pickflicker Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 http://25.media.tumblr.com/19901cff4593662519e486bac19b5beb/tumblr_mk5ky5gD1z1r98adfo2_250.gif (waits on Simon.) ......buckle up dude. It's going to be a rough year for you. You also forgot about the small part of she doesnt want you. So "getting what you want" is one sided. http://static1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130719030229/degrassi/images/2/2c/56158-Doctor-Who-10-laughing-gif-d1CI.gif Link to post Share on other sites
Kizmet Fisher Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Ok, so I see this was not the right place for me to post my alternative to No Contact. I really didn't post this for a debate or to be berated by everyone. It simply a different perspective and something I feel is right and ultimately will get me what I want. I appreciate all the thoughts and advice, but try to keep an open mind and realize not everyone or every situation is the same. You probably should have thought of that before you started a thread basically saying that the general consensus here is wrong. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Kizmet Fisher Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Ok, so I see this was not the right place for me to post my alternative to No Contact. I really didn't post this for a debate or to be berated by everyone. It simply a different perspective and something I feel is right and ultimately will get me what I want. I appreciate all the thoughts and advice, but try to keep an open mind and realize not everyone or every situation is the same. http://i1081.photobucket.com/albums/j354/CordeliaPoesh/tumblr_lz7pup6nqU1rn95k2o1_500.gif Link to post Share on other sites
Author heart attack kid Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 Can I ask why everyone her seems so angry? I mean I get it, most or all of you don't agree with me, but why the all the hate? Offering your take or advice is one thing, but the mockery seriously reeks of bitterness, which is understandable in this thread I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
Kizmet Fisher Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Can I ask why everyone her seems so angry? I mean I get it, most or all of you don't agree with me, but why the all the hate? Offering your take or advice is one thing, but the mockery seriously reeks of bitterness, which is understandable in this thread I suppose. But you started the thread 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I could probably get my EX back. But why would i want to? I used NC and eventually became indifferent. This is the goal. Cav 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Can I ask why everyone her seems so angry? I mean I get it, most or all of you don't agree with me, but why the all the hate? Offering your take or advice is one thing, but the mockery seriously reeks of bitterness, which is understandable in this thread I suppose. Not mad. Not bitter. Just experienced. In the past, when facing heartbreak, I was like you. I looked for every way to try and get them back. Then one day, I realised that if they want me back, they need to be the one doing the work. This goes for men and women. It's universal. He/she that does the dumping, does the chasing. I have far too much respect for myself to go chasing after someone who rejected me. Why would I, when I'm surrounded by friends and family that stick by me? I wouldn't be the type of person to expect any less from someone I'm dating. I am savvy enough to realise you ALWAYS meet someone else. Usually someone better. And I know that the only way you have a hope of getting someone back is to ghost out of their life (although, this is not why I have disappeared in the past. I do it for me, and me alone). If you have to remind them of your existence, they're not really that interested. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Can I ask why everyone her seems so angry? I mean I get it, most or all of you don't agree with me, but why the all the hate? Offering your take or advice is one thing, but the mockery seriously reeks of bitterness, which is understandable in this thread I suppose. No one is angry. Facts are facts. She left you. You beg, pleaded, cried, etc. ALL massive turnoffs to the opposite sex. Once that is done, all integrity is lost. You messed up...lost of us have. The ONLY thing you can do is seriously move on. Doing the EXACT opposite is just digging the grave deeper. You are under some impression that many of us use No Contact to get an ex back. A VAST majority on here dont think that at all. A reconciliation only happens with both parties MOVE ON from the relationship and the bitterness/sadness/anger/etc is done with. That takes a LONG time and its VERY rare the other person changes their minds. Your ex thought about this for a LONG time I assure you. This wasnt some one night "You know, I think I'll leave my guy" NO dude not even close. Instead of respecting her decision, you did the EXACT opposite. You already lost the game, but you then became the manager who came out of the dugout to disagree with the call. IF there was EVER a chance in hell to get her back (which was slim when she left and now VERY slim since you kept begging and whatever after), its WHEN YOU MOVE ON AND DONT CONTACT HER! It is under her decision to do it since she broke up with you. You cannot convince anyone to BE with you. She doesnt want to thats why she moved. We say No Contact to MOVE ON!!!!!! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 http://25.media.tumblr.com/19901cff4593662519e486bac19b5beb/tumblr_mk5ky5gD1z1r98adfo2_250.gif (waits on Simon.) ......buckle up dude. It's going to be a rough year for you. You also forgot about the small part of she doesnt want you. So "getting what you want" is one sided. http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/George-Costanza-Winking.gif 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Kevin_D Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 When I got here, I was still in denial. I couldn't accept that she just left. Our bond was too strong for that to happen. "She is just confused", I said to myself. "When I show her that I'll still be there for her without getting angry, she'll come back". At first I told her that I was going NC, but she tricked me into the friendzone by saying "I'm just so confused. You can't possibly love me if you can't accept that I want some space for a while". I believed her. After two weeks, I got a phone call from her. Even though I had supported her in her decision, she was furious for no apparent reason. She told me that she is much happier without me, that I was selfish, that all I ever care about is myself and that the relationship (6 years) was a mistake from the beginning. Then she hang up, removed me from Facebook etc. Oh, the humiliation! - She dumped me - She convinced me not to go NC - She (most likely) went on a couple of dates with my replacement - She didn't need me anymore so SHE initiated NC Do I even have to tell you that I believed she was my soulmate (and I'm cynical ******* who usually don't believe in crap like that)? Lessons to be learned If you couldn't predict that she would dump you, there's is no way you can know what she will do next. She might sleep with random guys, she might tell you have her new guy has a big dick and is great in bed, she might trick you into believing that she will be coming back... One of my friends got dumped 3 years ago, and he's still obsessed with his ex. Why? Because every time they talk to each other, she hints that she's thinking about coming back. He's a complete mess. Another friend dated a girl for a few months. Things ended a year ago, but guess what? He's still obsessed with her. He still calls her every time he drinks, even though she doesn't respond anymore. What made him this crazy? Because for the first months after the breakup, she would sometimes let him sleep at her place when he called. So he keeps calling, desperately hoping that he can convince her to invite him again. By doing NC, you take all this power away from them. If they can't contact you, they can't control you. Also, if your goal is getting her back: You may have seen that experiment in which they boil a frog. When they increase the heat very slowly, the frog is unable to notice that it's being boiled. If you want to show your ex that you have changed, it's far more effective to do so after a few months of NC. If you talk to her every day, she won't be able to notice the difference. Good luck! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 And the cliche "no one is telling me what I want to hear so I'm going to pout and cry" post. This thread officially has it all. http://img.pandawhale.com/80458-Im-Out-George-Costanza-Seinfel-HAqL.gif 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 ^^^^ Brutal. But paints a very clear picture. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 ^^^^ @ Kevin_D. Must have posted at the same time as Simon Link to post Share on other sites
Softie Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Can I ask why everyone her seems so angry? I mean I get it, most or all of you don't agree with me, but why the all the hate? Offering your take or advice is one thing, but the mockery seriously reeks of bitterness, which is understandable in this thread I suppose. No angerness, bitterness, I can assure you if there was the mods would be straight on it. There is a wealth of experience on this "open forum" people can either choose to listen to that & opinions or not. However if not open to suggestions why would anyone post in a public forum? Hence the suggestion re posting in second chances. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Can I ask why everyone her seems so angry? I mean I get it, most or all of you don't agree with me, but why the all the hate? Offering your take or advice is one thing, but the mockery seriously reeks of bitterness, which is understandable in this thread I suppose. I don't think anyone is hating you for starting this thread. But it sure gets some of us in a weird way because there have been several similar threads before you. And it still mind boggles me that there are plenty of people who seriously misunderstand the meaning of NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Regardless of anything, whatever the outcome you will learn something, for better or worse, one way or another Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 And the cliche "no one is telling me what I want to hear so I'm going to pout and cry" post. This thread officially has it all. http://img.pandawhale.com/80458-Im-Out-George-Costanza-Seinfel-HAqL.gif You can never have too much George Costanza. Well played sir http://static4.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/3793211+_2b7c0349a577a035209c7d50cf921507.gif OP, if you are still even here, I'm hoping five pages worth of people who have been/seen your situation 1000 times will help you see what you are doing is nothing short of moronic. You personally are not moronic.....however, what you are wanting to do is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Look at all this great advice OP. Is is brand new pants time or will you gallop up diarrhea drive without a saddle? Link to post Share on other sites
EuTuBrute Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Listen to me man go complete NC. I made fool out of myself because I thought I was fighting for "love". F that. Love doesn't have to be fought for, it comes naturally. I all begged, cried, pleaded and it just made me look like a fool and weak. I learned my lesson and went NC. It was hard but I got my power back. With my power back I finally opened my eyes and saw other girls wanting to be with me. And you know what, it's kinda awesome. Yeah I still love and want to be with my ex, but it's out of my hands now. It's her choice. It's about 9 months post BU and my ex is still single. That in my opinion shows just how good our relationship really was, she won't settle for just anything. So just go NC, have fun! If it's meant to be it will be. She has to figure that out though not you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I don't think anyone is hating you for starting this thread. But it sure gets some of us in a weird way because there have been several similar threads before you. And it still mind boggles me that there are plenty of people who seriously misunderstand the meaning of NC. ^^ I think that somes it up perfectly. Barky Link to post Share on other sites
CelticGibson Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Barky has it spot on OP. You would be mindful heeding his advice. It's invaluable because it's straight up and cuts to the chase. You are in fact helping this girl get over you. You are allowing her to ween off you and to put you firmly in the friendzone for life. You think that your strategy will work, well it won't. Why? Because it's manipulative. If you do this or that you will expect results. Please for goodness sake listen to yourself. You are in denial big time. Denial that she's decided that you are not who she wants in her life anymore and that someone else will be selected to replace you. Once a break up occurs, this is where it will inevitably lead so why are you sticking around for her to rub it in your face? You need to go No Contact ASAP. No calls, no meet ups, no chats, nothing. End it here and now and maybe, just maybe you might have a chance of her seeing you as a man, a partner and a lover. If not, she will see you as her emotional tampon, ready and willing to nurse her latest heartache over Mr. perfect while you sit there, all emasculated with your balls in a jar, listening to it all... But go right ahead. You will learn the hard way. Life tends to do that you know.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heart attack kid Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 Barky has it spot on OP. You would be mindful heeding his advice. It's invaluable because it's straight up and cuts to the chase. You are in fact helping this girl get over you. You are allowing her to ween off you and to put you firmly in the friendzone for life. You think that your strategy will work, well it won't. Why? Because it's manipulative. If you do this or that you will expect results. Please for goodness sake listen to yourself. You are in denial big time. Denial that she's decided that you are not who she wants in her life anymore and that someone else will be selected to replace you. Once a break up occurs, this is where it will inevitably lead so why are you sticking around for her to rub it in your face? You need to go No Contact ASAP. No calls, no meet ups, no chats, nothing. End it here and now and maybe, just maybe you might have a chance of her seeing you as a man, a partner and a lover. If not, she will see you as her emotional tampon, ready and willing to nurse her latest heartache over Mr. perfect while you sit there, all emasculated with your balls in a jar, listening to it all... But go right ahead. You will learn the hard way. Life tends to do that you know.. Wow, real original man. Thanks for the advice. I get it, I really do. Everyone here has been shattered by someone and is attempting to help me see the light. I admit, there is truth in a lot of what many of you say. But it's not always the right way for EVERY situation. If when you break up you can't take the thought of this person with someone else, you are still very upset, or simply can't handle seeing the person without falling to pieces, then YES, no contact really is necessary. If the person tells you to leave them alone, you gotta go no contact. I am not saying the method I am talking about is easy, it's gut wrenching at times. But I am feeling better about what I am trying to do everyday. The thing is guys are very possessive and most of us can't take the thought of our ex with someone else. Me included. However I had to look at myself and ask, do you love this girl or do you want ownership of this girl? I have to look at it like I am now just in the running with every other guy out there. I have no more control over her than anyone else. Yes, it's very tough based on our history together, but I know no guy will come right along and replace that overnight. If she decides ultimately someone else is more suited for her, I will back off for good. But that hasn't happened I don't seeing it happening anytime soon. Disappearing and waiting for her to see what she's missing would most likely ensure that she would move on. No Contact does not prove you are emotionally strong, it proves that you don't trust yourself enough to control your emotions. "getting the power" back is not really what's happening at all. It shows your letting your ego get in the way of what you really want. I don't think there is anything weak about professing your love to someone. It's actually quite selfless, if it's for legitimate and honest reasons. Of course the only way any of this can work is if your ex is still open to talking to you - whether that's as a friend, because she still loves you, or she feels sorry for you. It doesn't matter it's still an opportunity to let them observe your control of yourself and the situation. This shows them something in and of itself. I am not talking about being their "friend", there at their beckon call, cuddling with them. I am talking about controlled communication, showing the person you are there for them, you still want them in your life, and you can handle the separation. You can show them that after your desperation as subsided, you can still see them and show them you're willing to make the effort to improve things. Not just when the **** hits the fan but after the dust settles. You also have to understand, it's a process and there are no guarantees. And that might be the hardest part. Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Telling LoveShack members that breaking NC is a good thing is like trying to convince Dave Ramsey debt is good to have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heart attack kid Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 Telling LoveShack members that breaking NC is a good thing is like trying to convince Dave Ramsey debt is good to have. I just tried to present a possible alternative for different situations. I didn't know no contact was gospel. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Celtic Gibson is right. Allowing the dumper to wean off you is not going to help make you more desirable. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts