How to love and forgive yourself?

[Bishop556]

I had a bad fight with my ex. I was undergoing a panic attack, she was yelling, and I raised a fist. Inexcusable behavior, but I tried to apologize for my actions. I tried to make the relationship work. I offered couple counseling and therapy, but she didn't want to go with me. Well, my ex has moved on with someone else a month afterwards, and has had a few sexual encounters within a three week time span which really hurt me. I felt like she didn't truly care about me. I mean, how does someone move on in a month after a loving year and a half relationship with a crappy ending and break up?

 

Now, I have come to realization that break ups are usually never one sided. I believe she was falling out of love with me before the break up, but the fight was the final straw to end it. I am still very hurt by her actions as they show a general lack of care for the ex's emotions.

 

I, however, know I am also a major contributor to the end of the relationship. I know my depression and potentially abusive behavior caused our relationship to end. I feel absolutely terrible knowing that I could even raise a fist to someone I loved. I have been coming to terms with myself on a variety of issues: my depression, my general lack of self worth, and so on. However, I feel incapable of forgiving and loving myself? I am filled with guilt. I have apologized to my ex already, but still, I feel like a burden is still lingering in my mind. How have you began to love yourself after your relationship ended? Especially if it ended badly.

[Cakess]

Don't hate yourself! If it wasn't meant to be there's nothing you can do about it. Only time can heal those wounds so in the meantime, grab some friends, go out and have a good time. Or stay indoors, watch a movie and have a cup of noodles. Pick up a new hobby like painting or white water rafting! Most importantly, don't put yourself down.

[kat1012]

It's not easy, especially when you figure out how you may have contributed to the break up and wishing you have never done it. Try to learn from the mistakes you made. Now that you have realized what you need to work on, then start working on being better. you can't change the past, but you can improve yourself and be a better person, so things would be better in the future. Remind yourself that no one is perfect and now you have figured those out, you know how to improve yourself. Besides, everyone including you have a beautiful side. We all have something good abt us, just like we all have sth people dun like about us.

 

I too went through the same thing. My ex boyfriend broke up with me after a 8-month relationship. We didnt end it with a fight. He just became distant for two weeks and then broke it off with me. He said "we are comfortable but it doesnt mean it's gonna go anywhere" and that I am getting obsessed with the relationship. I didnt beg or anything. Afterwards, I started looking back at the relationship and looked for things that I may have done that caused him to break up with him. No matter how friends keep telling me its not my fault, and that he's just an insensitive guy and a jerk, I still believe it was me talking about a problem I had with him 1 month before BU (which he is pissed abt it), followed by 2 times of stupid bickering I did when texting the following week, and one time being "unsupportive" (because I told him I would wake up the next day and see if he really wake up that early when he texted me at 2 sth am after drinking saying he would wake up really early the next day to go to gym and he said "I m a great support and why do I date you...haha") Now the guilt is not as strong, but sometimes I would still be mad about myself, being a "drama queen" as he loved to call me when I reacted to sth he did/said

 

Forgiving yourself only comes in time. Some people can let go of guilt faster, some can't (inc me). But I believe one day, you can finally let go of it and forgive yourself for the things you've done.

 

Also spend time with your friends, and meet new people, they help you realize that you are not such a bad person you make yourself think you are. And you realize some people can see sth special in you, then you will love yourself more.