2iron Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Ex dumped me after moving away to another continent. After initially responding somewhat immaturely, I calmed myself down, and our last exchange was along the lines of: Her: "I'm sorry, I just want to be alone for now" Me: "I understand. Wish you the best." Which was nice. Now it's been a couple of months, and the dust has settled. But I still love and miss her to death and that feeling is not diminishing, no matter what I do. It's going to be like this forever, and I've accepted that. I know the dumper is supposed to be the one who ends NC, but I know her, and she's the sort of person who doesn't keep in touch with anyone, ever, even her closest friends. You have to make the effort to keep in touch with her. Otherwise, she's friendly and wonderful-- she's just very independent. So I will never, ever hear from her again (and thus stand no chance of having any sort of relationship with her again) unless I break the NC myself. What do I do? Not talking to her is simply not an option. It's a matter of how to initiate contact with her in a friendly, non-threatening manner. Link to post Share on other sites
TylerDurdenn Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 It's not going to happen, just leave it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Ex dumped me after moving away to another continent. After initially responding somewhat immaturely, I calmed myself down, and our last exchange was along the lines of: Her: "I'm sorry, I just want to be alone for now" Me: "I understand. Wish you the best." Which was nice. Now it's been a couple of months, and the dust has settled. But I still love and miss her to death and that feeling is not diminishing, no matter what I do. It's going to be like this forever, and I've accepted that. I know the dumper is supposed to be the one who ends NC, but I know her, and she's the sort of person who doesn't keep in touch with anyone, ever, even her closest friends. You have to make the effort to keep in touch with her. Otherwise, she's friendly and wonderful-- she's just very independent. So I will never, ever hear from her again (and thus stand no chance of having any sort of relationship with her again) unless I break the NC myself. What do I do? Not talking to her is simply not an option. It's a matter of how to initiate contact with her in a friendly, non-threatening manner. If you understand, then you would honour her request. Not talking to her is your only option. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2iron Posted January 5, 2014 Author Share Posted January 5, 2014 It's not going to happen, just leave it. It could happen. It's happened before. Link to post Share on other sites
TylerDurdenn Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 It could happen. It's happened before. It won't happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2iron Posted January 5, 2014 Author Share Posted January 5, 2014 If you understand, then you would honour her request. Not talking to her is your only option. Not an option. Give me something I can work with, please. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2iron Posted January 5, 2014 Author Share Posted January 5, 2014 It won't happen. Refuse to believe you. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Not an option. Give me something I can work with, please. Nope. If she does not wish to remain in contact with you, that is a choice you must honour. Contacting her will only serve to push her further away - which is pretty far, considering she's on another continent. You have to put your own selfish needs aside and consider hers. She has requested that you leave her alone. You cannot force yourself into her life. She knows what is best for her. She is an adult capable of making her own decisions, and she has decided that a life without you is best for her. You must respect that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TylerDurdenn Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Refuse to believe you. Sorry. You're going to get hurt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 You're going to get hurt. Not to mention, the quickest way to ensure that a girl changes her number/email/social media and disappears completely, is when a guy doesn't get the message that "no contact, means NO CONTACT." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2iron Posted January 5, 2014 Author Share Posted January 5, 2014 Nope. If she does not wish to remain in contact with you, that is a choice you must honour. Contacting her will only serve to push her further away - which is pretty far, considering she's on another continent. You have to put your own selfish needs aside and consider hers. She has requested that you leave her alone. You cannot force yourself into her life. She knows what is best for her. She is an adult capable of making her own decisions, and she has decided that a life without you is best for her. You must respect that. If I don't contact her, I'll never hear from her. My question was how to break no contact, not whether I should break no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
legion113 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Not an option. Give me something I can work with, please. Say Hi, I know you don't want me to contact you but since I care more about how I feel than how you do, well, here I am. I know you think you know what's best for you (ha ha who are we kidding right?) but I KNOW what's best for you, and it's me. In fact, I have so much going on in my life right now that I'm still in love with you even though you dumped me. I know, it's attractive right? Truthfully, I don't think I can find another woman, (since I'm such a winner), which is why I'm willing to set my dignitiy aside (along with my balls) and try to hook up with someone who has already dumped me on my ass, and isn't even in the same continent. Who cares if you've already told me you're not interested, I KNOW how you feel about me. At any rate, I will wait for you until I die, and refuse to entertain the thought of finding another woman (how can they compare to you? You're perfect, except for the dumping me part, but hey, that's trivial when you're obsessed like I am). Treat me like crap, flush me down the toilet with your used tampon (clogs toilets by the way), or even with the condom that your new boyfriend just used with you, I don't care, I'll find my way back, I', because I'm OBSESSED with you, I can't let you go, my life can't go on without you. That's how stable and confident I am. I'm on a heartbreak forum, and those jokers refuse to tell me what I want to hear so I'll keep going around until I find someone that tells me to keep harassing you. That should do it. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 If I don't contact her, I'll never hear from her. My question was how to break no contact, not whether I should break no contact. Why are you intent on dominating her, undermining her decisions, and forcing yourself into her life? This kind of thinking, borders on abusive behaviour. Ever heard of 'no means no'? This is the same thing. You're forcing yourself on her through contact. Not cool. EDIT: No, I want to correct something here. It IS abusive behaviour. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TylerDurdenn Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Why are you intent on dominating her, undermining her decisions, and forcing yourself into her life? This kind of thinking, borders on abusive behaviour. Ever heard of 'no means no'? This is the same thing. You're forcing yourself on her through contact. Not cool. He's crazy I feel sorry for the poor girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2iron Posted January 5, 2014 Author Share Posted January 5, 2014 Why are you intent on dominating her, undermining her decisions, and forcing yourself into her life? This kind of thinking, borders on abusive behaviour. Ever heard of 'no means no'? This is the same thing. You're forcing yourself on her through contact. Not cool. Okay, we're blowing this out of proportion. I've been respectful of her wishes for no contact. We ended things on decent terms, and we were friends before we dated. After enough time, though, I'd like to reopen that door. Just asking for the best way to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 He's crazy I feel sorry for the poor girl. Yep. Bona-fide stalker. Nothing scarier, when you're on the receiving end. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 If you have to ask about it, you shouldn't do it. You aren't ready to do this if this causes so much consternation and stress and any advice to the contrary causes you to be snippy and standoffish. Link to post Share on other sites
legion113 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Okay, we're blowing this out of proportion. I've been respectful of her wishes for no contact. We ended things on decent terms, and we were friends before we dated. After enough time, though, I'd like to reopen that door. Just asking for the best way to do it. Ok seriously, the only way to tell if SHE wants to reopen the door, is to let her open the door. Otherwise everything you do on your part is for you, don't kid yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Okay, we're blowing this out of proportion. I've been respectful of her wishes for no contact. We ended things on decent terms, and we were friends before we dated. After enough time, though, I'd like to reopen that door. Just asking for the best way to do it. No, we're really not. If she wishes to break NC, she will. It is HER decision, not yours. I will not advise you to contact her, because you sound like a stalker. I will however, advise you to that there is no such thing as one soulmate for everyone, and that you need to let this go and find someone else. It's done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2iron Posted January 5, 2014 Author Share Posted January 5, 2014 Ok seriously, the only way to tell if SHE wants to reopen the door, is to let her open the door. Otherwise everything you do on your part is for you, don't kid yourself. Thanks, but I think I'm going to ignore all of this advice. I'm sorry I even asked. Link to post Share on other sites
mantlefan Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Say Hi, I know you don't want me to contact you but since I care more about how I feel than how you do, well, here I am. I know you think you know what's best for you (ha ha who are we kidding right?) but I KNOW what's best for you, and it's me. In fact, I have so much going on in my life right now that I'm still in love with you even though you dumped me. I know, it's attractive right? Truthfully, I don't think I can find another woman, (since I'm such a winner), which is why I'm willing to set my dignitiy aside (along with my balls) and try to hook up with someone who has already dumped me on my ass, and isn't even in the same continent. Who cares if you've already told me you're not interested, I KNOW how you feel about me. At any rate, I will wait for you until I die, and refuse to entertain the thought of finding another woman (how can they compare to you? You're perfect, except for the dumping me part, but hey, that's trivial when you're obsessed like I am). Treat me like crap, flush me down the toilet with your used tampon (clogs toilets by the way), or even with the condom that your new boyfriend just used with you, I don't care, I'll find my way back, I', because I'm OBSESSED with you, I can't let you go, my life can't go on without you. That's how stable and confident I am. I'm on a heartbreak forum, and those jokers refuse to tell me what I want to hear so I'll keep going around until I find someone that tells me to keep harassing you. That should do it. I basically sent a girl the same thing once. Except I meant it. I really thought I was looking out for her by telling her how worth it I was, blah, blah, blah. Looking back, I thought I was doing a good thing. Now I realize I made it worse for both of us. Don't send anything OP. Take it from me. I felt exactly as you did. Someday you'll thank everyone here who tells you not to send it. I can't undo the regrets I have in losing my ex. I can't undo the regrets I have in bombarding and begging her to come back. I can choose what to do now. And I still do care about her, and I am even starting to care about me. And for both of us that means NO CONTACT. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2iron Posted January 6, 2014 Author Share Posted January 6, 2014 No, we're really not. If she wishes to break NC, she will. It is HER decision, not yours. I will not advise you to contact her, because you sound like a stalker. I will however, advise you to that there is no such thing as one soulmate for everyone, and that you need to let this go and find someone else. It's done. It might be done, but it might not. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Thanks, but I think I'm going to ignore all of this advice. I'm sorry I even asked. All you'll do is push her away. The harder you chase someone who doesn't want to be chased, the further they'll run. She's already on another continent. Just wait until she changes her phone number and is really gone... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Thanks, but I think I'm going to ignore all of this advice. I'm sorry I even asked. So you didn't hear what you wanted to hear, so you are going to throw a fit about it? Yeah, I'm sure your contact will go swimmingly. Dude, you simply aren't ready to do this. If you can't handle negative advice about contact without getting pissy and pouty, how the hell are you going to be able to handle it when your ex doesn't respond in the way you want her to, or at all. Stop being a buffoon and actually take this seriously. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 It might be done, but it might not. It is done. If it wasn't done, you'd be together. This is the type of mindset which concerns everyone who has commented on this thread. it's creepy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts