eclipse Posted January 9, 2005 Share Posted January 9, 2005 okay here goes, This should be interesting. I am a female and got into my first female relationship last Feb. I had always liked girls, but would never admit it. A girl I worked with liked me and we started hanging out, and one thing led to another and we started a relationship (she initiated the whole thing). Things moved rather quickly and she even lived with me for a couple months a month or two after we started dating. She was the first to tell me she was in love with me and just basically almost worshipped me because she liked me so much. I did like and love her alot as well but was scared to death of people finding out about us, like family, friends, co-workers. I basically hid our whole relationship from everyone but her friends. I wasn't affectionate with her in public either and she didn't like that. I totally liked her from the beggining on, and she felt the same way. Well, she wanted me to finally "come out" and tell everyone, and I said I couldn't do it. We both decided to break up and just be friends w/benefits and both agreed not to be with anyone else for a bit. Well I was at her house and stumbled upon her diary, read it and found out about her screwing her friend like a week after we broke up. I confronted her and she said she was so hurt by the breakup she just wasn't thinking. I was pissed!! A couple months later she gets in touch with a girl she used to like and they start fooling around again, and dated by this time we kind of forgot about the whole "I won't date anyone else" bit. I was extremely jealous, and it hit me that I wanted to come out and be everything that she wanted me to be because I missed her. We talked everyday several times a day since Feb. When she was with the other girl we went 2 days without convo. It killed me. She did like the other girl alot, but eventually things didn't work for them because of issues the girl she liked had. She always would say and still does say that I am the love of her life, that she is still in love with me, and probably will always be. I have come out now and am ready. I told her I wasn't going to be possesive and jealous anymore either when she goes out with her friends. Her friends are all lesbians and like her (can you blame me). She has screwed 3 or 4 girls since we broke up 6 mos. ago. We dated for 5 mos. by the way. She was kind of a player before she met me. She said she wanted to be with me forever and buy me a promise ring and all that when we were together. Recently my ex's friend hooked her up with her friend and my ex likes her, but don't know if it's going to work out because the girl is just wanting to get laid and not be serious with my ex. At the same time my ex calls me everyday, and gets pissed when I don't call her. I have been trying to lessen contact with her. She said she is still in love with me and wants to be with me so bad but at the same time her heart tells her not to right now. I told her I had changed dramatically and she believes me I think, and I said everyone deserves a second chance. She did ask me back out after we broke up but I kind of giggled because it was out of the blue and felt like she wasn't being sincere, she got kind of mad. Now she wants me to date other people because she wants to know for sure that it's her that I want to be with. She is a jealous person too, and always asks what I'm doing or who I'm talking to. She says I need to experience others then when I'm ready I can come back to her. I'm wondering if it's just a cop out to say "I don't want to be with you." I told her if she doesnt' want to be with me say so and she says that's not it. I'm ready now, but want to respect her decision. She has been hurt alot in the past so I'm wondering if that has something to do with it. She also said she could not imagine her life without me. I have decided no more sex until we are back together, and have tried to lessen contact with her. What does she want!!! What should I do with her?!!! I want to be with her, and she says she's in love with me, always will be, and cannot imagine life without me! But yet I feel she is stringing me along. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted January 9, 2005 Share Posted January 9, 2005 On the one hand, you hurt her and she's gunshy. She doesn't want to open up her heart again for real until she's more certain of you. And you're just having come out doesn't make you the most stable / trustworthy bet yet. You need to get tested -- not with other women, but with the whole problem of negotiating the social identity of a lesbian. On the other hand, she's something of a player, isn't she? She's likes playing the field and settling down isn't as much her thing (given her usual habits) as that. When she's playing, she gets constant ego boost. Because of this, you don't quite trust her. So, neither of you entirely trusts the other. That means the timing for a return to a committed relationship isn't right. It's not just basic trust, but also maturity level. In a way, she's right. You both need to do some more growing before you're ready to settle down. Love can't solve everything. I'd say you need to put the romantic relationship behind you for now. That means no sex, but maybe also much reduced contact. Sorry -- I know you're hoping for something different, but it just doesn't seem to be in the cards at the moment. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
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