crystal_lostheart Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) I joined here nearly 5 years ago and haven't been on here for over 2 years now.... I recently came back on and reread over my threads... How my life has changed now dramatically. I was the OW... I was involved with a MM for approx 3 years, it was nothing but heartbreak for everyone involved. It caused so much damage and hurt to me, my marriage which ended, to my family, to his W and to his family. I am not here to preach about what's wrong or right, I'm here to share my story and journey years later. Back then, I made some terrible mistakes, shocking choices and appalling decisions that all ended up with the same outcome, tears, hurt, pain and an element of wasting my life. However, I am not here also to beat myself up anymore. I have spent a lifetime doing that and over the past 3 years I have learnt that playing the victim serves no purpose and at the end of the day repairing what needs to be fixed within yourself is your job, your responsibility and nobody else can do that for you. After I ended the relationship with the MM, I was left completely wounded, hollow and a suicidal mess. I could barely function, I felt debilitated by my loneliness, addicted to anti anxiety medication and felt I had no purpose for living..... Fast forward to 3 years later, I am now in a very happy and loving relationship with a man that respects and loves me dearly as I do to him, finally off all of my medication, have a very successful career, completed my masters degree, travelled parts of the world, made peace with those I had hurt and have made peace with myself. If I had of stayed involved with the MM or remained in any contact with him, I would not have been able to achieve any of these things. The 'relationship', the affair..was toxic, it started off as a lie, it was deceitful and it was never going to work, nor should it have worked because nothing was ever right about it from the beginning... Why I got involved with a MM in the first place? A lot of soul searching, years in therapy and being true about my faults that needed to be fixed gave me the answers to this and it stemmed back right to my childhood... I certainly don't have all the answers and my life is not perfect, I still struggle with some scars left behind from the past but I have learnt to deal with things so much better now and don't let my past haunt or dictate my future. I live for here and now and look forward to creating a happy future... Getting engaged and having a family is next on our list and continuing to look after myself and others near and dear to me will always be the way now.... For those of you that are hurting, whether that be the OW, W or anyone else involved in these type of situations, my heart genuinely goes out to you. It's a painful place to be. Please try and put yourself first in a way that serves yourself respectfully, honestly and kindly... it is your life after all and you do deserve true happiness. Hugs x Edited January 5, 2014 by crystal_lostheart 28 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Thanks for the update, so happy to hear you're in a better place now. I 100% agree with everything you said, my MM and I had what seemed like the perfect A, yet it was still an emotional mess for me, heck he and I are 4mnths now in a R where neither of us live with our spouces and its still tough and emotional, just a whole new basket of issues. xoxo Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal_lostheart Posted January 5, 2014 Author Share Posted January 5, 2014 Thanks for the update, so happy to hear you're in a better place now. I 100% agree with everything you said, my MM and I had what seemed like the perfect A, yet it was still an emotional mess for me, heck he and I are 4mnths now in a R where neither of us live with our spouces and its still tough and emotional, just a whole new basket of issues. xoxo Thanks LilgirlandOW... Life is certainly much better now... Have to pinch myself sometimes and remember to show appreciation for all the good things that came out of something so bad. Whatever path you take, I hope things work out for you and you are happy in your life xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Thank you Crystal xo Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Thank you Crystal xo LilGirlandOW, wish you would begin a thread describing issues you are facing in your R now and what life is like for you and bf. I believe it would be helpful for many of us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ginger_Belle Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Crystal, Thank you so much for posting this! It is exactly what I needed right now. Things have just ended with my MM and the loss is crushing me. Thank you for reminding me that is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I am so glad you were able to move on, accomplish so many wonderful things and find the happiness you deserve. Best wishes to you x Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Crystal I'm really happy to hear how well you've turned things for yourself. I hope it keeps on getting better and better! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal_lostheart Posted January 6, 2014 Author Share Posted January 6, 2014 (edited) Hi Ginger_Belle, Keep true to yourself, allow time to process things, then move on to your healing... It takes time sometimes 2 steps forward, and what seems like a million backwards... Use your time wisely with healing and try not to stay 'stuck' in pain... This is all easier said than done but try and find ways to honour yourself and heal... I promise you there is light at the end if you stay committed to moving forward... Many hugs and best wishes xxxx Edited January 6, 2014 by crystal_lostheart Link to post Share on other sites
glowing Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 What a wonderful update! You deserve every happiness! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Crystal, so happy for you and thanks for the update! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Damia Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Crystal, It's great to hear things are so positive for you now. Can I ask if your life journey improved because you found that special someone or You found that special someone because your life was back on track? The chicken or the egg question? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal_lostheart Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 Crystal, It's great to hear things are so positive for you now. Can I ask if your life journey improved because you found that special someone or You found that special someone because your life was back on track? The chicken or the egg question? Awesome question Damia.... I remained single after the affair for 2 years (on purpose and a conscious decision). There was no way I could've jumped into another relationship after the affair, I was an absolute mess! And I realised if I couldn't have a healthy relationship with myself, so to speak, there was no way I could have a healthy relationship with anyone else... I was in therapy for those two years and worked through many issues... The past year I have been involved with my new partner and was finally ready to be in a relationship again - one that was loving, fulfilling and built with the right foundation.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Awesome question Damia.... I remained single after the affair for 2 years (on purpose and a conscious decision). There was no way I could've jumped into another relationship after the affair, I was an absolute mess! And I realised if I couldn't have a healthy relationship with myself, so to speak, there was no way I could have a healthy relationship with anyone else... I was in therapy for those two years and worked through many issues... The past year I have been involved with my new partner and was finally ready to be in a relationship again - one that was loving, fulfilling and built with the right foundation.... That's awesome! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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