Nasty email from Ex - NC 2 Months.

[strive]

Haha!

 

You will hear from her again. This sounds so much like the message I got from my ex. I had stayed in NC/LC for a bit more than a month:

 

"Can you really sleep well at night when you're ****ing with me like this? When I broke up with you, I was compassionate and honest about my feelings. How can you treat me like this after 6 years together?

 

Well... I'm sorry, but I don't want to get updates about her new adventures. Guess that makes me an *******.

 

I've been thinking about these messages a lot lately. They say that the dumpers usually plan the breakup for months, but if that's the case, shouldn't they have a more rational view on things than the dumpee?

 

I mean, my ex could freak out and refuse to talk to me if I said that a certain celebrity was beautiful... And now she dumps me out of the blue, possibly for another guy, and gets angry at me for sticking to NC - which SHE initiated.

 

Seriously, if they really had been planning this breakup for months, shouldn't they be able to be a bit more ...understanding?

 

My take on this is that if their motive for breaking up is mostly selfish (ie. cheating, affair fog, gigs, etc.), they probably don't give a **** about you so no you don't get any sort of understanding there.

 

Also, they may have planned everything, rationalize everything, and concluded that breakup is best long before the BU. They've started detaching from you and the RS, started moving on, etc., but the one thing they don't experience is the feeling of loss. Sure they know it, have thought about it and have probably prepared for it, but the fact is you're still together while the dumper is thinking all this. They don't feel actual loss until dumpee enforces NC. That's when they start acting crazy.

[Still-I-Rise]

My take on this is that if their motive for breaking up is mostly selfish (ie. cheating, affair fog, gigs, etc.), they probably don't give a **** about you so no you don't get any sort of understanding there.

 

Also, they may have planned everything, rationalize everything, and concluded that breakup is best long before the BU. They've started detaching from you and the RS, started moving on, etc., but the one thing they don't experience is the feeling of loss. Sure they know it, have thought about it and have probably prepared for it, but the fact is you're still together while the dumper is thinking all this. They don't feel actual loss until dumpee enforces NC. That's when they start acting crazy.

 

I agree with Kevin_D - you will hear from her again. Brace yourself.

 

Strive,

 

Eureka! By George I think you've got it!

 

For the life of me I could not understand why people, especially my stbxh's uncle, told me to go NC in order to show a different me. I said it wouldn't matter either way because I was obviously the last person he wanted or cared to hear from. He'd walked out after all.

 

However, his uncle implored me to trust it would matter.

 

I finally get it.

 

Thank you

Edited January 9, 2014 by Still-I-Rise

[julzfromsa]

My take on this is that if their motive for breaking up is mostly selfish (ie. cheating, affair fog, gigs, etc.), they probably don't give a **** about you so no you don't get any sort of understanding there.

 

Also, they may have planned everything, rationalize everything, and concluded that breakup is best long before the BU. They've started detaching from you and the RS, started moving on, etc., but the one thing they don't experience is the feeling of loss. Sure they know it, have thought about it and have probably prepared for it, but the fact is you're still together while the dumper is thinking all this. They don't feel actual loss until dumpee enforces NC. That's when they start acting crazy.

 

I do agree with this post, however the feeling of loss that they feel (dumpers) is different. I believe the miss the fact that there was always somebody who cared, someone to support them, someone to talk too. Once they find someone or something to replace these needs, then that it, they move on quickly. Sometimes, the grass insnt greener, they realize it and come back. This is very rare and i believe no body should ever hope for this.

 

My NC has been hardcore, not to prove a point or to make her miss me. My NC is for me and is selfish in its absolute! If she doesn't like it, I couldn't care. All I want is to heal, move on and forget about her. NC is helping, but with everything, it will take time.

 

I do miss her, the old her. But that person is gone and i dislike the new her intensly. Im not even attracted to the "new" her.

[julzfromsa]

Haha!

 

You will hear from her again. This sounds so much like the message I got from my ex. I had stayed in NC/LC for a bit more than a month:

 

"Can you really sleep well at night when you're ****ing with me like this? When I broke up with you, I was compassionate and honest about my feelings. How can you treat me like this after 6 years together?

 

Well... I'm sorry, but I don't want to get updates about her new adventures. Guess that makes me an *******.

 

I've been thinking about these messages a lot lately. They say that the dumpers usually plan the breakup for months, but if that's the case, shouldn't they have a more rational view on things than the dumpee?

 

I mean, my ex could freak out and refuse to talk to me if I said that a certain celebrity was beautiful... And now she dumps me out of the blue, possibly for another guy, and gets angry at me for sticking to NC - which SHE initiated.

 

Seriously, if they really had been planning this breakup for months, shouldn't they be able to be a bit more ...understanding?

 

Its so strange because there is this DEFINITE and REAL pattern that unhealthy relationships follow.

 

Before she left me, we had a huge fight because i went out with a mate of mine for a drink after work. It was the biggest issue in the world. If we went shopping, every single time, i would e accused of staring at some random girl.

 

She was controlling, jealous but in the end she initiated the entire break up. She couldn't even look at me in the eyes in the end?

 

Very confusing, simply obscure!

[cavalier99]

Some dumpers truly dont care at all. The fact that you are NC doesnt drive them crazy at all. All the better!!

[julzfromsa]

Well, Im not sober right now. Just got home, and didn't want to do anything else but post something, so that what im doing.

 

Just wanted to say i miss her, regardless of her cruelty. Might sound pathetic but its the honest truth. Still love her dearly. Wish things were different but even in this state i know they will never be different. Life sucks sometimes, we just have to be strong enough to overcome these challenges. Miss you ( better than saying love).

 

I post here, my deepest and sincerest feeling because it helps me to not contact her. Apologies for the drama. You know what, this is my post so im going to blurt out whatever i need to.

 

I miss and love you so much Jamie. The pain i feel sometimes is almost unbearable. I'm not sure why i love you but i do. I know it wrong, i know its unhealthy but i love you deeply non the less. I know you left me, hurt me, and don't love me but it doesn't change the fact that i wanted you forever. I know we are over and can never be together but i need to say this. If not to anyone, but this community that i have become to trust.

 

Sometimes we pretend to be fine, sometimes we feel fine but we do relapse and feel the pain as it was yesterday. Tonight is that night for me. I don't care who judges me, but i need this now.. Tears rolling down my face and a true acknowledgment of grief has come across me. No words can describe hoe i feel right now. I simply miss your companionship, the way you voice sounds and the way you touched me. I have not heard or seen you, your face in 2 months and after 11 years of spending everyday together is is difficult for me.

 

We were engages to be married and i took that seriously. I wanted it, and prepared for it. You didn't want that and i have to accept that Jamie. I do accept that! This message will never reach you, this message is for me. This message would mean nothing to you, as i am simply not the one you love. I wish it were different, but it simply isn't, and will never be.

 

I have met many other girls, and no doubt they are better than you in most ways. I know they suit me better but i still love you. I love you and not them.I go out, get crazy, do stupid things you would never believe, and i have a grate time but every time i come home i expect to see you. It hurts me so much that you do not want me. All i ever wanted was you, and i know that you are just a human, and i should let go. I have let you go, this is why i will never contact you, i will never beg for you and i will never approach you!

 

I don't know what else to say. Going to bed in tears, while you sleep like a baby. Well, ill be better for it you *******!

 

Sorry forum. We all need out bad days. right now its bad.

 

I want the pain to stop.

 

Julz

[mantlefan]

No worries about the drama. I can almost see the weight lifting off of your heart and mind. Keep posting when you feel like that. It does you good, at it helps me get in touch with my feelings about my ex too.

[Kevin_D]

Its so strange because there is this DEFINITE and REAL pattern that unhealthy relationships follow.

 

Before she left me, we had a huge fight because i went out with a mate of mine for a drink after work. It was the biggest issue in the world. If we went shopping, every single time, i would e accused of staring at some random girl.

 

She was controlling, jealous but in the end she initiated the entire break up. She couldn't even look at me in the eyes in the end?

 

Very confusing, simply obscure!

 

Yes, yes, yes!!!

 

My girlfriend would always accuse me of this. And when I was out with my friends, she could call me 10 times and be worried/angry. People who didn't knew her thought she was really jealous and that it was obvious that I had the upper hand in the relationship...

 

***

 

Well written. Don't be afraid to express your feelings. I feel the same way... Everyone says that I can get something better, but I loved her... I loved her every day for 6 years. I don't "replace" people I love. I may never forgive her, but I will still always love her.

 

And who knows... maybe they come back some day. The important thing is that we don't let them run our lives. We can be happy on our own!

[BC1980]

Well, Im not sober right now. Just got home, and didn't want to do anything else but post something, so that what im doing.

 

Just wanted to say i miss her, regardless of her cruelty. Might sound pathetic but its the honest truth. Still love her dearly. Wish things were different but even in this state i know they will never be different. Life sucks sometimes, we just have to be strong enough to overcome these challenges. Miss you ( better than saying love).

 

I post here, my deepest and sincerest feeling because it helps me to not contact her. Apologies for the drama. You know what, this is my post so im going to blurt out whatever i need to.

 

I miss and love you so much Jamie. The pain i feel sometimes is almost unbearable. I'm not sure why i love you but i do. I know it wrong, i know its unhealthy but i love you deeply non the less. I know you left me, hurt me, and don't love me but it doesn't change the fact that i wanted you forever. I know we are over and can never be together but i need to say this. If not to anyone, but this community that i have become to trust.

 

Sometimes we pretend to be fine, sometimes we feel fine but we do relapse and feel the pain as it was yesterday. Tonight is that night for me. I don't care who judges me, but i need this now.. Tears rolling down my face and a true acknowledgment of grief has come across me. No words can describe hoe i feel right now. I simply miss your companionship, the way you voice sounds and the way you touched me. I have not heard or seen you, your face in 2 months and after 11 years of spending everyday together is is difficult for me.

 

We were engages to be married and i took that seriously. I wanted it, and prepared for it. You didn't want that and i have to accept that Jamie. I do accept that! This message will never reach you, this message is for me. This message would mean nothing to you, as i am simply not the one you love. I wish it were different, but it simply isn't, and will never be.

 

I have met many other girls, and no doubt they are better than you in most ways. I know they suit me better but i still love you. I love you and not them.I go out, get crazy, do stupid things you would never believe, and i have a grate time but every time i come home i expect to see you. It hurts me so much that you do not want me. All i ever wanted was you, and i know that you are just a human, and i should let go. I have let you go, this is why i will never contact you, i will never beg for you and i will never approach you!

 

I don't know what else to say. Going to bed in tears, while you sleep like a baby. Well, ill be better for it you *******!

 

Sorry forum. We all need out bad days. right now its bad.

 

I want the pain to stop.

 

Julz

 

I used to go through these extreme ups and downs. I would logically talk myself through what happened, and I would start to dislike him. Then, I would have a day where I didn't want to get out of bed I was so sad. I couldn't face reality. I would miss him and want to contact him. Then, I would talk myself down from it after talking to a friend or my sister. It's a roller coaster, but it has leveled out some. NC does make is better in the long term, though the short term pain can be intense at times.

[julzfromsa]

thanks guys, well, it was much better to post that here, than to her..

 

Feeling allot better right now..

 

Ups and downs i suppose

 

[julzfromsa]

Ok guys - haven't posted in a while.

 

So this last Saturday morning, a mate and I went to go collect all my furniture from where we both lived. It would obviously make sense right, that she would not be there. When I collected my clothes about 2 weeks ago, she was not there and it made it allot easier.

 

So it went like this. Arrived at the place about 10am. Walked inside and greeted the old man. He then told me that Jamie was on her way, she was at the traffic light. I told my friend, "sorry mate, not dealing with this, it up to you" walked to my car and left, didn't look back.. My friend tells me she arrived 2 mins after i left, with a entourage of friends. I do not know if they were females, males or whatever. I have told my mate that i just do not want to know anything.

 

My friend said she was curtious, pleasant enough but felt that he needed to get the move done ASAP. He text-ed me to come to the corner of the stand, and wait as they were done. I saw her car in the driveway, as well as her friends car, so I waited around the corner.. After 5 mins she drove right past me, pretty slowly, as well as her friends. I did not look up, i did not acknowledge them. I acted as if i had no idea she was there.

 

Just to see her would have caused me pain so I am not proud of my behavior, but I am GLAD i did not get a glimpse.

 

so:

 

1) She clearly did not need to be there at all. She came so that we could have some sort of contact with each-other. Negative or non negative? Not sure

 

2) She came with 5 people.. Obviously trying to prove a point or make a statement?? Why?

 

3) Where my actions Just?? I think so. Not sure if she cares, not sure if it will piss her off. Still had absolutely NC with her nor her family.

 

4) My mate she may have shed a tear, but not sure.

 

5) The rumor that she may be Pregnant with my child is absolute BS. Ive heard that she is drinking like a fish. She wouldn't do this if she were pregnant..

 

Feeling OK these days. Doing a bit better everyday.

 

Julz

[mantlefan]

Isn't it crazy how just a little bit of contact or information can send your mind in all these crazy directions and with so many questions? Did she cry or didn't she? What were her intentions? What was the expression on her face? Al these questions you don't even want to think about, but they eat at you for a bit.

 

 

I think you did the right thing, because if your mind is churning after just that little bit of indirect interaction, imagine how much it would be all over the place if you had directly interacted!

 

 

Good job, friend. I think your story has given me a bit more resolve in regards to NC with my ex.

[julzfromsa]

Isn't it crazy how just a little bit of contact or information can send your mind in all these crazy directions and with so many questions? Did she cry or didn't she? What were her intentions? What was the expression on her face? Al these questions you don't even want to think about, but they eat at you for a bit.

 

 

I think you did the right thing, because if your mind is churning after just that little bit of indirect interaction, imagine how much it would be all over the place if you had directly interacted!

 

 

Good job, friend. I think your story has given me a bit more resolve in regards to NC with my ex.

 

I'm glad i could help Mr Mantle..

 

I wont lie it has not been easy.. But it gets easier. I also know myself enough to accept that if I do see her, I know its going to be painful, Dark, and absolutely devastating. Its actually scary to think that I loved(love) this person so much that I rather pretend she is dead, than try rekindle something that will never work. I say this because, I rather feel the grief of someone been utterly removed from my life, than feel the pain of seeing this person with someone other than me. I know it will destroy me.

 

I CHOOSE LIFE, I CHOOSE TO FIGHT, I CHOOSE HAPPINESS AND HEALTHINESS. I do not want her to consume me and she will if I let it.

 

Be Strong fellow Heartbrokeners...

 

Julz

[wildsunandmoon]

Dude. Clearly, she's hung up.

[julzfromsa]

Dude. Clearly, she's hung up.

 

what do you mean?? She Cray?

 

Lol

[wildsunandmoon]

what do you mean?? She Cray?

 

Lol

 

Yeah because if she's going out of her way to contact you through your professional e-mail, then she's hung up on unresolved issues! And she a bit cray cray.

[julzfromsa]

Sure - well she is absolutely mad at the moment. A different person from whom i used to know and love. Regardless, it really doesn't matter and it shouldn't concern me.

 

For all i know, she immigrating to Panama??? No idea what her life vibe is and i don't care.

 

Julz

[julzfromsa]

not the best of days for me.. Pangs of grief come and go as i miss her. So odd how one day im absolutely fine and the next im a mess.

 

Still NC from either side and a wave of acceptance has come over me as i know its a book closed. My things are gone and there is nothing tying us together at all. I do miss her company and some of the things we had together.

 

julz

[julzfromsa]

Had a great gym session with my brother and feel amazing right now.. Training helps so much guys..

 

Best

[mantlefan]

Had a great gym session with my brother and feel amazing right now.. Training helps so much guys..

 

Best

 

 

Absolutely! I was on the verge of crying so I did 40 minutes of moderate cardio and I felt much better.

[polynomial]

not the best of days for me.. Pangs of grief come and go as i miss her. So odd how one day im absolutely fine and the next im a mess.

 

Still NC from either side and a wave of acceptance has come over me as i know its a book closed. My things are gone and there is nothing tying us together at all. I do miss her company and some of the things we had together.

 

julz

 

LoveShack user oracle said in one of their post something like, in the process of healing, you will have many false dawns. This struck a chord with me. And it's true. One day you may feel so great, you may think you're finally over your ex and ready to move on, that you're finally healed. And the next day can be the total opposite of this, it can feel as if all your hard work has been for naught as you feel you're still not over them.

 

But don't worry. Supposedly, it gets better with time? Hehe. No idea myself as I'm going through my first break up right now but we'll live and see.

 

Take care, you're doing great:)

[julzfromsa]

Absolutely! I was on the verge of crying so I did 40 minutes of moderate cardio and I felt much better.

 

Great Job Mantle.. Good to hear you looking after yourslef.. Only thing that will make them regret anything...

 

[mantlefan]

Great Job Mantle.. Good to hear you looking after yourslef.. Only thing that will make them regret anything...

 

 

I hope both of us get to the point where we don't care at all what they regret or not.

[julzfromsa]

LoveShack user oracle said in one of their post something like, in the process of healing, you will have many false dawns. This struck a chord with me. And it's true. One day you may feel so great, you may think you're finally over your ex and ready to move on, that you're finally healed. And the next day can be the total opposite of this, it can feel as if all your hard work has been for naught as you feel you're still not over them.

 

But don't worry. Supposedly, it gets better with time? Hehe. No idea myself as I'm going through my first break up right now but we'll live and see.

 

Take care, you're doing great:)

 

Thank you so much for you support. I always knew that it was a choice to wake up in a good mood. Its a choice to be ok. But only with this breakup i truly realize what that means. When you down, try make a concerted effort to tell yourself that you are awesome, and you are better off without. Tell yourself that you are going to be fine. Almost force it upon yourself!

 

Love you guys

 

Julz

[julzfromsa]

I hope both of us get to the point where we don't care at all what they regret or not.

 

i do get what you are saying.. I think that type of mindset is when we 100% healed. For now, i draw some strength from been awesome! lol