Wife's Behavior in Separation

[dreamingoftigers]

Hi all,

 

I thought I'd bump this up since it's got all the backstory here relevant to the situation.

 

As an update, I haven't seen my daughter since early January (aside from photos I only started receiving this week) but I'm doing a lot better on a personal level.

 

I initiated mediation weeks ago which has been a slow process but my ex receiving the letter from the center asking her to come in for a consultation seems to have prompted her to once again contact me and start some typical behavior.

 

Instead of attending mediation right away she has spoken to me a couple of times and agreed to meet this Saturday so I can see my daughter but she also emphasised that the point was to see HER as well--she's acting very nice to me and insisting that we need to make things work, which as all who posted in her previously know, can't happen. She's even sending me photos of herself as she has lost weight and attempting to draw me back in. Plus my family who I've now reconnected with would be devastated if I even thought about getting back with this woman.

 

So my question is, although there's a 95% chance of her becoming enraged and us resuming mediation when she finds out that I'm not interested in "making things work", has anyone been in a similar delicate situation or have any advice on how I should be in dealing with her specifically? I don't want to play games and give her false hope in order to keep my daughter in reach, so she needs to be aware that nothing is going to happen. Is there any hope that she can understand this, but still have her allow access to my daughter without mediation and court intervention?

 

I have one question:

why have you not seen your daughter since January?

I doubt she is capable of understanding that you will not be interested in her and want to see your daughter.... and have the right and obligation as a father to be able to see her etc.

[almond]

Is there any hope that she can understand this, but still have her allow access to my daughter without mediation and court intervention?

 

From what you've posted here, that's highly unlikely.

 

Even so, with this woman, you will want a court ordered schedule that she must follow. You are entitled to see your daughter, and you want this set in a way that she cannot argue - you don't want her using your child as a means of manipulating you any further.

 

If you have not done so already, please seriously consider some individual counseling - you really need to get to the bottom of why you allowed yourself to be treated this way for so long, and to heal from the trauma of it all. It will also be good for support and clarity while you go through this trying process.

 

All the best, and thanks for the update.

[underpants]

Can you take someone with you, a friend or family member when you visit with your daughter on Saturday? I'd be taking a pocket recorder as well.

 

I'm reading that the visit is with her and your daughter. Will she not allow you to meet to pick up your daughter and then agree to meet again to return her?

 

I wouldn't be going to her house, alone for the visit. Someplace public for pick up and drop of at specified times.

 

Its been 3 months, you need to talk with your lawyer about a visitation schedule that is acceptable.

 

Sorry this is happening to you, but it sounds like you are working your way out of it. This is the wise path.