JohnnyLoverBoy Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Hey everyone I wanted to discuss this thing. I just had a talk with one of my buddies who had a break up 8 months ago they had a 4 year relationship. The girl fell out of love maybe (GIGS) w/ no 3rd party involve basically he told me stuff what he did to move on and how to handle the ex after the break up and now after 8 months it seems the ex gf wanted to get back with him but he doesn't want her back anymore.. So here's the thing he did told me - He did not remove the ex from facebook he just stayed away from all social media and basically started improve himself going to gym, financial, job. - He never contacts the ex after break up - When the ex text or called he answer indifferent or he is busy so he needs to go and sometimes he doesn't reply when he feels he doesn't need to reply.. Like he doesn't give a f*ck mentality. He said that dealing with the break up is hard but he needed to tell himself everyday when he wakes up that is over from day 1. He said that removing ex in facebook and ignoring seems immature for him. So he just left the ex there and he never keeps tab on what she is doing.. but he knows his boundaries he said. There are times like they NC for 2 months and ex suddenly contacts him but he doesn't care what she says or wants.. He just started living his life and just treated the ex like a normal person when she contacts her. He also said that he replies when he finish all the things he needed to finish.. he doesn't make the ex priority in his life. Listen guys I am not saying you should follow all the things that he did. every situation is different. maybe this guy.. this is just how he handled the break up perfectly.. What do you guys think?? Link to post Share on other sites
mantlefan Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 If he can actually keep her as a FB friend without giving a darn about anything he sees on there, good for him. But I think sometimes there is a strength in admitting your weaknesses, and I think for most people the responsible, mature thing to do would be to realize that getting news on your ex is not going to help you heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Mondmellonw Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Wow, it seems like he has a lot of self control. That's all I can say... Link to post Share on other sites
polynomial Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Well.. Good for him? I guess in an ideal world this is how we all would like to react. But it ddoesn't work out that way most of the times. Link to post Share on other sites
chris21422 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Everyone deals with the break up differently. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) maturity, well, all will be fine until he meets a new girlfriend, I know how exes cling on, self-righteously they whine and demand to stay friends so in seeing maturity as controlling emotions and handling them, prioritising maturity, when you meet somebody new, do not expect her to be mature about you being friends with the ex on facebook, cuz jealousy hurts, insecurity does too, so cuddle her one will have to go Edited January 5, 2014 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
Xemyd Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Thank you, it's important to note that not everyone has to completely cut out their ex to move on. Sure, the first two months of my break up I wanted to text him, talk to him, fix things. I did end up texting him twice, just basic "Hey, how's it going?", we never got into a real conversation about anything. But it's 3, almost 4 months now and I feel fine. I still have his number, I still have him on facebook. He's not dead to me, yeah I miss him, that's normal. It all depends on the relationship you had, and how the break up went. He was an amazing boyfriend, the break up was civil, so I don't see a reason to hate him, or wish him the worst. The last few days I've been great, I'm not going to contact him anytime soon that I can see, and if he texts me, fine. Depending on what he says I may reply, I may not. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Thank you, it's important to note that not everyone has to completely cut out their ex to move on. Sure, the first two months of my break up I wanted to text him, talk to him, fix things. I did end up texting him twice, just basic "Hey, how's it going?", we never got into a real conversation about anything. But it's 3, almost 4 months now and I feel fine. I still have his number, I still have him on facebook. He's not dead to me, yeah I miss him, that's normal. It all depends on the relationship you had, and how the break up went. He was an amazing boyfriend, the break up was civil, so I don't see a reason to hate him, or wish him the worst. The last few days I've been great, I'm not going to contact him anytime soon that I can see, and if he texts me, fine. Depending on what he says I may reply, I may not. Cutting someone out of your life is not about hating them or wish them ill will. It is simply about acknowledging that there is no further purpose for them in your life. OP, I think you desperately want a reason to keep some type of thread connecting you and your ex, just in case she changes her mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I think it's more immature to care about Facebook. It's Facebook. Who cares if you delete someone? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Xemyd Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Cutting someone out of your life is not about hating them or wish them ill will. It is simply about acknowledging that there is no further purpose for them in your life. I know, I'm just saying, anytime someone posts on here about being broken up with, the first thing people say is cut every means of communication with them. I don't disagree that does work for some, but it's not always the case. I wouldn't want to give anyone false hope though, that hurts more than the break up, but ultimately people need to figure out what works for them by themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I know, I'm just saying, anytime someone posts on here about being broken up with, the first thing people say is cut every means of communication with them. I don't disagree that does work for some, but it's not always the case. I wouldn't want to give anyone false hope though, that hurts more than the break up, but ultimately people need to figure out what works for them by themselves. That is the right thing to do. They got dumped, they shouldn't be engaging in any form of communication with the dumper, unless they have children or expensive assets that need to be organised. Link to post Share on other sites
ravssss Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 its the right way to deal with a break up ... i mean jst because they act cowardly why should u act that way when ur not like that ... and NC isnt the way to go ..... the right way is attaining indifference like this ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JohnnyLoverBoy Posted January 5, 2014 Author Share Posted January 5, 2014 Not really I just wanna hear other people opinion on this case. OP, I think you desperately want a reason to keep some type of thread connecting you and your ex, just in case she changes her mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 its the right way to deal with a break up ... i mean jst because they act cowardly why should u act that way when ur not like that ... and NC isnt the way to go ..... the right way is attaining indifference like this ... Who's being cowardly? What are you talking about? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Not really I just wanna hear other people opinion on this case. The perfect way to handle it is to go completely NC, and sever all ties. It is only appropriate to maintain ties when there are children or expensive assets (like a house, a business) to organise. If an ex wants to get in contact with you, they'll find a way. You're not going to "miss out" just because you dropped off the face of the earth. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Not really I just wanna hear other people opinion on this case. Dude, you come up with all of these non-NC scenarios every day and start threads on them incessantly. It's obvious you want to stay in contact with your ex -- might as well just come clean and admit it. As for this scenario, he was able to pull off something most can't because most don't have the discipline. But it's not the advisable way to go. I almost find it similar to this story below that popped up in my email today. A teacher lost 40 pounds eating nothing but McDonald's. Can you lose weight on McDonalds? This man did | www.ajc.com It worked for him, but most people with his approach would gain 40. That's kind of how I see your friend -- he's an anamoly, not the rule. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Not really I just wanna hear other people opinion on this case. Dude, you come up with all of these non-NC scenarios every day and start threads on them incessantly. It's obvious you want to stay in contact with your ex -- might as well just come clean and admit it. As for this scenario, he was able to pull off something most can't because most don't have the discipline. But it's not the advisable way to go. I almost find it similar to this story below that popped up in my email today. A teacher lost 40 pounds eating nothing but McDonald's. Can you lose weight on McDonalds? This man did | www.ajc.com It worked for him, but most people with his approach would gain 40. That's kind of how I see your friend -- he's an anamoly, not the rule. His approach would cause the person trying it to crash and burn the majority of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) NC and living your life are the biggest things to do when dumped. As far as fb is concerned I really don't care about it. I did not delete her and never looked at her page, did not care. On the other hand after some time she was angry at me and seeing my page and she unfriended me. lol Still no idea she is/was angry at me because of fb. I never contact her, she has been in a little contact with me and I really don't care. I answer if I feel like it and don't get involved in anything big. Saw her for 5 minutes to exchange our things when she was home and she was all over the place in 5 minutes. A week later told me she was uncomfortable when she saw me. I was upbeat, relaxed and normal. I still love her but just don't care anymore. I wished her the best and to have a great life and then said goodbye... Edited January 5, 2014 by Juha Link to post Share on other sites
ravssss Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Who's being cowardly? What are you talking about? ignoring them like they ignored us ... thats jst not the way for me ... rather live with the indifference of their existance ... answer them when ur free ... jst nothing out of the way ... Link to post Share on other sites
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