BC1980 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Actually, these are the WORST kind of breadcrumbs. Be THANKFUL you haven't got one of these. These do the most damage. The only thing you want to hear is an apology followed by the most sincere request for reconciliation you can imagine. Everything else is solely for the dumper and nothing for you. Agreed. I received an email 4 months after our breakup saying that he thought about me all the time and missed me everyday. Like, really? What's the point? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Agreed. I received an email 4 months after our breakup saying that he thought about me all the time and missed me everyday. Like, really? What's the point? It's those moments where it's really important before a person does anything, to come here and ask about it before taking any action. You're right, those emails are pointless. "Oh, you miss me? Boo hoo!" 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Agreed. I received an email 4 months after our breakup saying that he thought about me all the time and missed me everyday. Like, really? What's the point? Did you respond? Did you like hearing he missed you? Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Thanks for this. I miss my ex so much, but it's starting to become real that the person who dumped me for my friend (and kept me strung along for 4 months afterwards while I hung out with this friend and talked to him about the breakup while neither of them told me what was going on between them) is NOT the girl I loved and would have dove in front of a train for. She tossed me out after our first major rough patch in a 5 year RS. It's hard to believe sometimes, but I think someday I am going to realize that I dodged a bullet. These types of stories (as well as my own) make me wonder what is the point? And also, they make me sad. How can people do this? Especially after so much time together? When I decide to end a RS, its after 3 weeks to 3 months. I have never ended a RS after 3 years or more. I just don't understand. I guess I am the type of person who once I have decided I want to stay, I stay... And if I don't want to take it long term, I make that decision relatively quickly, before feelings develop to a point of hurting someone very badly... I dunno... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mantlefan Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 The funny (sad?) part about it was, the reason she gave for breaking up (she wanted kids, I didn't know yet) was a really good reason to dump someone. But looking back, she really started pressing that conversation after she had spent a lot of time with my "friend" when I was out of work for a week sick. I'm guessing she got a pretty big crush, maybe even because he was there to listen to her about the kids question (seems like a chicken and egg to me with that, did she get a crush because he listened to her talk about kids, or did she get a crush and then start thinking of how to get rid of me) and that seemed as good a reason as any to give me an ultimatum. She really had me convinced when she broke up with me that she didn't want to, that she loved me, that it was all because she knew she wanted kids and couldn't stay with me if I didn't. But when I found out she started going after my friend 2 weeks later, it started to put things in perspective. I still wish I would have met her later, when I would have been more sure of what I wanted. I just hope that if she realizes the grass wasn't as green as she thought, I will have forgiven her enough by then that I can turn her away as painlessly as possible for the both of us. I didn't realize she could be this horrible, but I need to be honest in confessing that my wishy-washiness about kids was a pretty good reason for her to build up, consciously or not, some resentment. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Did you respond? Did you like hearing he missed you? I stupidly responded, and that was actually the day I went NC. I sent some useless email back and wanting space and maybe we could be on good terms one day. The email really just confused me. It also said something like I'll always have a special place in his heart, which was patronizing to me. Is that supposed to make me feel better since you wrecked my life? It made me feel worse because it just highlighted how far we had fallen from the couple we once were. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 The funny (sad?) part about it was, the reason she gave for breaking up (she wanted kids, I didn't know yet) was a really good reason to dump someone. But looking back, she really started pressing that conversation after she had spent a lot of time with my "friend" when I was out of work for a week sick. I'm guessing she got a pretty big crush, maybe even because he was there to listen to her about the kids question (seems like a chicken and egg to me with that, did she get a crush because he listened to her talk about kids, or did she get a crush and then start thinking of how to get rid of me) and that seemed as good a reason as any to give me an ultimatum. She really had me convinced when she broke up with me that she didn't want to, that she loved me, that it was all because she knew she wanted kids and couldn't stay with me if I didn't. But when I found out she started going after my friend 2 weeks later, it started to put things in perspective. I still wish I would have met her later, when I would have been more sure of what I wanted. I just hope that if she realizes the grass wasn't as green as she thought, I will have forgiven her enough by then that I can turn her away as painlessly as possible for the both of us. I didn't realize she could be this horrible, but I need to be honest in confessing that my wishy-washiness about kids was a pretty good reason for her to build up, consciously or not, some resentment. I am not sure, but I think this whole 'kids' thing is just an excuse as she knew she could use it against you. Don't beat yourself up about it. You, like me, like many of us, were manipulated pretty good by someone you trusted. This has very little to do with what you did, didn't do, wanted or didn't want. If she really had feelings for you, this would have been the topic of much communication between you. This all seems very coincidental and convenient for her?? Link to post Share on other sites
mantlefan Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I am not sure, but I think this whole 'kids' thing is just an excuse as she knew she could use it against you. Don't beat yourself up about it. You, like me, like many of us, were manipulated pretty good by someone you trusted. This has very little to do with what you did, didn't do, wanted or didn't want. If she really had feelings for you, this would have been the topic of much communication between you. This all seems very coincidental and convenient for her?? We had brought it up before, and had a good talk (but not one that left either of us feeling great). What ate at me for months was why she brought up that topic AGAIN in the middle of the most challenging 2 months she and I have ever had during 5 summers of working together. When I found out 2 weeks ago (breakup was in July) that she wanted to get with my friend almost right after the breakup, I couldn't help but rearrange the pieces to fit the conclusion she dumped me for him. She really was wonderful once. She would do anything to help a kid have a better day. She's not some heartless b****, even if she has been one recently. I may be idealizing her, but she really isn't as evil as she sounds. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 The "I miss you" breadcrumb is easily the worst. On the surface, it sounds and looks hopeful. However, there's usually nothing else behind it. Think of a it as a Victorian mansion in the front and a slumlord tenement inside with faulty plumbing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author polynomial Posted January 9, 2014 Author Share Posted January 9, 2014 The "I miss you" breadcrumb is easily the worst. On the surface, it sounds and looks hopeful. However, there's usually nothing else behind it. Think of a it as a Victorian mansion in the front and a slumlord tenement inside with faulty plumbing. I wouldnt want it to have a meaning since i wouldnt get back together with him for the 73725th time. guess id just like to know that hes thinking of me BUT i do realise it doesnt matter either way. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I wouldnt want it to have a meaning since i wouldnt get back together with him for the 73725th time. guess id just like to know that hes thinking of me BUT i do realise it doesnt matter either way. If he's thinking about you, he's only thinking about how he can con you back, since he was able to do it successfully all the other times. If you want to break the cycle, make his next attempt a massive fail. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I wouldnt want it to have a meaning since i wouldnt get back together with him for the 73725th time. guess id just like to know that hes thinking of me BUT i do realise it doesnt matter either way. I mean, whenever he's thought of you it's turned into a chain reaction which leaves you splayed on the highway like roadkill. You really sure you want that? Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I mean, whenever he's thought of you it's turned into a chain reaction which leaves you splayed on the highway like roadkill. You really sure you want that? He'll never think about her the way he wants her to. The idea of the vapidly narcissistic man who realises they have an awesome thing and spend the rest of their life pining about how they screwed it up, is a fairytale. He knows he can use you, OP, so unless you cut him permanently from your life, that's exactly what he'll keep doing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Believe me, you think you want one but really you don't - if you get one it will just set you back because a simple "hi ex, how are you?" type message will set you back - it may give you false hope that they want you back, and once you realise they don't, the message means nothing other than "hi, how are you?", you will feel horrible and it is like GETTING DUMPED ALL OVER AGAIN! I posted about it - I have been a wreck since I bumped into my ex on tuesday night and she said "hi" to me - that is it, that is ALL SHE SAID, but her simply saying "hi" has stirred up all these emotions in me that I thought I was past. I wish I never saw her. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 He'll never think about her the way he wants her to. The idea of the vapidly narcissistic man who realises they have an awesome thing and spend the rest of their life pining about how they screwed it up, is a fairytale. He knows he can use you, OP, so unless you cut him permanently from your life, that's exactly what he'll keep doing. Yep, once a guy hooks up with a woman the perception of her that he had at that time is the perception he'll keep of her from then forward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Why have breadcrumbs, when you can have the whole loaf. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
julzfromsa Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Believe me, you think you want one but really you don't - if you get one it will just set you back because a simple "hi ex, how are you?" type message will set you back - it may give you false hope that they want you back, and once you realise they don't, the message means nothing other than "hi, how are you?", you will feel horrible and it is like GETTING DUMPED ALL OVER AGAIN! I posted about it - I have been a wreck since I bumped into my ex on tuesday night and she said "hi" to me - that is it, that is ALL SHE SAID, but her simply saying "hi" has stirred up all these emotions in me that I thought I was past. I wish I never saw her. If you bumped into your ex and she said "nuts and bolts" you would have felt exactly the same. I prey to God, that when i do Bump into her, Ill be ready for it. Breadcrumbs SUCK. If the ex doesn't come to your door, on their knees, begging, crying, snot, then everything else is a breadcrumb in my opinion. Julz 2 Link to post Share on other sites
margot13 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Just got a breadcrumb. And it's not nice, thought I would like it. He is a musician and just sent me a song he wrote.... SERIOUS!!!!!!! I've dumped you, wiped the floor with you but I will send you a love song!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I would get crumbs and spend hours wondering if and how I should respond. It's sad when I think back on it. Link to post Share on other sites
hurts2death Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 i also got one. left her with ignorance... she becomes more and more embarassed. haha. Link to post Share on other sites
mantlefan Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I am going to try to decide in advance to ignore. Easier said than done, but having a plan will make me feel less guilty if I ignore. I think I will actually feel guilty! But someday that will stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Xemyd Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I've never once had any breadcrumbs, from anyone. Hopefully it stays that way because I tend to forgive way too easily. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Anyone secretly wishing for a breadcrumb, read this. You've been warned. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/453634-she-just-text-me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 If I ever got the "I miss you text" I'd just respond with, "That's good. You know where to find me." Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 If I ever got the "I miss you text" I'd just respond with, "That's good. You know where to find me." Or my favorite: "I know" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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