Is he calling my bluff...

[Leeladams72]

If you followed my last thread. Me and my guy friend have a very weird friendship. It started off with the both of us liking each other but somehow after a lot of game playing and mixed signals between us both over the course of two months I stopped knowing where we stood. When I questioned him about it a month ago he told me to just let things go with the flow and see what happens. Up until about two weeks ago I never got the feeling he didnt like me. Despite the game playing I felt like he liked me due to the way he acted around me.

 

Then two weeks ago(me and him are co-workers) I started noticing a curvy blonde coming around his desk a lot and flirting with him. She has a boyfriend but still... It was as if she was pursuing him. I figured he was into her so I decided to just give up any idea of a romantic pursuit and get over him. I started teasing him about the blonde and telling him he should date her but he always ignored it or tried to downplay his friendship with her. I finally decided that it would be best if I stop being his friend especially since I was jealous of him with the blonde girl.

 

Last week was our last week working in the same building as me so I wouldn't see him again. I brought it up jokingly about how glad he must be to not have to see me again etc. and he joked back but later that night he texted me back and told me he was going to really miss me. I said "reAlly?" And he said "of course" and I told him that I always thought he thought I was annoying. And then he said that never though that and in fact he thought our relationship was funny and it reminded him of a movie. I then replied that I agreed and admitted to him that I still liked him. So he then asked me if I wanted to come to his party with him and his friends and told me that he told them all about me and asked me to dress sexy and come. I wasnt able to come.

 

Then Thursday was our last day seeing each other. I saw the blonde with him a lot so I just once again realized that either something is going on with him and her or even if they werent I was still jealous. I knew that I was going to have to end our friendship, but I wanted to get feedback from him first about what I could differently the next time I date. So I told him I was thinking about dating again in the future and wanted to know the most annoying things I did so that I could work on them because I was doing a makeover. He responded weirdly to the make over comment and asked why I would get one. He then went ahead and told me the annoying things I did.

 

It was only a few small things so it wasnt a huge deal . Afterwards I basically wished him luck at his next department. He got upset and asked why I was being eno and acting like he would never talk to me again. I then wished him luck about the blonde and it set him off. He got upset and basically said that he didnt appreciate me constantly trying to say him and the blonde were dating etc. that its immature etc and that I sound jealous etc. so we argued. Then made up. And after we made up once we were out of work that's when I sent him a long text message telling him I could not be his friend anymore and that I was going to have to temporarily stop texting and instant messaging him, etc. I admitted that I was jealous of the blonde and that he knew me way too well. But that I liked him more than a friend etc.

 

So he sent me a message asking me why do I keep trying to push him to get with her then that my actions didnt make sense. I ignored him and then he sent me a message that said "o ight". Later on that night I texted him that he knows me well so he shouldn't be surprised by me ending our friendship.

 

Then the next day, Saturday night, late, he sent me the following message:

 

"You're a mess lol... You drive me nuts and i find myself constantly shaking my head at the things you do. But I would never want you to change anything about yourself"

I didnt know how to interpret the text... It was sent that night while he was probably out with his boys, he might have been drinking... I'm not sure. But I guess I'm just curious is he trying to call my bluff in terms of ending out friendship.

Edited January 6, 2014 by Leeladams72

[xUnknown]

Oh geese...women and their mind games, I tell ya. lol

 

First off, did you ever ask him to see what the deal was with him and this blonde? Sounds to me like she was just being flirty and that's it.

 

I don't see why you cut off a friend when he didn't do anything wrong here. You were the one messing with him the whole time.

 

Call him, apologize, and ask to go out. 1) He likes you or 2) He values the friendship which is why he still texted you. My guess is leaning toward #1 based on the context of his text to you.

 

Everyone, not just women...STOP WITH THE MIND GAMES and GAME PLAYING. It gets you nowhere!!! OP, look where its gotten you....you pushed away a friend, a guy you care about and have feelings for. You should apologize and come clean. He asked why you always push away and made jokes about him dating the girl --TELL HIM THE TRUTH! Tell him you care and wanted to see how he would react to it, because really, thats all it seems like you were trying to do anyways....then, gauge how to play things out based on his opinion.

If you (OP/Men/Women) keep screwing with someone head, don't you see that you're only screwing with your own in the end....look what has happened!

 

Apologize, make up and go out on a date. Ask him out...you pushed him away, you should be the one to fix it.

[Leeladams72]

No I never asked him what his relationship with her was but I just assumed that he liked her. I mean they instant messaged together, like me and him did, I saw her coming to his desk frequently and they recently became friends on Facebook. It did seem like she liked him despite her having a bf. I never came out and asked him if he liked her just teased him. I said she was attractive and he sent me a message and said "you think she is attractive????" Etc. around the time that she had started coming around more and I noticed him hanging with her more was around the time that he had started talking to me less and not coming by my desk as much. So I had put two and two together.

 

Granted around the time that he stopped coming around as much was also after I had ignored him for an entire week and acted like I didnt like him anymore. But then after that week I did feel bad and I started trying to talk to him again to make up for it and by then the blonde had swooped in. The only way I can differiehate my friendship with him to his friendship with the blonde at this point is the fact that he was constantly asking me to go to lunch with him and had never asked her. He also told his brother about me and he had not done the same for her. Still I did feel like something was going on with them.

 

I did play a lot of games which I believe led to him eventually doing the same. But the reason I stopped being his friends is so I can get over him and eventually become his friend again. I even told him that in a couple of months I would reach back out to him once I was over him.

Also I feel like if he really was interested in dating me then when I explained to him that I was cutting him off because I liked him and could no

Longer be his friend then he should have came out and said something along the lines of "I like you" too.

 

He has an issue admitting his feelings and expressing his emotions, which I get but I feel like this should have been the perfect time for him to admit them because of the fear of him losing me. That he didnt spoke volumes to me.

But thank you for insight.

Edited January 6, 2014 by Leeladams72

[xUnknown]

I still feel they were just being flirty, nothing more. As you said, he was asking you to lunch, not her.

 

His text to you " You drive me nuts and i find myself constantly shaking my head at the things you do. But I would never want you to change anything about yourself" means that he likes you the way you are. The meaning behind that text should mean something along how he feels about you - even if he can't flat out say it.

 

If my friend was cutting me off, I would NOT have approached the message the way he did. I would have tried to explain things, if it were JUST FRIENDS. That text (his to you), says he likes you the way you are and doesn't want to change a thing about you. That right there means he likes you....at least from my (a guy's) perspective.

 

As you said, you don't know for sure if anything is going on with them. It just sounds like they were being flirty, nothing more. So, call him, apologize and tell him you're sorry and ask him out. Tell him you've been getting mixed signals and to be 100% upfront and honest about how he feels for you. You could just beat around the bush some more with trying to make-up, but you'll still wonder. Just be up front. If he says Yes he does, then GREAT!!! If not, then yeah, go NC to get over him.. But, be cordial if you run into him at work.

[Leeladams72]

I still feel they were just being flirty, nothing more. As you said, he was asking you to lunch, not her.

 

His text to you " You drive me nuts and i find myself constantly shaking my head at the things you do. But I would never want you to change anything about yourself" means that he likes you the way you are. The meaning behind that text should mean something along how he feels about you - even if he can't flat out say it.

 

If my friend was cutting me off, I would NOT have approached the message the way he did. I would have tried to explain things, if it were JUST FRIENDS. That text (his to you), says he likes you the way you are and doesn't want to change a thing about you. That right there means he likes you....at least from my (a guy's) perspective.

 

As you said, you don't know for sure if anything is going on with them. It just sounds like they were being flirty, nothing more. So, call him, apologize and tell him you're sorry and ask him out. Tell him you've been getting mixed signals and to be 100% upfront and honest about how he feels for you. You could just beat around the bush some more with trying to make-up, but you'll still wonder. Just be up front. If he says Yes he does, then GREAT!!! If not, then yeah, go NC to get over him.. But, be cordial if you run into him at work.

 

Thank you for responding. That's the thing, he has a lot of female friends. And Im unsure if he flirts with girls he is friends with or not. But I do know that the blonde comes by him a lot, they've taken breaks together as well. One of the reason I believe she likes him is because she plays with her hair as she comes by and just acts very flirty with him for someone with a boyfriend. On the other hand I have not see him flirt with her but have seen him talking to her more frequently in the last two weeks, similar to how he used to talk to me when we first met.

 

True he has not asked her lunch but she has came over to his desk while he was on lunch and one of the times she had saw me eating with him and I guess she was on her way to go talk to him but when she me, she turned around and went back to her desk. So I guess I don't see how if she saw him as just a friend she would retreat when she see's me with him or act funny whenever she sees me in the hallways. I could be reading into it too much though.

 

I get what your saying about the text but I guess I don't understand why he just didnt send me a text directly telling me that he likes me. Everything is cryptic with him and I don't want to put myself out there again and ask him out etc without getting more from him that directly tells me if he likes me. I'm going to reach out to him again in a few weeks or in a month . I don't want to apologize though... I don't think I did anything wrong in this case. Yes I played too many games in the beginning and pushed him away, but after a while he started to play games too. So it was two-way. i did reveal my feelings to him to sort of end the games . He still has not done the same for me.

 

Matter of fact a friend said that she deciphered his text as saying that I was too high maintanence or had too much drama but despite that he still didnt want me to change and appreciated our friendship. In other words she said that he was trying to tell me he does not see as gf material but enjoys my company and thinks I'm attractive enough to show off to friends and family but too much drama to date. Another friend said he's just bustin my balls(trying to make things complicated for me) and sent that message to bust my balls. So I guess the problem is his text can be interpreted numerous ways because its vague. There's no way to determine how he feels.

 

Waiting a month or so to talk again so that we both can take the time to figure out our feelings seems like the best option. I don't know what else to do. I feel like calling him and apologizing and asking him out allows him to still not have to grab the ball and express how he feels. The ball is basically in his court--that was my intention. Either he is my friend or of he wants more he will have to let me know he wants more.

Edited January 7, 2014 by Leeladams72

[xUnknown]

There's no way to determine how he feels.

Waiting a month or so to talk again so that we both can take the time to figure out our feelings seems like the best option. I don't know what else to do. I feel like calling him and apologizing and asking him out allows him to still not have to grab the ball and express how he feels. The ball is basically in his court--that was my intention. Either he is my friend or of he wants more he will have to let me know he wants more.

 

Yes there is...you ask him. You still don't know. You're making all these assumptions about him and this blonde. So what if she is flirting with him even if she has a bf...its what she wants to do.

 

Personally, if a girl made an assumption and wished me luck in my next department and with another female from work that I was not with (fabricating the idea of us being together in that persons head), I would take it as an insult. Like what kind of "good bye" is that. Seems passive-aggressive and jealousy to me.

 

You're also making assumptions about the meaning of his text. You will never know what the meaning behind it is unless you ask him. If you were to take the message at face value, what he said is he wouldn't change a thing about you and likes you the way you are. So that is what you have to take it as. He values you as a friend and doesn't want to change anything about you. You can't read into it because all you're doing is confusing yourself, giving yourself these ideas that my or may not be true.

 

You didn't put the ball in his court at all. In fact, you took it away from him when you told him you didn't want to be friends and decided to cut off contact with him.

 

Maybe its because I'm a guy, but I wouldn't contact you even if I did like you. If a girl did that stuff to me, I would be like, screw it, we were never together and she's making it seem like we were. She's changed from the girl I knew...thus, dissuading him from ever coming to you and telling you how he actually feels (assuming he did like you - and I think he did).

 

I see it as, you "dumped" him...you did x,y,z (passive-aggressive, jealousy, mind games, and pushing him away). Personally, from a guys perspective, I would want an apology. Even if I did ever like someone that did all that to me, if that is how they really are going to treat someone they care about, well then I'd want no part of it.

 

I'm sorry OP, I'm taking the guys side on this one. It takes guts to tell someone how you really feel about them, which is good that you did that. But also, look at what you did that is the complete opposite of caring about someone. I'm sure he is taking those things into account too. The way I see it, you can either read into things and try to over analyze it all. You may be right, you may be wrong. Or, you can apologize and ask him. Sure, it will take guts and dignity, but at least you'll know for sure. That way you won't have to worry about it all. You'll have that "closure" (which I know everyone here says it comes from within, but sometimes hearing things is the closure you want). You'll know what your next step to take is. The first, in my mind....is an apology.

[Leeladams72]

Yes there is...you ask him. You still don't know. You're making all these assumptions about him and this blonde. So what if she is flirting with him even if she has a bf...its what she wants to do.

 

Personally, if a girl made an assumption and wished me luck in my next department and with another female from work that I was not with (fabricating the idea of us being together in that persons head), I would take it as an insult. Like what kind of "good bye" is that. Seems passive-aggressive and jealousy to me.

 

You're also making assumptions about the meaning of his text. You will never know what the meaning behind it is unless you ask him. If you were to take the message at face value, what he said is he wouldn't change a thing about you and likes you the way you are. So that is what you have to take it as. He values you as a friend and doesn't want to change anything about you. You can't read into it because all you're doing is confusing yourself, giving yourself these ideas that my or may not be true.

 

You didn't put the ball in his court at all. In fact, you took it away from him when you told him you didn't want to be friends and decided to cut off contact with him.

 

Maybe its because I'm a guy, but I wouldn't contact you even if I did like you. If a girl did that stuff to me, I would be like, screw it, we were never together and she's making it seem like we were. She's changed from the girl I knew...thus, dissuading him from ever coming to you and telling you how he actually feels (assuming he did like you - and I think he did).

 

I see it as, you "dumped" him...you did x,y,z (passive-aggressive, jealousy, mind games, and pushing him away). Personally, from a guys perspective, I would want an apology. Even if I did ever like someone that did all that to me, if that is how they really are going to treat someone they care about, well then I'd want no part of it.

 

I'm sorry OP, I'm taking the guys side on this one. It takes guts to tell someone how you really feel about them, which is good that you did that. But also, look at what you did that is the complete opposite of caring about someone. I'm sure he is taking those things into account too. The way I see it, you can either read into things and try to over analyze it all. You may be right, you may be wrong. Or, you can apologize and ask him. Sure, it will take guts and dignity, but at least you'll know for sure. That way you won't have to worry about it all. You'll have that "closure" (which I know everyone here says it comes from within, but sometimes hearing things is the closure you want). You'll know what your next step to take is. The first, in my mind....is an apology.

 

I understand your perspective and your right there is no point in over-analyzing this because the text could mean anything and I don't want to read into it too much. But I still don't see why I need to apologize. It's common on this board and on other boards that when you like someone who just sees you as a friend or who isn't giving you a direct answer about what they want the best thing to do is to go NC to protect yourself and your feelings so that you can get over that person especially if the friendship becomes hurtful because of the pain you are feeling that the person does not feel the same. My choice to go NC is not to push him away but so that I can get over him and not feel the hurt and jealousy that I have been feeling.

 

As I said in the first post of this thread. I did ask him a month ago if he liked me or saw me as just a friend and that I needed to know so that I knew how to move forward and he ignored the question and then only after I kept probing did he say: "your so controlling. You always think too much about things. Why can't you just go with the flow and let things naturally happen". And that was it... Vague and cryptic just like the text. I gave him the silent treatment for a day until he kept persisting that I talk to him(coming by my desk a lot, bringing me a desert, etc). Then I forgave him and let it go. And told him I was just going to be his friend etc. though he did not believe me.

 

And then I admit that I started playing games again shortly after because i felt insecure but once I was finally ready to just stop and see what happens that's when the blonde came around. And I felt jealous, replaced and hurt. Your right... Heck he even told me the last day when I wished him luck with her that I sounded like a heartbroken women upset that her lover went to someone else and that I sounded jealous... I denied it. But then after thinking about it, I realized I was jealous and hurt and could not deal with it. Which is why I knew I could not continue our friendship as is. It was causing me far too much hurt, jealousy, and rejected. I kept feeling like he was replacing me with the blonde or like I wasnt good enough to date since he wouldn't date me etc. I had to cut the friendship off for my own good.

 

He knows me very well, heck there are times where he can read me or know what I'm thinking or what I should do before I do so on some level I do beliefs that once I explained why I had to stop being his friend, he understood. I guess I just don't see what I did as pushing him away and why I need to offer up an apology. I also don't want to continue to constantly ask him how he feels etc. I just feel like between revealing my feelings twice and also asking him how he feels and giving him the opportunity to tell me how he feels--that I'm doing too much.

 

Besides I already admitted to him, the day I ended our friendship that I really was jealous, that I was insecure and that I lied to him about just wanting to be his friend and that the reason I pushed him to date her was because I thought he liked her and so I didnt want to get in a way. But I did tell him that it was hurting me too much to continue being his friend knowing how I felt for him.

 

So it wasnt necessarily an apology but it was a thorough explanation of why I did it. Believe me I appreciate your perspective as a man btw. But with all the extra information that I just gave you, do you still think I should apologize? I just am concerned that I apologize, ask him out and we end up in the same cycle we are in now because he doesnt think im serious or because he is just using me as an ego boost. Or worse he is trying to get with the blonde and other women and I'm just added to the notch of women he is currently playing.

 

I guess what I'm wondering is if I should really apologize despite all that I've already done OR if I should continue with NC and see if not talking for at least a few weeks gives us both enough time to evaluate whether we should continue being friends or not.

 

For the record we mom longer work together. He moved to another building yesterday. So we sent from seeing each other 5 times a week and chatting all day to virtually nothing.

Edited January 7, 2014 by Leeladams72

[xUnknown]

gotcha. I guess I forgot a lot of details that you had mentioned previously. Just keep doin what you're doin I guess. I didn't know (or remember) that you expressed how you felt to him twice. Since you two aren't talking or working together, then that definitely helps with the NC. I can't imagine working with someone, seeing them everyday after going through a breakup, or what you're going through.

[Leeladams72]

gotcha. I guess I forgot a lot of details that you had mentioned previously. Just keep doin what you're doin I guess. I didn't know (or remember) that you expressed how you felt to him twice. Since you two aren't talking or working together, then that definitely helps with the NC. I can't imagine working with someone, seeing them everyday after going through a breakup, or what you're going through.

 

Thanks! It's actually ok

He no longer works in my building so thankfully we don't see each other at all. It makes it much easier to do NC.

 

But now that you've got a good idea about the context of the situation, what do you think the messages meaning/intentions?

 

Is it to call bluff? So he sent a text just to see if I would respond, basically challenging my ability to follow through with this NC.

 

Or was it to let me know he appreciates me as a friend and wouldn't change me for anything, so ignore all of the tips he gave me about personality/looks make overs.

 

Or was it his way of telling me that no matter how much I get to him and make him crazy that he would never want me to change because he likes me for the very things that I do that drive him crazy..

 

I guess that's what my issue is--trying to decipher what the message meant, in context of our overall situation and friendship thus far

.

But anyways, NC has not been so bad, so far. I do hope that if he does want "more" that he comes to his senses and expresses that as time progresses with both of us not talking.

 

But eventually when I feel truly over him, I will reach out to him, to at least try to re-establish our friendship

Edited January 8, 2014 by Leeladams72

[Survivor12]

He likes you...as a friend, but isn't interested in you romantically.

 

The mixed signals you mentioned are likely because you set him up with a negative that forces him to respond in a way that you perceive as "interest" when he's just trying not to be rude...i.e. "Oh, you must be glad not to have to see me again"--wth is he supposed to say to that??? Of course he's going to say it's not true! What's the alternative? "Yep, you're right--I am so glad!"? But instead of just accepting that he's a FRIEND who is being NICE, you interpret his answer to mean that he's hung up on you.

 

He told you that you are controlling, and he's right. You use your "jokes" (that aren't really jokes) to manipulate him into saying things that you want to hear.

 

You are right about NC being the best thing to do for both of you. Stick to it. When some guy comes along who really is interested in being more than your friend, you'll be thankful that you gave up on this guy. Good luck!

[Leeladams72]

He likes you...as a friend, but isn't interested in you romantically.

 

The mixed signals you mentioned are likely because you set him up with a negative that forces him to respond in a way that you perceive as "interest" when he's just trying not to be rude...i.e. "Oh, you must be glad not to have to see me again"--wth is he supposed to say to that??? Of course he's going to say it's not true! What's the alternative? "Yep, you're right--I am so glad!"? But instead of just accepting that he's a FRIEND who is being NICE, you interpret his answer to mean that he's hung up on you.

 

He told you that you are controlling, and he's right. You use your "jokes" (that aren't really jokes) to manipulate him into saying things that you want to hear.

 

You are right about NC being the best thing to do for both of you. Stick to it. When some guy comes along who really is interested in being more than your friend, you'll be thankful that you gave up on this guy. Good luck!

 

Thank you for your input. However in regards to your statement it is not true. When I joked about him being glad about not seeing me anymore he agreed with me and teased back and this was done at work through instant messaging. It was only several hours later where he randomly sent me a text that said "I'm gonna miss you a lot". So I didnt manipulate that out of him. he had sent that to me out of the blue and I didnt prompt it out of it, in fact once we left work I did not text him at all. The same goes for all the comments I've said that he's made that he's confused me with-they are often sent to me via text and without me prompting them and typically several hours after any conversation had ensued between us.

He called me controlling because he felt like I wanted to control everything and was thinking too much rather than just letting things naturally happen. Or at least that is how he explained it to me. It was common for him to say I think too much and to just go with the flow of life and if things. It had nothing to do with manipulation, and more to do with my habit of thinking and analyzing things too much.

Also I never said he was hung up on me. I actually said the opposite. In the beginning he liked me. He came on to me, flirted with me, constantly complimented me etc and told me he was attracted to me. A woman knows when a man is interested in her. My instincts and his actions indicated lots of interest. This interest went on until maybe the second week of December after a cycle of game playing that I realized may have been counter productive. It was then at that point where I did believed he still liked me but not as much as before. And then as of late, there are times where he shows deep interest and times where he doesn't. Hence the mixed signals.

 

Our teasing each other might seem strange or like manipulation but he does the same things with me. It's our thing. I could totally get your point if I had intiated both of the convos that sparked the texts but his texts were randomly sent.

 

That being said I do NOT know how he feels nor do I think he is hung up on me and I'm unsure of why you got that from any of the posts I've posted. Like I said up until last week I had assumed that he might have friend-zoned me and then he sent me that random text saying he was really going to miss me. Then saying that our relationship reminded him of a movie relationship but he forgot the name of the movie. Then he invites me out for New Year's Eve, asks me to dress sexy and calls me like 4x that night to see if I'm coming...

 

Then the day AFTER I sent him the text ending our friendship he sends me that text about not wanting me to change etc. it seemed cryptic and I had no clue what he was getting at however I guess I should have asked.

 

At this point I'm perfectly okay with doing NC to move on due to the confusion but one thing I will not agree with is that I manipulated these texts from him or that I believe he is hung up on me. Both are not the case. I do believe that he values me as a person but in what context was what I was curious about.

 

Thanks for your input regardless.

Edited January 8, 2014 by Leeladams72

[Leeladams72]

So he had moved to another building this week. The other building is 15 minutes away. I didnt think I would see him again because there would no reason for him to come to this building and I haven't heard from him since that text he had sent me. Well today I'm on the phone working with clients and all of the sudden he pops up next to me with a smile on his face. He tried to play his usual joke of muting my phone and I pushed him away since I was talking to a client but I have no idea why he came to my desk and why he was here. I assume he came here on his lunch break.

 

I've continued doing nc.. And have not texted him or anything to see why he was here but i don't know what to do, I am tying hard to do NC especially since he doesn't work at this building anymore so I thought I wouldn't have to deal with seeing him but today took me off guard. Once again I'm wondering what to do and how to maintain nc if he does a pop up visit again.

[Leeladams72]

I don't want to start another thread but Im wondering how to proceed. He's been texting me since he made the surprise visit to my building. Just talking about how funny it is that he scared me and asking how I'm doing. I've been responding because I'm unsure of what to do. I mean obviously he either wants to maintain contact because he wants to continue being friends or now knowing how I feel is indirectly trying to see what happens with us. .

 

My question is since he is ignoring my requests to not talk, do I need to ignore his texts, or calls? And what do I do when he pops up to the office, how do I ignore that?

[spiderowl]

It does seem he wants your attention but does he want a romantic relationship with you? I can see why you find it hard to tell what he wants. He has been vague, maybe because he's shy or maybe because at this point he doesn't know how it might work out with you so he's non-committal.

 

It's difficult to see where to go from here. It's not fair of him to continue to pester you if he knows you would like more than friendship and he's not offering that. I guess you could just flat out ask him why he's contacting you.

[Leeladams72]

It does seem he wants your attention but does he want a romantic relationship with you? I can see why you find it hard to tell what he wants. He has been vague, maybe because he's shy or maybe because at this point he doesn't know how it might work out with you so he's non-committal.

 

It's difficult to see where to go from here. It's not fair of him to continue to pester you if he knows you would like more than friendship and he's not offering that. I guess you could just flat out ask him why he's contacting you.

 

Thank you for your response and I agree actually. I don't think he's shy but I do believe that based on what has happened between us that he may be unsure or friend-zoned me. In the beginning it was very direct and clear that we both liked each other and things were going well. But as indicated earlier in this thread I did play games not intentionally but as a result of my own decisiveness in terms of what i wanted from him. I was scared so I did push him away-coming late to a date, pushing him to talk to other girls, some days acting like I like him other days not. Ignoring him, ditching him etc. over time it seemed like he still liked me but he also stated to do similar things-ignoring me, etc. and so that sort of became our thing this last month and a half or so. However as I said in the last to weeks I did notice that it seemed like maybe he had pulled back a lot and might he just finally pushed me into the friend-zone after one last week where I had ignored him the entire week again. Since then that is where I have felt that he has been vague. And i do realize its my fault. Any non-committal attitude he might have is warranted due to my inconsistency.

 

Two weeks ago I was pushing him to pursue the blonde girl, knowing deep down I didnt want him to. Anyhow that is why I came clean again last week and told him that I could no longer be his friend and how I felt about him and then tried to cut contact. Obviously he is not obiding by my request and it may be because he doesn't take me seriously at this point. There was one other time where I cut him off only to talk to him again within 2 days. He has said to me before that I don't know what I want...

 

I imagine that maybe the reason he is attempting to get my attention is to see whether I'm being serious this time or not, or because he really does value my friendship. I've thought about ignoring him and just continuing on with nc but at the same time I'm not sure if that's the right attempt to make.... I also don't want to put myself out there again by trying to read into it too soon and come at it with the "I like you why are you contacting me etc"...