Confidence - born or made??

[Shepp]

My friend and I were talking about confidence in relation to sport, but it kind of works the same for relationships too.

 

He was saying confidence in your ability is made, by others telling bestowing it on you - picking you first at junior school, making you captain at senior school, or by reward, wining the match or trophy. Basically that you other people recognising your natural talent gives you confidence.

Because we were talking about sport, specifically taking penalty kicks, the bases of his argument was that it was easy for me to step up and take a penalty, compared tohim, because I've never missed in a competitive match.

 

 

I don’t really agree with that, I think your confidence is born. I think its confidence comes from within you and that allows you to perform better - chicken and the egg really, I think having natural confidence is what allows you to perform to the abilityof whatever natural talent you have.

It's what my dad always used to tell me as a kid"before you take a penalty you have to visualise yourself scoring it"It’s the self-belief that comes first helps you score, not the other way round.

 

 

 

To which he was saying something that got me thinking..

 

You hear the phrase "be more confident" all the time now, in sport, dating, work - everything. There's nothing in life where self-belief doesn't help you, how ever slightly.

His point was that you can't just "be more confident", that confidence is not so much a quality itself but a result of other qualities you possess. That confidence comes by achieving success - either success that you bestow on yourself by looking back on positively on your past, or that others bestow on you - be it through awards or compliments, for talent, bravery, being funny, good looks, whatever.

And that hence when you get people trying to "be more confident" it comes across false or as arrogance because they're trying to interpret "confidence" rather than going through the process of actually attributing themselves with real genuine confidence.

 

 

 

I think it's an interesting concept, though I'm not sure I agree.

 

I do think maybe there are different types of confidence. You run into a lot of people who would describe themselves as "confident" but are not people I would evaluate as confident.

I think there's abit of misconception around the whole thing In a way. A lot of people seem to think that bravado and swagger or whatever = confidence.

Whereas I immediately note them as "trying to hard" I think the real confident people are the ones who aren't afraid to look silly, are happy to be the guy who gives it some on the karaoke even if he can't sing. Because the truth is people respect you more for that, not less.

Like people who don't put their xmas cracker hat on because they don’t want to look a fool, butthey end up looking uptight and too wrapped up in their image.

 

 

 

But I still believe that confidence comes from within you, not from being complimented throughout your life.

I think that being confident when taking a penalty doesn't come from knowing you can score but from not being afraid to miss!

 

 

Thoughts?

[GorillaTheater]

I think you're both right. Speaking from personal experience, I seem to have an inate confidence in some areas but not others. To use one of the most-discussed examples around here, I never had trouble talking to girls/women. "Rejection" was never something I worried about one way or the other.

 

But I was very unconfident when it came to speaking in public. It was something I absolutely had to overcome in my chosen field, but at first I always felt like an ass hole. I had to work pretty hard to overcome that, and am pretty confident about my abilities in that area now.

 

In some areas, you're confident in your ability to succeed from the outset. In others, you have to overcome a fear of failure (in one form or another) and learn that there's really nothing to be afraid of. I think that's pretty normal. Sure, there are some folks who at least appear to be uberconfident in every area, but I think they're the exception. Most of us have at least some area where confidence needs to be developed.

[Emilia]

I think confidence is the ability to understand that no matter what happens, you will be ok. Knowing that you have the resilience to handle the outcome.

 

You need to develop skills such as public speaking or sparring in boxing to feel that you are good at what you are doing and that you can stand your ground. Otherwise you would be a fool unprepared.

 

However with confidence you start taking on training, tasks and jobs that allow you to develop these skills because you know in the end you will prevail and will be as good as you need to be in your environment.

 

Confidence comes from regular exposure to challenging situations and learning that you are able to covercome those challenges.

[Philosoraptor]

True confidence grows when you stop caring what other people think of you. Finding happiness with who you are is the definition of self confidence. Success or failure, I am confident in myself and my actions.

 

There is no confidence in allowing others to determine your worth.

[Shepp]

Confidence comes from regular exposure to challenging situations and learning that you are able to covercome those challenges.

 

I like that!!

 

 

 

Though that can also be where complacency creeps in - its all just one big balancing act to stay at the top of your game really.

[Emilia]

I like that!!

 

Though that can also be where complacency creeps in - its all just one big balancing act to stay at the top of your game really.

If you get complacent, you fall on your face soon enough

[Shepp]

If you get complacent, you fall on your face soon enough

 

Aye, but what is it they say - Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward!

[jba10582]

I think many of you are right in that it can stems from self-belief and THAT can come from a lot of different ways. I'll skip further details on where I think it comes from, but, it it’s easy to imagine many ways, interpretation of things, circumstances, people, self-thoughts, and emotions would affect someone’s beliefs.

 

On related note, I found an article that also showed how competence in relation to confidence was not correlated in a way you might think at first. In many cases, due to the lack of knowledge and experience people had an overinflated sense of expectation of their skills when they were incompetent, versus a person who was very competent and were able to evaluate their own skills very accurately. This leads to me believe that a person left in ignorant bliss, or a person who is a skilled master has a higher potential to be more confident than an intelligent person somewhere in the middle that is aware of where they are at presently and where they are heading or want to head.

[carhill]

I believe the brain organization and neurochemistry which facilitates the expressions of confidence can be or are 'born' into us, each of us being unique in that potential, but it is the kind and type of socialization and peer integration and social performance which 'triggers' those genetics. It's far more complex than born or made. Hence someone may have the 'right' genetics to be confident; however, if they aren't triggered due to incompatible socialization/peer integration/social dynamics then they end up far less confident than their potential. Another person could be born with far less innate potential but, due to compatible living factors which support and enable that potential, apparently exhibit more 'confident' behaviors as a result. IMO, most of that work is completed prior to or during peer integration during the adolescent years, with the rest being fine tuning, or repair as appropriate.

 

In my own life experience, I saw an interesting dichotomy, or 'split' in confidence; from a young age I was always confident in myself and could, and can, pretty much overcome any challenge. The main 'lack' of confidence was primarily due to significant negative social experiences during early peer integration and became specific to such kinds of interactions. Though I learned techniques to overcome, those early emotional memories formed a pattern in my unique brain organization and chemistry to result in deteriorated utilization of the confidence I was 'born' with regarding social integration, and thus needed repair as an adult. Another person will have a completely different and unique path and experience which is why subjects such as 'confidence' are IMO incredibly complex. Perhaps, as we come to understand the brain more completely, in the distant future, dealing with such issues will become routine and we'll all be 'confident'. One never knows.

[Shepp]

In some areas, you're confident in your ability to succeed from the outset. In others, you have to overcome a fear of failure (in one form or another) and learn that there's really nothing to be afraid of. I think that's pretty normal. Sure, there are some folks who at least appear to be uberconfident in every area, but I think they're the exception. Most of us have at least some area where confidence needs to be developed.

 

It's very true!!

 

I think he thinks I'm super confident, because maybe in some areas I am, but he can ride in elevator easy as anything - I couldn't! Being a claustrophobic fireman - that took some confidence developing!

I do agree - everyone has they're weak spots!