He's back with his wife!

[stillafool]

He screwed your life and pretend nothing happened. He deserves a lession. If he is successful he will repeat it with someone else and wife would never know. U will gwt a peace of mind and closure too. I hate men who play with emotions to get sex.

 

I think she screwed her own life by getting involved with someone elses husband and cheating on her husband. This is her lesson learned. She was not innocent by any means in this and got burned. He will get his too.

[happy stillmore]

Telling the wife would save the wife from living a life with a cheating liar who can easily expose her to STDs. The wife deserves the truth. If I was the BS, I would thank the AP for enlightening me to the creep I'm married to. No way in Heck I would want to be married to someone who obviously does not respect me. The truth would not destroy the wife's life, it would rather save her life. It would give her more of her life back to find someone who does love her and is capable of honoring his commitment to her. To not tell the wife is harming her.

 

As far as the OP deserving this pain, not really as much in my mind. She was honest with herself and her feelings with her husband. She told the truth to her husband and sought a divorce fairly quickly. She believed this lying MM. OP saw this relationship as real, not just for a sexual thrill. MM never told his wife and continued the lies with both W and OP. The MM was a snake who played OP. No way around it.

 

It really is not much different than the BS believing her husband would be faithful to her. OP believed this scumbag as well. Words mean nothing in the end. Actions speak louder than words.

 

Do the right thing and let the wife make an informed decision regarding her life. Does the wife really deserve to live with this liar?

Edited January 16, 2014 by happy stillmore

[stillafool]

OP may have been honest with her husband but still took part in the destruction of MM wife's marriage. She knew this man was married. The time to tell the wife about the affair was when OP was in it or before it began. To now want to tell her is only to get revenge on the MM.

[Ruffian1]

Do the right thing and let the wife make an informed decision regarding her life.

 

I agree. It is the right thing to do.

[thecharade]

You made a mistake or two in this, of course, but you trusted someone (naively) and it hurts! I understand! Trust is found in all relationships, not just marriage. It doesn't matter that he was married; you thought you could believe what he was saying because he came to you out of the blue, so you believed him. He broke your heart. I do feel very badly for your husband, though. He's been hurt badly, too. You do need to think of all sides.

 

I wanted revenge for awhile, but I got over it. The feeling of wanting to lash out will pass eventually. If you DO get revenge, when the hatred passes, you'll feel embarrassed over what you've done. Don't do it. He is not worth it. He's shown you what he's made of.

 

He was ready and willing to crush the wife he "wants," for lack of a better term. He obviously doesn't love her. Need? Depend on? Sure. But seeking out another means there is no love. And he was ready and willing to crush you, too. He is useless. You have actually avoided years of emotional turmoil with such a weak leach of a human. Lucky you! Look on the definite bright side!

 

Get yourself some good books on betrayal, read websites on the stages of grief, do work on yourself with a compassionate and wise therapist. Think only of a great you, and a better relationship with a much better guy will await you. Good luck. And much peace to you.

Edited January 17, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[happy stillmore]

OP may have been honest with her husband but still took part in the destruction of MM wife's marriage. She knew this man was married. The time to tell the wife about the affair was when OP was in it or before it began. To now want to tell her is only to get revenge on the MM.

 

So you are suggesting OP say nothing and allow the lies to continue to an innocent woman, BS? To allow the BS (who doesn't even know she is a BS) to remain clueless to the jerk she is married to. No thanks. As much as I would hate it, I would thank the devil himself if he told me the truth about my cheating husband. I would no longer be living a farce of a marriage, since a husband who cheats obviously does not respect his wife in the least.

[dreamingoftigers]

I wish you would rethink telling his wife everything. Regardless of what he told you, deep down you knew the stakes. You have nothing to gain by telling her and why should she get all that pain on her because things didn't work out as you hoped? If he chooses to tell her, he will in his own time but that's his own business.

 

Pffft.

 

What a joke.

So the wife as to wait around until the husband feels like confessing. Yeah, that'll happen.

 

TELL THE WIFE YOU PROBABLY WEREN'T THE ONLY WOMAN HE'S BEEN PLAYING AROUND WITH.

 

Get tested for STDs.

Married men that cheat tend to be a mixture of pathological and compulsive lying.

Stay away from married men!

And don't cheat and this crap won't happen!

 

Sorry that you had to learn this the hard way.

It seems like you were very naive.

[dreamingoftigers]

OP may have been honest with her husband but still took part in the destruction of MM wife's marriage. She knew this man was married. The time to tell the wife about the affair was when OP was in it or before it began. To now want to tell her is only to get revenge on the MM.

 

Even if she does just want revenge; it still saves the wife a potential years and years of being lied to and manipulated.

 

And what's with the BS bashing on this thread?

 

Jeepers. Where are the "angry BSs."

 

Stillafool, are you a BS?

[happy stillmore]

Read my posts, I only referred to bitter, angry people. I did not generalize and say the angry posts were made by BS. I inserted a quote from Charade who mentioned betrayed spouses. (See the quotation marks around the quote.)

 

I will say the anger felt by a BS is real and is often palpable through their posts. While it can provide insight if a situation is looked at from all angles, it is not helpful if some do not have the ability to see things from the OP's perspective. Many posters generalize themselves and assume the OP does not feel bad about the situation. The OP does not need to be reminded in every other post that he/she caused pain and hurt others. The OP came here for advice. She is trying to work through the pain of being lied to, a similar experience that a BS feels.

 

Let's not be a BS versus OW forum. Let's help this OP.

[thecharade]

happy stillmore,

 

Awesome. Exactly right. Well said.

[dreamingoftigers]

No one singled you out.

 

I also noticed a post by nicepuzzle [sp?]

So I thought I'd ask.

 

Because often single people post up with contempt towards those that cheat and many assume that they are betrayed spouses.

 

Furthermore, it seemed the one post I read was more of a "pre-emptive" strike so I thought I'd clarify before it just became a bash & attack thread.

 

I already threw in my $0.02 to the OP regarding her situation.

 

As well, sometimes calls to re-examine your own role in a situation feel like shaming on first read. Then you look again and see the intent and realize that you yourself were on the defensive.

[vanellope]

telling or not telling the BS, I think it's depend on the situation. but don't use it to revenge someone(BS/MM) but use it if you want to help BS see the truth.

 

protect yourself.

 

I was the OW, I didn't tell the BS about the affair, for some reason I think let MM do it is better. I never was a BS, but I guess only a very rational BS will thank you that you telling the truth, others might still believe what WS told.

[dreamingoftigers]

OP, I am very curious what nationality you are.

[krazikat]

Read my posts, I only referred to bitter, angry people. I did not generalize and say the angry posts were made by BS. I inserted a quote from Charade who mentioned betrayed spouses. (See the quotation marks around the quote.)

 

I will say the anger felt by a BS is real and is often palpable through their posts. While it can provide insight if a situation is looked at from all angles, it is not helpful if some do not have the ability to see things from the OP's perspective. Many posters generalize themselves and assume the OP does not feel bad about the situation. The OP does not need to be reminded in every other post that he/she caused pain and hurt others. The OP came here for advice. She is trying to work through the pain of being lied to, a similar experience that a BS feels.

 

Let's not be a BS versus OW forum. Let's help this OP.

 

If this was in response to what I had said, I just want you to know that I was not just coming after you but wanting to call out all of it...and I love your last sentence here...and I think this should apply in all cases. We all could benefit from each other...so lets embrace each other and stop the whole ow/bs mess...because at the core we are the same...women who have been hurt and are in various stages of healing.

[krazikat]

telling or not telling the BS, I think it's depend on the situation. but don't use it to revenge someone(BS/MM) but use it if you want to help BS see the truth.

 

protect yourself.

 

I was the OW, I didn't tell the BS about the affair, for some reason I think let MM do it is better. I never was a BS, but I guess only a very rational BS will thank you that you telling the truth, others might still believe what WS told.

 

This is an assumption made by some ow...but is not always true.

 

Of course, a bs reacting in shock and pain and denial is normal...just put yourself in her shoes...but ask any bs here and they will tell you without a doubt no matter why ow told, they would want to know.

[experiencethedevine]

I wish you would rethink telling his wife everything. Regardless of what he told you, deep down you knew the stakes. You have nothing to gain by telling her and why should she get all that pain on her because things didn't work out as you hoped? If he chooses to tell her, he will in his own time but that's his own business.

 

 

 

 

 

I must disagree. It is absolutely not his own business. He chose to involve someone else in his marriage, clandestinely inviting his wife to become involved in an open marriage without her consent or knowledge.

 

 

He should be made responsible for the fall out from those choices in my opinion. Fair's fair.

[vanellope]

yes, I think if I was a BS, I would like to know the truth.

 

but here I am talking about if I was a OW, telling or not telling is better for myself. what I mean is we also need to protect ourself, we don't want telling the true but in the end get trouble by that.

[soccerrprp]

I must disagree. It is absolutely not his own business. He chose to involve someone else in his marriage, clandestinely inviting his wife to become involved in an open marriage without her consent or knowledge.

 

He should be made responsible for the fall out from those choices in my opinion. Fair's fair.

 

I agree with this. The OP chose to help destroy another relationship (and hers). The husband engaged, began the process of destroying TWO relationships. Once the OP was involved, the issue no is no longer the OM sole domain. He chose to involve her.

 

But, OP, think about what and why you are doing this. Are you doing this b/c it didn't work out for YOU? B/c if it had, I suspect you wouldn't care and certainly didn't care about the OMW's feelings. You are not warning her about that fact that she is involved with a cretin, rather, you are pissed/angry.

 

So, ONLY for REVENGE.....ugh.

[stillafool]

Even if she does just want revenge; it still saves the wife a potential years and years of being lied to and manipulated.

 

And what's with the BS bashing on this thread?

 

Jeepers. Where are the "angry BSs."

 

Stillafool, are you a BS?

 

No I'm not. I never bash BSs. I'm just sick of OW who want to confess to the BS only for revenge. Alot of times they seem to want the BS to hurt because they are in pain. I want to know why they aren't this forthcoming with their guilt while or before the affair takes place. I agree that the BS should find out what her h has been up to. I'm just not sure that all OW are telling the BS about it for her own good. Sometimes I think it is just to cause her pain.