Sabrina88 Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 I met my ex on social media..we were in different countries ...after talking with him for a month we entered into long distance relationship...after 2 months he planned to visit me but dint got the visa...after a year of long distance I applied visa to his country n got approved all was set we were happy that we'd b meeting but then my parent asked me to come visit them So I had to go to my home country n cancel my plan to visit my bf ...tried to make him understand he did ..but this thing created some problems in our relation...then one day he called me n told me that he had msged one of my friend(who lives in same country as my bf) ..finding her from my profile...I said that's not a prb ...she doesn't know us yet but I 'll tell her about us...den d next day he emailed me...he want to break up with me...I thought he doing this as he might be mad as I m not visiting him...den x same evening I got a call from my friend asking me about a guy(my bf) ..I asked her y she asking..she said as he's my friend n telling her(my friend) that he likes her so she's asking...I was so mad...I told my friend the entire story ...listening to which she got furious n blocked him..I too dint talked to him after that...then he contacted me again n was like I m extremely sorry but I did all this cuz I want 2 make u jealous as u r not coming to meet me...I believed him but still continued as friend for a month n then again we were back in relation... Everything was going good ..then we decided to meet finally..n this time we were going to meet in our home country(my ex,me n my friend are from same country back home) We planned d trip for 15 days...n before the trip we cleared to each other we'll meet as friends n if we like each other we'll say love u to each other...as per my understanding everything was going gud between us ..he told me he loves me n want to spend his life with me...den I got a msg from my friend that she's in the same city as me n my bf..so I arranged a meeting to visit her...we chatted for some time n I told her that my bf us with me as well if she's fine I can call him to meet her..she was like if there is no longer prb b/w u so I don't mind meeting him..I called up my bf n he came...I tried to sort out things b/w them ..my bf was talking very keenly to my friend but I dint bothered cuz I thought he might be happy as she's in d same country as him... Den after a day together ...I left for my country after spending two more days with my bf...n he left as well...while I was leaving he was asking me to stay n even cried n said these words" whatever we talked the other day about marriage don't take that personally as I was emotional at that time..I don't want to expect at this time...when it will be the right time will propose" I said ok n left n dint bothered much about that Then he started talking less with me telling me that he is busy with work n studies...I believed him n thought not to bother him..whenever he'll call me he'll try to ask about that friend of mine...n I dint even bothered then as well...I will keep on talkin to him about her for hours n den he broke up with me a couple of times in between but will patch up again ...then one day he broke up with me without giving me any reason...I was mad at this n thought if he dint wanna give me a reason I shouldn't beg him 4 that...then I took him Out of my social media profile as well...after a couple of days I got a friend request from him..I was shocked n when I was about to reject it..I saw he is friends with that friend of mine ...I was like she blocked her..how cum they r friends now...n that very day my friend contacted me I told her I broke up with him...she was like she dint knew that so she accepted d req...I was like I don't mind her being friends with him ... Then d next day I got a big email from my bf telling me that he broke up cuz his mom dint agreed for our marriage(till now I dint have a clue y he talked at his home 4 marriage...n when he talked) I was shocked den the same eve I got a msg from my friend telling me d same thing..I was like how u know ..she was like cuz I talked to him to give u d reason ..I was like I don't know y but I can't trust him on this...n den she was like there's one more thing that u should know..."he (my bf) told her (my friend) that he likes her" ...I was mad at this then I asked my friend not to talk to him to which she said " I can't delete him from FB as I dint hate him but I don't like him as well...n don't worry I don't want to loose a friend for a guy" I was like ok...den every time we talked I used to ask her whether she is in touch with him she will simply deny " now I came to know from that very friend that they are getting married " I was like how can she be with someone who cheated on me" to which she said " he dint cheated as he left u cuz of his parents n he's sorry about whatever he did to u" Sorry for such a long story but if someone can help me decide whether it's cheating or not... N am I overreacting by not talking to both of them... R they right n I m d one who's wrong Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 First, please clean up the language. It's frustrating to read a message written in texting language. You'll get a better response if you use proper language. Second, how old are all of you? You sound very young. The behaviour here is a bit immature and silly. You barely know this guy, he breaks up with you constantly, he hits on your friends, he pretends to have a future with you and then changes his mind when someone else shows an interest...why on earth do you want him? He is clearly not that into you or he wouldn't be trying to get with your friend. If you were together and he was trying to get involved with your friend, then yes, I'd call that cheating. If you were already broken up (again) then technically it's not, but it's shady behaviour on his part. If your friend is going along with it, then she isn't really your friend. Dump this clown and find someone local who likes you as much you like him. This guy is playing games with you and not looking for a commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Honestly, you are all back and forth so much I can't even tell if it's cheating. But I honestly think any long-distance relationship should practically expect cheating. Raid oaky one where you haven't met in person before you got into the relationship. Whether or not it is cheating, he plays games (breaking up with you to "twach you a lesson" when you didnt visit him.) and the whole situation with your friend etc. is totally dysfunctional. Just cut this guy out. I'm not entirely sure where your friend sits onbthe totem pole here. I had a hard time reading it near the end. But you might want to cut her out too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sabrina88 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Share Posted January 6, 2014 (edited) First, please clean up the language. It's frustrating to read a message written in texting language. You'll get a better response if you use proper language. Second, how old are all of you? You sound very young. The behaviour here is a bit immature and silly. You barely know this guy, he breaks up with you constantly, he hits on your friends, he pretends to have a future with you and then changes his mind when someone else shows an interest...why on earth do you want him? He is clearly not that into you or he wouldn't be trying to get with your friend. If you were together and he was trying to get involved with your friend, then yes, I'd call that cheating. If you were already broken up (again) then technically it's not, but it's shady behaviour on his part. If your friend is going along with it, then she isn't really your friend. Dump this clown and find someone local who likes you as much you like him. This guy is playing games with you and not looking for a commitment. Thank you 4 your say on this...we all are 25 years of age...to answer your question why I want him...I too don't have an answer to that...I suppose it should be self sufficient for me as he broke up with me a couple of times n now getting married to my friend...but still my heart is not able to get over all this ...somewhere in my heart I still believe that he loved me but due to some reason chose my friend over me Also regarding hooking up with my friend...he started talking to her after 2 weeks from our break up...but all d signs that he was showing before like 1. Taking more interest in her when he met her 2. After the meeting although he was with me but was more interested getting information about my friend as they were not in direct contact till then 3. When he broke up with me,he didn't gave me any reason ...till he added that friend on social media ...and he gave me that reason that his mom Dad didn't agree to our marriage after talking to my friend 4. Does it make sense that he told my friend " I am breaking up with her as my parents didn't agree to our marriage as she is from different community and I like you ( to my friend) although that is not the reason for me to break up with her(that's me). Edited January 6, 2014 by Sabrina88 Added more content Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Thank you 4 your say on this...we all are 25 years of age...to answer your question why I want him...I too don't have an answer to that...I suppose it should be self sufficient for me as he broke up with me a couple of times n now getting married to my friend...but still my heart is not able to get over all this ...somewhere in my heart I still believe that he loved me but due to some reason chose my friend over me Also regarding hooking up with my friend...he started talking to her after 2 weeks from our break up...but all d signs that he was showing before like 1. Taking more interest in her when he met her 2. After the meeting although he was with me but was more interested getting information about my friend as they were not in direct contact till then 3. When he broke up with me,he didn't gave me any reason ...till he added that friend on social media ...and he gave me that reason that his mom Dad didn't agree to our marriage after talking to my friend 4. Does it make sense that he told my friend " I am breaking up with her as my parents didn't agree to our marriage as she is from different community and I like you ( to my friend) although that is not the reason for me to break up with her(that's me). 25?!? I was honestly expecting teengaers...there's a lot of growing up to do, regarding all parties involved. Anyway, you don't need to drive yourself crazy trying to analyse whether he cheated or not now. He is no longer interested and is marrying your friend (??) He doesn't want to be with you, and sounds like he's wanted your friend for quite some time. You've said it yourself - he was interested in her while still with you. You will be able to move on from this, I promise. Can I ask, how quickly did this all come to fruition? It sounds like he broke up with you and then just decided to marry your friend..did they date? Are the currently planning a wedding, or do they just say they are and are having some fun playing make-believe in the meantime? It all seems so juvenile, to be honest. I don't meant to be snarky, but it is just rather hard to believe with the way you described it. How many times have you actually met this guy? You decided to say "I love you" if you liked each other the first time you met...and you're all 25? Why the rush to marry? You mentioned he couldn't get a visa to come to your country...is it at all possible he wants to marry to secure residency? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sabrina88 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Share Posted January 6, 2014 25?!? I was honestly expecting teengaers...there's a lot of growing up to do, regarding all parties involved. Anyway, you don't need to drive yourself crazy trying to analyse whether he cheated or not now. He is no longer interested and is marrying your friend (??) He doesn't want to be with you, and sounds like he's wanted your friend for quite some time. You've said it yourself - he was interested in her while still with you. You will be able to move on from this, I promise. Can I ask, how quickly did this all come to fruition? It sounds like he broke up with you and then just decided to marry your friend..did they date? Are the currently planning a wedding, or do they just say they are and are having some fun playing make-believe in the meantime? It all seems so juvenile, to be honest. I don't meant to be snarky, but it is just rather hard to believe with the way you described it. How many times have you actually met this guy? You decided to say "I love you" if you liked each other the first time you met...and you're all 25? Why the rush to marry? You mentioned he couldn't get a visa to come to your country...is it at all possible he wants to marry to secure residency? He left me and got in touch with her after 2 weeks as per my knowledge and all this happened about 6 months back...so i think they might be dating during this 6 months or may be not...but the recent news is that they are getting engaged on 25th jan...and i met this guy only once ...and after that trip he broke up with me... Regarding residency status he already is a resident of the country he is living in. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 He left me and got in touch with her after 2 weeks as per my knowledge and all this happened about 6 months back...so i think they might be dating during this 6 months or may be not...but the recent news is that they are getting engaged on 25th jan...and i met this guy only once ...and after that trip he broke up with me... Regarding residency status he already is a resident of the country he is living in. Er, I meant residency in your country. Anyway, this should be a lesson not to put all your eggs in one basket for someone you have met one time. Never a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
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