Confront her about lying about STD Test; found by spying on her texts

[curious01]

Hello all,

 

I have not made a registration here till today. However I have crept for a bit to see if anyone has had the same problems I have, so that I wouldn't have to create my own post.

 

I will try to sum this up as quickly as possible

I am late 20's male

GF is early 30's

Dating for just over 3 years, and all has been well.

 

I have been sick for over a year. Been on my feet and capable of taking care of myself for last 6 months however, which is awesome. Hopefully all is well soon.

 

Crept on her texts when I was getting better (6 months ago ish). Found some flirting in the beginning of the relationship, middle of the relationship, and just at the end of my severe sickness. Serious flirting. The last one, she went hanging out with a guy, just the 2 of them, and lied to me about it.

 

Being severly sick, I was in no state to deal with that then. I am feeling at a crossroads of well enough, and had enough, to take action now.

 

I also asked her about having STD's previously, and she said never had any. We were going through some of her paperwork, trashing it together. Paper came along that she didn't pay any attention to, I did, and it was an ER report saying she was diagnosed with clamydia, half way through her last 5 year relationship or so. I asked her about this, she said it was a false diagnosis. She was definitely lying to me.

 

I have not confronted her about either of these yet. The lying about the STD, or the creeping on her texts.

 

We have a mutual friend that I can talk to about this. He is more her friend than mine though. He knows her ex before me, which I would like to inquire about (when the STD happened), and knows the latest flirt and knows about the flirting, and presumably whatever else went on, if anything, which I would also like to ask him about. If he lies to me I have no problems disfriending him on the spot. I will try to get as much info out of him before I do that though.

 

Is that a good idea? Talking with mutual friend?

 

How do I confront on the information I have gained through creeping on her texts, without incriminating myself to creeping on her texts? Is there a way?

 

I plan on confronting her tomorrow regarding the lying about the STD test, unless I get some conflicting advice here.

 

Any other advice? I hope I have not left anything important out. If I do, I will add it to this post.

 

All advice will be greatly appreciated,

Thanks.

[PegNosePete]

Dude she was flirting with another guy, who she then met up with? I think you know what happened.

 

Confront her about this. Ask what happened with XXX. Don't take "nothing" for an answer, tell her you KNOW what happened and just want her to tell you the truth. DO NOT tell her how you know, just say you KNOW and it doesn't matter how.

 

Don't back down. The truth will come out. If she just lies and lies and lies (which is likely) then you can bring up the STD test and ask her if she's going to carry on lying to you about that as well.

[aliveagain]

Buy and carry a voice activated recorder on you when you confront her. Maybe it's nothing but maybe it's a pattern or that could be her way of dealing with your illness, run to another man who isn't ill, a trade in. Do not disclose your source of information, use word phrases like "I know everything, is there anything you want to tell me, where were last Tuesday, do you know so and so and than let her talk. Have a copy of the ER report when you ask her about the STD. Keep copies of their flirting in a safe place because she will delete everything once you confront. If your mutual friend is better friends with her he will tip her off when you ask him about her past, it will give her time to get her story strait. You have enough information to know she is lying, make your decision based on her deceit.

[Chi townD]

Yeah, I would focus on her flirting and meeting up with this guy. I would leave out about you finding out about a curable STD from a PREVIOUS relationship. Two reasons. One, it's none of your business. Two, it is against the law to look through someone else's medical records without their consent. You can get into big trouble.

[ExpatInItaly]

Don't speak to the mutual friend; you don't need to involve anyone else in your private business. Handle this by yourself.

 

Tell her you've made an appointment to get tested for STDs. She should at the very least understand why you're nervous about that. Let her know that now would be a good time to be honest, as it also affects you. Even if she's been treated (and that sounds likely, given that she went to the doctor) you should get checked too. She may not have physically cheated on you during your relationship, but you don't know that at this point. It's possible she's exposing you to other things.

 

If you already know she's met up with other guys, what do you expect to gain from a confession? Tell her she's broken your trust and explain that you expect girlfriends not to meet other men (ie. whomever she's been flirting with) The trust is gone anyway; I would move on from this relationship. She'll know why.

[rooman]

I just want to echo about the STD thing. Chlamydia is easily curable so if may not have relevant in her eyes. It's more of an STI, which are treatable. Now if she had a serious STD (something life long), then I'd be pissed.

[William]

As the thread starter, a new member, made this post and logged off, we'll close this up pending their return and request for further comment. Thanks!