Kermit76 Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Broke up 4 months ago. I was dumped after 2 years. Reached out to her after 2 months of no contact. Texted her and she was very cold and didnt ask one question about me. It set me back. Her last text to me was have a happy holiday season. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's go by. NC from me. And her. Yesterday for my bd she sent me a nice e card. And a quote about finding time to do the things you wanted to do in life. With a dear friend unexpectedly passing away a few days before and being alone on my bd because of weather conditions I texted back thank you and told her about my friend. She knew him. She was very supportive and said im sure you meant a lot to him in his life. We texted for 2 hrs. Really about nothing specific in our lives. She still never really asked how I was doing... About my job. I told her I moved. Her response was good for you. Guess I'm back to NC. The last thing I said was to say hi to her family for me. She said thanks. I will. Shouldn't read that much into this right? She was just being nice. Don't want to give myself false hope. I do plan to wish her a happy bd too. Woke up with mix feeling today. It was a surprise to hear from her. After her coldness from previous conversation I thought that was it. Any advice guys? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 You shouldn't have replied at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kermit76 Posted January 7, 2014 Author Share Posted January 7, 2014 What's done is done. She reached out to me I responded. Some on here would have done the same, others might have not. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 What's done is done. She reached out to me I responded. Some on here would have done the same, others might have not. You want to know if it has any meaning, and all you've displayed is that you're still on her hook. She got the validation, and you get screwed. Again. Next time, don't answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kermit76 Posted January 7, 2014 Author Share Posted January 7, 2014 Responding in a mature way still means I'm hooked? If I was begging and pleading wouldn't that fall into the hooked category? But I see your point. Just feeling lonely and sad after friends passing that I'm sure my emotions were getting the best of me. She might have seen his obituary on my facebook page and reached out because on her e card greeting she said something about the craziness in my life right now. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Responding in a mature way still means I'm hooked? If I was begging and pleading wouldn't that fall into the hooked category? But I see your point. Just feeling lonely and sad after friends passing that I'm sure my emotions were getting the best of me. She might have seen his obituary on my facebook page and reached out because on her e card greeting she said something about the craziness in my life right now. Really, any response does that. Whatever the motivation, ignoring it wouldn't have hurt. Ignoring, at least for a while, is the best medicine. Sorry about your friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kermit76 Posted January 7, 2014 Author Share Posted January 7, 2014 Thanks . Definitely makes sense. Maybe this situation seemed different. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kermit76 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 Just confused why would she text with me for over 2 hrs? Is she that bored? It felt like old times. She was actually using lingo me and her would only use when we texted. I'm setting myself for disappointment right? My next move is back to NC right? Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Just confused why would she text with me for over 2 hrs? Is she that bored? It felt like old times. She was actually using lingo me and her would only use when we texted. I'm setting myself for disappointment right? My next move is back to NC right? Yes. She used the death of your friend as an opener to check in and see what's up. By texting her for 2 hours, you showed her that you're more than available. The right move would have been "Thanks for your concern", then not answering any more texts. But in the cases where people can't help themselves, I advise them to not say anything at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kermit76 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 Thanks pickflicker. I guess im more suprised she texted me for two hours. Really thought she was out of my life by her actions the first time I broke NC. I won't be contacting her again. But if she contacts me again I will come to LS and take a breath or even 24 hours to decide what to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Responding in a mature way still means I'm hooked? If I was begging and pleading wouldn't that fall into the hooked category? But I see your point. Just feeling lonely and sad after friends passing that I'm sure my emotions were getting the best of me. She might have seen his obituary on my facebook page and reached out because on her e card greeting she said something about the craziness in my life right now. Yes, you are hooked. If you had to respond, a simple "Thanks" wouldn't have shown much of anything. But talking to her for two hours? Yeah, you wouldn't have been more obvious if you wore a sign with flashing lights saying "I'm waiting for you". I mean, you know better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kermit76 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 Ha ha. Simon good one. Do you really she got validated for me talking to her for two hours? Is this really just a big game? Can't two people talk and catch up? Yes. I'm sad. But definitely not reeled in to contact again. I will just wait and see. Even if I was attached I still would have responded that way. Maybe I'm too nice. My downfall. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Ha ha. Simon good one. Do you really she got validated for me talking to her for two hours? Is this really just a big game? Can't two people talk and catch up? Yes. I'm sad. But definitely not reeled in to contact again. I will just wait and see. Even if I was attached I still would have responded that way. Maybe I'm too nice. My downfall. You are reeled into contact. You just did it for two hours! That's pretty damn reeled in. And yes, she got validated for talking to you for two hours. You basically filled in time where she didn't have anything else to do. If she had anything going on, she would have stopped talking to you and done whatever she needed to do. And her spending two hours texting doesn't mean sh*t. Recently I was on an airplane and spent two hours cleaning up my contacts list on my phone because my plane didn't have wi-fi and it was something to do to pass the time. She was passing the time with you and, once again, you got sucked in. It's not a nefarious game, but subconsciously she knows that when she wants to talk to you and get your support, you'll be there. And there's a difference between being a nice guy and a pushover. You are teetering toward the latter. You can't catch up with her because you still have feelings for her. She is not willing to give you what you want. If you could just "catch up" you wouldn't have started a thread on this site wondering what it meant. You would have "caught up" and then moved on. Once you can get to the point where you aren't wondering about her motivations when she texts, shifts her weight when sitting down, and sneezes, you shouldn't be "catching up". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kermit76 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 Simon thanks for the laugh with airplane scenario. And you are correct. When your right, you right. She did pass the time with me. Awful weather conditions kept everyone indoors. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzay03 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 She probably just wanted to check on you... you know. Sorry to break it down like this but I don't think you should get any false hope Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Yeah man, dont wish her a happy birthday and dont text her again. Trust me, its some sick game some women tend to do, they dump you, then any signs of you moving on with yourself i.e No contact, they 'reach' out to you to see if they still got a hold on your soul. Once you reply, they take off for another few months, rinse, repeat again again again. Thats it. No more reading into it m8. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kermit76 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 Thanks fixing. Yep I plan to be in NC again. Just baffles me that she doesn't ask anything about me but wants to communicate. If that's the case not asking anything about me is the same as no communication so that's where we will stand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kermit76 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 Two year relationship. Got dumped. First time I texted her after 2 months of NC it didnt go well. She responded in several hour incriminates, with short answers, didn't ask a single question about how I was doing, and left the text conversation by saying this was too soon for her. Guess the communication. Left saying have a happy holiday season. It set me back. So I said to myself I am done. Obviously she isn't interested in ever talking again. Holidays went by. Not a single merry christmas, happy new year from me. To my surprise she sent me a e card for my birthday. Not a generic one. But actually put some thought into it. I texted back with a thanks and told her about someone she knew of mine who unexpectedly passed away. She was supportive and we must have texted for over two hours. This time the conversation was different. Fast replies and actually seemed like old times. Didnt really again ask me direct questions about me but did respond to when I told her something was going on in my life like a new apartment. Ended the conversation with her saying goodnight. Which is ironic because when we broke up she said we never say goodnight to each other anymore. I responded with just a simple night. She said Ciao. That's it. Guess I'm back to NC. Dont know where this will lead. I'm not getting my hopes up but I guess at least were communicating. Link to post Share on other sites
TylerDurdenn Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 It's nothing. Trust me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kermit76 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 Just move on and don't look back right? If she wants to get back together she will let me know right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Two year relationship. Got dumped. First time I texted her after 2 months of NC it didnt go well. She responded in several hour incriminates, with short answers, didn't ask a single question about how I was doing, and left the text conversation by saying this was too soon for her. Guess the communication. Left saying have a happy holiday season. It set me back. So I said to myself I am done. Obviously she isn't interested in ever talking again. Holidays went by. Not a single merry christmas, happy new year from me. To my surprise she sent me a e card for my birthday. Not a generic one. But actually put some thought into it. I texted back with a thanks and told her about someone she knew of mine who unexpectedly passed away. She was supportive and we must have texted for over two hours. This time the conversation was different. Fast replies and actually seemed like old times. Didnt really again ask me direct questions about me but did respond to when I told her something was going on in my life like a new apartment. Ended the conversation with her saying goodnight. Which is ironic because when we broke up she said we never say goodnight to each other anymore. I responded with just a simple night. She said Ciao. That's it. Guess I'm back to NC. Dont know where this will lead. I'm not getting my hopes up but I guess at least were communicating.' Back to NC, unless she initiates first... you don't have to make any move at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kermit76 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 Yeah. I believe you. Just getting different perspectives from people. Some of my friends seemed to think it meant something. However, I do plan to stay in NC and start dating again soon. Life is too short to wait around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trapito Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Breadcrumbs my friend, just little mean old breadcrumbs. She probably felt guilty for being cold earlier, now she can tell herself what a lovely person she is. Maybe she wants more, but if she does, she needs to tell and show you by her actions that she wants more. This is just being nosey. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kermit76 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 Thanks Trapito. Yep. A trail of breadcrumbs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trapito Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 For now, just go NC. Would there even be a conversation if you hadn't told her about your friend who passed away? Link to post Share on other sites
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