Nasty email from Ex - NC 2 Months.

[julzfromsa]

Hey All

 

Just an update and some advice.

 

Im slowly getting over her. I feel sad sometimes, but not the pangs and pangs of grief. I miss her, thats normal, but i feel like im moving forward without her. I definitely like myself more without her in my life. I do find myself wondering what she is doing with her life lately. Im not sure why. At this point of my heartbreak im thinking of speaking to her more often. I never will but it is on my mind and its better to let you guys know then actually going ahead and breaking NC.

 

Like, I have the fantasies of bumping into her etc. I think of how i will react, what would i say, what she would look like. I feel this is natural, and i will think of these things. They don't cause me pain though, so im sure im healing.

 

There has been absolutely no contact since the middle of December. I suppose that's a good thing. The only contact has been from her side which i have ignored completely as previously posted. I am still in love with her, and when im with other women sometimes, i have caught myself almost saying her name? In my professional opinion that not good! hahaha. I think it is just habit, remember, i have not been with anyone else for 11 years. I also know im not 100% over her but i am healing.

 

Training has been going well. Feeling good and allot more confident. I speal better now and have had many compliments regarding Julian 2.0 (the better me).

 

Opinion Guys.

 

Jamie may have my Identity Document. I require this as im going to the states in 2 weeks. I would have to contact her, or someone from my family would have to. On one hand I would like to contact her. I don't want to seem like a sad little person always getting my friends to deal with my crap. On the other hand I know i should stay NC. I know that it would be better to stay NC, however I am thinking about what i should do. Right now im 80%NC and 20% Contacting her for my documents and the engagement ring she still owes me.

 

What do you think ladies and gentlemen?

 

Julian

[Trep]

Stay no contact and get someone else to get the docs/ring. When she sees that you're going out of your way to avoid her it should really mess with her head

[herself]

Julz, you are a handsome guy and I am inspired and humbled by your story and strength.

Her behavior and many ways of baiting you and contacting you directly and indirectly are so see through and aggregious.

I hope it helps you to know she is tormenting herself and her ego is SO bruised she cannot BELIEVE you really are moving on.

I would CELEBRATE her finding a new guy because one things for sure...he isnt YOU.

She can never replace you and if she thought you were so aweful, why cant she let you go?

 

Please stay strong. As a female, I wouldnt put down one of my own unless I absolutely was certain I am right....this girl, shes no good, no good.

 

If you can get a replacement id by stating yours was lost, replace it that way, and let her KEEP the ring. She deserves to NEVER hear from you again, thats the price you pay when sleeping with someone else when your wearing an engagement ring to a man who loved you with his whole heart.

 

You really are amazing and I am deeply impressed and am so excited for you that you are set free from this girl and her drama.

Its ok to love & miss her, thats because your loyal.

 

Please on Netflix try watching the documentary "the secret" i was blown away. I just know you will be okay, time and more time and more hard days. To come but its all part if it. 2 months vs. qq years....yah your heart is still broken but not permanently. Sorry for typos....cell phone....

[herself]

Ps. Plan more trips, more studies abroad, just more adventures.

Think how "small" life would have been if she hadnt wrecked your life you would have never kmown you were this strong or capable of this much.

Each morning you would wake up to her gossip, problems, issues...NOISE.

You wouldnt be getting healthy in gym.

Really did you EVER think you could be this resilient.

Even on your down days, your crying because you have a heart, a human one...but the song I didnt know my own strength says....I thought Id never make it through, I had no hope to hold onto...but I was NOT built to break.

 

I know you love her. Always remember you loved a part of her, that part is dead. You were blinded by love...now your eyes are open.

I believe its time to get even more airtight by no mutual friends to give you updates like the prego rumor and DO block alk family because its as good as her reaching you when they do.

 

Yiur on the final stretch of healing. A few more months tjis J girl will be SO in your path and left in your dust & forever regret her decisions. Trust me your the real winner here.

[Gaveeverything]

total mind game. NC hardcore! forever!

[Radu]

Thanks Guys

 

It seems so Cruel in a way. I want you to leave forever, but you not allowed to move on, or be happy.. Suppose its nothing much.

 

Not going to contact her ever and if she does ill ignore.. thanks Chi and Mantle, you guys are amazing and i heave listened and applied all that you have advised first and foremost and im doing ok

 

Love u guys

 

Julz

 

It is cruel, it's the ultimate selfishness.

In the end, it's all about her.

 

PS: The Goonswarm is coming ... booooooooo

[julzfromsa]

Ps. Plan more trips, more studies abroad, just more adventures.

Think how "small" life would have been if she hadnt wrecked your life you would have never known you were this strong or capable of this much.

Each morning you would wake up to her gossip, problems, issues...NOISE.

You wouldn't be getting healthy in gym.

Really did you EVER think you could be this resilient.

Even on your down days, your crying because you have a heart, a human one...but the song I didnt know my own strength says....I thought Id never make it through, I had no hope to hold onto...but I was NOT built to break.

 

I know you love her. Always remember you loved a part of her, that part is dead. You were blinded by love...now your eyes are open.

I believe its time to get even more airtight by no mutual friends to give you updates like the prego rumor and DO block alk family because its as good as her reaching you when they do.

 

Yiur on the final stretch of healing. A few more months tjis J girl will be SO in your path and left in your dust & forever regret her decisions. Trust me your the real winner here.

 

 

Thank you SO much for this amazing post. I cannot tell you the massive "c" shaped smile on my face right now. I find this community to be one of the most humble, generous and wise bunch of people I ever had the privalage of meeting.

 

I will take all the advice that you have given. I will not contact her, not for the I.D Document. However the ring is a problem for me. It was allot of money and i do not want her to sell it. I have no sentimental value for the ring, i just do not want her to gain any financial gain from something that belongs to me. Ill get a friend to collect the ring.

 

Thank you for your kind words, they help so much and on so many levels. I hope that someday my story will help someone get through this pain. I do think of her, i do miss her, and i know im still in-love with her. I will not give up and i will not let her control my life. Im feeling good today.

 

P.S - Its Good to be a pretend Farther! hahaha

 

Julian

[julzfromsa]

Hey all.

 

Had a good day today. Ran a good 400m time, feeling fit and healthy.

 

So I use twitter right, while Jamie never did. She uses Facebook. My status is "cant wait for NYC in 2 weeks". Jamie is not my friend on twitter, i have never invited her, and she never uses it.

 

Today she Favorited that post. I wasn't sure someone could do this if they were not your friend so, i kinda closed my eyes, went onto her Twitter profile and blocked her.. Lol, i did it in such a way as that i could not see her profile pic. Im that uninterested, and that hell bent on NC that i would squint my eyes so much as to not see her profile pic. I crack myself up. hahaha. I feel good that i did not do what allot of guys would do. GO SNOOPING.

 

So she is blocked, deleted on Whats-app, Facebook, twitter, viber, Skype. She is blocked to my work email address and my yahoo personal address. I have changed my number and i have blocked her family.

 

I cant think of any other way to block her

 

She didn't message me on twitter, she just Favorited my post. WTF does she want man. I told her, we will never be friends and i will never want to hear from her again in my life. She doesnt love me so she should just stay the F away from me.

 

What a Bsshh

 

Julz

[sak21]

you re doing fine..everyone one feels the same in one way or another..NC is the key..and you ve locked yourself out of her mess..the important person in this is YOU..you got the power now..

[julzfromsa]

hey guys

 

You all going to be pissed at me, but i feel as if i had absolutely no choice. Maybe im making excuses, i don't know but it was a mistake. Not massive but a mistake non the less.

 

So I broke NC, but not in a personal, unhealthy way. I had to for 2 reasons:

 

1) I needed my Identity document ASAP. I'm leaving for New York and there was absolutely no time for me to get another. Without it, i could not travel.

2) I needed my Identity document because I was the key witness for my best friends marriage. Without i could not sign as a witness. I needed the document within a week and therefore i needed to email her and ask if she had it, and if i could collect it, or get collected by a friend.

 

(A week prior she tried to speak to me via twitter and through her cousin. I ignored, and blocked).

 

Im not entirely sure if i was making excuses but i eventually ended up emailing her (had to unblock her) and ask if she had the Document. It went as such:

 

Jamie,

 

I wouldn't be contacting you if this wasn't really important.

 

I require my identity document and i remember you keeping all these important documents in that folder of your. Please let me know if you have it.

 

Julian

 

She then responded immediately:

 

"Hi Julian, ill have a look when i get home but im not sure of I have it"

 

She said something like that. I then left it. I replied with a civil, Thanks.

 

About 20 mins later I got a email saying how difficult these last few months have been and how could i just delete her from my life. She said she doesn't deserve that and it has not been easy for her. I got upset with the email and told her, " that the email was pathetic and heartless. Could you please just let me know if you have the document. I would like to keep this as simple as possible".

 

She replied with a," look how you speak to me, you are disgusting". I responded and i know i shouldn't have, i should've left it and walked away but i didnt. Mistake i know. Anyway i responded:

 

This was a mistake. Ill sort this out some other way regardless of its urgency.

 

She quickly responded with:

 

IM SORRY, I JUST MISS YOU!

 

I was shocked, i didn't know what to say and to be honest I was more hurt than anything else. I wanted to swear at her, or tell her to lie in the bed she has made, but i couldn't. I eventually responded by saying a whole bunck of things like the relationship broke because of her, and this is what she wanted BLA BLA BLA. I didnt really acknowledge that she said she missed me. She went on to say that the relationship could have worked if i gave her more time, i eneded up getting cross because i feel i gave her everything. After 11 emails she asked if i wanted to meet her. This was my breaking point. I blocked and deleted her once again without responding. I didn't want to respond to that, i knew it was poison.

 

I felt kind of relieved that it wasn't me just hurting but it was her selfish response. She still doesn't love me, I HONESLTY KNOW THAT, but at least it isn't roses and beaches for her. 3 days later i unblocked her, and massaged her, asking if she had found the document. She tried calling, i didn't answer. She text-ed and said she cant text so eventually i answered. She was very upset. She found out i was seeing someone else and was pissed off, like how dare i move on. She blamed me for allot of things, bla bla bla, same old ****, and eventually she started to cry and put the phone down. I really didn't get to say much except that my life wasn't part of her business anymore, and that she messed around not me. I told her she hurt me, and now its my responsibility to pick up the pieces and that's what im doing. That was the last time i spoke to her. I have blocked and deleted her.

 

This just let me know that she misses me, but DOES NOT LOVE ME. It hurts for her, but she aint coming back EVER.

 

It was a mistake to contact her at all. It bothered me allot, but i have not cried. It sucks but it isnt pangs of grief.

 

I know psychologically im a bit of a mess. Not because i broke NC just because im not over her and i still love her. Sex is not the same at all, and she is always in my head. Its been 3 months, and i have been with other women and the girl im seeing is amazing but i just do not have the sexual desire i had when i was with her. It bothers me, because i still want Jamie in my bed and no one else.

 

I think ill see a professional this week. I can feel im healing but somethings still remain. Perhaps it will take time. 3 months isn't a heck of a long time. Maybe i should give myself some slack?

 

Julz out!

[julzfromsa]

Breaking NC whatever the reason def sets you back regardless of the intent, or disconnectedness of the message. Sigh

[somecamel]

any contact will send you back to square one my friend:)

 

How do you feel about her now?

[hestheone66]

Just to shed light as to whether it was worth breaking contact for any reason

[julzfromsa]

Breaking NC is def a no no. The only reason one one should break it is if someone has passed away. Non the less it was brief, i didn't see her and it reinforced the fact that she is so not the same person i fell in-love with

 

I will nit lie to you guys, it has set me back a bit. I don't feel worse, i just feel as if i could be healing faster if i didn't contact her. Anyways my friend got married and it was a beautiful thing. I've never seen a man so happy in my life. For that reason and that reason alone it was worth it.

 

I find myself thinking of her more often, nut i can honestly say it didn't take me back to square one. Perhaps it set me back a few steps but im on the way to regaining my rhythm. This was a mistake and i told her it was.

 

I wont make it again for whatever the reason. Hopefully someone will read this when they desperate and perhaps it will shed some insight into the decisions they should make. IT IS UNDOUBTEDLY A HUGE MISTAKE to ever contact them for whatever reason.

 

I pray that i don't bump into her anytime soon. Im not ready for that. I do have some good news though.. I like this girl that im seeing. She is a dentist, well, in her last year of medical school, and she is a professional 400m Hurdler. She is very different from what im used to and is a breath of fresh air. She is younger than me, which suits me fine.

 

Its nice to talk to someone that has the same interests as me. She works just as hard as me and is allot smarter which is a nice change. I don't love her yet, perhaps this will change in time. I do like her allot!

 

Thanks Forum!

[julzfromsa]

Just to shed light as to whether it was worth breaking contact for any reason

 

I did get the Documents however it was not worth it. The only thing that was worth it was seeing the smile on my best friends face when he got married. Personally, for myself it was a set back.

 

Im not sure i would make the same decisions if i had the chance to do it again

 

Whats done is done. Cant change the past, just the future and i will not make this mistake again!

[Tinkerbelll]

Good, now you know better

Are you travelling to NY in the end? I am sure you will enjoy your trip.

I wouldn't go fast with the girl you are now dating, why you don't just give yourself time?just my two cents.

Anyway, we all did break NC in the past

[julzfromsa]

Yes, I'm still heading for NY soon. I'm going to freeZe my South African but off. Haha. In trying to do better and I know I need to go slow with this girl. It's doesn't feel the same as what I had and it's no ones fault. I like her, but I'm not 100 percent ok yet.

 

My ex is like a thorn in my brain. She is painful, but she is like drugs. I miss her dearly.

[David87]

Julzfromsa, dude, haven't heard from you in a while I'm sorry that you had to break NC. The forbidden fruit it's so tempting but when you get it all hell breaks loose. Stay strong and try not to break NC in the future, it's not good for neither of you.

[mantlefan]

Julz, It's good to hear from you. I am sorry to hear about this temporary setback. I might be seeing my ex at a business meeting this weekend, and there are a million things I want to tell her. Your story reminded me that it's not worth it. You hit a bump in the road, but you'll get past it. Thanks for warning the rest of us about the bump, it will help.