DALIFAN Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 I've officially been with my boyfriend since beginning of december (2013 ^^). I don't care about pet names/cute nicknames, but I find it odd that my boyfriend NEVER even addresses me by my name.. I do address him by his name and include it in questions, etc.., like for an example: "did the meeting go well, tom?" or "I really had fun with your friends,tom." or "Tom, can I use your arm watch?" He basically leaves my name out.. Always. He only ever uses it when he tells somebody else something about me. I know this might seem trivial to most of you, but I find it odd and the fact that I noticed it, made me wonder... do you guys think I'm just being idiotic here? any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
umbongo Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 With this, it would be worth thinking back to see if it has happened before? Sometimes things won't bother you until you notice. I once realised I didn't use my girlfriends name much and it started to irritate me and when I raised it with her she just laughed. If you are close, there may not be a need to use the name. For example, family members; I very rarely, if ever call my sister by name directly as we just tend to interact without it. The last set of dates I had - neither of us used names, we simply met and interacted in bars, shops etc. I wouldn't get too paranoid about it but if it still bothers you in a month or two you could consider asking why he doesn't call you by name. That may be enough to spur it along. For me personally if the attention is there I would see no issue in how things currently stand. Some people use names more than others Link to post Share on other sites
Shashasha Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 I've officially been with my boyfriend since beginning of december (2013 ^^). I don't care about pet names/cute nicknames, but I find it odd that my boyfriend NEVER even addresses me by my name.. I do address him by his name and include it in questions, etc.., like for an example: "did the meeting go well, tom?" or "I really had fun with your friends,tom." or "Tom, can I use your arm watch?" He basically leaves my name out.. Always. He only ever uses it when he tells somebody else something about me. I know this might seem trivial to most of you, but I find it odd and the fact that I noticed it, made me wonder... do you guys think I'm just being idiotic here? any thoughts? what does he call you then? Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 I'd say it's a possible red flag, but it depends on the person. Is he charismatic? Flirtatious, friendly with women? (Odds are decent that he is, since he has a gf ...) If he is, then I'd look further into whether he might be cheating. Just don't let on that you're snooping into that since you don't even have tangible evidence. OTOH if he's introverted and shy, or otherwise not flirtatious or good with women, it could mean nothing at all. I only use people's names when I'm calling for them / getting their attention. I never had a GF so I can't say whether I'd use her name much or not. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Its easier to juggle girls without slipping up if you don't use names. I knew a guy who was seeing multiple women, who said this but he got by by always using 'babe' to address them. not saying that's the case here, as if he was that savvy with women, he would handle it better. Given its only just a month you have been together, which for some here is too early to be serious about the other person yet, I'd say its too early yet to get too concerned about this. Its a little strange I admit. Maybe he is just not a personable type of guy. ask him about it a bit down the line. Can't see any nefarious reason behind it. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Beginning of Dec? So it's been.... a month? Honestly, chill. It might just be his style of communication. If there is a deeper-seated issue you'll find out in time, there's no point in jumping the gun. How is he in all the other, more important, aspects? Are you attracted to him, does he treat you well? What do his actions say? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fatalcharm Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 I wouldn't worry about it too much. When ever I am dating/in a relationship with a guy, I hardly ever call him by his name. It doesn't mean that I have forgotten his name or am cheating on him or anything like that, it's just something that I very rarely do. On the odd occasion that I do call a guy by his name, I feel really awkward and it ends up coming out sounding forced. I'm just an awkward person though. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 I hardly ever use names, either. I mean it's obvious who I'm talking to so why bother? If it's in a group scenario and I need to get someone's attention or it's not obvious who I'm talking to then yes I'll use names. But one on one... I just don't see the need. Red flag...? I'd say over-use of names is more of a red flag. You need to keep reminding yourself of who you're with? Hmm... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Was he drunk the day he got his mama out of prison? Link to post Share on other sites
Eclypse Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 I don't think you're weird about this. I'm the same way. My ex never used my name. It really grinded on me and it just felt so impersonal. It was always like "I'll ask HIM what he wants" "HE doesn't like that". I asked her to use my name more but she didn't want to, neither alone or in public My new girl is different. There's just something so sexy about her snuggling up to me and whispering "Tom? I love you baby". Or in bed she'll scream out "F*** me harder Tom please!!" What a difference! Ask him if he'll do it, it's hardly a big ask! Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 It wouldn't bother me either way. I am cautious if someone is using my name too much because that's one of the secrets of a good manipulator. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DALIFAN Posted January 7, 2014 Author Share Posted January 7, 2014 Thank you so much for your replies! I do agree in the sense that it isn't an obvious red flag. My boyfriend is more on the shy side and not too good with the ladies. One thing I am 100% sure about is that he is not cheating on me. I know everyone from his work, I know his best friends and am friends with them too (I hang out with them without him being here) and he spends every possible free time with me. I guess he just has a different way of communication than I do.. But I will definitely talk to him and ask him if there is a reason for it or so Link to post Share on other sites
SYLLPalmer Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 I've officially been with my boyfriend since beginning of december (2013 ^^). I don't care about pet names/cute nicknames, but I find it odd that my boyfriend NEVER even addresses me by my name.. I do address him by his name and include it in questions, etc.., like for an example: "did the meeting go well, tom?" or "I really had fun with your friends,tom." or "Tom, can I use your arm watch?" He basically leaves my name out.. Always. He only ever uses it when he tells somebody else something about me. I know this might seem trivial to most of you, but I find it odd and the fact that I noticed it, made me wonder... do you guys think I'm just being idiotic here? any thoughts? Darling it is January 7th. Give it time. Bustin a honey baby or kitten too soon is cheesy. I myself didn't realize that I liked to hear my own name and therefore never bothered to purposefully call others by their names until I hit my 30s. When you are kissing him say his name and kiss him again and say his name and kiss again until he says your name. Then say I love hearing you call my name and kiss em again. DONE. If he digs ya. Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 It'd say it depends, as well as varies from person to person. For example, my parents to this day constantly refer to eachother with their own names as they always have. No use of nicknames (Oh the pun because that's my name xD) at all. Then again, it might be a bit off topic, but back when I was in a relationship (which has sadly been almost 2 years ago now) I initially used her name, but felt that it was too formal and impersonal. As a result I started using nicknames, and she was fine with it. Conversely, when I was in deep thought and often looking outside the window, and she asked a question (Been too long, can't exactly remember) but something along the lines of 'Have you seen my slippers anywhere, honey?' 'Honey ?' 'SWEETHEART?' 'NICK ?!' Only at the last calling which involved my own name I snapped out of deep thought. Don't know why, perhaps it's because my parents also used to do that when they had need of me. Ironic, I know. xD Link to post Share on other sites
Wingless Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 My boyfriend and I actually talked about this today! I said his name, which I ever rarely do, then he said mine, which he rarely does, and we both stopped for a second and was like "That was weird." We concluded that we rarely use each others names because it's unnecessary. I wouldn't worry about it too much. I feel awkward saying people's names for some reason. The only time I use someones name is to either A. Let them know I'm not happy with them at the moment (Which is usually a full name) B. If we're joking around and it fits or C. To get their attention, if they're not paying attention. I actually think it's kind of weird to use someones name a lot, it's too...forceful and gives me a bad vice. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Does he know your name ? I'll say this.. when I first started dating my wife my brother also starting dating someone who had the same name as MY exwife. I hadn't used that name in years and all of a sudden I'm having to use the name around my family and ONE TIME I called my now wife my exwife's name although I was referring to my brothers GF at the time.. Talk about stepping in a pile of dog crap.... I learned for a while to not use her first name in case I made that mistake again till I was able to process using my exwife's name or my brothers GF's name again everyday. Maybe he is not using your first name becuase he is afraid to call you by someone else's name and insult you and till he has spent enough time around you he won't use your first name. Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Definitely an over reaction... I guess I like "hearing" my name when a girl I like says it depending on how she says it. But at the same time I rarely call a girl I am dating by her name... I mean, if I am introducing her to someone or telling a story about her, sure. But, not to say "Hey Beth, want to watch a movie?" I will just say "do you want to watch a movie" or whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
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