VenusJ4F Posted January 9, 2005 Share Posted January 9, 2005 We have been married three and half years now and things are not good. All he does is play computer games all day and will not help with the house work but he complains about it. Lately we have had alot of problems due to finacial stress and He had grown distent. I am trying so hard to make things and I do not want to get divorced, but he has suggested it twice now. Things were really great when we first got married, Then he enlisted in the Air Force Reserves and went to training for 9 months. I supported him in evey decision he made, but when he came home he was a diffrent person. He is no longer affectionate, compasionate, or loveing towards me. He has driffted away. Recently he admited that he had tried to find someone to leave me for and decided to stay. He says his reasons for wanting to leave are becuase he wants to go back to school and he does not feel that he can do that staying married to me. He also has a 6 year old daughter and this is a hard subject to talk about with him. I can never seem to do anything right with her. He is so angry if I am having a bad day and am not perky or cheery when she is around. Also when she is here he tends to ignore me, I had tried addressing this with him tonight and he got angry. He says that nothing will come between him and his daughter, I had not even mentiond this I just brought up that he had not been paying much attention to me today her name was not even mention. Right there I know that this is a sensative issue for him. I don't know what to do. Latly our lives are like a roller coaster, alright everything is fine one minute and then we are blowing up at each other the next. I just don't know if I should keep on pushing to make things work or if I should count my losses and walk away now. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 9, 2005 Share Posted January 9, 2005 Before you walk away, it would be worth it to see if there is anything to salvage. Tell your husband that you want the both of you to go to marriage counseling. Through counseling you two will be able to air your concerns, uncover any buried resentment, talk out any problems and decide with the help of your counselor if there is anything there left to fix. If it happens that there is nothing left worth working out, then you can begin separation and divorce proceedings. At least though, if it ends in divorce - you can have the peace of mind knowing that you two tried. Either way, it will be good to know for sure what path the two of you need to take that will work best for all of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VenusJ4F Posted January 9, 2005 Author Share Posted January 9, 2005 He refuses to go to counceling. This is his second marrage and he feels not guilt about walking away. Since we started having problems divorce has always been his answer. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 9, 2005 Share Posted January 9, 2005 If he absolutely refuses, then there isn't much you can do at this point but start the separation/divorce/mediation/custody process. You can't force a person to fix something they don't want fixed. Sorry to hear about your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted January 9, 2005 Share Posted January 9, 2005 If he refuses to go to counseling and 'divorce' is his answer to everything, perhaps a trial seperation is in order. I find it trememdously cruel that he told you he 'tried to find someone to leave you for' but decided to stay. Gee, thanks a lot buddy! I would find a therapist for yourself, since he won't go. Make arrangements for a trial seperation and see if he will agree to a discussion of your situation after a three-month seperation. This may give him a reality check, once you're living elsewhere. He'll realize what life is like without you. I feel awfully bad about the daughter; she is the one who has the least understanding about what's going on. Perhaps explain to her that you will be taking some 'vacation' time but keep in touch with her via cards, etc. Maybe talk to other divorced parents or step-parents about how they stay involved in the childrens' lives during a seperation. Your partner may be experiencing a profound clinical depression and until he experiences the loss of his relationship, he may continue to refuse help. Sorry to hear about your difficulties. Wish you luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author VenusJ4F Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 Well I have decided that I have had enough!! He has not been working for the last month and I am kicking him out today. I made a mistake a few days ago and he will not get over it and I will not live like this any longer. I am telling him today to get out!! Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 when you repeatedly and frequently started to ask yourself that good question. Link to post Share on other sites
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