Seeing things for what they really are?

[megamommy]

So, my MM and I have unofficially gone no contact! We are still facebook friends, as we have been friends for well over a decade!

 

I've posted posts about it before.

 

It seems harder and easier than I had thought it would be! I do believe that he never lied to me about things, he's not a very good liar and I have known him long enough to tell when he is lying.

 

However, I do think I misinterpreted things he had told me. That is the hardest part, I wasn't clear on the situation! I took him explaining to me that he had told her if things didn't change soon he would leave, as him giving serious thought to leaving the marriage. Now I see that may have just been an empty threat to scare her.

 

My ex contacting him, even though they never actually spoke, scared him and made him see that we could get caught.

 

Have any of you ever been caught, almost caught and re-started the affair?

 

I am curious how that happens, or how to avoid it from happening yet still remain facebook friends, as we run in the same social circles and we don't want it getting out.

 

 

I would love to hear success stories of the MM and the AP ending up together, or not and remaining friends.

 

 

Thanks to everyone for the words and support.

Edited January 5, 2014 by megamommy

[Snipercatt]

I took him explaining to me that he had told her if things didn't change soon he would leave, as him giving serious thought to leaving the marriage. Now I see that may have just been an empty threat to scare her.

 

 

 

You don't have any proof that he told her this. Regardless, at best, he isn't being honorable, and perhaps he is being cowardly. If he were honorable he would discuss ending the marriage with her in a forthright manner.

 

Look, she holds the household together while he does his job and plays in a band. She may resent that he isn't pulling his weight and thus the reason for not wanting to be sexual with him. Think about it, they are both young, etc. why wouldn't she want to be sexual with her husband? She has her reasons and you should be more concerned about that then about supplying him ego kibbles ( and more ).

 

Your ex did you a favor, actually. Now, you've had a look into reality and it bites.

[underwater2010]

I personally hope the your Ex scared that crap out him.....enough so that he stops all contact with you. If he is smart and wants to remain married....he will.

 

 

And you need to realize that you guys can never be just friends again. That ship has sailed off into the sunset without the two of you.

[whichwayisup]

Do yourself a huge favour and delete him off of your facebook. block him too.

 

It's unhealthy for you and him to remain friends. Serves no purpose and any friendship is a threat to his marriage. And it does damage to you as well, keeps your mind on him and feeds your feelings.

 

Any friendship you had before the A changed forever and can never go back to what it once was, innocent and platonic. It's tainted and not good for either of you.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

If you are still facebook friends you are not in NC at all.

[RickFox]

If you are still facebook friends you are not in NC at all.

 

quoted for truth!

[Realist3]

I am curious how that happens, or how to avoid it from happening yet still remain facebook friends, as we run in the same social circles and we don't want it getting out.

 

First off don't go liking or commenting on each other's status'. Keep that for private messages. The next thing could could do is create a fake FB account/accounts.