iplaymybassinthesun Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 As I try to figure out how the dating world works and my place in it, I'm finding that I may be even more afraid of success than of continued failure. I've talked about my frustration to others, but I find myself at the same time avoiding dating opportunities during the rare times when they emerge. It's like if I did meet any girls, don't put on the usual defensive personas I try to put on, be who I really am personality wise, and they still like me and still stick around, I wouldn't know to do. I wouldn't know to handle the real emotions of attraction and forming relationships. Bottom line is, I've let every aspect of my life to become rooted in intense fear, including dating and intimacy. Is there anyone who can relate to being completely ruled by fear? Fear of rejection, fear of success, fear of desire, fear of vulnerability, fear of abandonment, just this crushing, grinding anxiety and a brain that refuses to turn off until you just want to never wake up when you finally fall into an exhausted sleep. Link to post Share on other sites
Scales Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 As I try to figure out how the dating world works and my place in it, I'm finding that I may be even more afraid of success than of continued failure. I've talked about my frustration to others, but I find myself at the same time avoiding dating opportunities during the rare times when they emerge. It's like if I did meet any girls, don't put on the usual defensive personas I try to put on, be who I really am personality wise, and they still like me and still stick around, I wouldn't know to do. I wouldn't know to handle the real emotions of attraction and forming relationships. Bottom line is, I've let every aspect of my life to become rooted in intense fear, including dating and intimacy. Is there anyone who can relate to being completely ruled by fear? Fear of rejection, fear of success, fear of desire, fear of vulnerability, fear of abandonment, just this crushing, grinding anxiety and a brain that refuses to turn off until you just want to never wake up when you finally fall into an exhausted sleep. You wouldn't know what to do if a girl likes you for who you are? I'm not sure what that means. If you like something that is in front of you, you enjoy it. What are "real" emotions. Take the time to not only enjoy girls, but social interactions in general, and your life overall. The part about fear sounds more like a mental issue rather than a dating issue. Social anxiety. How to solve it? Over expose yourself to social environments. Desensitize and stop caring about it. Fear is an emotional investment, find a way to stop caring about whatever it is. You will end up thinking too much about everything which cripples your ability to take action in social situations which is what you should be doing. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Well, just be single and work on yourself for now. You may have some kind of commitmentphobia. You are quote possibly just going through the motions so you can look normal. Link to post Share on other sites
jba10582 Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Fear is hardwired in you brain for surivial reasons. Though many times, they can seem so antiquated or even irrational at times, yet often, they persist, despite this. Fortunatley, there is an abundance of internet resources, books and therapies dedicated to overcoming many different kinds of fears, and you can be on the right track with the right approach in finding the resources that are appropriate for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 yep, fear of change and of the new; i also have slight commitment-phobia, but that comes from lack of experience i suppose Link to post Share on other sites
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