How can I forget the ugly past with ex?

[emotionlessbutalive]

I just want to forget it period. Like a wipe out...Any help.

 

I catch myself thinking of him and it just does not go away. 24 hours. Have a wonderful man and I am blessed with good friends and partner. Still??? Whats wrong with me?

[wildsunandmoon]

I too would like to hear advice about this.

[mrs rubble]

One word. Time.

 

It's been nearly 10yrs since I got out of an abusive, threatening marriage and I still have days where I dwell on the past.

Feelings fade slowly but surely.

[ThatMan]

All good things come with time.

 

What sort of things do you do for fun? It's easy to let go and focus on a current activity whenever people do the things they enjoy. Do you have a hobby that you've always wanted to try? Is there a new place you'd like to visit? I think it's a good idea to be kind to yourself while moving on.

[Jmk21]

I dunno what your thoughts are, missing ? Regret? How do u feel when you think of him?

 

I think of all my exes. And wish them well. It's not exactly fair to be pissed at them that they wanted something different. They manner in which they do it though can be distasteful..

 

Don't hold grudges really. I had to tell myself everyday that I thought of my recent ex that " I forgive you Jen,I wasn't perfect but neither are you and I hope you find happiness

 

I'm getting to the point of being completly happy being single. At this point I see a gf in my life as a complication if I go looking for one.

 

**** codependency

[emotionlessbutalive]

Somedays I am angry and somedays it all good memories. I had to block the common friends and family and that was very painful too. Loosing not only him but a lot of people.

 

Entire relationship was bad since he was married and always careful on what he could give me. I got married eventualy but couldnt forget him. Still cant.

[GemmaUK]

It'll fade if you give it time.

 

It's better to process it though.

 

I've started the past few weeks to actually properly process my last relationship. It was only seven months long but was emotionally draining, hugely controlling and I see many traits in the man of being a narcissist.

I came across as the kind of person he could get what he needed too.

I accept I ignored red flags and went willingly into it when there were red flags right at the beginning.

Really honestly, your red flag was that he was married and it was flapping wildly in a force 9 gale I suspect?

 

The reason I am processing and learning about it is so that I am better qualified not to ignore red flags again and not to switch off my own natural self protection behaviours.

 

Processing and evaluating whilst not dating anyone is the only way to learn from relationship mistakes that you have made IMO.

[melell]

Eventually the thoughts don't provoke any emotion, then there is nothing feeding it, so they stop.

[Scott Thomas]

You're still in love with your AP.

 

Rather weird, expecting your feelings to suddenly 'turn-on' for your husband.

[amaysngrace]

I think it serves a purpose to never forget.

 

Personally I forget and then I get burned by him every time I do. We have kids together so we need to get along a little.

 

And then when I forget or give him the benefit of the doubt it's like Bam! a slap upside my head for believing he has changed.

 

So in that regard remembering is good.

 

I'm not sure why you dwell on the past though. Is it because you need to from time to time so that you will never forget?

[ThatMan]

You're still in love with your AP.

 

Rather weird, expecting your feelings to suddenly 'turn-on' for your husband.

I think a therapist might be a good investment. I do not mean that in a bad way, but I think that there are some unrealistic expectations to work through.

[Scott Thomas]

Do you expect an army do defeat the enemy when it doesn't even know where the enemy is?

 

Do you expect your doctor to diagnose you correctly while you won't even tell him what's wrong?

 

So just exactly how is your husband supposed to win you over if the fact that you love someone else is conveniently ignored?

[FitChick]

Scorpios never forget. My mother seethed for forty years after her divorce, up until the day she died. She enjoyed being angry. Oddly enough, she had no friends.