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Breaking NC Without Seeming Desperate?


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2iron are you on drugs? Can i have some? Joking aside, what do you actually want to hear? You are desperate, needy, insecure and you dont respect your ex at all? Because thats how it sounds. My break up was horrific but yours was not. So you had your closure, you had your answer now leave her alone. I dont normally have any bad things to say to people here but you are not good for her mate. She is well out of it. Yes this thread should be closed.

 

I do respect her. She doesn't want me to talk to her, so I'm leaving her alone. I'm giving her what she wants, perhaps at the cost of angering a lot of people on this thread. But I miss her to death.

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No woman could tolerate any man with disposition demonstrated grouchy this thread. 2Iron, you come off so desparate. And it appears you are living an imaginary relationship. That is why everyone is begging you not to contact this young lady. You are going to be further hurt. If it is meant to be, she will fly to you.

 

Now, you must address you own issues and obbsessiveness. Please, go in and see a doctor or therapist to help you move forward. Tell them what you have here. Yas

 

I'm seeing a whole team of therapists, sir. And I take plenty of meds. And I tell them all this same story. I've been a tough nut to crack...

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Ok, thats a start then. Drop your arrogance a level and give yourself space from this. Take care.

 

I do respect her. She doesn't want me to talk to her, so I'm leaving her alone. I'm giving her what she wants, perhaps at the cost of angering a lot of people on this thread. But I miss her to death.
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Ok, thats a start then. Drop your arrogance a level and give yourself space from this. Take care.

 

 

Hi, I'm here for the train wreck that's still going on... apparently

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I do respect her. She doesn't want me to talk to her, so I'm leaving her alone. I'm giving her what she wants, perhaps at the cost of angering a lot of people on this thread. But I miss her to death.

 

No, we want you to leave her alone. Post here, instead of writing to her.

 

Look, if a woman loves a man, nothing will keep her from him. She'll stand by him. She'll remain loyal to him. When she doesn't, it means she doesn't want to.

 

At least you're acknowledging her ability to make her own decisions. That's a start.

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reddragon588

My dude, give it at least a month or two. In the grand scheme of things, especially if this is meant to be, a month or two won't be the end of a chance at reconciliation. Take that time, work on yourself. Work on all the issues you've expressed to us. Continue to see your therapist, continue to post here. Take the focus completely off her and out it completely on you. Do some fun stuff, reconnect with old friends and make new ones. Then after a couple months, reassess the situation with your ex. If it is meant to be, these extra couple months won't change that.

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No, we want you to leave her alone. Post here, instead of writing to her.

 

Look, if a woman loves a man, nothing will keep her from him. She'll stand by him. She'll remain loyal to him. When she doesn't, it means she doesn't want to.

 

At least you're acknowledging her ability to make her own decisions. That's a start.

 

Pickflicker, why do you have to be so negative? Reddragon (above) gave me solid advice without causing me to panic.

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Simon Phoenix
Pickflicker, why do you have to be so negative? Reddragon (above) gave me solid advice without causing me to panic.

 

You need to relax. If someone's comments on here are making you panic, that's a bit of an extreme reaction. Not everyone is going to give you advice in the same way.

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ConfusedHumanBeing
Pickflicker, why do you have to be so negative? Reddragon (above) gave me solid advice without causing me to panic.

 

This thread is still around? OP, you got your answer. This thread needs to be locked

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Pickflicker, why do you have to be so negative? Reddragon (above) gave me solid advice without causing me to panic.

 

If you're panicking over what I'm saying, that is an extreme reaction. Advice on an internet forum is a crapshoot.

 

The rule of thumb in a breakup, is that the person who does the dumping, attempts the reconciliation. If a dumper does not wish to contact a dumpee, that decision must be respected. If a dumpee chases the dumper, the only thing that will happen with 100% certainty, is that the dumper will put more distance between you, not less.

 

Get it?

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ConfusedHumanBeing
Pickflicker, why do you have to be so negative? Reddragon (above) gave me solid advice without causing me to panic.

 

And the only reason you liked dragon's advice because he is giving you hope that after two months, things are just going to be okay. I can bet apples to oranges that your ex wont just magically want you back. Thats not how it works.

 

There is only one answer and several pages worth of no substances. You HAVE TO LET GO! Thats it. Thats all you can do. No notes, no text, no calls, no nothing.....LET....IT....GO. The overall chances of her changing her mind one day are slim. No matter if you want to believe that or not. I can tell you that if you send ANYTHING to her, it will end whatever snowball chance you have THAT I can promise you.

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I was happy with her, and she was happy with me. Why can't that happen again?

 

Was = past

 

Not clear enough?

 

You need to move on. Be with someone who really wants to be with you.

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And the only reason you liked dragon's advice because he is giving you hope that after two months, things are just going to be okay. I can bet apples to oranges that your ex wont just magically want you back. Thats not how it works.

 

There is only one answer and several pages worth of no substances. You HAVE TO LET GO! Thats it. Thats all you can do. No notes, no text, no calls, no nothing.....LET....IT....GO. The overall chances of her changing her mind one day are slim. No matter if you want to believe that or not. I can tell you that if you send ANYTHING to her, it will end whatever snowball chance you have THAT I can promise you.

 

So if she won't just magically want me back, and she won't want me back because of my actions, how would she want me back? Please elaborate on this snowball's chance you speak of?

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ConfusedHumanBeing
So if she won't just magically want me back, and she won't want me back because of my actions, how would she want me back? Please elaborate on this snowball's chance you speak of?

 

I'm still calling troll.....

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2iron, you sound pretty low as it is. If you contact her and she says she's now seeing someone else, how are you going to feel then?

 

That is a far more likely scenario than her deciding she wishes for a reconciliation and a long distance relationship.

 

If your therapy isn't working, go find another therapist.

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So if she won't just magically want me back, and she won't want me back because of my actions, how would she want me back? Please elaborate on this snowball's chance you speak of?

 

The only way she may decide that she wants you back, is if she makes that decision herself, free of any interference from you. You can't make someone love you.

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The only way she may decide that she wants you back, is if she makes that decision herself, free of any interference from you. You can't make someone love you.

 

This is 100% right. OP: Let's say you break your back being the most romantic man who ever existed, and you get her back. What happens when you run out of gas?

You need to let her see what life is like with you completely gone. If she misses you and works up the guts to break through your NC to try to reconcile, good for both of you.

If she barely remembers you at all and has no desire to contact you other than to boost her ego, then that might be even better. You avoided being in a relationship with somebody who was capable of forgetting about you. That's not a dodging of a bullet, that's you having taken the train out of Dresden the day before it was firebombed.

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It's so simple. I wish I would have understood it before I begged and pleaded and reasoned and sent gifts and apologized and promised and pressured and emailed and texted:

 

 

If someone can't decide on their own that they want to be with you after you have been in a relationship together, they are NOT worth pursuing.

 

I hope someone who was where I was 5 months ago could see this thread, and learn what I had to learn the hard way.

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