Notsure_9 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 As I have previously posted a coworker and I have a very flirty relationship we have become very close and talk almost everyday about anything and everything. It has escalated to (a lot of) sexual comments and texting. I should also mention we are both married. Nothing physical has happened at all. But I don't know why we can't stop this. In my previous post the common comment was to go NC but with work that's bit possible and I can't quit my job. He often says that I have become his best friend and that he doesn't act this way (flirting and sexual comments) with anyone and has never before. We have talked about this and he doesn't think there is anything wrong with it. I'm not sure I want to stop. I know it seems selfish I'm just really confused by what going on what does it all mean... Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 It means that you are both bringing some cheap thrills and excitement to each other's lives. It has already gone too far with the texting. I work with many really good looking males that I have become friends with. I chat with them daily, flirt, and make sexual comments, but it's all done in fun. It does not go beyond work hours, we DO NOT text, and there are no serious implied intentions. We understand that it's just good fun and nothing personal involved. You are taking it to another level with the texting and talking about feelings and it will continue to go beyond that if you let it. If you truly love your husband, then you will stop it. Reverse the roles and think how you would feel if HE was doing it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 The thrills of it all may make it look that's it worth it. You will try to justify this behavior to yourself by rationalizing. Of course, if you look long term, the price you pay may be very costly. What happens after the flirt, what leads to it, what if it ends. Pandora's box you know? For you to open. It's like buying that lemon car, the new car smell won't allow us to see the true pay offs of your decision. If you do decide to quit, even then carefully choose your words, you are already "braking the law" if you will, and it can be used against you. Think carefully of your next step. Continuing this behavior will have a price, remember that. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Why don't you see this for what it is - he just wants to get into your panties. You are not his wife so your pussy is something new to him. All guys want strange and some of us are so low that we will betray our wife to get at it. Shut him down and walk away. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 How would you feel if somebody was saying these things to your spouse? Hang on to that feeling & keep your interactions with your co-worker professional only. It takes discipline & will power. Meanwhile I would look for another job. You don't have to quit without another source of income but distance is a good thing here. Going forward, when you want to text your co-worker especially at night or on the weekends, put the phone down & go kiss your spouse. During the day, send a flirty text to your spouse. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 The best reason for you to stop is to think about your potential future. Every affair starts just the way yours has already started. Your already in the start of an emotional affair, harmless right? Ask a former, remorseful, going through a divorce other man or other woman how their affair started and if they could do things over again would they have stopped what the two of you are doing now, they will all answer you the same way, yes. Your actions are about to change not only your lives but the lives of your husband, his wife, your children, his children and all your immediate families and close friends. Why do you need this man's validation? Ask your husband or his wife if they are comfortable with your work relationship, would you feel the same if your husband was in a similar relationship with a woman he works with? Each time you escalate your flirting the more you pull away from your husband, your giving the attention that should be his to another man, and he will soon notice it if he hasn't already. The thing you should do is sit down with your husband and tell him your having these feelings for another man and than find out why? Starting an affair rather than talking to your spouse about issues in your marriage is the cowards way out. There is no such thing as harmless flirting when your doing it everyday with the same man. Your at a crossroads, you already know it's wrong or you wouldn't be on here asking for our opinions, choose wisely because once you step over that line you can't go back, you can't take back or get a do over on infidelity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Notsure_9 Posted January 5, 2014 Author Share Posted January 5, 2014 Thank you for the replies. I don't really want anything to come of the flirting although I think he might? it's just the attention maybe? And I don't want to hurt anyone. I have suggested going to counseling before but he wouldn't go I was already going for my own issues and marriage came up and the counselor recommended we both come but that didn't happen so that's not going to happen. I just need to figure out whats missing or what I want I guess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Thank you for the replies. I don't really want anything to come of the flirting although I think he might? it's just the attention maybe? And I don't want to hurt anyone. I have suggested going to counseling before but he wouldn't go I was already going for my own issues and marriage came up and the counselor recommended we both come but that didn't happen so that's not going to happen. I just need to figure out whats missing or what I want I guess. All you want out of the flirting is the feeling of being desired and the excitement of a new man fussing over you. And yes he wants more - he wants sex. It's all he wants from you. Are you willing to trade sex with this guy so he keeps on charming you? I hope not. Work with your husband to find out what's missing before stabbing him in the back by cheating. Once you sleep with the other guy you can NEVER take it back - you will forever be a cheater. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
what_a_blonde Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Thank you for the replies. I don't really want anything to come of the flirting although I think he might? it's just the attention maybe? And I don't want to hurt anyone. I have suggested going to counseling before but he wouldn't go I was already going for my own issues and marriage came up and the counselor recommended we both come but that didn't happen so that's not going to happen. I just need to figure out whats missing or what I want I guess. You "THINK" he might? Actually he does want something more to come out the flirting, and I can promise you 100% it has NOTHING to do with an actual relationship. Focus on your marriage, and try to find that spark again with your husband. See this guy for what he's worth and just cut off all the texting. If he sends you something other than work-related or professional communication, DO NOT repond. You don't even have to tell him you're cutting this off. Just stop responding to his sexual advances. Also, he says he's never done this flirty texting, etc with anyone else while he's been married, etc...... I honestly and truly highly doubt that. Trust your gut. For you to come to this forum and ask about it shows that deep down you know something isn't right with the situation. The best thing to do first is address your marriage. If, after counseling (or if your husband refuses counseling), you decide you need to move on... so be it. But don't cheat with this guy, physically or emotionally, then once you're done with the thrill or it fizzles go back to your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
victor85 Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Not sure, its dangerous water you are treading in!I read your other post also, and the suggestions that these good folk in LS provided were/are very very noteworthy. And it was weeks ago and now you are telling us that the flirting and texts are still increasing. Good lord! Please, stop rationalizing.... because he didnot go to counseling,do you really think its okay to have affair? I have seen casual flirting happening around but that only remains within the boundary of the office.... when it goes outside, encroaches the domestic life...it turns into the affair. In your case, its already an EA. Pull out, you are playing with fire, the hurt and consequences will be devastating and life- long!! Do you think your OM will leave his family, marry you and live happily ever? It doesn' t happen..... you are being methodically seduced, he is now telling you all the right things that you want to hear, making right gestures and everything... but if he really cared about you, will he be trying to have affair and destroy your marriage? Please, stop acting like star-struck teenager!! If you cant fight his addiction, leave the job or transfer; surely your family is more important than the job. And if you cant do that, tell your husband!! Best friends dont destroy their best friend's family. If you cant do that then we can only watch the train- wreck happening, and ruefully shake our head. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
selfawareness Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 (edited) As I have previously posted a coworker and I have a very flirty relationship we have become very close and talk almost everyday about anything and everything. It has escalated to (a lot of) sexual comments and texting. I should also mention we are both married. Nothing physical has happened at all. But I don't know why we can't stop this. In my previous post the common comment was to go NC but with work that's bit possible and I can't quit my job. He often says that I have become his best friend and that he doesn't act this way (flirting and sexual comments) with anyone and has never before. We have talked about this and he doesn't think there is anything wrong with it. I'm not sure I want to stop. I know it seems selfish I'm just really confused by what going on what does it all mean... am I the only who sees post like this and thinks, "same old same old" she will try to stop (we will encourage her to stop) but she will fall, be sorry she hurt a whole bunch of people, get caught, seek forgiveness, go to a counselor, and learn about herself, etc ... poor people. We are so predictable yet want to make our situations so unique ... yawns Edited January 12, 2014 by selfawareness Link to post Share on other sites
coolfriendlygal Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Thank you for the replies. I don't really want anything to come of the flirting although I think he might? it's just the attention maybe? And I don't want to hurt anyone. I have suggested going to counseling before but he wouldn't go I was already going for my own issues and marriage came up and the counselor recommended we both come but that didn't happen so that's not going to happen. I just need to figure out whats missing or what I want I guess. Hi I have been in very similar situation and tere is a thread called "Guy at work" by me in nov-dec last year! I can assure that he surely wants more from you..he wants you in bed. I have been asked clearly by this guy at work that he wants to sleep with me. My marriage is broken , he still lives with his wife, is not very happy at hom, sleeps with her but claims I get him excited. I am just a "side-piece" for him. My suggestion to you would be: Don't leave your job, be there but ignore his unprofessional ways of approaching you. If you are not happy in ur marriage, yu are vulnerable enough to be lured by some sweet offerings by any guy. But believe me, its not difficult t maintain your dignity, integrity and sef respect. You will thank me for that later. I still talk to this uy when he talks to me, am friendly with him but I avoid being alone with him and I have completely stoped chatting with him online. I am at peace now and can concentrate more. I do feel it when I see it but it will gradually fade away. EVEN IF YU ARE NOT HAPPY IN YOUR MARRIAGE, DON'T MESS U WI MARRIED WITH WHO CHEAT THEIR WIVES AND SEEP WITH YOU. YOU WILL FALL DOWN IN YUR ON EYES. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Notsure_9 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Share Posted January 19, 2014 Hi I have been in very similar situation and tere is a thread called "Guy at work" by me in nov-dec last year! I can assure that he surely wants more from you..he wants you in bed. I have been asked clearly by this guy at work that he wants to sleep with me. My marriage is broken , he still lives with his wife, is not very happy at hom, sleeps with her but claims I get him excited. I am just a "side-piece" for him. My suggestion to you would be: Don't leave your job, be there but ignore his unprofessional ways of approaching you. If you are not happy in ur marriage, yu are vulnerable enough to be lured by some sweet offerings by any guy. But believe me, its not difficult t maintain your dignity, integrity and sef respect. You will thank me for that later. I still talk to this uy when he talks to me, am friendly with him but I avoid being alone with him and I have completely stoped chatting with him online. I am at peace now and can concentrate more. I do feel it when I see it but it will gradually fade away. EVEN IF YU ARE NOT HAPPY IN YOUR MARRIAGE, DON'T MESS U WI MARRIED WITH WHO CHEAT THEIR WIVES AND SEEP WITH YOU. YOU WILL FALL DOWN IN YUR ON EYES. Thank you for the advice. I did go back and read your thread and I hope things do work out for you and you can find a way to be happy. I don't want to mess anything up and I know I will have to be the one to stop it but it's not as easy as it sounds Link to post Share on other sites
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