyed his relationship with his children as well. I feel I need this divorce to finally move forward to a healthy stress free place in my life and that of my children. By calling it off, I feel that I would only be going backwards. When I'm with him, I feel like all I do is run in circles. Going over every little thing that happened in our past, the good and lots of the bad. Like I am literally going around and around for days on end, from first thing in the morning, through all the day, till I fall asleep at night. It's exhausting. I know he's trying to hold on. I want to believe it's sincerity. I really think he still loves me and the children. I know I will always love him. I just can't stand him, lol! What do I do?? HELP!! Link to post Share on other sites
thompkevin Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 It's a matter of risk. If you are willing to take the risk of giving him one more chance, you stay. There is a chance that he is sincere and you can have a healthy stressfree life with him (only you know how much are the chances). But you might also end up wasting another couple years of life. On the other hand, if you don't give him another chance, you can start moving on and living a healthy stress free life right away. Link to post Share on other sites
alonefornow Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 His behavior over the past few years has even totally destroyed his relationship with his children as well. This tells you all you need to know. You're absolutely correct that this is a last ditch effort brought on by the divorce, but it's not an effort made out of love. It is an effort that is yet one more example of manipulation and control. Someone who can't see the damage they do to their children and use that as incentive to change isn't going to make lasting changes when faced with divorce. I feel I need this divorce to finally move forward to a healthy stress free place in my life and that of my children. By calling it off, I feel that I would only be going backwards. You know what you need to do for yourself and your children. Keep moving forward. If you haven't checked it out here's a link to the stickied post on this forum with some resources regarding abuse: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce-2.html#post5367903 Link to post Share on other sites
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