Anyone actually walked in on your spouse when they were with another person in bed?

[BetrayedH]

BetrayedH's story that his ex wrote i liken to be the same as walking in on it. I still give him props, he threw her *** out, even if he went to jail for a night... good on it.

 

I might tend to agree but that is probably the one action I would take back, simply because she was injured in the process.

 

As well, it's caused a major rift with my (ex) inlaws. All they know is that we both had affairs and I hurt her (and she's their daughter). They don't know about the blog post. So far, I haven't shared it with them (they don't speak with me even after all this time). But I'm afraid their rude behavior (mostly her mother who is silent except for the rare snide comment) may not be something I can continue to endure silently. I'd really rather not share it with them (they don't really deserve it) and it would definitely be a huge setback in my already tenuous relationship with my children's mother. It's a big dilemma. Right now I'm trying to use some diplomacy skills to see if my ex will try to intervene with her parents. The whole thing is frankly quite tiring at this point. One side of me is tempted to just shove a copy in every family member's shirt pocket and tell them to read it like I had to. The other side of me would just like peace between everyone for the sake of my kids. Ugh.

[96nole]

I might tend to agree but that is probably the one action I would take back, simply because she was injured in the process.

 

As well, it's caused a major rift with my (ex) inlaws. All they know is that we both had affairs and I hurt her (and she's their daughter). They don't know about the blog post. So far, I haven't shared it with them (they don't speak with me even after all this time). But I'm afraid their rude behavior (mostly her mother who is silent except for the rare snide comment) may not be something I can continue to endure silently. I'd really rather not share it with them (they don't really deserve it) and it would definitely be a huge setback in my already tenuous relationship with my children's mother. It's a big dilemma. Right now I'm trying to use some diplomacy skills to see if my ex will try to intervene with her parents. The whole thing is frankly quite tiring at this point. One side of me is tempted to just shove a copy in every family member's shirt pocket and tell them to read it like I had to. The other side of me would just like peace between everyone for the sake of my kids. Ugh.

At this point I say take a copy and shove it up their ass*s. But that's just me.

[peruano99]

If your wife hasn't caused you any problems recently BetrayedH, I say just stay away from her and her parents. It doesn't matter if you show it to them, they will still think she is a good woman and you are a bad man.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

If your wife hasn't caused you any problems recently BetrayedH, I say just stay away from her and her parents. It doesn't matter if you show it to them, they will still think she is a good woman and you are a bad man.

 

I agree with this 100%. This isn't quite the same, but my xmom wrote me several letters and I kept them for awhile and even kept his voice mails - at the time I thought it was because his voice gave me comfort and then I realized I kind of needed them as proof because he threw me under the bus so quickly. So I started showing the letters to people - his wife wanted to read them. I showed them to my husband etc. They were very manipulative in nature ( I didn't see it at the time but I saw it a few years later). Most people that read them saw it but there were a few that somehow he was able to explain away ( a couple of friends who aren't my friends anymore and his wife of course).

 

There are times I wish I had shown them to his parents ( who I run into from time to time and treat me badly), but in the end that would not have done any good.

 

Blood is definitely thicker than water and people who are in denial about their situation and their role in it are very good at explaining away even the most undeniable evidence. It wouldn't really do any good for her parents to see that post especially if you (BH) are the one to show them. It would be far better for them to discover it some other way - on their own.

 

Karma catches up eventually and I believe that people are vindicated and the truth comes out - it just sometimes takes a long time for it to happen

 

And if this video is for real, that is just horrible. I don't know how they had the calmness to even video this thing. Crazy.

[Fluttershy]

I think posting a video of the mother of your child online is wrong and disgusting now matter how hurt you are. Just like many people have marital problems and don't resort to cheating there are many BS who do not expose their spouse's dorty laundry to the world. This is just more selfishness in an obviously selfish family.

 

BH I am sorry you are faced with such a difficult situation. I think you need to confront her parents for one reason

 

Your child.

 

Grandparents are very influencial people and their attitude against you will come out with your daughter. And the last thing you want to do is have to defend yourself to your daughter. I hate when people whether BS side or WS side act in a way that causes children to feel they are in the middle.

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

My father walked in on my mother.

 

She was having sex with a Co worker in the lounge room. They chose that room so they would see the headlights in the driveway when dad goy home from work. He guesses they were too engrossed in their activities to realize he was home. Opened the front door to his own home and there it was. I was a baby.

 

Dad reconciled for my sake, plus within a few months she was announcing a second pregnancy...but my mother is NPD...The marriage lasted a few more years and dad eventually had enough and left...most likely having his own affair on the way out.

[Imported]

I'm sorry but it is completely bizarre to me that your first instinct would be to film this...

 

I would be sooo shocked I wouldn't have the clarity of mind to get out a phone, a camera, be silent and stealthy, video tape, zoom in, I mean I hope this is fake and some weird new kind of voyeur porn, as while it is a horrible thing, I guess I have a hard time having sympathy or finding it believable and authentic as a reaction for someone to do this.

 

 

Some people never have to consider that when they get a divorce, they may end up having to pay alimoney till some other fool takes her in. Cause if you did, it might occur to you to get proof of your spouse being a cheater and making a situation for divorce and you not owing her a dime.

[janedoe67]

Some people never have to consider that when they get a divorce, they may end up having to pay alimoney till some other fool takes her in. Cause if you did, it might occur to you to get proof of your spouse being a cheater and making a situation for divorce and you not owing her a dime.

 

Which is great unless you live in a no fault state.......

[BetrayedH]

At this point I say take a copy and shove it up their ass*s. But that's just me.

 

That got an audible laugh from me, Nole. Thanks for that.

 

ETA: my exwife graduated from FSU. I am reluctantly cheering for them this week, for your benefit only.

Edited January 6, 2014 by BetrayedH

[central]

Yes. We were in the swinger community at the time, so it was planned and by invitation. Those were fun times!

[dreamingoftigers]

Yes. He was on top of her but fully clothed, his hands all over her. Took me several EMDR sessions to get through. Struggling mightily through recovery

 

EMDR helped me through some recovery too.

 

It's a miracle, isn't it?

I can't imagine going through this without it.

[dreamingoftigers]

Mine isn't quite the same.

 

I kicked my husband out over pretty clear suspected cheating.

 

Then I saw that he had three transactions all within the same neighbourhood.

So I went down there to look for the car.

 

I found it at a McDonald's so I felt pretty bad for kicking him out because clearly he wasn't at a girlfriends house. He was staying in the car with it running.

 

So I went up and opened the passenger door.

He was in there jerking off to webcam and using the wireless from the McDonald's. on a laptop I had never seen before.

 

That was a pretty ****ed up moment.

He'd been up all night using energy drinks and dexedrine doing it.

Just so ****ed up.

[Shepp]

I'm sorry but it is completely bizarre to me that your first instinct would be to film this...

 

I would be sooo shocked I wouldn't have the clarity of mind to get out a phone, a camera, be silent and stealthy, video tape, zoom in, I mean I hope this is fake and some weird new kind of voyeur porn, as while it is a horrible thing, I guess I have a hard time having sympathy or finding it believable and authentic as a reaction for someone to do this.

 

I agree, its crazy for anyone to be able to do that.

 

Like, hoe could you get a camera out and continue watching that! Surely you'd have a fight or flight reaction as apposed to such a stealthy one?

 

Tell you now if I ever walked in to that the other guy would sure as hell wish id of filmed it!! I'd be going mad ape **** - having known myself all my life i'm pretty certain my first instinct would be to make sure his face never looked the same way again!!

[96nole]

That got an audible laugh from me, Nole. Thanks for that.

 

ETA: my exwife graduated from FSU. I am reluctantly cheering for them this week, for your benefit only.

You're welcome for that.

 

Your ex certainly doesn't help with the FSU image but I can assure you I know quite a few FSU female grads that are still married and very much committed to their husbands. And none of them have posted to LookHowMuchOfAWhoreIam.com

 

Luckily I did not walk in on my ex. But i do have a story to share I recently learned about. About 35 years ago my aunt was cheating on my uncle. She worked for the police department and was cheating with one of the policeman (his name is Paul). My uncle promptly divorced her and took the kids. She stayed with Paul and eventually married him. A few years later she came home and found Paul sitting on the couch getting oral from the neighbor. Surprisingly, things didn't work out with her and Paul.

 

She recently told my cousin she wished she never cheated on my uncle and stayed with him.

[samsungxoxo]

You're welcome for that.

 

Your ex certainly doesn't help with the FSU image but I can assure you I know quite a few FSU female grads that are still married and very much committed to their husbands. And none of them have posted to LookHowMuchOfAWhoreIam.com

 

Luckily I did not walk in on my ex. But i do have a story to share I recently learned about. About 35 years ago my aunt was cheating on my uncle. She worked for the police department and was cheating with one of the policeman (his name is Paul). My uncle promptly divorced her and took the kids. She stayed with Paul and eventually married him. A few years later she came home and found Paul sitting on the couch getting oral from the neighbor. Surprisingly, things didn't work out with her and Paul.

 

She recently told my cousin she wished she never cheated on my uncle and stayed with him.

Wow it took her getting cheated on by Paul to realize that cheating is wrong!!!! I can imagine if Paul never cheated and things would have worked out between them, then she would have never felt remorse at all.

 

Cheaters total selfish people and they only way for them to feel remorse is either through a big consequence (such as a break-up or divorce), getting caught in the act and they having no way out or having their affair partner cheat on them later but no actually remorse.

[gaius]

Mine isn't quite the same.

 

I kicked my husband out over pretty clear suspected cheating.

 

Then I saw that he had three transactions all within the same neighbourhood.

So I went down there to look for the car.

 

I found it at a McDonald's so I felt pretty bad for kicking him out because clearly he wasn't at a girlfriends house. He was staying in the car with it running.

 

So I went up and opened the passenger door.

He was in there jerking off to webcam and using the wireless from the McDonald's. on a laptop I had never seen before.

 

That was a pretty ****ed up moment.

He'd been up all night using energy drinks and dexedrine doing it.

Just so ****ed up.

No wonder McDonald's gets such a bad rap. You couldn't get away with that at whole foods.

[dreamingoftigers]

No wonder McDonald's gets such a bad rap. You couldn't get away with that at whole foods.

 

Ha ha ha ha

 

There's been quite a few things that have been laughed at about it in very closed circles.

 

I'm glad I never liked McDonald's so it's not like it was "ruined" for me.

If he did it at Harvey's I would've been even more pissed.

[AloneNow]

I did and my story is on:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/423066-i-caught-my-fiancee-cheating-but-she-doesn-t-know

 

I never really confronted the OM and till this day if I ever bump into him again and recognize him, I would call him out on it. In fact, when I walked in on them they didn't even notice me and I confronted her 3 days later when I was more calmer and relaxed but still devastated. The first thing I noticed is she left her engagement ring on the dinning table. She's obviously my ex fiancee. It may sound stupid but I don't hate her at all. I just know things would have never worked out because it's one thing to know you got cheated on but even if she were not to cheat again and was truly remorseful (I do think she's still regretting it) I would be forever having those memories of them together in the act, in my bed. I wouldn't be able to get over that and might probably later on create random arguments, have a hard time if I were to get intimate with her or would become a super jealous man and be miserable.

 

I just received a very short message from her after a long while. It was a wishing me well note and again apologizing for what she did and saying that a friendship is welcome if I wanted to be friends with her. I just didn't reply back. Actually I've been on a date with a woman from my workplace who I've known for a long while. Now that I'm single, we've been flirting and hanging out but I do want to take my time.

 

I hope I don't have to go through that again when I get involve in another relationship. I still want to form a family.

Edited January 6, 2014 by AloneNow

[imperfectangel]

Mine isn't quite the same.

 

I kicked my husband out over pretty clear suspected cheating.

 

Then I saw that he had three transactions all within the same neighbourhood.

So I went down there to look for the car.

 

I found it at a McDonald's so I felt pretty bad for kicking him out because clearly he wasn't at a girlfriends house. He was staying in the car with it running.

 

So I went up and opened the passenger door.

He was in there jerking off to webcam and using the wireless from the McDonald's. on a laptop I had never seen before.

 

That was a pretty ****ed up moment.

He'd been up all night using energy drinks and dexedrine doing it.

Just so ****ed up.

 

would've loved to see the look on his face

[96nole]

Wow it took her getting cheated on by Paul to realize that cheating is wrong!!!! I can imagine if Paul never cheated and things would have worked out between them, then she would have never felt remorse at all.

 

Cheaters total selfish people and they only way for them to feel remorse is either through a big consequence (such as a break-up or divorce), getting caught in the act and they having no way out or having their affair partner cheat on them later but no actually remorse.

One way or another she would have been remorseful. Not only was he cheating on her, he was also beating the hell out of her. He even held a gun to her head one night. My uncle never even raised a hand to her.

 

Life has not been easy on her since. Some things, she deserved. Some things, I wouldn't wish on anyone. I saw a picture of her recently and she looks like she was rode hard and put away wet. She's married to someone else now. My cousin likes this guy. My cousin told her that if she ruins this relationship he'll never talk to her again.

 

But at the end of the day, if she was still with my uncle, her life would have been better. Not some fairy tale life, but a lot better than she's had.

[Raven3321]

I did and my story is on:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/423066-i-caught-my-fiancee-cheating-but-she-doesn-t-know

 

I never really confronted the OM and till this day if I ever bump into him again and recognize him, I would call him out on it. In fact, when I walked in on them they didn't even notice me and I confronted her 3 days later when I was more calmer and relaxed but still devastated. The first thing I noticed is she left her engagement ring on the dinning table. She's obviously my ex fiancee. It may sound stupid but I don't hate her at all. I just know things would have never worked out because it's one thing to know you got cheated on but even if she were not to cheat again and was truly remorseful (I do think she's still regretting it) I would be forever having those memories of them together in the act, in my bed. I wouldn't be able to get over that and might probably later on create random arguments, have a hard time if I were to get intimate with her or would become a super jealous man and be miserable.

 

I just received a very short message from her after a long while. It was a wishing me well note and again apologizing for what she did and saying that a friendship is welcome if I wanted to be friends with her. I just didn't reply back. Actually I've been on a date with a woman from my workplace who I've known for a long while. Now that I'm single, we've been flirting and hanging out but I do want to take my time.

 

I hope I don't have to go through that again when I get involve in another relationship. I still want to form a family.

 

Did she ever explain to you why?

[dreamingoftigers]

would've loved to see the look on his face

 

We both had looks of total shock.

 

Its a good thing it was February and the windows were fogged. No one could see in and he couldnt dee out very well.

 

 

I recovered from the shock slightly quicker than he did and grabbed the laptop and was just like, "whst is this? Where did this come from?"

I couldnt even recognize my own voice because i was in so much shock.

 

Then he snapped out of it and started freaking out calling me a bunch of stuff and telling me i must be so proud of myself for catching him and that it was over and eff you etc.

 

I started crying and then he told me to get out of the car so i took the keys and told him to get out because it was my car.

 

So he went and took the truck i drove there in with the spare set of keys.....

 

But he had left me with the car that had a turbo engine in it. So i got home first and locked the door again. He couldnt take the truck because it belonged to my Dad.

 

He was pretty pissed.

Unremorseful until later.

He's like a rabid dog whenever hes inconsistent.

I hate it. But it hasnt happened in awhile either.

[AloneNow]

Did she ever explain to you why?

Yes, I did get to know many things that went through her mind and among the things I know out were past bullying issues, early childhood molestation from a close member, feeling neglected due to my job sometimes requiring double shifts or extra hours and being carried away by the fact of feeling validated. Overall, I was shocked when I found out who exactly I was dealing with and it wasn't just an ''I cheated because it was fun'' but she has serious issues I wasn't aware about and low self-esteem.

 

Though it still doesn't excuse cheating and that was her decision to end our engagement, at the same time I can see how she must have processed things at that moment. I think if I would have found out in other ways such as a confession or through other sources than I might have considered working it out but this visual kills it all. I'll never be able to get that out of my mind.