Opinions please!

[debs]

I need some opinions from those who have lived through it!

 

Does the healing being before or after the divorce!

 

In your experiences how long should it take before you feel like dating again?

 

Any responses will be greatly appreciated.

 

Some info: He left March 2004 we divorced Nov 2004.........

[alphamale]

Originally posted by debs

I need some opinions from those who have lived through it!

 

Does the healing being before or after the divorce!

 

In your experiences how long should it take before you feel like dating again?

 

Any responses will be greatly appreciated.

 

Some info: He left March 2004 we divorced Nov 2004.........

 

I assume it would be harder on the person who did not want the divorce, assuming it was not mutual. Depends on how long the marriage was, if there were kids, and if the divorce was nasty or not.

 

My divorce was fairly simple, no kids, no mortgage, married only 3 yrs. I filed for div after 6 mos of seperation casue I felt better without her around. But it took me 6 mos to come to this realization. She wanted to try again but I said no way cause I was happier without her.

 

The divorce took about a year to finalize (from when i filed for it) so during this year I did not date and spent time on myself, losing weight, working a lot....etc. I don't regret the decision cause I know I would have been unhappy. Actually I knew I had made a mistake during the honeymoon and it was all downhill from there.

 

That is my story, don't know if that helps. It is hard for both, whether you are one asking for div or not. But the person who wants the div has made a concious decision to get out so it may be a bit better on them, but not much.

[debs]

Thanks alpha but not I am asking for myself.

 

Was it a nasty breakup? Well, he left for a 21 yr old. No crying no begging just go was my way!

 

Lol Married only a few months. Mutual divorce, no that isn 't what I did want but I didn't hang on to him either! Total time of relationship 4 years 2 LD 2 together.

 

What I am asking is the getting over phase does it start all again after the divorce? Even when you had been moving on before the divorce.

 

Thanks

[alphamale]

Originally posted by debs

What I am asking is the getting over phase does it start all again after the divorce? Even when you had been moving on before the divorce.

 

Thanks

 

the getting over phase does not start over after the divorce. Thing about divoreces is that they occur over a period of time, sometimes years, so both parties have time to emotionally adjust.

 

It is not like you are dating someone for 3 yrs then one day they up and split and you never see them again.

[debs]

What a relief !! Because since the divorce I am feeling better everyday after the initital shock of all of it!

 

Guess it is the reality it is over and I can say I walked away with my dignity and with grace and style!

[Yikes]

I'm guessing that everyone's ideal timeline is likely a little different. Personally, I believe in taking your time before getting involved with anyone. I bailed a year and a half ago on my 18 year marriage. (long story... I won't bore anyone with it again) It was a painful ordeal, but I know that I am far better off on my own in the long run and am just now getting comfortable with the idea of letting anyone close again - and it's still a little scary.

 

I have taken great pains to simplify my life and rebuild and have a couple of friends who have been through similar situations, but rushed into relationships. I was always somewhat jealous because they had someone to be with while I was lonely and picking up the pieces. The funny thing is, while they were'nt lonely, they were jealous of my "simplified life" with few complicatons. Interestingly both have admitted to me that if they had to do it again, they'd take their time as I did.

 

Good luck.