Husband is unhappy in the marriage?

[dhajkakdh]

I need advice, and haven;t been able to discuss things with my husband yet. He's pissed at me because he believes I give him a silent treatment, whereas I am withdrawn and just can't talk now. I know I have to. But still feel hurt, and need time to calm down my emotion. My husband says he can't and doesn't want to live like this -- me giving him a silent treatment for no reason. This hurt me even more -- I have been talking, but been cold & withdrawn for 1 day only...needed time to think things over...and now he's telling me AGAIN (he did say this before) that he "doesn't want to live his life like this".

Why am I withdrawn? On Fri night we were talking about our past experiences in schools. I said I got drunk at the prom bc I got mad at my ex-bf, but now I understand how silly it was since I don't remember which one bf it was. He said that he was OK for his prom, he was dating his law school gf, and then he did not understand her, but now he does. He then said that at that time he wouldn't be able to marry her bc of her family, she was rich but unhappy.

I asked him: "What about my family? My family is crazy, too." He said: "Yes, you are right. But you are a good mother". I said: "But she was rich, so she could afford a baby sitter". He said: "Yes, that's true. She was working for a big company & WE would have made a quarter million together...WE would have been able to afford everything. WE would have..." I stopped him. I told him that I am sleepy, and went to bed feeling very hurt.

See, I have been an achiever. He proposed to me when I was going to leave the country to go back to my home country since my visa was expiring. We got married, and in 2 weeks found out I was pregnant. We have a baby. I love the baby more more than anything else in the world. But from a professional, I became a stay at home mom. My husband complains we do not have enough money, though he earns $100K. He says we can't afford to buy me a ticket to go visit my home country & see my family there. He says we do not have $ to pay for my driving lessons, or buy me a car. We live in a suburban area, and it's hard to move without the car.

I stay at home all the time. I am basically attached to the house. I clean, cook, take care of household chores & the baby. He doesn't help much. He is an introvert, and likes to play on his computer, watch TV. If we have a 10-min conversation during the dinner -- he considers that enough for the day. I feel like I am fading, and need more from marriage. He stopped saying he loves me, or doing anything romantic. And now with that nostalgia of his about his ex-gf...It's just the way he said it...WE would have. I wouldn't do this to him. Now I feel compared, inadequate. I know I won't earn even close to how much she is earning ever in this country because everything is so different here, & I was not born here, and don't have a rich family. He knows that, too. I feel hurt, and wish I could talk this out to him. But then -- I am afraid that he'll just as usual say -- "No, you misunderstood me, that's fine, we're fine & you should stop being so sensitive". Am I too sensitive? How would he feel in my place?!

Well, here I am -- ready for all the criticism on the forum. I'd appreciate any advice on how to deal with the issue -- talk to him?..If yes, where do I start?

Thanks.

[dhajkakdh]

A week ago, when I told him that I am happy we have each other & the baby, he was silent. I asked if he was happy. He said: "I just wish we had more money".

[CarrieT]

Sit down with him and say that if the bulk of his issues are financial, then offer to go back to work; that would get you out of the house and contributing to a partnership in his eyes.

 

Personally, I think there are a LOT more issues at hand that he is not disclosing - but how you can get him to share (short of marriage counseling) is beyond me.

[eleanorrigby]

I feel like I'm living close to the same life as you, minus the money.

Very isolated, very lonely. {hugs}